ZETH NEVER HEADED back. Livia and Amphion were both far too tired to continue on, too mentally clouded, but Aurelius and the younger kids weren't ready to leave yet. The two of them ended up finding someone who was planning on leaving, who was going to drive to centre Briarville, and hitched a ride.
The two were dropped off as promised, and they began making their way back home.
At eleven o'clock in the evening, the streets of Briarville were still not abandoned. There were plenty of bars open, with all manners and assortments of people heading in and out. Neon and fluorescent signs lit up the town centre, but as they got further and further away from the main district, the sound got quieter and the light got dimmer.
Soon, it was only the two of them by the beach, illuminated by the moon. The only sound was their footsteps and the rattling of leaves as the soft breeze blew by.
Livia began the conversation. She hadn't said much since her conversation with Sarah. She'd been too busy thinking. Engrossed in the past, thinking of those things Sarah had accused her of. Thinking of the better times, when Melody was here to soothe out any conflict that arose.
"Do you think Zeth...?"
"I don't know," Amphion admitted. "Depends on if they said anything on the way back, I think. But he hasn't even texted me. I don't know what he's doing."
"Nothing happened then, probably," Livia muttered.
"Or he didn't want to ruin my mood," Amphion snorted. "He's that kind of person."
"Yeah. He is."
"You look really tired."
"Just mentally," she sighed. "I... I wasn't ready for all that tonight. I was already tired enough from dealing with Mark Arron."
"I'm guessing that it didn't all go well with Sarah. I saw her leave the party."
"She accused me of a lot of things. Some I can understand, some I don't."
"Oh?"
"I'm not going to share," Livia said defensively. "It's just between me and her, and I don't think she wants me to share anyways. But she said a lot of things. I think I understand everything a lot more now."
"Do you?"
"I think so."
"Do you still... like me?" Amphion suddenly asked, stealing a glance at her before turning away.
"Not like last year, no," Livia said firmly. "I think it was all a bit ridiculous in the first place."
She heard him let out a faint breath. "I'm sorry about the things I said about you last year, by the way. We don't... we don't all dislike you. We never had. Sometimes I got really annoyed at you, but it was never like, a big thing."
"I get that," Livia whispered. "I mean, sometimes you have the right to be annoyed anyways. I know I can be really pushy and overbearing sometimes. You were right about that. I was really bossy. Still am, sometimes."
"It's not always a bad thing," Amphion offered.
"But a lot of times, it is. And I think it's affected my relationships negatively far more than I ever thought."
"You learnt that from talking with Sarah?"
Livia didn't reply.
"Right," he muttered. "Privacy. Right."
"Whatever Sarah said," he continued after a bit, "it probably has some truth to it, but she's probably exaggerated it a bit. You two had always been quite horrible to each other, but, well, it was always quite mutual. Which is why none of us ever really intervened."
"Melody did."
Amphion glanced at her. "You know, last year. You didn't actually start losing your temper until I mentioned Melody."
"I don't mind mentioning her," Livia said. "But I despise it when she's used as an excuse for anything. It always feels like we're soiling her name, her legacy."
"I miss her."
"I think we all do."
"Everything was better when she was here. Everything. Whenever we argued she'd always know what to do. Even when you and Sarah absolutely hated each other and couldn't even stand to be in the same room, she'd somehow find a way to make you two coexist."
"It was her own little magic," Livia agreed.
"Melody Martinez was one of the best people I'd ever known."
"I think she's the best person I'll ever know," Livia laughed. "Imagine what we'd be like, if she was still here."
"I wish she was."
"But she isn't," Livia said softly. "So we're going to have to figure all of this out ourselves. Without her. Even if we absolutely hate it sometimes. There is no other choice."
"But as much as I miss her," Amphion said, sounding a little guilty, "I think a part of why our memories of her are so rosy-tinted is because they were forever frozen when we were thirteen. If she was still alive now, do you think we'd love her as much?"
"No," Livia agreed. "I think she's all of our white moonlight."
"White moonlight? Oh, I remember that term. The first love."
"I think we were all a little in love with her, one way or another."
"She's forever sealed off in those memories. I think we've all brushed away her blemishes in all these years, added a little bit of candy-coloured filter every time we revisit those memories."
"That's how it works," Livia marvelled. "Sometimes, I can't remind myself of a single bad thing about her."
"It's been five years since we've last seen her, Livia."
"I still remember crying my eyes out when we heard the news."
"I remember how empty that summer was, when we were fourteen. It was the first time I'd ever felt miserable while in Briarville."
"She wasn't there. And she was always the most important puzzle piece."
Amphion didn't reply to that. Instead he turned to the beach, at the waves gently pushing against the sandy shoreline. "I don't want to go back yet."
She followed his gaze. "You want to go down there?"
"Not into the water," Amphion muttered. "But I want a bit of fresh air. Join me?"
Livia stared at him for a moment. Under the pale moonlight, he was casted half in shadows. His grey eyes were clouded, and his body language was far tenser than Livia had realised. Everything Livia felt about all of this, he did too. She wasn't alone, she was never alone.
