«Izuku»
"Holy God, Kacchan, what are you doing? Are you really wearing that?"
He frowns, confused, looking himself in the mirror. "What? Do I look that bad?"
"What? No, I actually think you could kill someone with how handsome you look on that, I'm worrying about everyone's heart".
He lets out a total laugh, shoving me, rolling his eyes and going to take his things. "Shut up, would you?"
I chuckle a bit, but do as he says, throwing myself instead onto the bed, looking at him, attentive in each of the things he does. Somehow he looks slightly nervous, and we haven't even made our way there yet.
When he's checked literally ten times over he has everything he needs, takes a deep breath, looks at me and, playing the I-don't-care attitude, says, "We're leaving now or what?"
"I don't know, do you want us to go?"
"Agh, damn, Deku, don't start with the questions, ok? You know if you make me doubt I'll get damn ass nervous!".
I giggle, lay on the bed and instead, open my arms for him to come with me. He, even though the only thing he wants is to end this once and for all, for me it is actually important to make sure, in every way I can, that everything is going to be fine; to calm him down, to give him enough encouragement words so everything feels good, and not just forced.
As soon as he sighs and walks over here, pulling his body over mine, chin on my chest to see me up here, I begin.
"How'ya feel?"
It takes him a second to think, figure it out, have the courage to say it out loud. I give him all the time it takes, rubbing his hair, hugging him, showing him I'm here.
"I am.., really nervous".
"Why? What's your worst case scenario?"
"She not liking me" Admits, so much faster this time. "I.., I'm scared of she thinking I'm not good enough for you".
"Would you leave me if that were the case?"
"No" Says, literally right away. "I respect Inko, I really do but.., I wouldn't leave you even if she thought like that".
"Do you really think my mom could say that?"
"Well, I..," Sighs; "No..." Murmurs. "It's just.., anything can happen. Inko is so... volatile sometimes, you know? One single thing I do wrong could make her think many things, especially.., well, about our past, and.., I.., I don't know, I'm nervous, I wouldn't know what to say if she brings up the stuff about our past".
"Mh..," I do, nodding, caressing his face, kind of making sense of his words. "You have a point, yeah, she's volatile. And emotional. And.., you know, protective. But.., she doesn't hate you, at all. Even though she had a different vision about our childhood, what she knows and talks about now is our present. Whatever I do, she knows will be chosen by me, cause that's what makes me feel comfortable and good".
» "I am one hundred percent sure she will approve us, ok?" I whisper, caressing tenderly and I hope gets to be enough. "She already likes us as friends, Kacchan, the rest... will come by itself. She cherish you, she cherish your family, and she knows your values as a hero; even if it's been a long time since she last talked to you, she values you as a good man too".
» "I know I don't tell you that much about what I say or don't to my mom, but... you know how much she supports me in any decision I take. And, trust me, she is really excited to receive you at her home today, okay? So stop worrying, yeah? I promise everything will be okay, and I'll be there for you, no matter what".
That's all it takes him to get calmer, put those words into his head to be sure of himself, or at least a little bit. His body gets here, until he can touch my lips with his, in a small and sweet kiss he needed.
Of course my mom already knows we're together, I mean, she has almost since the day after I said yes. However, as soon as I realized Kacchan's issues, and without having the time to tell him before, I just had the idea of taking it as an chance for him to be open about it with someone other than me, or his friends and parents, not knowing what their reaction would be. And it's just that, at the end of the day, he will have to do this with plenty of strangers.
I know he's working hard on this. I know he tries really hard on gaining confidence, to know as much as he can to work up the courage to be public, because I know he wants to be free in public.
What Kacchan wants the most is to stop being tied to the people's expectations, he wants to be himself, to show how much he loves me and how happy he is in this relationship, to make known to the whole world he likes a man.
However.., he doesn't want and still can't deal with people's words.
I've known it long ago: Kacchan is very, very sensitive, even though he talks and shows the world otherwise.
And it's not bad to be fragile.
But.., for a person like him, being emotional and try to hide it by being aggressive, or rude, even dominating.., it's not the best way to fix it.
That is what's wrong.
And that's what he's working very, very hard to change.
That's why I have to be here for him. If I... can help with it in any way... I'd be immensely happy.
* * *
"Katsuki, God, hi!"
