She felt like a little girl again. Lying on her bed staring at the ceiling, her lips quivering as silent tears ran down her cheeks.
Johanna and Peeta had given up on calling out to her an hour ago. She hadn't answered. But she knew they were both sitting against their respective walls that adjoined her cell.
She couldn't help but flinch as some of the words ran through her mind.
Useless daughter
Biggest regret
She let out a loud sob as she clasped her hands over her ears, trying to stop the words she'd been subjected to hearing from rattling around her head.
"Taiya?" Peeta tried again when he heard her cry.
"Peeta," Taiya croaked back quietly.
"Are you ok?"
Taiya rolled off her bed and crawled over to the wall she knew he was sitting against.
"Not really," she answered honestly.
"Did they hurt you?"
"Not really."
"What'd they do?"
Peeta, Johanna and she had all made a commitment to each other to not hold back. They would tell each other the truth of what they had been subjected to in their tortures, no matter how gruesome it was.
Taiya had never had much to add to that conversation, she'd never been dragged out to be tortured. But Snow knew how to play her. Torturing her mentally over physically would be more effective. Despite the facade she tried to play off, he knew how vulnerable she was mentally. How her stability relied on her connection to her home and her friends.
Romulus buying her helped save her from torture as well. He expected her to arrive at his apartment looking in top condition, bruises and broken bones wouldn't exactly fit that bill.
"Sort of like the jabber jays in the arena," Taiya sniffled. "But more targeted. The things they said... I want my mom and dad," Taiya cried as tears fell. "I just want my mom and dad. He played their voices. They've been dead for 8 years. But he still had their voices and they said things. I just miss my mom and dad," she allowed tears to drop down her cheeks. She hadn't cried over her parents in years, and all it took was some words out of a speaker in a dark, small room for her to crumble and return to her vulnerable 16-year-old emotions.
"What happened to your parents?" Peeta asked.
"Snow killed them," Taiya stuttered. "Finnick didn't want to do what he was told, so Snow killed our parents. I never got to say goodbye, my mom died thinking I hated her. She died and I thought she hated me. And the voices... I know it's not real, but it seemed real. My dad would never say those things to me. But it was his voice," Taiya cried as she clasped her hands over her ears again.
"You just... you have to hold onto the knowledge that they wouldn't say that," Peeta tried to reassure her. "You knew them better than Snow. Deep down you know what's real."
"Yeah," Taiya nodded as she leaned her head against the wall. "I think I do. It wasn't just my parent's voices though."
"Who else's?"
"Just dead people," she sucked in a breath. "My best friend."
"Theo Cresta," Peeta realised. Haymitch had run through Taiya's games with him and Katniss. The parallels between their relationship and his and Katniss's weren't lost on him. He'd always figured that's why she was so standoffish towards him and Katniss at the start. They'd both got to go home together whereas she had to hold her friend in her arms as he died.
"Gloss is alive by the way," Taiya croaked out, wanting to change the conversation.
Peeta's blood ran cold. Katniss was the one who shot Gloss. She was safe, who knows where, but Gloss would come for her if given the chance. She'd shot him in the chest. Peeta knew Taiya loved him, what if she and Gloss played right into Snow's hands together and went after Katniss together as a team? The thought had only flickered through his mind when he heard another sniffle from the other side of the wall he was leaning against, and that cleared his mind. Katniss was with Finnick, and there was no way Taiya would ever lead Snow to Finnick, no matter what rubbish she said on TV.
"How?" Peeta asked.
"I have no idea. The arrow pierced his heart. I guess maybe because he didn't pull it out it plugged the wound," she wiped her eyes. "In all honesty, Snow sent me a note in the Games and said one of them was alive, I just didn't know if it was Gloss or Cash. But Cashmere is gone and Gloss is lying in the hospital covered in bandages. And it's all Katniss' fault."
"No it's not Taiya," Peeta sighed.
