Rosaline
Did you know that you can never forget a face? Every face you've seen gets stored in your memories. So, in your dreams, every face you conjure up you have seen before. Even if you only gave them a small smile as you passed them buy in the street. You may have forgotten their face but you actually never will. They are the faces of your dreams.
That's what led me to question whether this was a dream or not.
Whether or not I was stuck in some sick nightmare and my mind was just showing me the faces I had seen before. Like a relay of faces in a horror film that would end when I woke up. I wished some one would wake me up.
Please let it be just their faces.
Finn's, Alistair's, Clyde's...
And that woman, I hoped she was just some tavern wench I ran into by accident and forgotten, someone I passed in the street back in the twenty first century.
I hoped it was true. That this was all a sick, twisted dream and right now I was sound asleep in bed, next to Finn, his hand resting protectively over my stomach. But you don't feel pain in dreams. And when I got stabbed I was assaulted with the most painful feeling I have ever experienced. At first I felt numb, maybe it was because of the shock or because I was too caught up in saving Finn to notice the consequence it had on me.
The next feeling was a sharp pain that I could feel travel through my blood, assaulting my nervous system and sending me into deeper shock as the revelation of what had happened hit me.
When I fell into Finn's arms I wanted to call out to him, saying everything and anything, "I love you so much. I'm so happy you are safe. I'm sorry about the baby. It was too young to feel anything, to be saved. I'm so sorry about all the trouble I have caused you." I wanted to apologise over and over for what I had done before spilling my heart out about how I felt, what I wanted before this happened, "I wish things were different. That Alistair didn't peruse me, didn't follow me but then again that woman would have killed me and I would have died alone, instead if in your arms. Your arms, where I wish I could spend the rest of eternity."
I looked up at him. He said my name.
"But now I was dying. Leaving you. Face the world with your sword held high for me? Live for me. Love another for me. Don't let McKenzie bring you down. Fight for you, your men. Fight for the brief time we had together. I wish I could stay and have your child. Stay here and never leave. I wish I could grow old beside you, watch our children have their own families and recollect on the adventures we had together. But most of all, I wish I could stay in your arms forever. I look back now, in my final moments, at the times we lay together, your arms wrapped around me tightly and my head tucked into your neck smelling your distinct scent of pine and masculinity, your rough skin caressing my own in a loving embrace. I wish I could stay like that forever."
I reached for Finn's face, wanting to touch him one last time before I left him. But I didn't have to the strength to do so, dropping my hand into my lap. Instead I let my body relax against Finn's as he clutched me closer to him. His skin always seemed to radiate heat, and even now I pressed my head softly against his chest to absorb his warmth and listen to his heart beat in his chest.
Despite the relief of there being no pain anymore, I knew that wherever I was, even if it was heaven, I would feel no happiness or peace. Never until I was with Finn once again. I didn't know how long I would have to wait, but even if it was one hundred years, I would wait for Finn to join me once again.
Finn called to me again and I longed to reply, "I'm here. Just for a small while longer, I promise. And I'll always be with you. That I promise as well, if it not in body then in soul. I'll always be near."
It took all of my energy to let just a small whisper past my lips, "Finn..." I had no strength or will power to hold onto life anymore. I was living on the edge and my foot has slipped, sending me hurtling towards the ground. But the drop was too fast and too long, letting me slip past the pain and fall into an unsettling darkness.
"Rose..."
It seemed like I was only sleeping. Like when you wake up and it seems like you were only asleep for a few minutes yet hours had gone by
When I woke up I was high up. My body felt weird and my suspicions were confirmed when I lifted a hand in front of my face to be met by the sight of a near transparent white hand that when I moved seemed like it dissolved at the edges, the castaways rushing to catch up with each movement.
My new translucent, ghoulish body floated by one of the large windows, the midday sun streaming in from where they were partially uncovered. The air seemed different now. It seemed thinner, making it harder to breathe (not that I needed to breathe, did I? I was dead after all...) and it gave me a slight headache. The lack of air seemed like a punishment to trying to hold onto a resemblance of light for just a moment longer. Or maybe it was a warning that I was somewhere I wasn't meant to be, that it was time to let go completely, forget my life and fine happiness swimming in the lake of life on a cloud in heaven.
Had I not I moved on? Gone to heaven or hell? Or was I stuck in purgatory? All these questions swam through my mind only to be unanswered when I was interrupted by a soft sobbing below me.