"Inko..," He says to her, smiling small, almost looking totally intimidating. "How are you?"
However, both me and my mother know perfectly well this is just his defense mechanism against the obvious nervousness, something my mother can and knows perfectly well how to break as soon as she smiles big, opens his arms and take him hard for a quick hug. "God, it's been so long since I last saw you..."
He begins to show a smile now, his body even relaxes. "Oh, I.., yeah, it's been a while..."
"Yeah, you've grown so much! I mean, on TV you look amazing but in person.., gosh, how much you eat?"
When he can finally chuckle, I feel completely calm. Kacchan, unable to say anything back, lowers the head, and my mom takes it as a sign to leave it there, standing aside and saying; "Come on, I'll serve while you take off your shoes, okay?"
Kacchan politely nods, doing as she said when she leaves. As soon as we both put our shoes on the shelf, I take his hand, leave a quick kiss there and, taking some first care, I whisper to him; "Everything's gonna be fine, okay?"
He looks into my eyes for a while, taking all the strength he needs after he gets to nod. I place a quick kiss on his lips, leave his hand and, with nothing else to do nor to waste, we both go inside.
We go to the dining room, mom finishes serving and Kacchan, gaining some voice and confidence, speaks to her. "Ah.., Inko, I.., well, I didn't want to be here empty-handed, so.., we've brought some tea. Dek-, uh.., Izuku said this was your favorite so.., I wanted to bring some for you".
Mom looks at him with the most genuine adoring eyes in the universe, taking the familiar thermos he hands to her. "God, Katsuki, you didn't have to".
Kacchan smiles a bit, and takes seat when I pull out the chair. He thanks in a whisper, I take a seat too and, waiting for my mom to serve us in cups the homemade tea my man made, she sits down with us. We thank for the meal and so, start to eat.
"How is it?" Says mom. I know she's more talkative than usual but that's what I just asked her to be for Kacchan's sake.
"It's really good" He tells her, nodding, covering his mouth to respond properly. "Your food is always super tasty. I... well, I have a very strong memory of it from when I was a brat".
"Oh yeah?" She does, curious, and of course I am too.
"Mhm" He nods. "When... well, I was in elementary school, I was... I don't know, six years old or something, I.., had forgotten my lunch at home. I remember I took Izuku's cause I didn't wanna go buy something. He had rice that day, boiled egg and some delicious broccoli. I swear to God never in my life I'd tried some broccolis as good as those. I even told my dad to make some that afternoon, but not even him could match them".
I immediately turn to see him, really amused by today's confession. He never told me that story, and... the more I try to remember the day, the more I know why.
"When we ate under the tree in the schoolyard?"
He chuckles, nodding.
I raise an eyebrow, cross my arms too. "You made fun of my mom putting All Might toothpicks in those broccoli and sesame seeds in it, even though you ate them all".
"Oh yeah?" Mom says too, with an exactly same gesture as me.
Kacchan lets out a chuckle, his cheeks start to be pink. "God, I was a brat, okay? It was my way of getting more..."
My mom giggles, she just wanted to play around. "I'm kidding, Katsuki, it's good to know you liked them. If I had known I would have made you some today".
"It's okay" He says, taking some more food. "This is delicious, my parents always were fans of your food too".
She smiles big at him, flattered by it, eating a little more in just a pause in the silence.
"How has work been?"
"All good" I say, nodding, looking over at Kacchan. "The crime rate has gone down a lot these last few days, right?"
"Mhm" He says, nodding. "That's just what we were talking about yesterday. I mean, there's still a long way to go to match the rate to when All Might was at the top but.., everything's going well. Your son has been helping with that too, Inko".
We both chuckle, my mom says; "I hope so. I'm not all day long asking God to protect him for nothing".
"Yeah, me too" He says, giggling. "Sometimes that man worries me the hell off".
"You're scolding him for me, right?"
I let out a laugh, and Kacchan chuckling too, nods. "Of course, Inko, I take care of him while you're not around".
She smiles big, full of gratitude. It takes me absolutely nothing to know it well: she knows the meaning of those words, and.., although Kacchan doesn't know, she already thanks him in a thousand different ways for taking care of me in every way he can.
However, she seems to have neither the desire nor the patience to say that out loud because, she, knowing perfectly well what she's doing, tells him;
"I'm glad Izuku has a friend who takes so good care of him, Katsuki".