"Yes, it is. If she'd done what she was told, if she'd followed the script, none of this would be happening. I'd be at home. My friends would be alive. I'd be with Finnick."
"You don't know that. Katniss isn't the sole cause of the rebellion and you know that. They're just using her as a symbol. Whether she wants to be a symbol or not... I don't know. But you and I both know this rebellion is being run by other people, not Katniss. She's a pawn to them just like we're pawns here."
Taiya didn't say anything. She knew there was some truth to his words. Some logic. But she needed someone to blame, and Katniss was always a good target for her.
"I should've killed her."
"You don't mean that," Peeta muttered.
"I do," Taiya growled as she sat on her knees. "You know I nearly did? Twice technically. I dropped her onto the ground when I should've thrown her into the fog. I nearly drowned her as well. Held her underwater. Finnick came and pulled me off her. You didn't even realise your precious little girlfriend was in danger. And if I'd killed her, guess what? Snow would have let there be two winners. I would be with Finnick, back in District 4 and we'd be getting married and we'd be free. And instead, I am stuck in here, in a white box and I have no idea where Finnick is!" she snapped in anger before she stood up and walked back to her bed.
"You've got to stop trusting Snow," Johanna's voice numbly called out from her cell. Her voice was quiet, but the desperation was there. Her best friend kept falling for Snow's lies, his word games. Even after all these years she still had some faith in him not to lie to her.
Taiya ignored her warning though as she lay down on her bed and clasped her hands against her ears.
"Please stop," she quietly begged her mind, pleading with it to stop replaying her parents and Theo's venomous words that the speakers had spat out at her for hours.
*********************
Three times a day for the last three days. That's how many times she'd been taken to the voice room. As soon as she'd stop repeating what she'd heard in her thoughts, Snow and his team would implant more phrases designed to cut deep.
Honestly, it was a wonder they hadn't used Finnick's voice yet. And that concerned her.
But what concerned her more at the moment was the Peacekeeper who knocked on the door and then jerked her arm, reminding her to smile.
A frown fell onto Romulus's face briefly when he opened the door. Taiya was a good actor typically, but now she wasn't even trying.
"Ready for some fun?" he smirked at her and he reached forward and grabbed her upper arms and yanked her into his apartment, closing the door quickly behind him before he quickly led her to the couch and ushered her to sit beside Kenna who was sat waiting.
"Oh my god," Kenna breathed as she looked into Taiya's half-vacant eyes. "What happened to you?"
"Nothing, see," Taiya pushed up her sleeves to show her arms. "No bruises nothing. Well except..." she briefly gestured to the fading bruise on her cheek.
"Taiya," Kenna reached forward to touch her arm, but Taiya just jerked away.
"Tay," Romulus crouched in front of her. "Remember what I said ok? Whatever you need, I'll do my best. Talk to me. What do you need right now?"
"I just need some peace and quiet," she mumbled, barely making eye contact with him. But she wasn't lying. It was almost never quiet in the cells. Whether that was Taiya's mumbling and crying after an audio session, or Johanna and Peeta's screams, there was rarely a moment of peace where Taiya could take a breather in quiet.
"Ok," Romulus nodded. "I've only got you for two hours today I'm sorry, Snow wanted you back earlier. But we can do that. Two hours. We'll just sit here with you," he tapped her knee before standing up and moving to sit on the other side of Kenna.
Kenna looked over at Romulus in concern, she hadn't seen Taiya this despondent since she came back from the Games and that had taken a long time to come back from. But at least then, Taiya would have yelled at you to go away, this Taiya was just leaning back and staring at the ceiling, pooling tears evident in her eyes.
Romulus grabbed her hand, sensing Kenna was going to say something. Kenna looked over at him to protest with her eyes, but he just shook his head. They'd both promised they would do whatever Taiya asked to help. If Taiya needed silence, he wanted to ensure she got it. He jerked his head and Kenna stood up and followed him to the music room. Taiya didn't even seem to notice them leave.