Looking down I was met by the sight of Finn bent over in the centre of the room. From my perspective in the dusty cob-webbed corner of the ceiling he appeared to be sat on the floor, his body a still as a statue.
I willed my ghostly body to float towards him and the air felt like it flowed straight through me. It was an odd, strange feeling that chilled me as I moved. A feeling of fear and unease came to me as I neared Finn. The hairs on my neck stood up and I felt my hands tremble softly.
When I arrived beside him, my pale knees rested gently above the floor, not touching it but a hair width away. I lifted my hand to run it across his shoulder but my hand passed through him completely. A sadness filled me as I realised I would never touch him again, never feel him warmth or run my hand through his air.
I looked up at Finn's face and noticed the crystal tears fall gently across his razor-sharp cheekbones. They fell softly to the ground where the sound of their small splash filled the room like a wave crashing against the rocks.
"Finn..." I whispered, my voice filled with despair but he didn't move or respond, leading me to believe I wasn't heard. I was an invader of the living life, not meant be here in the land of the living.
Looking down I followed the path of Finn's gaze to look upon myself. I looked so pale already, my lip and skin devoid of colour. My eyes were closed; thankfully, I would have hated to look upon the eyes of a dead person, lacking in passion, love, personality and soul.
Finn's hand wrapped around me and held me dangerously tight to his chest. My head rested on his elbow, bent towards his chest making it look like I was resting against him if you didn't notice the lack of breathing and my deathly appearance. Finn's other hand was lightly dancing on my face. His fingers dragged across my cheek and up my temple before he slowly stroked my nose before his fingers caressed my lips.
"Ye have to let her go." Someone said, their voice was soft and gentle but held a harsh, demanding undertone. Finn ignored them but I looked up to see Alistair sat a meter or less across from Finn. He was covered in a splattering of blood. His shirt was drenched in blood, the bottom half dyed red from the blood soaked up by the cotton. His face and neck were covered in spots of blood, a few smudged here and there from where he wiped it away with his sleeve.
By Alistair's side was a bloodied dagger and following a path of blood puddles there was the discarded severed body of Clyde McDowell. His head was a few feet away a clean cut showing the brute force used to separate the two body parts.
"Let go of her." Alistair said, this time he sounded more demanding.
"Ye don't get to tell what to do when it involved Rose." Finn replied, his tone dull and unemotional. He never looked up at Alistair, his eyes remaining on my body the whole time.
"Ye weren't the only one that loved her!" Alistair bit back surging forwards into Finn's face.
Looking at my face once more he drew it towards him and placed a gently farewell kiss on my pale lips before gently released my body, letting it rest gently against the floor.
Suddenly, he surged forwards and slammed Alistair to the floor, hovering dangerously over him, "Love? Ye never loved Rose. You only felt lust and desire! Ye never truly felt the undying feeling of devotion and passion that fills a man when he lays eyes on the one woman he knows he will love till his own dying day. Ye never felt that! Don't talk to me of love boy."
Finn raised his fist and punched Alistair hand in the face and blood spurted from his nose before splattering against the floor. Graham came running through the doors abruptly, trailing behind him a mixture of McDowell and McCall men, their blue and green tartan plaids melting into one another to create a ranging sea. All the men, including Graham, were covered in blood.
"Finn!" Graham shouted as he came thundering into the room, only to halt suddenly when his eyes landed on my body. I had turned towards the door when Finn laid me down, leaving my deathly appearance for all to see as they entered the room.
Finn's arm dropped to his side and his sword clattered to the floor. As he slowly approached my body and me, who was still knelt on the floor beside it, three men ran from behind him to Finn and Alistair pulling them apart. Finn tried to jump at Alistair again but two men pulled him back.
"Oh, Rose." Graham sighed as he knelt beside me. He pulled my upped body onto his lap and my head rolled to the side causing my mouth to fall open. But no breath escaped my lips.
Grahams hand wandered down to my stomach, lightly playing over the wound and around the dagger which stilled prodded from my body. Blair suddenly ran to the other side of my body and picked up my hand feeling the coldness of it before he began shaking my body violently.
"Stop!" Finn roared. He broke free of the men holding him and ran over to my body, snatching it up from the ground. He held me tightly as if I was as light as a feather. It was as if a person's weight corresponded to their soul, and once that was gone they were just an empty shell without a life inside it or a casing without any contents.
Finn held me to his chest possessively, warding off the others and marking his territory. Dead territory. His hands were tight clutching me. If my floating soul still lived in my body I knew I would feel pain but Finn and I both knew self control was the least or our worries now.