And now it seems like Kacchan's blood pressure has just dropped.
He opens the mouth to say something, but the words don't even come out because of how nervous he suddenly got.
"Uh.., yeah, I..."
He lowers the head. He's debating inside his head with an internal war whether to say it right now or not, whether or not to ask for her blessing, if.., ask for the trust he needs from her to take care of me properly.
I lower my hand as discreetly as I can to his leg, searching for his hand there gripped so, so tightly I can almost swear he's opening his own palms with his fingernails. Even though it's not that noticeably, I can perfectly see how his chest is rising and falling by trying to breath.
"I mean, you're friends, right, Katsuki?"
God, mom, take it easy...
I turn my head to tell that to her at least with my eyes, however;
At the right and exact moment I turn to see her,
I don't even have to.
"No" He says, low, unsure, even.., afraid. "No, we're not just friends, Inko".
And even though she knows that perfectly well, she still plays the confused, asking; "What..? I.., I thought-"
"I mean, of course we're friends" He cuts, taking in one second my hand, hard. "We are and... and I assure to you that we will be until the day I die no matter what. It's just.., now we have more than that, and.., and I.., I actually came here today to say that to you..."
My mom takes a second to think about what to say back, how to help, how to make things easier for him.
"Are you dating my son?"
"I was" He murmurs, taking a deep breath so that, as soon as he has it inside his lungs, raise the head to look at her. "We were. Actually, we... we're boyfriends now".
She looks into his eyes for a moment, no emotions there. "How long ago?"
"Not much. Two months".
"Why you didn't tell me before?"
"Because I wasn't ready to tell you" He confesses, tightening my hand in his. "I.., I wasn't ready to tell anyone else".
"Did you fear my rejection?"
He thinks about it for a sec. He lowers the eyes to answer. "To be honest.., yes. I.., more than the fact of you not accept it, I didn't want to be face to face of someone to say I really want him in my life. I... I still don't quite know how to make clear to whoever knows about our relationship that... that I really like him, that I want to be with him no matter what and... you know, that I... feel really, really good to be the boyfriend of a man, you know?"
She looks at him there, even though Kacchan doesn't look back. I don't want to say something, cause I know it is not my time to speak: my purpose was Kacchan having a fair confrontation, to be face to face and have an unknown opinion. I wanted him to open his ears so that mental make-us-public-issue at least.., gets some calm by being told to my mom.
So, as soon as my mother sighs.., his eyes go to her, little by little, watching her, waiting for absolutely any word coming out of her mouth.
And the first thing she has to say is: "You know how long it took me to tell people that Izuku's dad left me?"
Kacchan looks right into her eyes, waiting in silence, moving his brain as fast as he can to at least shake the head in denial.
I turn to see my mom, the truth is I don't know what it's this all about, so.., I just wait to see the purpose of it.
She takes a deep breath, takes the tea Kacchan made for her, takes a sip and, calming her mind and her heart, says;
"It took me so, so many years to face the situation. The truth is.., at first I made up a false story to myself, repeating over and over again that he was just looking for a better life to provide us in America. It took me a long, so long time to accept reality since he stopped answering my messages and supporting us with the money".
» "I forced myself so hard into that story that I... I used to say that to everyone. I told everyone he was working for us, looked for us, talked to us, that he.., still loved us".
» "You know, Katsuki, what was the worst part of denying the truth not just to everyone but to myself?"
It takes him a moment, but in the end.., he shakes the head.
She smiles at him, and.., being totally firm for him and me, says; "The worst was knowing that I still had to tell the truth one day".
» "And.., the more time passed, and the more neighbors gossiped, talked, even made up stories about my own personal life.., the more I tried to keep that in secret".
» "Refusing to tell the truth affects not just your mind, but your body as well, honey" Murmurs, looking straight at him, convincing him in any way she can. "I mean, you know how much weight I gained from constantly having those rumors around? That muttering? Those made-up stories about the whereabouts of my own child's father? Everything, absolutely everything will eventually corner you into saying it".
» "That was precisely what I feared, and you just said it, Katsuki: to say it face to face".
» "I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to feel less, I didn't want to have people in front of me giving me their opinion, and.., and although I tried to say to myself that I didn't care, that it was my life and my privacy.., at the end of the day..., if you don't say it out loud, you just.., still care about what they would say..."
