A/N: Contains STRONG language. Be warned.
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Danzelle's POV
"Maawa po kayo, please..." Nakaluhod kong pagsusumamo sa mga lalaking may baril na nakabantay sa kwarto na tinutulugan namin ni Marlee at ng ibang mga babae. Ngayon ang oras ng pagtulog pero bigla silang pumasok para gisingin ako. Alam kong paparusahan nila ako sa nagawa kong patakbo sa costumer ko kanina. "H-hindi ko na kaya yung mga ginagawa nila sakin..."
"Putang inang babaeng 'to, nagawa pang magreklamo hindi ka naman magaling magpatayo! Nagrereklamo na nga mga costumer namin dito dahil ang hina mo tang ina ka!" Hinila niya ako patayo gamit ang buhok ko at sarili kong iyak yung narinig ko.
"Parang awa niyo na... please, stop this... I'm begging you..." Pero parang wala siyang narinig at kinaladkad niya ako papalabas ng kwarto at pinagsisipa-sipa pa ako ng iba niyang kasama na tumatawa.
"Nalulugi kami dahil sa'yo, tang-ina kang malamya ka. Ngayon lagot ka kay Boss at siya ang titira sa'yo para naman matuto ka." Tinulak niya ako sa tapat ng malaking pintuan tapos dinuraan. "Maghubad ka na kaagad kung ayaw mong bugbugin ka pa ni boss." Itinutok niya sakin yung baril .
Humahagulgol ako habang naghuhubad. Pinapanood nila akong lahat habang nakangisi.
"Tama na!" Napalingon kaming lahat sa sumigaw. Si Marlee.
"Bumalik ka sa kwarto mo!" Tatlong baril na ang nakatutok kay Marlee. "Bumalik ka sa kwarto mo kung ayaw mong pasabugin ko yang ulo mo!"
She just raise her eyebrow at them. "Ako na lang ang bahala kay boss. Hindi pa siya magaling, diba? Ako na lang."
"Marlee, hindi pwede. Maraming beses mo na akong sinalo—-" Nilapitan ako ni Marlee at tinulungan na magbihis ulit. "Marlee, wag mo na kong tulungan—"
"You are wounded, Danzelle. At marami kang pasa. Rest." Tiningala niya yung mga lalaki. "Ako na ang papasok. Hayaan niyo siyang magpahinga."
"O sige ba." Sabi nila tapos pumasok na si Marlee habang ako kinaladkad papalayo. Pero hindi nila ako binalik sa kwarto namin. "Akala mo ligtas ka nang tang ina ka?" Their laugh sent shivers to my body.
No way.
Pagtapos nila akong pagpasa-pasahan at gawing parausan, hinatid nila ako sa kwarto. Pinilit kong humiga kahit masakit ang buong katawan ko sa pagbaboy nila sakin. Pinilit kong hindi umiyak ng malakas para hindi magising ang iba kong kasama. Maya-maya ay bumukas ulit ang pinto at pumasok si Marlee na halos walang suot. Hawak niya yung damit niya na may dugo.
Alam kong sinaktan siya, pero nginitian niya ako.
"I told you to rest, Danzelle."
"Sorry, Marlee. Pero dapat hindi mo na ako tinulunga kanina. Nasaktan ka tuloy. Sobrang dami mo nang isinalo sa akin."
"Pero mamamatay ka sa kanya, Danzelle. Alam kong hindi mo kakayanin."
"Tumakas tayo, Marlee." Binulong ko sa kanya. Natawa lang siya habang umiiling.
"Ayan ka na naman. Alam mong imposible 'yang sinasabi mo. Mamamatay lang tayo ng mas maaga, Danzelle."
"Mas gusto ko na yun kesa naman mag-stay pa tayo dito sa impyernong 'to. Tumakas tayo, Marlee. Makakatakas tayo dito, I just need your help. Magplano tayo para tumakas. Makakaalis rin tayo dito. Ayoko na dito. Para tayong mga hayop na paulit-ulit nilang binababoy." Naiiyak kong sabi.
I heard her sigh and she hugs me. "Fine. Tatakas tayo."
"A penny for your thoughts?" I glanced up at him and he hands me a bottle of coke. "Mukhang malalim ang iniisip mo."
