The following week, as much as Kieran wanted to skip Rusty's training, he was glad to be there. Naomi's subtle closeness was addictive. In front of Brinny, she was friendly and professional as she joked and bonded over Rusty. When Brinny was on her phone, or if Kieran shielded him and Naomi from Brinny's view, Naomi's touch would linger if she took extra treats from his palm, or she'd speak so softly they had to stand close to hear.
He'd thought it had gone unnoticed until Brinny stood at the door with crossed arms as he slipped on his shoes. Rusty stood at her side and let out a short yip.
"Be careful, Kier."
"Sorry?" He studied her concerned face.
"With her. It's her job to be friendly and sweet, but those actions aren't necessarily sincere once she's not being paid."
Little did Brinny know, he and Naomi had been hanging out after these sessions over the past month, but he wasn't about to tell Brinny. "Naomi's genuine."
Brinny chewed her lip, and her expression softened. "I've never seen you like this, and it's easy to believe the best in people when they show a bit of interest in you. It's crushing when that interest is for the wrong reasons."
Plenty of men had taken advantage of Brinny in the past, but he could never see Naomi doing that with him. Their connection was genuine.
"I understand where you're coming from. Naomi's not like the guys you date."
Brinny sighed and brought her hands to her sides. "There's a difference between people like her and people like us."
"Like her?"
"Thin, attractive people."
He did not need that wound reopened. "Thanks for the confidence boost." He forced a laugh and reached for the door handle.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. You're attractive to some people." She blinked her long lashes a few times. "But she's objectively hot, and that comes with a lifetime of getting what you want and feeling entitled to certain treatment."
He'd witnessed insecurity on Naomi's part, and she was used to unmet expectations if her ex was any sign. Plus, she'd confided she didn't experience physical attraction and didn't care about his size.
Brinny picked at the skin on her thumb. "I was bigger when you and I first met, and heavier before that." She averted her eyes as if he would judge her, even though he always challenged her self-critical weight-related comments. Rusty rubbed up against her leg. "Before you moved here, I hung out with this guy, and we hit it off. He was a dream like Naomi is for you, handsome, charming, and a total flirt. It started amazingly, but when we were alone, he'd ask me to do things that were... demeaning. I didn't want to lose what we had, so I did them."
Her thumb-picking had drawn blood near her lower knuckle, but it didn't slow her. Katy had told him a few stories of assholes she'd gone on a date or two with before they'd met, so he sensed what Brinny was hinting at.
"In the end, it didn't matter. I meant nothing to him when he meant the world to me. He said we were just messing around, and I was naïve to believe he'd want a relationship with a woman who looked like me. After that, I did everything I could to never be treated like that." She leaned down to pet Rusty, who licked at her face.
She'd lost at least fifty pounds since they'd met, and she'd dyed her hair blond to get Cole's attention.
"That's shitty. I had no idea."
"It's not something I like to talk about. I wish I could forget it," she muttered.
He tucked his hands in his pockets, unsure what to do with them. "Does Cole treat you like that?"
"No, he's... he's not perfect but neither am I." Rusty nipped at her earrings, so she stood.
"There's no shame in being single until you find someone who treats you well."
His waiting had paid off tenfold if Naomi would ever consider him romantically, and even if not, she was a much more supportive friend than Brinny.
Brinny laughed. "You internalized that too well. Plus, the only guy who unconditionally treats me well is only interested in sleeping around while he waits for gorgeous dog trainers."
That seemed pointed and bitter, as did her stare.
"That wasn't the reason I waited."
She crossed her arms. "It's hypocritical. All those years you told me my weight didn't matter when it does."
"It doesn't."
"Then, why is the only woman you're interested in dating and defending super thin?"
Rusty glared up at him. "She's also very nice and supportive."
Even if Naomi gained weight, it wouldn't change his opinion. He'd find her physically attractive either way, and their emotional connection drove many of his feelings.
"My last girlfriend struggled with her body image in the beginning too. She hated public transportation with its narrow-thin-bodied designs, and loathed shopping at plus-sized stores where clothes made her feel unattractive or like she was draped in curtains. Even though she loved and grew up on the beach, she seldom wanted to swim because of what people had said about her growing up."
"I don't remember you having a girlfriend."
"It was before I moved."
"But you must have broken up."
He swallowed a lump in his throat. "It ended, but I had no choice in that."
"And you would pick her over Naomi?"
"That's not an option." It was a struggle to keep his voice steady.