Kacchan squeezes my hand in that tiny pause my mother took. He takes me so, so hard that I.., I can almost swear he's putting all that strength into me to not explode in emotions right now.
"To be honest, darling..." She continues, smiling so sweet, calming, sure of herself that she transmits it straight to my own man here with me; "I... I don't think I could have ever handle that confrontation alone. Your mother, Katsuki, was... such an important emotional support to me on my worst days".
» "And.., even with that, even when your mother defended me to death, even when she say them all to shut up, to leave me alone.., at the end of the day that task was mine, not of my emotional support, you know?"
» "The truth is I never knew what happened to the father of my son. I don't know where he is now, I don't know why he left me, I don't know why... he made the decisions he did at the time but... none of it matter now. What matter is what I live in the present, to love what I have, my child, my friends. It doesn't matter how much she wanted to defend what I was doing, cause, in fact.., I didn't do anything wrong".
» "Having chosen your happiness, Katsuki.., if the person you are with now is happy with all their conscience.., then the rest doesn't matter".
» "The real people you need will support you no matter what. The people who want to talk, will still talk. At the end of the day... you said what you needed to be said. If that calms you, your mind and your heart.., to hell who listens, honey".
God, just when I couldn't be more proud of my mother...
I look at Kacchan. I take his hand, pull it up with me, and kiss it right here, right now, and right in front of my mother, nodding in total and complete agreement with every word she just said.
I didn't know my mother was going to say all this. I didn't know Kacchan would confess we're boyfriends to her today. I didn't know at all things were going to turn this way, but...
I am now so, so happy she decided to say just this to him, because.., right now, looking at him, at his eyes and even all his body response...
I undoubtedly know;
That this was exactly what he needed to hear.
* * *
"You must be so tired, Kacchan. Come on, hands up".
He, still being so, so full of things in his head for all the time we spoke to my mom, does as I said. He lets me take off his shirt, unbutton his pants and put on some comfortable clothes so he can rest now.
It's late. We spent hours talking to her, Kacchan even said things he hadn't even said to me about how he felt on the fear of being open about it to the world.
I have always said and known: my mother has an exceptional gift to be a natural therapist.
That was just what he needed; a different, unprofessional point of view about his feelings. He needed a woman, a mother, a human being who would say to him that his feelings are valid, that they are not repressible and that... it is okay to have them and show them.
As soon as I take off my clothes and put on a comfy one, I take his hand, leave a little kiss there and take him in bed with me, hugging him tight.
"How'ya feel?" I whisper.
He takes a sec. He takes some silence inside his head to, at the end of it, whisper back; "I'm good".
"Yeah?"
"Mhm" He does, nodding, raising his head to see me, leaving a kiss on my lips and, being totally honest, say; "Yeah, I'm.., I'm really good now".
I smile so big. Calm, glad, happy for him.
"You know what?" He murmurs, his precious eyes here with me, genuinely happy and serene. "I... I thank you more every day for what you do for me. I.., I feel like you give me so much, more than what I actually think I deserve. And.., not in a way of.., you know, that I'm not enough or something, because I work so hard to be the best version of me for you. It's more like.., like everything I did in the past to you.., I don't know, should all have been harder to pay. Sometimes I feel like life gives me things on silver tray when I actually deserve way more kicks in my balls".
I let out a chuckle, a small one; I shake my head, take his body to move him up a little bit with me to place a little kiss, and so be able to speak. To be honest I already thought about this long before, and I knew it wouldn't be long before he said something like this. I know, I know him, I know that for every problem his head makes three more.
"Kacchan, you.., remember when you asked me if I still didn't like you? That little fight we had in the parking lot of your agency when you first invited me to join you with your friends?"
He frowns, confused, but nodding anyway.
"Well, that day I.., I saw so, so many things in you. I saw how much it had hurt you to think than what we had wasn't real. I saw how much conflict you had thinking that I didn't like you in the same way. I saw how difficult it was for you to even think that I would never see you in the way you used to look at me".
» "Pain is a way to heal, Kacchan. Even if you think you probably deserved worse to heal everything you did in the past, it's just a way of insisting that you made people suffer way more than what you are suffering".
» "I mean, yeah, what you used to say hurt me, and of course the insults and yells about me not having a quirk affected me but.., but you worked hard on to find a reason why you did all of it, and eventually apologize to me from the bottom of my heart".
