As soon as my eyes peel apart I am overran with a thick sadness. Unable to sleep off the disgusted feeling that had overcame me at some point after everything that happened. Embarrassment and shame plaguing me, causing a dull ache to erupt in my bones. At first I thought maybe it was just a dream, but when I'm still in Noah's oversized jacket with nothing but my unclasped bra underneath I quickly realize it was quite the opposite. I don't remember getting home, much less going to bed. Last I could recall I was looking out the window, watching the city as it passed me by. He must of brought me to my bed.
I let out a throaty groan, not ready to take on the day but ultimately finding enough strength to peel out from under the covers. I gather some fresh clothes to change into, stepping out of the jacket and bra. Slipping on fresh undergarments before throwing a thin crew neck and leggings on over them. I can't be bothered to do my hair or makeup, not that I have anyone to look good for anyway. I'll have to have Mel take me to the club at some point today to gather my belongings I left behind. I'm not sure if she knows what happened but I'd rather spare her the details if I can. Save myself the shame of being weak enough to fall victim again, and spare everyone of her merciless wrath.
she will catch the world on fire.
I open my door to exist, being met with the sweet smell of warm cinnamon as soon as I depart from my room. Mel must be making the pack I had picked up for breakfast. The thought provoking my stomach to let out a hungry moan as I make my way down the hall. When I'm within eyesight of the kitchen, I could nearly faint at what I see.
Noah standing over a full trey of pastries, lathering them with a thick layer of icing. His hair pushed out of his face, but a few stubborn locks fall onto his forehead and into his line of sight. Watching the scene brings back of plethora of memories, him baking for me when I would be out as a surprise for when I returned home. He knew the way straight to my heart has ultimately always been through my stomach, especially with cinnamon rolls. They always brought me back to a simple time, with the people I loved most.
"Hey" I greet after a moment, causing his head to snap up and lock eyes with me.
He gives me a wide eyed smile, spatular full of white sticky frosting in his left hand as the other one comes up to wave.
"Hey. I'm glad to see you're finally awake" he speaks gently as he places the utensil down, freeing both his hands so he can round the small island.
He walks cautiously towards me, taking slow strides to not startle me. I can't help but watch him intently as he walks over, taking in the beautiful man he has become come over the last two years. His muscular jaw pulled tight as he grins widely at me, brown eyes twinkling. His burly arms coming up as he gets closer, taking me into a tight hug before I can register what's going on. Taking me into him and wrapping me in his warmth as his musk once again fills my senses. His touch intoxicating me and causing my body to relax into him. The weight of last nights events melting away as I feel his hands run up my back, drawing comforting circles. Normally I would be pissed that he even stepped foot into my home, but given the circumstances I can only find it in me to get grateful for him. I return the hug, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him close. Finally feeling safe.
After a moment we let each other go, my face warming up as my attention is brought back to his smiling face.
"I made you your favorite" he beams with pride, showcasing the hot tray of gooey cinnamon rolls as he makes his way back over to the counter they sit on.
"I know. I could smell them as soon as I walked out of my room" I reply, taking the empty barstool that's tucked away under the island and sitting on it.
He takes it upon himself to plate up one of the fresh pastries for me. The sticky insides leaving a stringy trail of cinnamon on the counter as he guides it over to the plate that he pushes in front of me. I give him a soft smile, trying my best to come off grateful. Truth be told I don't think I can stomach it, but I don't have the heart to tell him that. Instead, I pick up a fork and begin to cut it up in small pieces. Throwing a few in my mouth periodically to hopefully please him in some way.
"How long go did you get here?" I question after a moment of silence. It had been weighing heavy on my mind since seeing him first thing this morning and it was nagging at me to know the answer.
He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can get a word out Mel comes out from her bedroom. Stepping up to the counter beside Noah and grabbing the corner off a roll that's still steaming in the pan.
"He stayed" she says nonchalantly, not making eye contact with me when she speaks.
