In which you decided to welcome music once again in your life by grasping your guitar, going on a little adventure to Shibuya to find it.
Warning: smoking as coping mechanism.
Not proofread
" You used to poke my cheek when I'm out of it, all the time, and remember when you said when we'll actually finish that song we were making? I still kept it somewhere in the attic. Sometimes when I think too much of you at an ungodly hour, I'd go there and read them all over again. Even if I try to forget you, you just keep coming back around my head like some sort of a deja vu event that came from a dream. " The smell of tobacco smoke scented around the air that surrounded you as you exhaled a breath. It burned your throat but you didn't care, well right as in the moment that you had your focus more on the tombstone in front of you rather than the discomforting feeling with his name, Kimura Akio engraved.
It took you a couple of minutes to find his tombstone through the small road that had hundreds of them on either side. The sky above you was getting cloudy, the blue tint slowly fading into gray. You wouldn't be so surprised if it rained today, early June was the season of rain.
Your absolute favourite from the rest.
You remembered when you were little, you used to run around the front yard of your home during weekends that it rained, in your clothes getting soaked — jumping in the puddle of waters that formed without any care in the world. Your mother and father would sometimes accompany you, he'd dance her around the rain and you'd watched them in pure adoration with the thought of was that falling in love with a person was like? It was those times in your life that you didn't need to worry about anything and everything. Those times were one of the few reasons where you wanted to go back and relish the past where there wasn't thing awful about it.
Maybe you should find someone to greatly love akin to your love with the season of rainy days.
...
You frowned at your own thoughts.
Such things shouldn't be focused on too much. The concept of love, and any romantic attraction to anyone should be thrown away from your mind, there were two times that two fell for you, twice that you lost them. Any romantic approach in your radar should be cut from now. Honestly, you were scared with the thought of actually falling in love. You find it complicated, so you'll have to not ponder about it and connect what to do in order to properly have a good relationship. Platonic relationships, as of the moment, were what you were aiming for.
Breaking out from your train of thoughts, you neared the filter tip of the cigarette your lips and inhaled from your mouth. Exhaling it out from your lips with a small sigh, you were now aware of the slight burn that your throat had but it hurt more than usual. Perhaps, it was the fact that you've been smoking more frequently this year. It's slowly starting to become an addiction, everytime you tell yourself that it'd be the last and yet the next day you'd ask one of your older coworkers for a cigarette — until you started to secretly buy your own packet and hide them somewhere in your room where you were sure your mother wouldn't find. It was a guilty pleasure, and you've been keeping it from your mother. The last thing you wanted to see was her upset face so you found no good reason to let her know that her child had been smoking to relieve the pain.
Another inhale and then a gentle exhale, you could hear the muffled sound of thunder. Really, as much as you didn't mind getting soaked in the rain, the dumpling bag that you had with you did. You couldn't just risk getting your money and phone just because you wanted to do something that you really loved. So you stood up from your cross legged position and dusted off the invisible dirt stuck to your pants and grabbed the purple umbrella that leaned against the tombstone, storing it inside your bag, you readied it just in case a sudden downpour comes. The finished blown stick of the cigarette throw off in the stone pavement.
" See you, Akio. "
You hate to admit it, but Akihiko's words have gotten right through your heart. As if it was a bomb that fused your whole being — you were suddenly hit by the harsh reality. Did it even make sense? For a guy that you have a scunner for to convince a part of you to go back. Going back, by means of taking a grasp of music in your life. You've been thinking over it last night (correction: overthinking). Scrolling through your phone brought you with your eyes staring at the ceiling of your room whilst you rubbed Chairo's tummy while he slept and you weren't still.
All the conflicts in your life clashing at once in your mind was a pain, but you knowing that you had to make a decision sooner or later was needed. Unfortunately for you, you suck at decision making. Well — not entirely, only when you feel like a person was pressuring you and in the end, what you picked to do didn't have any good outcome. And you were starting to question yourself because of it, were you final with this decision? Returning back to the subject that made your life worse back then? You promised yourself you wouldn't crawl back but with your destination, that vow was broken.
Even when you had been overthinking last night, you were still doing so as you walked through the bustling streets of Shibuya.
Would it be really worth it if I start singing and playing again? Somewhere around the area, if you could remember correctly, was the small shop that sold vintage things. It was where you left your acoustic guitar, your father was close with the owner of the shop and there was a silent whisper in your head that thanked yourself for not throwing it away. You had a decision that you were going to, but when you knew that if you offered something at least a decade old to the shop, they'll give you money in return, you knew it was a good deal.
