NINI
I'm holding the cool sides of the toilet as I'm throwing up.
All I can think of is the last months I spent living in a lie.
I love you, Broadway.
You are my whole world, Broadway.
You're gorgeous, Broadway. Perfect.
All lies.
My stomach is turning, and I have to bend over to vomit again.
I've been in here for a couple of minutes, people already knocking on my door asking how much more I'm planning to keep the bathroom busy.
Normally, I would be a nice girl and hurry up, letting them enter.
Now, I am moving closer to the toilet, keeping the sides even tighter as I begin feeling sick again.
Someone knocks at the door again and I don't answer. This time only, the person also starts talking.
"Nini, it's us", I can hear April's voice from behind the wooden door. "Please, open the door."
I don't know who she meant by us, but I crawl closer to the door. My legs are still shaking and standing up would mean falling back down. So, I crawl. I manage to lift myself up a bit, standing on my knees to reach the handle. As soon as I unlock it, the door flies open and I lose my balance. I fall back down on the ground, the floor hitting my face.
"Nini!", April shouts worried and kneels next to me. Next to her is someone else, someone I wouldn't have expected to see here.
"Soph?" I ask confused. My bestie nods and takes my hand. I only continue: "I thought you weren't allowed to go to frat parties."
"I am not", she whispers.
"But you came", I reply, still confused.
"April sent a Code RED. I couldn't leave you alone."
"But the palace? And Darrel? Won't they find out?"
"I don't care. How are you?", she says, and with that line, I thank the universe again it sent me her as a bestie.
I want to start telling Soph and April what happened, when the events of tonight flash through my head again. The talk with Tessa, Caden telling me I was just a deal...
I quickly crawl back to the toilet, hands on both sides, quick enough not to make a mess on the floor. My best friends each go to one of my sides. April holds my hair together while Soph is softly drawing circles on my back with her fingers to calm me down.
I throw up then sink down on the floor, resting my back against the closest wall. The two girls remain there, their eyes on me. I can see how worried they are. Soph is playing with her fingers again while April is breathing heavier.
I have to say something.
Anything.
So I begin with what I know.
"I was a deal."
April is the first one to snap: "Wait, so you mean that what Tessa said was true?"
I can't say it out loud. It would leave me even more broken than I already am.
So I nod.
"What's true?", Soph asks, since she hasn't been there for the conversation. She took a strand of her blonde hair and started to play with it nervously.
I give April a look, begging for her to explain since I can't find the strength to go through it again.
"Tessa made a deal with Caden. He had to find someone else to date so that they can get back together. Nini was the one he decided to find."
Soph's jaw drops and I can see how she begins to clench her fist. I'm pretty sure she's considering throwing Caden in a dungeon right now. And somehow, I fully support that idea.
"I am so sorry, babe", she whispers after a while, reaching her hand out to me. I nod thankfully and take it. She gives my hand a squeeze to help me understand she's there for me.
Silence installs between us again, until I finally say.
"I loved him."
"I loved him so much", I am screaming now.
"I really thought he was the one. I really thought we were meant to be together. But we weren't. Because it was all a lie. A fucking lie. And now I'm alone. I'm broken and alone. I will never find someone else."
"You are not alone", Soph whispers. April nods encouraging. And adds: "We are here for you, Nini. We are and always will be. Caden was an idiot to ever leave you. You are an amazing person. And you are not broken."
"I am", I say, feeling the heart beating in pieces in my chest. Looking at the toilet in which I threw up a few seconds ago. Looking at my hands which are now bleeding from how hard I dug my fingers into them. "Broken", I whisper.
"You aren't", Soph says. "And we will make sure of it. We'll be there for you every step of the way. We will help you start smiling and laughing again. We will..."
"Throw Caden in the middle of the Pacific Ocean", April adds. It makes me chuckle. And although I've been in this state for only half an hour or so, it feels like the first chuckle in a while.
My best friends notice and a smile appears on both their faces.
"We will always be there for you", Soph whispers.
"Always", April backs her up.
I can't fight it anymore and crawl closer to them, until I can have them in a hug. I can feel them breathe relieved and they wrap their hands around me, pulling me closer.
A nice kind of warmth makes its way to my soul and I know what I found.
My family.
"We're still throwing Caden in the Pacific Ocean, right?" April whispers while we're still in the hug.
Soph and I both have to chuckle.
"We are", I whisper.
The two let go of me and look at my face. I'm all cried up, tears on my face, my makeup wrecked, my eyes red from pain...
"Let's get you cleaned up", April adds and Soph already stood up to get some water.
I take a deep breath and let them take care of me.