Tinanggal ko yung tingin ko sa dagat at hinarap siya. "Baka magselos ulit si Sabrina kapag nakita niya tayong magkatabi na naman." Biro ko. Sabay kaming lumingon kay Sabrina na nakaupo sa hagdanan ng bahay ko kasama ang mommy ni Zedri.
Zedri rolled his eyes. "Now that she's pregnant, wala na siyang dapat na ikaselos. Kung ano man ang nangyari sa atin noon, it's all in the past. We helped each other and became friends. Naiintindihan na ni Sab 'yun. Isang taon na rin ang nakalipas eh."
I smiled and reached for his hand. "Salamat sa lahat, Zedri. Kahit nabibingi ka na sakin, hindi pa rin ako nagsasawang magpasalamat sa'yo. Sa inyong lahat."
"Hindi ko na nga mabilang kung ilang beses mo na kaming pinasalamatan." He laughed and we both turned when we heard Sabrina's voice. "Yes, sweet?" Tanong niya kay Sabrina.
"Let's eat guys!" Sigaw niya habang nakahawak sa tiyan niya. Unti-unti siyang lumapit sa amin. Zedri got up and kissed his wife's temple. Sabrina smiled at me. "At ikaw, kumain ka na rin. Ash won't like the idea of you losing so much weight because you are skipping meals."
"Susunod na ako. Mauna na kayo." They both nodded and headed inside the house. Napahinga ako ng malalim.
The mention of his name brought wonderful and ugly memories we spent together. Pero mas nangibabaw sa akin yung guilt. I still feel guilty for the pain I caused him. Kahit apat na buwan na simula nung ni-reject ko yung proposal niya, nararamdaman ko pa rin yung lungkot niya.
For me, it's just all too sudden.
Masyadong mabilis yung mga pangyayari. He made love to me, he took me to beautiful places, he helped me move on, we did wild and exciting things together and I thought it was all just a game for him until that one night when he knelt on the ground and told me he love me. Akala ko pinaglalaruan niya lang yung kung anong meron sa amin and I was just playing along pero hindi ko alam na totoo at seryoso siya.
I trust Ash, but I never saw him as a man who will and can take things seriously — lalo na sa commitment. I was shocked and... honestly, scared.
I am scared to have a family of my own. Natatakot akong magkaroon ng sarili kong pamilya dahil ayokong mangyari rin sa kanila yung nangyari sa pamilya ko and worst, yung nangyari sakin. I don't even think I could be a parent after what happened to me. Alam kong hindi magiging maganda yung kalalabasan kung mangyari yun. I can't even stand to imagine myself telling my children why I am always scared or why I have nightmares. Just... no.
Siguro mas maganda na mabuhay na lang ako ng mag-isa. Mas maganda kung makakahanap si Ash ng iba na mas stable ang pag-iisip at normal ang buhay. Hindi sa katulad ko na merong masalimuot na nakaraan na paminsan-minsan na dumadalaw sakin.
But I really can't forget the pained expression of Ash when I said no and apologized. He asked me why and what can he do to change my mind. Pero wala. Buo ang desisyon ko noon. Desidido akong pakawalan si Ash at bigyan siya ng chance na makahanap ng mas babagay at mas mabuting babae para sa kanya.
Dahil hindi ako yun. I am not fucking perfect for him. Zedri is too good for me while I am too bad for Ash. At kahit masakit man para sami dalawa, I had to say no to him. He cried and begged for me, but I still hold unto my decision.
At apat na buwan na ang nakalipas na hindi na kami ulit nagkita.
"DANZELLE!" I almost dropped my heart in shock when Zedri came running to me. "It's Ash! Nasa Ospital siya ngayon! Naaksidente siya!" Sumunod nun yung pag-iyak ng Mom nila at pagpapakalma ni Sab sa kanya. "I'm sorry, Mom, but you'll stay here. Ako na lang mag-isa ang pupunta."
"H-hah?" It's all I managed to say. Sinundan ko lang ng tingin si Zedri na pasakay ng sasakyan niya. "Sa-sandali! Sasama ako!"
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Halos isang oras rin yung hinintay namin ni Zedri sa waiting area bago lumabas yung doktor. Sabay kaming napatayo ni Zed. "How's my brother?" Tanong ni Zedri. The doctor smiled — I wish it is a good sign.