You used to spend the money that your parents gave you to buy accessories for your guitar, like extra set of strings because strings snapping all of the sudden while you were playing was inevitable, and sometimes, you'd save just so you and your friends could rent a studio where the five of you would contribute for it. But knowing that it was that specific time that you wouldn't get to spend it to such things, you used it for 'better things' as you remembered thinking like that. It seemed like you were going to do that again though. You just hoped that the instrument that you once owned was still there and wasn't bought.
You turned to another road and trusted your guts by now, silently assuring yourself that this was the same road where the shop was located at. And truth to your gut feeling, you caught sight of the familiar signage and walk towards the place.
The entrance itself already had ceramics displayed, the bell above the door made a ding! as you entered the shop and more things that were considered vintage greeted you after stepping inside. From kimono's to kokeshi dolls, everything about this played screamed antiquity. Walking towards the desk, you found that no one was there. You let your eyes scan a little to the counter itself, catching sight of a bell on the surface with a written note of ding me! Doing it two times, you shuffled a little on your feet and stared anticipatingly at what seemed to be the door that divided the backroom and the main, it had hanging bead curtains. You heard a pained before an old man who had a stick to support his leaning body revealed himself. He stared at you for a moment and blinked, squinting whilst he walked near the counter.
" I think I've seen you here before. " He said with a thoughtful tone, clearly, with his eyes literally scrutinizing your form. You stood there sweatdropping. It looked like he wasn't going to ask what you needed from this shop, so you did the only thing to do. Utter your father's name and tell that you were his child and old man's eyes brightened. Now he remembers you.
" I didn't think I'd ever see you again, kid! How's your father doing? " You stayed silent, not knowing what to say. You didn't know what that man was up to anyways, but you didn't want to directly tell this man that he left you and your mother for another family. Your face definitely gave it away with the fact that he had an almost sorry look on his wrinkled face but it was quick to change into a grin though. Thank this old man, you didn't want to explain anything about your father.
" Anyway, what did you come here for? Any antiques that catched your interest?
" I was actually looking for the guitar that I brought here? "
" Oh! " He paused a little and seemed to be in deep thought by your words.
" I'm not sure if we already sold it already, I'll check in our storage room, we keep things there that we think people would come back for. " He winked with a chuckle and you let out your own. Albeit a bit more in an awkward tone. You watched as he disappeared from the bead curtains and decided to wander your head around the place while you were there. In cue when you focused on the flower vases near the door, rain started to pour down softly.
" Ah, here it is! It's really had been stored in that dusty room for years so the guitar itself's dusty, " He checked the body of the guitar and stared at the strings before he laughed, " and rusty too. "
Catching sight of your guitar sent a feeling that rose the hair of your arms. Perhaps, a shiver in your spine too. These feelings, you've felt of the moment were overwhelming. Anxious and fear was the most prominent but there was also a rush of excitement that eased those negativities away.
You shook yourself in that trance by opening your bag and fishing out your wallet, lips parting to ask how much it'd cost in order for it to be yours once again. But a voice stopped you from doing so, coming from behind the curtains that soon revealed a woman emerging with a bag in hand.
" Tanaka-san, you left the guitar's bag in the storage room. " She held it towards the old man who took it with his unoccupied hand with ease, he thanked her and she was quick to disappear behind. You forgot that you brought the guitar here accompanied with its bag, you were starting to worry how you were going to carry the guitar under the weeping sky whilst your other hand was occupied with the umbrella. It was inconvenient, so it was a good thing that it actually came with its bag.
You zipped open your long wallet and counted the money inside, checking if you had enough to pay for it.
" How much will it be, Tanaka-san? " He let out a boisterous laugh that shook you with confusion slightly.
" Hey, you're just grabbing your guitar back. There's no need to pay for it! "
" But you paid me years ago when I—"
" No buts! Now take this, " He settled the guitar on top of the counter along with its bag, grinning at you with all of his teeth showing. He looked like those old men in an anime that was about to tell his inspirational speech.
" Now scram off and go play your guitar, kid! " Nodding your with little hesitance, you put the guitar inside its case and slipped it under your shoulder, bowing in appreciation to the old man who just grinned at you in return with a somewhat proud look on his face.
Your next stop was the music store, there were a lot of them in Shibuya so it wouldn't be that hard to find one.
🎸
You settled your umbrella in the umbrella stand outside the store and entered, making sure to properly wipe the flat of your shoes against the mat. The door behind you closed muffling the pitter patter of the rain and your body slightly shivered by the sudden temperature. Compared outside, the store was far colder with air conditioners installed somewhere. You walked inside with calm steps as you let your head wander around, this one was large and as of now, your main priority was to look for nylon strings that your guitar had to have since the instrument itself was a classical.
Back then, you've tried to install steel strings to it and they were quick to snap and hurt your fingers. A reason why you barely borrow Akio's electric guitar since it had strings made out of steel. Unlike nylon that was more gentle to your fingers, but either way would cause callused fingertips.
