"Maybe forever was a word meant for memories
Not people. . . "
Ever since I locked away that diary in my office, I've been dying to read it, dying to learn what's been haunting her nights and her life, to learn what ripped off her smile and happiness, but now that I have the diary in my hands, I couldn't seem to find the will to open it, to read her nightmares.
Sliding a finger in between the diary I felt the roughly dented pages. I traced over her wordings, her writing that left deep dents in the pages, edging me further to open it, just read it.
Even with her permission I felt hesitant. I wasn't scared of what was written in these pages, because nothing would make me think less of her, but I knew it would push me over the edge to break any and every promise.
Swallowing in a deep breath I pushed open the diary and ran my eyes over the words written on the page with such haste and force that it felt brutal, the words felt alive as I began to read.
Diary
It was my sixteenth birthday when everything went downhill, when every happiness was ripped away from me, and I had no one else to blame but me. I killed them...I killed my parents with my stubbornness....
It was my birthday and I begged my dad to let me drive..only if I had listened to mom...only if I wasn't so selfish and stubborn they would still be here...but they died...in that car accident I survived but they died.
Days turned into weeks then months and years and I went from foster care to another till I turned 17 and people decided I don't deserve a home anymore, and maybe they were right... Maybe I didn't..
I stayed there till I was 18 and then even the authorities decided to kick me out of the orphanage.With no roof over my head, no one was waiting with warm food on a table for me..
I went from street to street, spent the little savings I had on food and a coat to fight off the freezing cold. Though I didn't know why I fought so hard to live, to stay alive with a dead heart, with nothing to really live for, but I still kept fighting..That's when I found Tyler.
He offered to buy me a hot meal and maybe receiving affection from a total stranger after so long made me fall for him immediately..only if I could turn back time I'd run from him...so far out of his reach..only if I could go back I would not beg my father to let me drive that car to their deaths..
Tyler offered me a sense of security, or so I thought. He got me a job in a restaurant and allowed me to live in his house with very little rent. I was happy, things were finally looking up and my feelings for Tyler only grew stronger.
A few months went by and it was Tyler's birthday, the day he'd officially asked me out to be his girlfriend. I remember I believed myself to be the luckiest person, I was on cloud 9 when he kissed me for the first time.
The restaurant owner was his friend, but as the time passed by he started deducting my salary, always finding something out of place or an upset customer to blame. And when I told Tyler he told me that I paid more attention to my book than work and it was a useless distraction.
So I stopped, I did what he told me, I focused solely on work and he seemed proud of me and I was happy.
Everything was good until one day he came home drunk...he reeked of alcohol and when I tried to get him to drink water he refused, that day I saw raw lust and hunger in his eyes and I was never afraid of him till then..
He backed me up against a wall, forcefully kissing my mouth, causing that glass of water to drop out of my grasp and shatter against the floor. I tried...I tried to push him off and when I succeeded I was too scared, too panicked that my hand went flying across his face, on its own. His eyes only darkened as he stalked closer "You bitch!" he roared and I felt a tight slap on my cheek, making me drop on the broken glass and my cries broke out.
It was only at the sight of my blood that his eyes went wide and realization sat in..
He tended to my wounds and held me tighter in his arms that night, he kept apologizing over and over, guilt was evident in his eyes every time he apologized. He bought me gifts, cards, chocolates, he took me out on several dates to make up for it and I had forgiven him but the fear still lingered at the back of my brain, every time his voice got higher I'd flinch and the same guilt would take over his features.
Three weeks went by and we were back to normal, we were happy. I was getting ready for our first valentine date night when I heard the bell ring, I thought he was back early so I rushed towards the door and swung it open, just to find a box of chocolate resting next to a breathtaking bouquet of daisies.
My heart warmed at the sight and I picked it up and peeked around the house but found no one so I went back inside.
Taking a picture I sent it to Tyler and thanked him. But his reply chilled my bones.
