The paradox of trauma is that it has both the power to destroy and the power to make you think a dark lord cares for you.
Year 1, month 7
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Kat
"Oh, fuck the gods! Kat!" Letty rushes to me and tucks an arm under mine, though it isn't necessary. I must look worse for wear. Annie beeps excitedly and leads us to the medbay. I stand in the emergency shower whose purpose is cleaning off chemical burns and such, and watch the blood run down the drain while Letty fumbles around and panics.
I ignore her, simply watching the liquid spin and disappear. There's more blood than there should have been, letting me know my feet are probably as cut up as they feel. Which also means my blood is mixing with what little is left of James'. The thought churns my stomach, which aches from gagging and screaming and running.
"Please talk to me," Letty whines. But not until the water runs clear do I look at her, first shutting off the water.
"James is dead," I say, more calm than I feel. Her face pales a noticeable shade or two.
"What? How? Why?" Huh. I don't think I have any of those answers.
"I...I guess I'm not totally sure. Lord Vader hinted that he was a shitty guy toward women, but honestly, I don't know."
I work to dry my feet, and she stays quiet a moment.
"What was out there, boss?"
I close my eyes, the word reminding me that James was under me, he was my responsibility. I should have shut him down rudely like Letty said.
"His body. I went to cut him down after you left, but apparently," I pause to pat the clip I always had on me only to find it empty. I lost my dagger again. I let out a grunt of frustration. "Apparently Vader wanted him there to send a message." I clench my eyes tightly. I need a bath and a way to give my mind a break before I try to understand this. Any of this.
"Hey," she says lightly before pulling me into a hug. My eyes widen in surprise, but it feels so good, her arms so warm. I missed this part of human connection, I realize. "This is shitty, but I've seen worse, boss," she says with a tiny shrug of her shoulders. She pulls back and wipes a tear from my cheek I hadn't felt fall. I'm reminded that she is probably older than me and has likely seen more of the galaxy, too. I wonder if she is referring to the Clone Wars or something else.
"Worse?" I repeat. Her smile is soft, and I can't place the emotion underneath.
"I'm not saying a body wouldn't bother me, just that I can handle it. Now go pull up one of your books and clean up. I'll take watch and get a cleaning droid in here to clean up the floor."
I shift to look behind her, surprised to see a light trail of blood from my feet. They don't look like footprints, just splotches of a deep red every half a meter or so.
"Shit," I murmur. She gives me another smile and pushes me toward the doors.
I do as she says, first taking a steaming shower, then filling up a hot bath with far too much soap and sinking into it with a book on my datapad.
When the water starts to cool, I climb out. Unfortunately, my body only hurts more, but my mind doesn't feel so fuzzy. In the mirror, I see unusual, thick lines of bruises on my thighs. The window pane. I truly almost fell.
Turning my head, there are bruises on the sides and back of my neck. Vader's hand. Would that fall have killed me? Probably not. But I definitely would have broken bones. I suppose that bruise was worth it, at least.
I put on baggy pants and a baggy shirt, unwilling to be exposed. However, the thought of putting on my shoes fills me with dread. I really shouldn't go barefoot either; it isn't sanitary.
With a sigh, I pull on a pair of black socks after slathering my feet with bacta cream. It's an odd feeling, sticking my slick feet into the tall socks. I don't enjoy it.
I hesitate at going back out to see Letty, but I also don't want to worry her.
She doesn't look worried though—she looks disturbed.
"What's wrong?" She jumps as if caught and looks up at me, her face relaxing some when she sees me.
"Uh, well. I've been digging into James. The deeper I go, the more I think Lord Vader may have done us a favor."
"What do you mean?" I stalk closer but don't look at what she's reading, instead letting my eyes trail the cameras. The body is gone.
"His dad is some rich prick that runs a casino on Canto Bight. They come from Eriadu, however."
"Where's that?"
"It's in the Seswenna sector; it's where Moff Tarkin is from. It's a fucking brutal place, boss."
"Okay," I say, waiting for her to get to the point.
"You'd probably be better at digging out more information, but he's almost killed women. He's got a list of women he's hurt, a longer list of women he's scared, dating back to his mid-ager years, and I think there's something completely gone from the record, too."
I nod slowly. Lesson learned—research the people I work with. Since the HoloNet is slowly being opened for us, it was something I should have already done.
"Vader said something like James shouldn't have been in a military position to begin with. Do you think Tarkin helped him cover up the accusations?"
She shrugs, looking back at the screens. "I think so, but it's just a guess. Remember, he came from Tarkin's flagship."
"Maybe the Moff was tired of him and thought he'd do better in this secluded place."
"I dunno," she says, chewing her lip. "It must be fairly well known you were here by yourself. I knew, and when James and I rendezvoused for the last leg of the journey, he knew it too. So, Tarkin knowingly sent him to a secluded place in the Outer Rim with a woman, and likely knew I was hired too, at some point."
I hum to myself, still watching the screens. "Have you looked into Vader and Tarkin's relationship?"
"I wasn't sure how much you'd want to dig." I let that thought run its course before responding.
"I'm not sure this means anything, but if there is tension in their past, I'd like to know about it. He may not be Lord Vader's enemy, but if he isn't a loyal ally, he should be paid closer attention to."
"Pardon me, boss." I flick my eyes to her. "But is that really our job? Vader leads the First Legion. He is not unprotected. We simply watch his home."
"I'm not suggesting we open an investigation. But, let me offer you a scenario. Let's say they're not friends. Let's say tensions grow, and we are none the wiser. And one day, the strain breaks the thread of their alliance. If Tarkin were to decide to destroy Vader's home—however extreme that sounds—we would not be suspicious if Tarkin's fleet entered the system. If we knew of their tensions, however..." I fade off, and she picks up without hesitation.
"We would be on high alert. One wrong move and we'd have defenses up. Otherwise, we might be foolish enough to allow him to enter atmosphere."
"Precisely," I say with a small smile. "I don't wish to know about all of Lord Vader's dealings," I add, my voice drier than the sands of Tatooine. "And neither do you. But if he is trying to send a message, we would be wise to understand it."
She doesn't respond, looking up at the place the body had once been.
"Where did he go?" I ask quietly, like he could have gotten up and walked away.
"I don't know. He was gone when I finally looked, after you went to clean up. I only know where he was because," she pauses and zooms in on the rope I crudely cut. When her voice comes out again, it is softer.
"Why did you cut him down, Kat?"
I sigh, because I do feel rather embarrassed by my reaction. "I sort of panicked. But I didn't want you to have to see it."
"Next time, don't worry so much about me," she says with gentle teasing and pushes me enough that my chair turns. I chuckle, but I don't feel any humor. I can't figure out why Vader would even care about a man who doesn't respect women. I thought perhaps he was just making something up, but Letty is verifying his reasoning.
"Don't worry, I won't make the same mistake twice."
She smiles lightly and stands. "I'm going to go make us breakfast. You good?" I nod and relax into my seat, my stomach screaming for food now that she mentioned it.
"Annie," I mumble, reaching down to pat her dome. Despite feeling calm, I'm beginning to wonder if it is an unhealthy calm. I don't feel numb, but what does that even mean?
By the time Letty comes back, I decide if I'm not ready to feel things, I don't need to.