"If it were."
He pictured Katy's loving gaze. The way she'd whisper, 'You make me feel like the most desired woman in the world' after they made love. That look of pure excitement when they'd picked out their home in Halifax together. Why had fate ripped that from them so violently?
"Kier?" Brinny's voice softened as she stared at him with wide eyes.
The wetness on his cheeks registered, and he tried to wipe it away, but it only seemed to coat his skin more. "I would pick Kay. But I'll never have that choice."
He would give anything for it, but life had other plans. Some days, he wanted to punch through a wall at the unfairness of it all. Rusty rubbed up against his leg, spreading warmth, so he scratched the little guy on the head.
"I'm so sorry." Brinny wrapped her arms around his shoulder and pressed her head into his chest. "I always thought I was the problem between us being together. I never considered what you were going through."
So Jake was right, not that it was a surprise.
Kieran took a breath to steady his composure. "I told you that you weren't."
"It seemed like you were letting me down easy."
He sighed, supposing he owed her an explanation, especially after over a year of shutting down her eager flirting in hopes of dating. "The idea of being that close to anyone but her hurt. Hooking up dulled the pain but didn't feel like a betrayal."
Brinny looked at her red toenails. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have understood. It would have been a lot better than what you did."
He shrugged. "I couldn't."
"Will you talk more about what happened?"
He'd already slipped up by using part of Katy's nickname. But how long did it have to stay a secret? He and Jake were well-established, although anything could bring down their house of cards. Naomi would... he hadn't a clue how she'd react, though it wasn't something he wanted to test too soon.
"Eventually, yeah." He smiled at Brinny to reassure her. "Thanks for trusting me with your story. I hate you had to go through that."
"Sorry for being a dick to you, especially over the past year. It would piss me off that you'd trash all these guys I'd date, but the second I'd hint at anything romantic between us, you'd dismiss it."
"I did that universally, not specifically to you."
"Yeah, but I was pretty clear I liked you in the beginning, and you slept with someone you'd met once at a party. Then another woman and another, no matter how funny or interesting or flirty I tried to be." She sighed and her shoulders slumped. Rusty returned to her side. "But it's impossible to hate you because you're so nice. No matter how selfishly I acted toward you to minimize my feelings, you always came back and showed up."
"You were my only friend."
"Why? You're a nice, interesting guy."
He shrugged. "We're friends because you pursued it, and I enjoyed being needed."
While Jake had made new friends, Kieran hadn't wanted to rebuild his life. He'd just done the bare minimum to pay rent, let off steam, and exist. It didn't seem right to do anything else. He could justify his friendship with Brinny because it helped her more than it did him.
Brinny scratched at the side of her neck. "I have appreciated your friendship, even if I've been shitty at showing it. I'm going to do better."
"I would have wallowed in my brother's apartment for months without your interference, so thank you as well."
She looked at Kieran before saying, "I hope you're right about Naomi. You deserve that."
Kieran smiled. "Thanks, I hope I am too." He placed his hand on the doorknob. "I hope Cole treats you better."
"Are you meeting up with her now?"
Kieran's throat went dry. Did he lie to protect Naomi's job, or would it be easier and better for both of them if he were honest about things so they didn't get caught lying? "Would you fire her if I were?"
"What? No, she's too great with Rusty. But that makes more sense than Jake constantly needing your help."
Kieran chuckled. "We're just friends, but I like her."
"For what it's worth, if she acts like she does around you here when you two are hanging out, she might like you too."
He couldn't stop beaming as his chest filled with fondness. "Thanks, Brin."
She reached up to hug him like Naomi did when she needed support, although Brin landed a lot further down on his chest. He returned the gesture then patted her on the back before taking off.
When Kieran arrived at an Argentinean gelato shop a few minutes drive from Brinny's place, Naomi leaned against her car, waving at him.
As he approached, he said, "Sorry for making you wait."
"That was quite cruel after I scoped out this place's Insta and am suffering from mad food lust."
"The best kind of lust," he joked.
She laughed. "Running lust is decent too."
"Respectfully disagree, but let's not keep your stomach waiting any longer."
He was tempted to brush his hand against hers, but he stopped himself as her pace outmatched his. The aftershocks of his conversation about Katy probably made him crave closeness. She strode toward a three-storey office building lined with floor-to-ceiling windows on the main floor. They climbed a few steps before entering the shop with a large two-section glass-front gelato bar spanning to the right. They gravitated to the end to scope out the various flavours.