"You know her better than I do," Romulus said as he shut the door. "You tell me what you think."
"I don't... I don't know," Kenna pushed her hair back. "I've never really seen her silent before. I mean when she came back from her Games she wasn't exactly chatty, but her glare was telling enough. I've never seen her look so vacant. I mean I would say we could dunk her in a bathtub, but honestly, looking at her now I don't think that would work."
"In the bathtub?" Romulus frowned, not understanding the inside story of her suggestion.
"Drowning her is like hitting the reset button," Kenna waved her hand. "Works real well back home where you can just throw her off the dock."
"Do you have to do that a lot?" Romulus frowned. He'd never really seen his friend angry before, she always kept that in control.
"I mean I wouldn't go so far as to say we do it frequently, but sometimes she and Buck start these yelling arguments about stupid things. Like, one time, Taiya said the sea gets its colour from the reflection of the sky and Buck said that was stupid and the water was just blue. Then they started yelling and we pushed her off, she calmed down, he started laughing, she got out and pushed him in and then everyone was happy. But that's beside the point," Kenna dismissed. "She always tells you what's wrong in the end, it's just hard to get her to open up, but she will."
"When?" Romulus asked as he opened the door quietly and they both peered out. She hadn't moved.
"He's doing something to her," Kenna growled after Romulus shut the door. "I don't know what it is, but I hope that rebellion kills him."
"Why do you think Snow's doing something?"
"Why did you assume I was talking about Snow? Doesn't that give you an answer?"
"Good point," Romulus nodded. He was only just having his eyes opened to the realities of the Capitol, but it was still hard to comprehend after all these years of being in the dark.
*********************
The two hours she'd had of silence was just what she needed. She'd managed to clear her head of the voices as she stepped back into the tribute centre that now functioned as a prison. As soon as she stepped out of view of any passerby, the Peacekeepers grabbed her and started dragging her.
"Get the hell off me," she kicked out wildly, immediately connecting with the back knee of one of the men who was holding her, making his leg buckle.
The momentary loss of grip on her arm gave her a moment to spin around and connect her elbow to the neck of the man holding her other arm.
Before she could make another move, however, she felt a stab as a Peacekeeper snuck up behind her and injected her arm.
"Crap," she groaned as she immediately felt groggy and collapsed back into his arms. His arms immediately wrapped tightly around her. The Peacekeeper she'd kicked had recovered by this point and took her from the other Peacekeeper.
Whatever they'd injected her with this time didn't knock her out, but it did make her feel as though she'd been hit around the head. She was disoriented and struggling to stand as she allowed the Peacekeeper to aggressively drag her around the corridors.
It wasn't until she saw one particular door that she began to put up a fight. This was a room she'd seen Peeta go into, she'd heard the screams that came out of there. He would tell her all about how they'd inject him with tracker jacker venom and show him fake videos of home.
That was the thing with tracker jacker venom, it affected the mind. It wouldn't leave any bruises for Romulus to potentially complain about.
But with the energy she had, she couldn't do much to stop them as they opened the door and dragged her into a seat in the corner.
"No need to restrain her," President Snow spoke up as he watched. "She won't be going anywhere."
"What do you want?" Taiya groaned as her head lolled as she tried to get enough strength to not slump in her chair. "I've already told you, I don't know anything."
"And I believe you," he smiled.
"Then can't we do this catch-up at your place? Why come all the way here?" Taiya asked bitterly.
Snow chuckled slightly at her attitude. "Because there's a grand unveiling. You see, the Gamemakers have been working on a new mutt. And this one has surpassed my wildest dreams you are going to come with me for the inspection. I'd like you to have another interview with Caesar Flickerman. Both you and Peeta."
"Why? What else is there to say?" Taiya groaned.
"You're speech quelled some of the anger in the inner districts, but not the outer ones. You and Peeta need to work harder. You and Peeta both know what the reality of war is. You and he are thoughtful. Less impulsive than Katniss, and the other victors of 4, Finnick included."