"Sure," she said. "But not for too long, though. I don't want my parents to worry."
He laughed humourlessly, poking through her excuse without hesitance. "Pamela hasn't even left the party yet. You'll be fine, Livia."
She didn't say anything to that, instead following him down the little path that led to the beach. She took off her heels (thank god she'd chosen shorter ones today, or she'd have been rendered unable to walk long ago), allowing her feet to rest against the cold sand.
It was soothing. Relaxing. Once upon a time she'd hated the sensation of sand sticking to her feet, but somewhere down the line it had become something more enjoyable.
"So, what are we doing?" she asked, staring out to the sea.
"I don't know," he admitted. "Just... talk, I guess."
They'd done this before. The two of them, when Zeth was too lazy to leave the house. Walking up and down the beach, laughing and giggling until they were too tired and went back home. Their parents stopped caring long ago. It used to be their little tradition in those summers long past.
They used to be best friends.
And now she didn't even know how to look him in the eye.
"What is there to talk about?" she asked quietly.
"I don't know. Zeth, maybe."
"He has to get over his crush on Brie eventually."
"He will. Eventually. But you know what he's like. It won't be a quick journey."
"He's going to university. I don't want this to affect him. Uni is a chance to meet new people, widen your horizons. I don't want him to still be stuck in this little town."
"You don't need to worry too much."
"What, you agree with Sarah? You think it's ridiculous that I suggested he told Brie his feelings?"
"I don't think it's ridiculous," Amphion protested. "I do somewhat agree with it. But at the same time I can see what Sarah means. At the end of the day, it's his choice. Whatever he chooses, I'll support you."
"What a good twin you are, then."
"He's always there for me when I need it. The least I could do is the same."
"Must be nice, having a twin."
Amphion shrugged. "You have Pamela too. You're not twins, sure, but you two are still quite close."
"Nowhere as close as you two," Livia said.
"Every relationship is different."
"I always used to think that your relationship was heavily skewed and unbalanced," Livia admitted. She didn't know why she did it. Maybe she just wanted to let some of those feelings, some of those thoughts out. She didn't think Amphion would judge her.
"Really?" Amphion asked, sounding slightly surprised.
"Yeah," Livia said with a nod. "I always kept thinking that you were the only one with opinions in your relationship, and that the only thing Zeth ever did was follow you around. I think for a long time I didn't ever consider Zeth as his own separate person. Just... another part of you."
Amphion snorted. "He'd hate that."
"But that's what I always thought when I was younger."
"And what did you think of me, then?"
"I thought he was your only impulse control. I think in my head, you were the one with all the ideas, and he was just the guy calming you down to keep you alive."
"It's not all inaccurate."
"Of course it's not. I wouldn't have thought about it like that otherwise. But it's still an exaggeration, and it's still not completely right. I think that's part of the problem."
"You really have been talking to Sarah."
"I've spoken to her in private twice since coming back."
"Twice?" Amphion asked, one brow raised. "When's the first time?"
"Outside your house, in like the first or second week of July. Ran into her. We spoke for a little bit."
"She didn't tell me about that."
"Why would she?"
"I don't know. We're good friends, me and her."
"I know."
"That used to upset you."
"I don't like her, but that doesn't give me the right to tell you not to hang out with her either."
"You're learning, Livia."
"Is that a compliment?"
He let out a laugh. "It's whatever you want to consider it. I don't mind."
"I don't think I'm learning. I think I'm just growing up."
"It's the same thing."
"We're all growing up."
"So we are."
"I'm not sure I like that."
Amphion shrugged. "Love it, hate it, you can't escape it, Livia."
"Thank you, I've realised."
"At least you still have the same attitude."
"You must hate that," Livia said earnestly.
Amphion sounded amused as he shook his head. "No, actually, I don't. I always quite enjoyed our bickering sessions. Of course, not when it escalated, but most of the time I did find it quite enjoyable."
"Bickering sessions? Is that what you call it?"
"Is it not a bickering session?" Amphion replied, amused. He was still staring out at the sea, which she supposed was the most beautiful thing there was in sight. "I swear that's always been the best way to describe them."
"I suppose you're not completely wrong."
"I'm right more often than you think," Amphion said with a tilt of his head. "I'm not an idiot."
"I know you aren't."
"That's good."
Livia sucked in a breath of the chilly ocean air. "I'm tired."
He glanced sideways at her. "Do you want to go home?"
"No," Livia said, shaking her head. "Let's sit for a bit."
They found a large piece of stone some steps away, and they settled down on it. It was just enough for them both to sit upon, their sides pressed together. But neither pulled away. Once upon a time this would have been nothing unnatural, there would have been nothing strange about the way they were sitting now, right next to the other. But that had changed last summer, and Livia didn't think there was a way of going back.
You could never quite remove a crush from your head.
"What have you gotten up to this year?" Amphion asked.
"Graduation?"
"Try something more specific, more exciting," Amphion laughed. "There has to be something. Are you still writing your novels?"
"Yes," Livia told him. "The goal is still to publish by university. But I'm not sure if it's going to work out the way I planned for it to."