» "You know why I think you feel that way? Cuz now that you really have me.., you think I suffered way more than what you did thinking on my rejection. But it's not like that, Kacchan. I'm fine now with you, I like being with you, I love that you're my boyfriend now and.., trust me, you're the most fucking amazing relationship I know I will have in my entire life".
» "If I wouldn't want you with me, if I wouldn't have forgiven you, if I wouldn't like you so much and I wouldn't be as in love as I am.., trust me, I would never allow myself to be here".
Even when I end up saying, and even when he ends up listening, he... never, not for a second.., stopped looking me straight in the eye, flooded here, in me, in my words and my conviction.
His lips tighten, hard, at the same time those red eyes shine and get wet.
I know how hard it is for him to cry. I know how difficult it is for him to make people see how much words affect him, hurt him or, in this case, touch his heart.
And the fact he is just showing that to me, at the level of some wet eyes, it's... literally a pleasure for me.
And as such, I know it is still difficult for him, and that's why he tries not to let me see it when he moves up to me, and kisses me, with those eyes closed letting out just some of those tears falling on my own cheek.
I will never, ever ask him to cry in front of me, because... I know it would be selfish to say that if I can, he too can cry.
It's not that easy for everyone. However, I fully know it is necessary.
"Thank you" He whispers, here, against my lips. "You're the best thing that could have ever happened to me..."
I smile, full of love, full of a fucking feeling that I swear to God fills me with life even harder than any-
"I love you".
Everything stops.
Everything, fucking everything does, with the only literal exception of my heart.
It's the only one that works now. And it does for almost all my vital organs, cause it pumps with the speed of all of them together.
I said it before, and I say it again now:
Crying is not for everyone.
But it is definitely for me.
"Hey..." He whispers, with a small smile beginning to form on that divine, precious, splendid, magnificent face for God's sake... "Why are you crying now, huh?"
"God, Kacchan..." I murmur, hugging him tight, sobbing, bringing him with me and taking him so hard, so needy, so entranced by what he has just done.
It's just.., I mean, although I swore to God it was going to be me the one to say those three words first, or if he did would be under my deathbed...
God, every fucking time he shuts me the fuck up showing me otherwise.
"I love you too..." I whisper, letting out a small but necessary laugh, wiping my cheeks, looking at him here so close to adore him as much as my heart wants it now; "God, I swear I do".
He giggles, so small and precious, raising his hands and placing them over my face, caressing, giving such affection and fucking love so easy to perceive. "Yeah? You sure you love me?"
I smile so big, give him a kiss, and one more, and another one, so, so fucking full of an inexplicable emotion. "One hundred per cent sure. I fucking love you, for real".
"Even if I'm a pain in the ass?"
"Even if you're a goddamn pimple on my ass".
"So I am a pimple in your ass? That doesn't sound like love".
I laugh. I give him one fucking kiss cause I swear if I don't, I could explode right now. "Yes, you are and I still love you".
He lets out a giggle. A small, beautiful and divine one. "Promise me you will love me forever".
"I swear to God listening to me".
"Promise me with a kiss".
I let out a fucking laugh. God, damn spectacular man.
I give him a kiss, and then another one, and now one more between each word of a; "I fucking promise".
He smiles so big, lets me give him as many pecks as I want and need, never pulling away his hands of my face, never moving a single inch away, never stopping to look at me with such an unbelievable love.
So, as soon as I stop kissing him for a single full second, he can say back;
"Okay, that's enough. Get ready, Izuku Midoriya, cuz I swear to God I will love you until you get sick of my lovin' ass".
I let out a big, clean laugh, looking at him with extreme adoration. As soon as he stops laughing too, we kiss like there's no fucking tomorrow.
His lips melt me like they always do, his hands delight me like every time he touches me, his body fits so perfect with mine. There is nothing, absolutely nothing this man cannot give me.
He can be and give everything. Even though he sometimes thinks he doesn't deserve all the love on earth, at moments like this, when his body's with me, when his lips kiss me, when his hands touch me and his eyes see me..,
It's like the one who's actually not worthy of all of this is me...
I really am in love with him.
Every day I get even more convinced of this:
This man will always and forever be an indelible mark of the every life I live.
4,900 words.