Mentions of suicide and depression. Mentions of mental hospitals so please if any of that triggers you please move on :) ily all stay safe <3
" come on open the door." Chris whispers, his knuckle tapping on the door. I cry again, I've been crying at him sat at the door for the past hour. " Chris please go." I ask him again, im sort of begging at this point.
" i cant leave you like this." He says. " please chris, im begging you. Im getting desperate, and i dont want to yell at you. Your the only good thing i have." I cry and he says he's not going anywhere.
" JUST FUCK OFF, go home! Your not helping, im still going to kill myself weather you sit there or not, so just go. Please... im begging you." I scream and he sighs and i hear footsteps getting further away. He shouts he loves me and not to do anything stupid. The tears form again and i lay in bed, my eyes begin to feel puffy.
Around 2 am i take 2 months worth of the pills i take for my depression. After about an hour my head feels fuzzy. I cant wipe the smile and laugh from my face. Im laid in my bed laughing my ass of until all i see is black.
I faintly wake up to screaming, my head is pounding and i see my mom screaming and i can barely feel my body being moved around. " Y/N! HONEY, please wake up." She screams and i want to scream that im fine but the words dont come out. " fuck this were going to the hospital." Someone calls and im being hauled into the car.
Harsh lights wake me up and i have 3 doctors staring over me. I rub my eyes and sit up, witch was a bad decision. My head pounds and my stomach burns.
" what the fuck." I curse. I have restraints holding my wrists to the arms of the bed. " y/n." My mom says. She kisses my head and i just sulk, theres nothing else to do really.
" Chris is here, he wants to see you before you go." My mom says, her hand is resting over mine and i just want to scream. I dont want to see anyone. Let alone Chris, i dont want him to see me like this.
" no, dont let Chris in. He cant see me like this." I scream, but its too late he's stood in the doorway while i thrash about on the bed. " um." He stutters and comes into the room. " i dont want you to see me like this. Stop, go away. Please. I cant love you like this, im a mess." I say and he stands still. He looks afraid to move.
" ill be waiting for when you get back, i love you. Just get better." He says and kisses my cheek before walking out the room. The hospital is dead quiet so i hear his choked sobs all the way down the corridor. I start to ugly cry because the only Good thing i have is walking away.
They tell me my room in the psychiatric ward is all set up. Im walked out with two guards on each sides of me. A tall brunette doctor leading us down the hall.
My parents trail behind but aren't allowed into the ward, its patients and staff only. I turn around and my mom blows a kiss. I see Chris stood in the distance. His red tearstained cheeks and his arms limp at his sides. I mouth im sorry before they escort me to my room. I check in and give my details and they give me some scrubs and a tooth brush and a towel until someone can bring my own stuff.
Im lead to my room and its dark and dingy. Im in a room with only a bed, small desk and a mirror. Its for high risk patients like me, so theres no dangerous things.
I change into my scrubs and head to the dining hall for lunch. Everyone around me must be settled in because they eat like their whole lives aren't falling apart.
He visits a month later. Im not a usual wreck. I was told a couple days before he arrived so it wasn't just sprung on me. He walks in with a bag full of stuff.
Were escorted to the visitors room and were allowed to be alone, my first few visits were horrible because there was always a nurse always acting like she wasn't listening but her ears may have been on fire.
He sits across from me and i tuck my legs under my butt. " i brought you some things." He says and passes me some of his shirts.
" also i figured you were pretty bored." He says and passes me over 2 books and a colouring book and he tells me the nurses have my pencils but i need to be monitored for them.
" thank you." I say. We sit in silence for a little bit. It shouldn't be like this. Hell 6 months ago i wouldn't have been able to keep my hand off him and now look at us, he couldn't be further away.
" im sorry for when i shouted at you, and put you through hell, i just couldn't bare you seeing me like that. I hated it." I say and he nods. " im sorry for pushing, i should have just been there." He says and i smile. " im sorry i really do need you, i dont know what ill do when i get out, im so scared." I say and he laughs. " im sure you'll be fine, i mean you've been strong enough to endure all this." He says and i smile.
" thank you for waiting." I say and he smiles. " can i touch you?" He asks me and i nod. He sits on the sofa next to me and wraps an arm around me. The nurse opens the door but dosent say anything for now. " okay, you gotta go, group therapy y/n." The nurse says and i laugh.
" stop spoiling me Rose." I say and she smiles. I stand at the door window to the entrance of the ward and wave to chris until he turns the corner.
2 months later:
Im waiting on the hospital curb waiting for my mom to pick me up. Chris jumps out while the car is practically moving. " you look great baby." He says and lifts me while he kisses me.
I stayed a month longer than i was meant to but i had a meltdown at the thought of leaving, i threatened to kill myself. The thought of leaving sent me into a panic and i genuinely refused to go, everything was just so managed. But now being in fresh air with the love of my life, im ready to live.
" can i kiss you?" He asks and i cut him off by smashing my lips to his. I jump and wrap my legs around him and he walks us to the car. " hi mom" i smile when my mom sees me. "
Hi honey." She smiles and we drive home. I get to my room and i expect myself to have a break down but i just open the curtains and look around.
" i need to redecorate." I sigh and flop on my bed. Im ready to start again.