Her comment causing me to nearly choke on the piece of food in my mouth, forcing it down with a harsh swallow as I gaze at her with wide eyes. I can feel my body heat up as anger begins to pulsate throughout me. My palms getting clammy with nerves. I know she doesn't have even the slightest idea of what him and I have gone through, and she must have seen him bringing me home. But that doesn't stop the rage from fighting to take over as I peer at the two. Who up until this very moment haven't even so much as spent a few minutes together, and all the sudden seem oddly comfortable together.
Who are also standing far too close might I add.
"Oh?" I question , eyes dancing back and forth between the two.
"Yeah. It was like 3am when he finally decided to leave so I just offered him the sofa" she shrugs her shoulders as she speaks, as if it's no big deal. But it's quite the contrary.
I am unsure of when I was taken to bed, but I know it was definitely nowhere near three in the morning. What was he doing up so late? What were they doing up so late? I can't help but wonder as I watch how they, who are literal strangers, stand way too close together. Elbows nearly pressing against each other. I know Melinda Cortez very well, and this isn't how she acts with a perfect stranger. What could they have done to create a bond over night?
And why do I care?
I don't.
With a shake of my head, I push the thoughts back. I couldn't care less about what those two get up to when the lights go down. He means nothing to me.
"Well that's good to hear. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go shower" i force the statement out through my teeth, fighting back a grimace and offering a fake smile. I push myself off the barstool and head towards my room with thunderous stomps.
I must be getting ready to start my period or something, my emotions are running amuck and I can't seem to get a grip on my temper. All but slamming my door as I pass through the threshold, and more so than ever being grateful for the fact that I have an attached bathroom. I can't look at either of them right now. It goes without saying that I am eternally appreciative that Noah was there last night, for whatever reason, it could have ended a lot worse if he wasn't. But why was he there and not in Oklahoma? He had a lot of nerve to show up at my house and my place of business, regardless of what he prevented. Then to do god only knows what with my best friend while I'm asleep only a few feet away.
I can feel my internal temperature getting hotter with each passing second, skin tighten with rage. My hands shaking uncontrollably as I gather some fresh clothes to change into before walking into my bathroom, stripping down to nothing and standing bare in the mirror.
Gawking at my reflection only to see just as I suspected. Several dark purple fingerprints bruised across the flesh of my hips, a red scratch running down the base of my neck from his nails snagging me. Staring at the blemishes, I get lost in thought. Concentrating on the way the dark purple fades into a deep shade of blue around the edges. You can see small broken blood vessels running out from the sides of it, bright red against my pale canvas. The long enflamed cut that runs from collar bone to collar bone, scabbed over with deep red blood.
A grim reminder.
I turn the water on, not bothering to use anything besides the hottest temperature. It steams up quickly, fogging the bathroom like a low hanging cloud. I can feel the heat as soon as I step in, but rather than back away I seep into it fully. Feeling as the heat washes over my skin in thick streams, I needed it. Needing to boil away the disgust that coats me like a second skin. Needing to feel clean. Unlike the last time I was betrayed by a man, I don't cry. Numb to the cruel ways of the world. Scrubbing away at my skin for what feels like hours, washing my hair several times before finally stepping out. It doesn't take long before I'm dried off and in my fresh set of clothes. I wrap my hair in a towel before walking out of the bathroom and heading towards the living room.
When I enter I notice that Noah is still here, cleaning up the kitchen and packing away the baked goods. Mellie no where in sight.
"Are you the only one still here?" I question as I approach him.
"Oh yeah. Mel went to the club to grab what you left last night"
His words catching me by surprise.
"Didn't realize you guys were on a nickname basis" I mean to mutter the remark to myself, but it comes out louder than intended as my temper starts to heighten again. Coming off far more boorish than meaning to, but not really caring all that much. My patience is beginning to thin the longer I look at him.
He hears my sly comment, I can tell by the way his mouth turns up slightly at the ends. Eyes glimmering with mischief. He comes around the counter slowly. Darting his tongue in and out of his mouth to wet his lips. I know he has a snark remark of his own sitting on the top of his tongue, a fact made all too clear by the cheeky grin that never once flattens. He's waiting for the right time to strike, knowing whatever he has to say will do nothing but set me off. And for some reason he seems to like that idea.