"Mr. Allano is fine, good thing he only suffered a minor neck injury, but he's fine and he can still kick ass." Ngumisi siya tapos umalis na. "He is transferred to a private room as we speak."
"Fuck." Zedri let out a heavy sigh of relief. Ganon din ang naramdaman ko. "Let's go?" He asked, and I am too emotional to even speak so I just nodded.
Pagpasok namin ng kwarto nadatnan namin si Ash na nakahiga habang naglilipat ng channel sa TV. May suot siyang neck brace.
Tumulo lahat ng luha ko nung nagtama yung tingin namin ni Ash. I heard him cursed. Inalalayan ako ni Zedri na umupo sa couch. "Fuck, Ash, you scared the shit out of me." Sinuntok niya si Ash sa binti. "Mom will kill you!"
"You fucker!" Ash flipped his brother and rolled his eyes. He is ignoring me. "Why did you bring her here, Zed? Are you really that stupid?"
Napayuko ako nung naramdaman ko yung tingin nila sakin. "She is as worried as we are. Akala ko naman grabe, napasugod pa kami."
"Then you shouldn't have come." Alam kong para sakin yung sinabi niya. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at tama ako. Nakatingin siya sakin.
Sa dinami-dami ng panahon na pwedeng tumahimik yung paligid, bakit ngayon pa. "Uhm, bibili lang ako ng makakain natin. May pabibili kayo?"
"Wala." Sabi ni Ash. "Take her with you, umuwi na kayo."
Pero hindi ako kumilos. "Uhm, Zed? Bottled water, kung okay lang." Sabi ko. He nodded and went out. Ash glared at me and I am proud of myself when I had the strength to look at him. "Ash."
"Don't." He raised a hand to stop me. Tapos napapikit siya. "Don't open that pretty mouth of yours or I'll be damned."
Ramdam ko yung galit niya sakin at naiiyak na naman ako. "Ash—"
"Fuck!" He groaned and pulled his own hair using both of his hands. "Stop crying! Don't fucking talk to me like you never rejected me and everything's fucking okay! Just zip that fucking mouth or better to leave this fucking room!"
Pero parang hindi ko naintindihan yung mga sinabi niya at ginawa ko lahat ng ipinagbabawal niya. I reached for his hand but he jerked away. "Ash... I'm sorry." I cried.
He swears under his breath and looked at me. "Don't fucking do this to me, Danzelle. Don't just show up after four fucking months of rejection. Fuck, why are you even here?"
"I was worried when—-"
"I don't need your shit, woman. Just get out—"
"Will you listen to me first!?" I slapped him. So hard that I wish he wakes up. He stared at me with wide eyes and his jaw dropped. "Gusto kong humingi ulit ng sorry. At gusto kong ipaliwanag kung bakit... kung bakit.."
"Stop." He sounded tired. "Don't you think that you'll reopen wounds by doing that? Fuck this, but I don't need explanations. Not anymore."
"Ash, please, listen to me—-"
"I said, cut the crap and go back to your cave—-"
"Cut me off again or I'll break your neck myself!" Ito yung kinaiinisan ko sa ugali niya. Hindi siya marunong makinig at kung ano yung gusto niya, gusto niya palaging masusunod.
Bigla siyang nanahimik. "Just hear me out, okay?" Huminga ako ng malalim at naghanda ng mga sasabihin sa kanya.
"Are you going to marry me when I listen to whatever crap you say?" He asked. Hindi ko siya sinagot. "Come on, I know you still want me." There goes the arrogance of Ash once again.
"Ash—-"
"Marry me or you'll never see me alive again. I'm serious."
"Pwede bang pakinggan mo muna ako—-"
"I want to hear you say you love me first." He grinned and reached for my hands and kissed my palm. "I know you do. You wouldn't have come here if you don't. I need to hear it, Danzelle. Say it."
"Ash..."
He raised an eyebrow. "You are so stubborn, and it's making me mad." Before I got a clue of what he is about to do, I was imprisoned in his arms and sedated by his kiss. I was about to kiss him back when he pulled away. "Say it if you don't want me to stop, Danzelle."
Tears welled up my eyes as I open my mouth and whisper the magic word. He smirked and gave me what I want.
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Eto na! Malapit na!
~FL01