"Mmm, chocolate Argentino, wonder what that's like." Naomi raised an eyebrow at him like he would know.
A woman in a black apron and visor featuring the shop's logo offered them a sample. The generous bite brought a delicious, creamy chocolate dulce de leche melange to their tongues. Naomi ordered one scoop but reconsidered and asked for a second. Kieran took a chocolate mint scoop and a chocolate Argentino then hustled to the cash register to beat Naomi there.
"You paid last time," she protested.
"It was my suggestion, and I made you wait."
She studied him then withdrew her hand from her purse. "Yeah, you usually fly out of there. Everything okay?"
"Mostly. Brinny might be onto us."
"How so?" Her tone remained steady, but her eyes didn't leave his face.
"She told me she suspected we were meeting up after the training sessions, and I figured it was worse to lie and get caught in it, so I told her we were. She's fine with it, and it won't affect your job or anything."
The worker arrived and rang both bowls up together. As he paid, Naomi sneaked bites of gelato, letting the spoon linger in her mouth. It was hard not to focus on her and the slight traces of chocolate on her lips.
"Would you like a receipt?" the cashier asked for what Kieran hoped was the first time.
"No, I'm good, thanks." He turned to Naomi and followed her to a table along the window.
Naomi finished a few bites of her dessert. "So, was Brinny mad or weird about it?"
What percentage of the worry in her voice related to her job and how much to him?
"No, she was disappointed. It turns out she never accepted my hook-up attempts because she wanted a romantic relationship." His scoop of chocolate mint was refreshing and smooth.
"Shocking," Naomi said with a chuckle, but her expression sobered up with a few wrinkles settling into her brow. "Now that you know what she wants, what will you do? This is what you wanted, right?"
How could Naomi believe that his friendship with Brinny had any of the chemistry or qualities he adored about Naomi and their bond?
"Nothing, I don't want a relationship... with her." Kieran met Naomi's gaze, unsure if his unspoken message would come through. It wasn't an outright ask, but he also didn't want her to think he wouldn't consider one with her. She tucked her chestnut locks behind her ear and bit her bottom lip.
"Right, because relationships are... relationships..." she swirled her plastic spoon around in the rest of her gelato without taking a bite.
He'd buy out this entire shop's supply to know her thoughts. Had her experience with her ex put her off of dating?
"Need to be with the right person," he finished for her.
Neither he nor Naomi looked away from each other. The hazel of her eyes entranced him with flecks of amber.
Was it pushing his luck to ask her out? Sadness still lurked in her gaze, so he might have to play this low-key. She had already mentioned she was open to his brother's invitation when she first went through her breakup. It was like asking her out with lower stakes for both of them.
"Jake's having a game night next week if you want to come. You may have just been being polite when he asked, but..."
Naomi smiled and returned to her gelato. "That sounds fun. When is it?"
"Friday."
She frowned. "We have a make-up game for one that got rained out this week. How late does it go?"
"Unless you play until two am, you should catch some of it."
"Great, double game night. One I'll enjoy a lot more than the other." She grinned.
"Hey now, just because we're not prancing around in little uniforms doesn't mean it can't be fun."
Naomi laughed. "I meant the other way around."
"Doesn't baseball help you cope?"
"It did, but Greg is... It's been weird. He wants to be friends like he doesn't even see how much what happened between us hurts." She attacked her treat, savouring a big bite. "I told him I needed time, but it didn't work."
"Bring me to the game. I'll tell him to back off."
Naomi grimaced. Her visible recoil punched him in the gut after all the flattering things she'd said to him these past weeks. Was Brinny's first instinct right?
"Jealous Greg is a much worse alternative to Friendly Greg. You remember him at the party?"
It didn't bode well for him that she still acted considerately of her ex. "That was weird and unsettling. Tell him softball's your turf, and he should find another team."
"It sounds like the only part of his life that's not stressful and overwhelming."
Kieran had several comments about how the man brought it on himself or how he was using and hurting her to selfishly see her, but that would only spark an argument. "Then we'll make it an unforgettable night to overshadow the crappier game."
Naomi smiled. "That sounds perfect."
Despite her reassurance, Kieran feared his dreams didn't match hers as he hoped. He tried not to let Brinny's words affect him, but maybe she had a point. Naomi's world was dog training and softball while she entertained hanging out with him. Was he kidding himself, assuming she'd consider someone unathletic, goofy, and at best cute as anything more than a friend?