With such thought, you rubbed your fingers against each other and felt nothing more but soft skin, you anticipate the moment that it will change.
After walking a little more you finally found the guitar strings section and you skimmed through the many packet-like packages. There were some neon which you didn't bat an eye much for, knowing that they were for electrics. Seeing a familiar brand that you used to your guitar, brought you to that specific position and picked one while reading further. Upon decision, you grabbed one with the normal tension and checked for any price code around it — a satisfied look etching your face as you exit the section and the next thing you were going to need were cleaning supplies that were meant for the instrument itself. You'd have to clean the frets since it looked very unclean along with the body itself.
It wasn't that hard to find the GUITAR MAINTENANCE section and there were a lot of them, some were individual while there were others that were in kits. You looked through them and read the lists given what it had inside. You searched for one that was the cheapest and decided to buy one, it had all in one and was better enough. You might as well buy one since you didn't exactly have this many supplies back then and some of them were definitely rotting in your house's storage room. You mentally noted what you needed and came into conclusion that as of now, these were the only things that you were going to buy.
You headed towards the counter and paid for it, the man behind the counter gave you a customer service smile before you stepped off the shop, finding that the rain seemed to have stopped by now. Making sure that there weren't any more droplets falling from the sky, you extended your arm and felt the air through your hand and found that the rain had completely halted. There was already a sign of the sun revealing itself with the way that there were some parts of the sky turning blue. Not wasting any more time, you took your umbrella and strolled off the streets and to the station. Your errands were quick to end, your last and final destination was your house.
🎸
Petrichor wafted through your nose as you closed the gate behind you making sure that it was locked. You took the key for the front door from your bag and opened it with much ease. Entering, you removed your shoes and placed them on the rack placed near the door. You walked towards the kitchen first and searched for a rag and the small handheld vacuum cleaner from one of the cabinets under the sink and headed towards your room first after — carelessly throwing the plastic and the bag to your bed when you were near enough that the contents wouldn't fall. Then you removed the guitar bag from your shoulder and let it lean against your desk table.
I need a guitar stand, You noted.
Checking the time on your alarm clock, the red numbers indicated that it was only 10:17. You'll have enough time do your work, remembering that you didn't need to bother going to the kitchen to cook rice since you've already done that before you left the house — simple omelette was quick to cook and you'd have that for lunch later.
The thought of changing your clothes was thrown of as you picked up the guitar bag that contained the instrument itself inside and opened it to grab it out from its case. Only then you realized that the leather inside the bag was starting to peel, some bits of it falling down the floor as you took the guitar out. You definitely needed a new guitar bag too, but then again — you wouldn't bring it out too much, so an optional decision of buying you thought.
You left the bag on the chair near your desk and sat on the floor, laying the guitar on the surface since it was pretty much easier to do it here. Especially with how dusty it was, it wouldn't be that hard to clean everything off once you were done. You reached for the plastic that contained your supplies along with the vacuum cleaner and the rag, taking out the kit first.
You cut the rusty strings and removed it from the guitar completely, setting them aside. Now left with stringless guitar, you grabbed the vaccum cleaner and pressed the open button, thankfully it was small enough to fit inside the sound hole, although you couldn't really twist it inside with the length — but it was enough to get rid of the dust and webs stuck inside the body. Retracting, you double checked the hole and nodded to yourself feeling satisfied with your first task done.
Settling the cleaner beside you, you picked the rag next and wiped the dusty part of the guitar (which covered most of it). This took a lot more process than the first one, but once you were done, you grabbed the cleaning kit and took the small spray bottle of lemon oil and the microfiber cloth. You took the cap off and immediately sprayed the oil on the fretboard, using the cloth to clean with it. You dropped a few too to the tuning pegs that were definitely rusty by now, not wanting to have any big difficulties tuning later on.
It looked good as new when you were done and with that, a satisfied sigh escape your lips — although they were quick to clamp shut, smelling your stale breath. I also need to brush my teeth befor mom arrives.
Now you were only left with the final task, you took the folder-like textured packet and used the lines that guided you from opening it. You took the strings that was separated with their individual plastics. You reached for your bag in your bed and took our your phone, you didn't have any tuner with you so the option you had was to download an app and use that. But first, you began to tie the string to its designated post — half remembering how it's done but even so, you managed to do it.
The guitar in front of you was now complete, you only needed to tune and try o remember how to play and what to do with it.
You took it from its place and settled it on top of your crossed legs, making sure that it sat comfortable with you and put your phone on the open space left. You started with the lower E string first, twisting the peg upwards as the sound get higher and higher until your phone made a ping! indicating that it was now in tune. You did the same process with the next two string with ease, coming with the three higher strings got a little more difficult. The G string was always the one that would get out of tune — reaching the first string, your brows furrow as you twisted the peg, your head leaning back unconsciously.