"Is someone .. jealous?" His voice is low as he speaks, stopping in front of me and standing close enough that I can smell the minty gum on his breath as it fans across my face.
I let out a stomach clutching cackle, It was sarcastic, a mocking sound that cut through the air like a knife.
"Definitely not" I say with a flat tone
"You sure?" He's snark as he speaks, eyebrows furrowing.
"Why would I be?"
"Hmm.." he begins, placing a finger up on his chin in thought. "You just seem like you are" he continues as he begins to circle around me. Eyes glued to me like prey he his stalking. He does a few laps, making me feel hot under his gaze before he stops in front of me again. A smirk still glued to his mouth.
"Not that you have any reason to be, I'm not into her like that" he gets level with my ear when he speaks, voice just below a whisper.
The warmth of his breath hitting my still cool skin, causing a rash of goosebumps to erupt across it.
I open my mouth to speak but not a sound comes out. Too stunned to say a word as he turns on his heals and heads back over to put the packed up cinnamon rolls into the fridge. My body ignites with red hot desire. Even after all these years he still knows exactly how to get me on the edge of my seat. Wanting more, even though I'll never admit that.
"How long do you plan on invading my house?" I ask after a moment. Sitting down on one of my barstools.
He simply shrugs before coming around counter and taking the spot directly next to me.
His seemingly careless attitude pushing my buttons, causing me to let out a disgruntled sigh. Bringing my hands up to roughly wrack them through my hair. I need to calm down if there's any hopes for a somewhat tenacious conversation, but the smug look that still plasters his face makes it hard to believe that it is in our cards.
"If it's any consolation, It would mean so much if you left so I could get some rest" I try to reason
"You can't rest if I'm here?"
"No. Not really" I can't help but roll my eyes harder each time he speaks.
"Well, I'm going to be here for a little longer"
His obvious disregard for my feelings causing my blood to boil. As much as I would love to remain calm, I can feel the anger inside of me build to a ferocious point. Almost too much and too hot to handle. My toes tingle as the rage begins to pulsate through my body, my eyes scan his otherwise smug expression.
He really has some nerve.
"Noah. I'm gonna ask you as nicely as possible to kindly fuck off". My voice is weary as I speak to him slowly, punctuating each word with a sternness. It's been an unbelievably difficult last few hours and his stubbornness is the last thing I need piling on top of my already overflowing plate.
To my surprise he stands from his spot, silently gathering his belongings and readying himself to depart. His head hung low as he doesn't even make the slightest attempt to argue with me further. His sudden saddened demeanor does provoke a slight amount of guilt within me. He had just rescued me from the clutches of someone who would have done god know what's to me, and I have managed to be nothing shy of a bitch to him all morning. Watching as his tall frame begins to head toward the front door, my heart drops seeing his low hanging head and melancholy eyes.
"Wait" I call out as he brings his hand up to twist the doorknob open. Halting his actions and causing him to crank his head back to look at me.
He gives me a blank stare, eyes slightly wide as he waits for me to speak again.
I let out a sigh, rolling my eyes and standing from my chair to scurry towards him. Wrapping my slim fingers around his solid bicep, giving it a slight squeeze.
"Stay" it comes out far more desperate than intended.
My words cause him to smile widely, his entire presence changing at my statement. Without warning he pulls me into a tight hug, squeezing me with a powerful force before pulling away. As much as I shouldn't, I miss his warmth as soon as he lets me go and walks away.
We spend the next few hours together in a seemingly domestic bliss. The two of us making a small lunch for us as I desperately wait for Mel to make her way back home. We somehow manage to spend the greater part of the day not discussing anything that has to do with our past, just making small talk about the recent events of our life. He fills me on the bands success, and how many world tours they have coming up in the next year. While I keep things simple and give him a brief run down on the name I'm making for myself at the club.
To say the day is filled with a thick awkwardness would be an understatement, him and I both not sure how to coexist with each other anymore. Being friendly seems like the best options, but given our past it's clear that it's difficult for the both of us to distinguish the boundaries between us.
Thankfully, before too long there's a loud knock at the door and I thank the universe. I know it's Mel, she has a certain pattern that she drums into the old wood to let me know it's her on the other end. I quickly stand from the sofa I have found myself plastered to the last few hours. Running to the door to give it a quick hoist open.