"You have to stop relying on your plans so much," Amphion told her. "Plans rarely ever work out. It's not because they're bad, it's just because life is always unpredictable with too many factors."
"I don't feel safe without them," Livia replied. "At least I have something to fall back upon as long as I have a plan, you know?"
"You're not always going to have time for a plan."
"You overestimate how much time I need to come up with a plan," Livia said earnestly. "Let me tell you, I come up with them fast."
Amphion huffed. "I suppose you do. I have witnessed it with my own eyes, after all."
"More often than not, my plans at least partially work out."
"Not always, though."
"Nothing always works," Livia retorted. "I'd be an idiot if I thought they'd be a hundred percent effective all the time. Life just doesn't work that way."
"You used to."
"Well, I was a kid."
"We keep using that as an excuse for old mistakes these days."
Livia raised a brow. "Because it's true? Like, we were kids. That is the only good reasoning for half the things we did."
"Not every kid is stupid."
"But everyone, even adults, have done something stupid at some point. Really it's nothing to be surprised about. It's behind us now."
"I really hope it is."
She shot him a glare, subconsciously patting the heels she'd placed besides the rock to make sure they hadn't randomly disappeared, even though she knew they wouldn't and she was just being paranoid.
"Does your feet hurt? You walked quite a distance in heels."
Livia shook her head. "I'm used to it. I used to do Latin dance, remember? I'm used to dancing in high heels, much less walking in them."
"That's fair enough. Victoire complains about heels a lot."
"Well, she's like a child. So of course she'll complain. She'll complain about anything, let's be real here."
"Still adorable, though."
"But annoying," Livia shrugged. "Even though I never really get to see that side of her. When did she need to wear heels?"
"She's my mother's daughter," Amphion snorted. "Of course she'll have worn heels before. And since she's the shortest in the family by a lot right now, well, she has her self-esteem, and heels help her fix that."
"She's not even that short."
"But in comparison with the rest of us, she is."
Livia's eyes narrowed. In Hong Kong, she was considered in the taller brackets. But here, she was barely average height. Amphion and Zeth were both a full head taller than her, and that had used to annoy her immensely. Especially since before they turned fifteen, Livia had been taller than both of them.
It was detrimental to her self-esteem. It always felt weird, being constantly told she was so tall in Hong Kong, and then being reduced to average height status whenever she was in England.
"She's even shorter than you," Amphion offered, as if that was meant to help.
"Yeah, because she's thirteen," Livia snapped, shooting him a glare. "Wait til she's eighteen. She'll be a giant and I'll have to crane my neck to see her face. I hate it, thank you very much."
"What is your obsession with height?" Amphion asked, sounding amused.
"I'm tall in Hong Kong."
"I fail to see the relevance."
"Fuck off, Amphion."
"I think not," he said with a sigh. "So. University. You ready for that?"
"No, but that's not going to change anything."
"That's a good way of seeing it, I suppose."
"I know I'll be fine," Livia insisted. "I'm always great with things like this. But I'm still going to worry, you know?"
"I get that. Any goals for university?"
"Just the easy stuff," Livia replied. "Take care of myself, find some good friends, ace my subjects, get a degree, find a job. You know, all the ordinary stuff."
Amphion raised a brow. "Nothing specific?"
"Not yet," Livia replied, "though I suppose there will be when I'm actually in university. I don't really know what to expect from anything yet."
"What," he asked incredulously, "you haven't done all your research already beforehand? Seriously?"
Livia shot him a glare. "What are you trying to suggest?"
"I'm not," he said. "It's just... you're always so prepared for everything."
"Well, things change." She inched away, so that she could stop feeling the heat of his body against hers. So that she could put that distance she'd been insisting on for the past few weeks between them. Even though she knew it would change nothing. Even though she knew he would still sweep upon her, still make her let down her defences all over again. Loudly, she asked, "Why are we being friends again?"
"Do you not want to?" Amphion asked. "I thought you wanted things to go back to normal again."
"I thought you said our friend group was falling apart long ago."
"It is," he said. "It is falling apart. Doesn't mean we can't all be friends, still. It just means that those years, that tight knit group, it's all history now. Doesn't mean we all have to hate each other. I don't hate you."
"I don't hate you either."
"That's good to know."
Livia's eyes shut. It felt like she was hallucinating all of this. Except she couldn't be, because she hadn't even touched alcohol at the party, and the wind breezing against her skin felt very rare. Along with the heat still radiating from her close proximity to Amphion, the two of them still perched upon the surface of this piece of rock. She'd probably passed by this rock a thousand times before, but from now on, every time she looked at it, she'd only be able to see her and Amphion, Amphion and her, sitting on it under the star-covered sky, whispering away secrets they always wanted to hide.
She opened her eyes again. "We should go back. Check on Zeth, maybe."
"Yeah," Amphion said, though he sounded a little reluctant. "We should do that."
Livia landed her feet back on the sand, picking up her heels. "Let's go, then."
He followed.
they're being NICE to each other being FRIENDLY admitting their MISTAKES they are my BABIES