The flowers and chocolate weren't from him, he was stuck at work and never sent these. It was maybe delivered to the wrong address, I thought and dismissed the panic.
But Tyler was rigid all night, he shouted at anyone and everyone on sight and everything I said set him off, I knew what was on his mind and when I tried to assure him that the flowers probably belonged to someone else, he burst out.
He grabbed me by my arm and dragged me out of the restaurant, my pleas were hollow in front of him and I could smell alcohol in his breath and my blood ran cold.
When we got home he locked me up in the store room, knowing my fear of confined places, he was teaching me a lesson, punishing me for something I'd never do..
The next day when he let me out I expected to witness some sort of guilt on his face but it was blank and annoyed, he wasn't sorry for what he had done to me, he didn't even apologize.
We didn't talk for a week straight till his friends came to the restaurant I worked at, they knew who I was and only requested me to serve them.
"I heard you fuck with whoever looks at you" one of his friends commented and I felt disgusted, but I had to ignore their perverted gazes and touches as I went by them.
Things only went west from there on...Tyler became more aggressive as the days went on, he started locking me up in the closet room while I could hear moaning coming from our room...of him with another woman..
I cried day and night and I knew he heard me...he just didn't care.
I reached a point where I finally had enough savings and had the courage to break up with him..
That day is still marked on my body..
One morning I went to end things with him while he was carelessly smoking with a naked woman sprawled on my bed. Tears stung my eyes but I held myself together and kept a stone face.
He threw me one bored look before breaking into a fit of laughter, his eyes held no warmth, no security, no humanity.
I gulped and before I would sprint out of the room he dragged me onto the bed, his mistress held me in place as he ripped my clothes apartment and they both took turns burning their cigarettes on my skin, ignoring my begging, my cries and pleas. I laid naked on my own bed while my boyfriend burned me and once he was satisfied, he clicked a picture of my marked body and then the hands holding me captive set me free...but I had no strength left and soon I drifted into the darkness..
Next I woke up back into the store room, they didn't even have the decency to dress me up, but then I found my necklace missing, the only reminder I had of my mother..he ripped it off of me, he knew what that meant to me..
I ran back to the room, trying so hard to block away the memories of earlier events, I looked everywhere, searched every corner, I didn't care that I had barely any piece of clothing on me.
Later I found he had sold it to someone for a pack of cigarettes...I cried, I had nothing left...I was now as shallow as possible, he ripped the only piece of soul I had left and he sold it..
The anonymous presents and flowers became a frequent thing, I could physically feel someone watching me but even that became a part of my daily routine.
I don't know if those flowers reached the right person, but they never failed to make me smile, even tho I always had to throw them in the trash, such a pretty delicate flower. But I couldn't risk upsetting Tyler, he turned into a beast I never would've imagined...every day a new reason to beat me and every night he'd come home with another woman. In the beginning he tried to be discreet about it but after a while he dropped that act too..but I couldn't help the sting it left on my heart..
I knew I had to get out, I knew I needed to leave, I needed to run and escape, but my every attempt failed miserably and resulted in having to face a lethal punishment..
But when I heard that he sold me to pay off his debt..I didn't think twice before I took whatever was left of me and ran, I ran as far as my feet could take me.
And then I found Jackson..he was an angel disguised as a human, he gave me a roof over my head, offered me a secure job and provided me food, but even there I wasn't safe because Tyler tracked me down..
I ran, I ran for the life I never deserved...I was supposed to die in that accident but I survived and I should be dead..I didn't even know why I kept running to live a life full of misery but all I could think of was what my mother had told me "never let the bad days shape your life" her words always rang so loud in my ears that silenced everything else..
I tried to end it..I tried to end the suffering but the moment I'd hold a knife against my wrist..her hazel eyes would flash before my eyes..full of pain and disappointment..forcing me to retreat the knife away from my skin, forcing myself to go through another day..
But maybe she was right because then Nathan came..to this day I don't know why he hired me but he did and I promised to work hard and win back my life that was taken away from me...I was so close..