"Bitch, where the fuck have you been?" I bombard her with my question before she has the chance to even walk in.
My pestering earns me a small chuckle from her as she steps through the threshold. She has my old tote bag in one hand, while clutching her own in the other. Making her way over to the kitchen, as I follow, she throws everything down on the counter with a loud sigh.
"I went to Crypt" she begins, voice low as she speaks.
"And.."
"And, I told Shawn about his slimy self. Ripped him a new one" there's pride in her voice as she speaks, but the worry that hides just below the surface is all too prevalent.
"What else happened" there's something she isn't telling me, and I can only imagine what that may be. Shawn is unpredictable and ruthless, he could have said or done anything.
"Well.." she begins, dragging out the last syllable as she chuckles nervously.
Staring at her with enlarged eyes as I wait for her to continue. My heart beating so loudly in my ears I almost miss the next part of her statement.
"Let's just say, we probably need to find different jobs" she delivers her statement with a frustrated sigh, as if I'm in the wrong for questioning her. Which only provokes an unholy amount of distaste with her.
"What? Why?" Even though Shawn was the sole reason Derek thought he could do whatever with me, that didn't stop the anxiety from setting in at the thought of my biggest source of income diminishing.
"Blair, he knew exactly what they guy wanted from you and he didn't even try to stop it" her voice begins to raise, and as if almost on cue Noah walks towards the two of us. But it's too late, my patience had ran out and I was about to explode.
"Mellie! That was all I fucking had. This can't be happening" my breathing begins to become staggered as I speak; the anxiety taking over.
I know it's irrational, to the fullest extent but that club, as disgusting as it may be, was the only thing going right for me. I was able to make good money easily, the only place that didn't want to do a nearly full background check on me and find out my true identity. It was my safe place and Mel wasnt at fault for not knowing that. But that doesn't stop her from being on the receiving end of my wrath.
"I've told you, there's plenty of places that would love to know not only the both of us, but you" she reasons, giving me a big smile in attempts to ease my mind.
But it's too late. My temper was at its boiling point and after the last two days the rage inside of me is nearly uncontrollable. She just happens to be the one to hand deliver the last bit of news to push me to the edge. The tips of my ears getting hit with rage, my breathing heavy as hot tears prick my waterline.
"That's rich, Mel. It's so fucking easy for you to tell me to just start over. But I'm so tired of doing that!" It comes out so loudly I see both her and Noah jump in their place.
My temper hot and vision blurring. I can't stand to look at either of them. Instead of waiting for her to respond I just turn on my heels in my fit, stomping away down the hall as I make my way to my bedroom. Hoisting it open, i fleet in and slam it directly behind me. Not bothering to care how I look or what anyone thinks. My anger taking over me in a volatile manner, blinding my better judgement.
It feels as if my world is starting to get far out of my reach and I can't stand that. My life should be well within my grasps and right at this moment it feels far from that. I know Mellie was only looking out for me when she did whatever to piss Shawn off, but ultimately her actions a created a bigger ripple effect than she could even imagine. I am back to square one of not having anyway to take care of myself. Sure , I have my clients but that was never supposed to means to support me. It was simply for extra money so I didn't drown in debt and bills.
With a loud sigh and one last flick of my eyes I slam onto my bed, not having the energy to do anything aside from just going to bed. It may be early but I can manage to get some shut eye before I have to go on a god forsaken job hunt tomorrow.
I crawl into bed, seeing that the time is half past eight. It's an early night, but my body could use the rest. Closing my eyes I find it hard to fall asleep, my mind consumed with thoughts of distraction . Picturing vividly how badly it will be when I wake in the morning and have to face the challenges of a new day. I've been so consumed with the thoughts of work that I barley even have Noah a thought. I hope he just leaves tomorrow. For whatever reason he was still here and I needed him to just go away to wherever he was needed.
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HEY!! I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THE CHAPTER. THINGS ARE GOING TO START TO PICK UP IN THE NEXT FEW SO BE PREPARED!!
UNTIL NEXT TIME
-XXJ