"I don't want a war," Taiya shakily shook her head.
"And there won't be one if you and Peeta have anything to say about it." Snow looked at her before he revealed why he really wanted them to have an interview. "She has filmed propaganda adverts, they're being broadcast in some districts. Any headway you and Mr Mellark made is gone. You need to convince them that this is the right way before we descend into civil war. They feel they know you and the baker's son, be their friend, connect with them, show the people that we are the voice of reason."
"And if I say no?"
Snow's small smile dropped from his face. "You forget. I'm not asking. If you don't comply I'll release the Gamemaker's new creation into a certain wing of the hospital, completely by accident of course," he looked at her, he nodded at a Peacekeeper who marched forward and yanked Taiya up from the chair before following after the President as he walked through a door and into the lab.
They walked directly up to a glass cage in the middle of the room. It was terrifying.
Half human, half-lizard. As soon as they spotted the group, they immediately began throwing themselves against the glass, desperate to tear them to shreds.
"They can hunt on scent alone. Like sharks in the sea, they can catch a scent and follow it right to their prey. There's no way to hide," Snow smiled proudly at the monsters.
"Katniss, Katniss, Katniss," they seemed to hiss.
The mutts were four-legged with sharp talons at the end of each finger. Pale white skin stretched tightly across the bodies that were as large as a human. They had a jutting jaw that would allow their razor-sharp teeth to decimate their victims with one bite. They could walk on two legs, or all fours as they skittered around the cage, looking to smash the glass to attack.
"Don't be concerned. The glass will hold," President Snow assured as he looked at the way she jumped back with every bang of their bodies against the wall.
"These are designed for the Games?" Taiya's voice shook as she asked.
"They've been given a more specific target," he mused. Katniss. That's why they were hissing her name.
"You've programmed her scent," Taiya realised.
"Indeed I have. However, they are extraordinarily dangerous. I'm not wasteful, the casualties would be too high to release them just to find her. But they could be useful." He turned to look at the Peacekeeper who was standing near the door and ushered him over before handing him a knife. "Put her in a room with one."
"What?" Taiya cried out. "Please, please. I'll do your interview. Please don't."
He just ignored her as the Peacekeepers injected her quickly with a drug, and she felt all grogginess lift. At least they were giving her a chance. They shoved her into a room before the Peacekeeper threw the knife on the ground by her feet and immediately shut the doors.
Taiya could already hear the banging on the opposite door and her hands shook as she snatched the knife up from the ground and held it by her ear, ready to throw it as soon as that door was opened.
A loud buzz echoed through the room as the lock was removed and in a blink of an eye, the creature was crawling towards her with a speed she hadn't been able to gauge from inside their cage. They were freakishly fast.
The mutt let out a loud growl as it threw itself across the room, Taiya only just dived out of the way in time.
It didn't even need recovery time, it was already grabbing at her leg, racking its talons down her leg.
The adrenaline they'd given her was pumping so hard that she didn't even feel the pain. But she quickly swung back, slicing her knife across its face, making it recoil.
But this only angered it further as it threw itself on top of her. Taiya had to use all the strength in her arms to hold its face away from her as it tried to reach down to bite. She let out a loud cry as she shifted all the pressure of the mutt onto one hand and she quickly struck her free hand up with her knife, sending the blade into the side of its head.
It let out a cry of pain and seemed to still fight for a few moments before it grew limp and she was able to shove its dead body to the side.
Taiya, in her eagerness to get away from it, leapt to her feet, only for her left leg to quiver weakly. They'd only just healed up her bad ankle the other day and now the same leg was injured again. She looked down before groaning as she saw the blood coating it.
Taiya let out a loud shaky sob as she collapsed to the floor and shuffled across to the corner furthest away from the mutt.
She'd seen some terrifying mutt prototypes in her time by Seneca's side, but she'd never seen anything like this. Just one more thing to haunt her nightmares.