Then Tyler found me..he found me..he tracked me down once again..
He once promised to make my life hell and he stayed true to his promise because I've lost everything I've earned..
He's back to take it all away..he's back..
∆
My blood was boiling the more I read through the pages, the more I learned about how much pain she went through while I just watched.
Everything in my body went rigid, I wanted to- no I needed to rip apart Tyler, I needed to feel his blood warm my hands, I needed to hear him scream while I peel his skin and meat off his filthy bones.
But apart from that I wanted to shoot myself for being a fucking coward, she was in hell while I admired her from far.
Digging my fingers through my hair I paced around the room, trying and failing to contain my anger, my rage.
Only by his blood will I calm down and nothing will stop me.
∆
Delilah
It's been 3 hours since I handed over that key to Nathan. And I haven't heard a single soul since then. Did he read it?
My hands were sweating and my head was dizzy, I have been pacing back and forth, waiting for the worst to happen, I know the consequences aren't gonna be pretty. Which is why I sat packed with what little I found of my old stuff, he's gonna fire me and kick me out of his house and I was ready to face it head strong. But even if I tried, I couldn't ignore the sharp sting it left on my heart. The thought of hatred in his eyes terrified me more than it should.
Be strong, be strong.
I kept telling myself, begging myself to not break down, to not panic and with every passing minute the invisible shield I built around myself kept shattering, and yet again I was helpless.
My eyes snap to the door when it burst open and Nathan walked in. Bloodshot eyes, hair messier than before, his chest heaving up and down rapidly and there was pure rage in his eyes, he was livid.
I gulped and tried to get words out of my throat but they seemed to be tangled up and nothing came out.
He took long strides towards me and unwillingly I backed up, his eyes didn't leave mine even for a second and then I felt my back hitting the hardness of the wall and my heart was beating so loud in my throat that I was sure he could hear it.
"I'm sorry" he rasped, confused I look at him. I saw guilt, I saw pain and regret. His eyes were glossy and his jaw ticked tight.
"I'm sorry I was such a fucking coward" he said and I didn't miss the crack in his voice. A lump formed at the back of my throat and I tried to gulp it down.
"I should've stopped it- I- You didn't deserve it, you didn't-" his words cut off mid sentence while he started breathing heavily, his voice full of pain and agony as if he actually blame himself for what happened.
His jaw tightened as he pressed his forehead across mine and began breathing hard while his hands wrapped around my waist, pinning me to my spot.
He seemed to be in pain and I couldn't help when my hands reached up to touch his face and he let out a shaky breath. Eyes still closed. His grip kept tightening and loosening around my waist.
I didn't realize what I was doing till I felt myself pressing my lips against his. My heartbeat loud in my ears.
He went stiff for a second and I realized the mistake I've made and immediately pulled back.
"I-I'm sorry I-" my words died in my mouth when he pushed into me, smashing his lips into mine, pulling me in a deep kiss. His hands immediately rose up to my face, holding in tenderly, pulling me in, deepening the kiss. His tongue parted my lips and I allowed him the access while the coldness of his lip ring gave me goosebumps and I roamed my hands through his tousled hair, earning a low growl from him.
He kissed me deeply and I could feel every emotion in that kiss, pain, regret, suffering, anger.
"Stop me" he pulled back and growled against my lips, we both out of breath, heaving and panting. And my body rejected every sane thought in me, it clouded everything.
"Stop me, dove" he pressed as his hot breath fanned my face while he traced the bridge of his nose across my cheek and pinned another kiss on my chin as a cold shudder ran down my spine. Every part of me was on fire.
Deciding against my body I placed my hands on his chest I gave him a slight push and he stopped, his usually emerald green eyes were darker as he looked deep into mine and I have never felt more naked.
What have I done. . .
∆∆∆∆∆∆∆
End of chapter my lovelies.
Now y'all be good girls and leave a comment!
See you in the next chapter!