Naomi searched through her closet, but it contained all the wrong clothes. Far too revealing dresses from before she'd embraced her asexuality, workout tops or others that were far too casual, and outfits from her times as an office worker. Next, she dug through her dresser with the same indecision settling inside. Should she choose a skirt or capris? A dress was too fancy, right? Or was it just enough?
She groaned and threw herself back on the bed. Shivanna laughed and entered the room to lie beside her.
"What are we mad at today?"
"Clothing. Why is it so hard to find something to wear?"
Shivanna chuckled. "Decisions aren't your strong suit. Don't you wear a uniform for softball?"
"It's for after the game, at Kieran's place." The ceiling stared back at Naomi, as blank as her mind.
"Wear what you want. No one's going to kick you out."
"That's the thing. I don't know what I want."
Shivanna propped herself up on her elbow, accentuating the poofy sleeves of her cute green tea blouse. She would fit right in at game night, looking fun, artsy, and attractive. If Naomi wore that, it would dip past her bra line without a touch of cleavage and emphasize her flat chest.
"Oh? You mean what you want with Kieran?"
Now that Shivanna spoke it into existence, Naomi couldn't deny it. "Sort of."
"Have you two ever talked about that?"
"We talk about relationships, but not with each other." Naomi sat up and smoothed her gray comforter. "He said he didn't want a relationship with Brinny."
"Did you overhear him say that to her?"
"No, he stared at me as he said it."
Shivanna grinned. "Like a romantic stare?"
Naomi scratched her neck. Her first instinct was yes, but what if she invented that because she was desperate for someone to want to date her despite her asexuality? "I don't know. He said they had to be with the right person."
"While still staring you down?"
Naomi nodded.
"Either he's a serial killer or into you. I haven't met the guy enough times, so you'll have to trust your gut."
She smiled. It was reassuring someone else sensed it too. "Kieran's the sweetest. I can't imagine him hurting anyone."
"So, he likes you. Is your heart recovered enough for a little fun?"
"It would be more than just fun. With Kieran, it's like he strips me down to my soul and sees everything I wish to overcome or hide. I've told him things in a few weeks that I'd never shared with Greg." It should have been a terrifying sensation, but it was strangely reassuring.
"As long as he's not stealing my spot as your bestie," Shivanna said with a grin. "Does he show you that side of him too?"
"Sometimes. He's mostly dealing with my moods." Although, he had been open with her about the go-karts and seemed genuinely unsettled about his size for the first time. He'd never brought it up, so she assumed he was fine with it. It wasn't something that had ever bothered her.
"I noticed you're not as down as I thought you'd be about Greg."
That was true. After Luke, she was convinced she'd be alone forever because the one person she'd believed accepted her asexuality had given up. He'd told her with tears in his eyes that she was incredible and he loved her so much. He'd tried for months to fight that feeling that something was missing between them. That blow had crushed her. Luke adored her and treated her with so much love and respect.
More than anything, I want to be with you, to hold you, to wake up with you every morning. To build our life together because I love you so much. But this stupid longing keeps growing, and that's not fair to you. If I let it continue, I'll either resent us or do something unforgivable. You deserve someone who loves all of you. I wish with every fibre of my being that person was me, but it's not.
Greg had tried to cheer her up throughout. He'd drag her out on adventures even if all she'd do was mope. He showered her with compliments and adoration. In retrospect, it was his attempt to show her how much he liked her and wanted to be with her. But she ignored it because her asexuality would have driven him away as it had Luke.
Two years had passed since then her worldview had grown less jaded and melodramatic most of the time. While she doubted Kieran loved her asexuality, he seemed to understand it and respect it. She felt better about it than she ever had. Perhaps she and Kieran were good for each other, but they could also support each other as friends.
Do you want to wait around as his friend for ages like you did with Greg? If you like him romantically, be honest about it now, so if you're not compatible, you don't spend years waiting on false hope.
The signs were there: her heart raced when their eyes met, and she swooned at his compliments and raw honesty. Turning down the offer to have him attend the game sucked since he always boosted her mood, but she wasn't lying about fearing Greg's reaction.
The curveball with Brinny confessing her feelings was hard to judge too. Naomi had tried watching for signs of the two flirting during the last training session, but she didn't catch any. Either Kieran had been honest when he'd said he didn't want a relationship with her or he was a very skilled liar. But he had no reason to lie. That look in his eye had made her heart flutter, anticipating his question, although it never came. That was both a disappointment and a relief.
Now that she'd had more time to consider it, she wanted him to ask, or maybe she'd swallow her uncertainty and do it herself.
She grabbed a flattering royal blue romper out of the closet that tied at the waist. It dipped low enough to show a bit of her chest but without drawing too much attention to her body. Although if any of her allo guy friends got her asexuality, it was Kieran.
Shivanna smiled at her and stood from the bed. "Cute choice. He is always welcome around the house, especially if he's still bringing pizza."
Naomi chuckled. "I think we're past the point where he needs to pull me out of my misery." But she'd be open to a different type of pizza with him.
The softball game couldn't end quickly enough, and when it did, she ran to the washroom to change. She wiped away some of her sweat with scratchy, uncomfortable paper towels. She rolled on deodorant, rinsed her face, and applied a light coat of mascara and eye shadow. It wasn't her best result, but Kieran had witnessed her full meltdowns, so this would pass.
When she got to the parking lot, her two goofy teammates catcalled her and called out, "Looking good, Naomi!"
She shook her head as she walked toward Ian and Marc with a grin she couldn't shake. "You guys need to chill out."
"You're too busy for drinks and take off looking like that." Ian raised an eyebrow.
"It's a romper. Relax." The shorts were shorter than she remembered, and her long legs made that quite obvious. They were one part of her body she liked and was proud of. She walked with them toward her car.
"Where are you off to?" Marc asked.
"A friend's place for a game night."
"Which game are you watching?"
"Board games."
"Alright, dressed up to play games with a 'friend'," Marc teased with a playful smirk.
"Yes, a handful of people find me tolerable enough to want to spend non-obligated time with me."
Marc laughed and smiled at her. She suspected he hadn't bought her deflection. "I'm happy for you. Have fun."
"You too."
As she grew closer, Greg, who'd slouched on Marc's truck, stood more upright. "Good game, Nomi."
"Thanks, you too."
The air hung stale between them, as Naomi wasn't sure whether to keep walking or to linger. His gaze didn't leave her, and he smiled.
"You look great. Are you coming for drinks?" Greg asked.
"Not tonight. Are you going?"
An expression of defeat cut across his face. "Nah, Marc's my ride. I have investment reports to review."
She nodded and took a few steps back. "Have a good night."
"What's his name?" Greg croaked out.
"Excuse me?"
He crossed his arms. "The guy you're meeting up with tonight and that you claim not to be dating."
"It's a game night with friends."
He gave her that furrowed brow he always did to call out her lies. Why should he care? He was with Tara, making his feelings about Naomi and wanting a friendship very clear.
Marc slapped at a bug on his arm and said, "Let's not waste our evening in the parking lot. The mosquitoes are coming out."
She shot him a grateful smile, and she scurried to her car. Thank goodness Kieran hadn't come. Greg would have torn off his head. At least she could push this to the back of her mind and focus on enjoying the rest of her night.
A Different Slice won 1st Place in the Romance category in Promised Awards yesterday which was a very exciting surprise.
I love the next sequence of chapters and am super excited to share them with you :D Thanks for being awesome readers. I'm always excited to share new installments with you and see your reactions.