You remembered watching your father tune this specific string back then and it snapped across his face; A scenario that you didn't want to happen to yourself. But hearing the familiar ping! brought a relieved look on your face.
You readied your hand and raised it, your index and thumb touching each other. There was a silent thought in your mind, even when you were already here with your guitar you could still feel the debate of actually coming back to it.
But you were here now right? With the guitar that you'd thought that you would never use again. Play again. There was no turning back, you've put yourself in this position once again and you'd have to try to make the best out of it. You need to make it worth it.
The moment that you fingers made contact with the open strings, you could feel the your skin electrify.
You stared at the instrument you held with slightly widened eyes, the shiver that crept up your spine was the same as when you were once on stage. The excitement was there — albeit silent. The rush of euphoria when skin contacts strings, was the same hit of nostalgia. Suddenly, you found yourself on the stage again. Everyone that you cherished during those times where you loved music with all your heart was there. The time when you devoted your heart and mind towards that concept was all you could think of the moment.
How you felt good when you sang.
How you felt good when you play.
How you felt good with the music itself in your life.
The same overwhelming feelings came all at once and all were positive in the moment of silence around your room.
The rain and music was the same, as you realize. Because back then, you didn't give a care about anything when you sang.
Because when you do, it was only the music and you.
Music and you.
You knew how much you loved music back then, it was unfortunate enough for your life to get crumbled by the same thing that you're fond of.
But did that really matter now, you figured that it didn't anymore.
You didn't need to blame yourself anymore.
After all those years that you've put the burden to yourself for the death of Akio, it was the best move on and let go. Maybe even somewhere in heaven, he was looking down at you, proud that you were her once again. Holding your guitar, have that same expression you had back then when you saw the first time that he and you had a duet. He had always said that you had a great voice, akin to an angel's, if ever that they'd descend down from earth, then you're one who had fallen that was a blessing to his ears. Everyone did, they thought of that the same but you didn't give yourself that much credit when the band played. Because you knew you weren't the only one that was there. There were also them, the structures that help you make the best performance.
Now you've wondered how it'd feel like to sing with the presence of bandmates. You knew you couldn't get that anymore, Highlights were no longer together but you couldn't shake off the lingering feeling of longing.
Your thoughts drifted off to Akihiko's words, had he meant for you to come back to the studio so that he would know that you were going to play again or he was going to help you, you didn't know. You didn't understand Akihiko's whole being at all. He was someone less an enigma and yet, you couldn't read him that well. He was still a man with an approach towards having relationships that you didn't tolerate, that was a thing that you'll never ever change your mind of.
But if you let that aside, was he really a good man?
You silently huffed and got rid of the thoughts regarding the blonde and chose to remember chords in your mind. That man had been in your mind lately and it was the best to not think about him.
You pressed your fingers against the fretboards strumming basic chords one by one until you reached the complicated that brought you to flex your fingers a little. Clearly, they weren't accustomed anymore and needed to be stretched.
When you were done, a song popped in your mind suddenly and you squinted your eyes in focus of remembering how to do it in fingerstyling.
Plucking the specific strings were hard since you've been keeping your nails long, not bothering to keep it shorter since the only time that you had done was when you were playing the guitar but seeing your position right now, you had to cut it sooner or later. You managed to take a hold of half of the song, it needed a capo originally, but you didn't have one right now so stuck with having none. It was a small surprise that you still remembered, you figured that by now you wouldn't be able to do so with how much you shut everything about it.
" Honey, I bought you lunch so I hoped you didn't — " Perhaps you were too engrossed with the instrument that you didn't hear the front door open along with your mother's footsteps on her way to your room. You stared at your mother that stood in the doorway who had a look between shock and surprise as she held a plastic that contained the food she bought. Your name was drawn out from her lips in disbelief before, to your shock — there were tears brimming for her eyes and she covered her lips with her hand.
She came walking inside your room, crouching to hug your form. Even though it was hard since you've had your guitar on your lap.
" I'm so glad you're holding your guitar again." There was a slight sob in her words as she told you that and you didn't say anything. Unlike the reasons that you made her cry, you felt like this one, it was something good. She was glad as she said and you couldn't be more happy with the thought of it.
You'd have to make everything worth it, really, now that you were back with music again.
Starting from the day that they left music, they had barely listened to music anymore and have never used earphones and headphones ever since then.
The song that MC played in fingerstyle was Fly me to the moon.
Ugetsu is currently missing MC.
☕ ;; MC is slowly coming back to music, this going to be a fun ride! I haven't been inside a music store before so I apologize if my descriptions about the place is sorta different lolol. One more chapter and we'll have another special chapter! That's all for today dearies, stay safe and keep safe 💗💗💗