His fingers stroked my hair to my head as he mumbled incoherent things about lost love and promises as he rocked me backward and forwards in his arms. I floated over to him, placing my cold hands as close as I could to his face without them going through then and leant my forehead as close as I could to his.
"Ye did this." Graham accused Alistair before storming towards him. He grabbed him by his collar and started slamming his fists into his face and body. No warrior moved to stop him.
"He didn't," Finn said softly, "Clyde did."
Graham stopped attacked Alistair and let him drop to the floor.
"Bastard betrayed us. That's why the warriors attacked. It was his bloody plan," Graham said as he reflected on the battle I assumed he had just participated in considering the bloody conditions of his clothing, "Damn!"
Finn just ignored what Graham was saying and slowly stroked my body's cheek as he stared at my face but I didn't know if it was because he was captivated or he was slowly losing his sanity through grief.
"Finn. I'm sorry to interrupt but we have to go soon." Graham had started to approach Finn slowly and warily. "Some of the McDowell warriors started a fight, we lost some men but most of them are dead. We need to leave soon in case they get back up."
"We don't leave her." Finn mumbled.
"W-we won't," Graham stuttered in surprise of the strange request, "We can bring her and when we find a safe place we'll bury her, I promise."
Finn slowly staggered past Graham and Blair, the sea of warriors behind them parting for him to walk through with the dead angel in his arms. Silence fell on the room, through respect, shock and respect as Finn left the Great Hall.
The Great Hall of Death.
I tried to float and follow him but an unknown force kept me trapped in the centre of the room, prevent my from moving forwards, backwards, up or down...like I was trapped in a glass box and all I could do was slam my hands and beg to be released.
As the warriors filed out of the room, closing the door I started to panic.
Don't leave me!
Please!
Don't leave me!
I wanted to be with Finn, to try and support him in his time of grief and let him know I was here with him in case he did something drastic to end his emotional pain. I wanted to spend a few more moments in his presence before my fate was decided and I was thrown into heaven or hell or find out that there's nothing at the end of life. Just a brief final few minutes before we become nothing and no one.
Just let me touch him once more...
The curtains closed suddenly, encasing the room in darkness and drew into myself, wrapping my translucent arms around my body, glad that at least I could touch myself without the fear of passing my arm through my stomach.
The room contorted and spun so fast around me it made me dizzy. My head spun as the dark walls and curtains became nothing but darkness and streams of light slashing though the blackness. I tried to close my eyes and block it all out but there was a part of me that was captivated with the flashes of light and dark around me made me watch. It seemed like the dark and light were battling for supremacy.
I heard and voice and looked around the patchy darkness for a person before I realised it was spoken in my head.
Choose...
"What?" I said. The noise of the spinning room had intensified and it had started to become difficult to here.
Choose...
"Choose what?"
Choose light or dark, life or death. The past or the future.
"I-I don't know!" I screamed at the darkness. The voice was demanding and it sparked a memory inside me of a man gripping my hand, holding me in place as I burned. The heat...I could remember the heat so well. The tent was burning! The voice was the psychic from the fair I went with Macy and her boyfriend!
Choose...
"I don't know!" I shouted back again. I thought it would be easy to choose if this ever came up, if I ever found a way back home. But it was harder than I thought. I had to choose whether I wanted to give up my old family for the chance of a new one. Give up a lifetime with my parents for a relationship that's only a few weeks old. My parents loved me and I loved them. We had no bad memories or horrible arguments for me decide to never see them again. We had love, kindness and respect. And I was their only child; they would be alone without me.
But Finn...he was just amazing. And the love I felt for him rivalled all others and although I could imagine a life without him as I had briefly just experienced what it was like, I wanted to be with him. Grow with him and protect him. Let him protect me and ward of all others in his over possessive demanding way. I wanted Finn back.
"Will they be okay? Will they let me go?" I asked the voice.
Your life in a few months time will be replaced with another. New memories and new life to replace the old ones lost to time. Sad memories replaced by happy ones but memories of fondness and family still held dear in their hearts. Never forgotten, but hearts will mend. Sadness replaced with love. One life lost and another gained. Happiness restored to all.
God this psychic was so vague but I had to pick now as the darkness was starting to wrap around the light, swallowing it, consuming it till there was barely any left... Love or family? Past or future?
Darting my hand out, I grabbed the last tendril of light amongst the darkness, sealing my fate forever.