A New Start | Kang Mira
I see no bird in the sky today. There's only steady rainfall pouring down ice on the earth, a flicker of grey that soothes eyes, a brush of wind that makes the curtains sway mildly, and a lot, lot pain of heartbreak.
I have made my escape from the house to come at Ryumin's hidden burial; buying myself some time by hiding my face under the black shawl. I stand behind the cherry tree at the riverside.
There hasn't been a rainfall like this in Kyeon-ju for a while. I think the last time I had seen a rainfall like this, was the day my mother and Aera took in their last breath.
I watch a man throwing soil into the grave with a shovel. Another man, holding an umbrella in his right hand, stands in front of the grave with a look of deep hatred in his eyes. He keeps tapping his shoes on the ground, seeming as if he's trying to leave this place as soon as possible. Almost ashamed, and scared of being judged by people- I found all of the traits in him.
My fists clench around my shawl as he spits on the grave, and looks sideways if anyone is watching him from afar.
How can he do that?
She was his own wife, not a stranger!
A loud wail cuts through the silence of the air, reaching toward the vast sky and shaking the clouds up there. Ryumin's six months old daughter has started crying in her father's arms.
But Ye-Hwang makes no effort to stop her crying. He retreats from the grave with hasty steps, his cloak swooshing on the ground, and a cruel expression imprinted on his face. His nose is crinkled in disgust and jaws are clenched. Soon, the first man finishes his work, and also leaves the place quickly- is if the grave is poisonous and can make him unclean.
I take a step forward, and breathe out. Standing in front of the grave, I let the shawl fall from my head. I kneel down and place a Lily on the soil.
"Love doesn't do wonders when the heart itself is refusing to. Ye-Hwang loved you, but not enough to risk the world for you. You know what, Ryumin?" I whisper in a low tone, feeling a thousand stones smashing my heart into pulp. "Actually, that kind of love is rare. Definitely. Now, you will be fine up there, without being a burden to anyone."
Unknowingly, my fingers are tracing on the fresh soil. I hope she can hear me; also can take in the truth without having to bear pain.
"I don't know, if I will return here or not." I brush away the traces of tears from my eyes and form up a bright smile on my lips, for her. "I have no idea if I will make it alive. But if I do, I promise to return. After all, there's you, Yeon, and Ayra still here..."
After biding her a proper goodbye, I put back the shawl on my head. Walk to the house is mostly silent and filled with my reluctant steps; also accompanied by the heavy rainfall blistering my skin. Everything feels like deep regret to me; the wind is screaming that I'm a failure, not capable, not worthy. Ryumin's death has jabbed me with the most painful truth ever- that my own ending can be like this.
I sneak into the backyard, which is now decorated with mistletoes and snow lights ( kind of tiny bulbs emitting white glow ). My hands are on the doorknob, about to push it- but the door opens before I can do that.
"Mira!" Mrs. Hyun puts a hand on her chest, letting out a sigh of relief as I scurry into the dimly lit corridor. The flowery scent of candles hits my nose. "I was so worried... it's raining like cats and dogs! Never saw a downpour like this before... and the roads! Did you see how slippery they have got- wait, you have managed to return without tripping?"
"Kind of." I slide the wet shawl from my shoulders and step inside the bathroom. It's mostly dark, only a tinge of white is coming through the small window frame.
"Whole Kyeon-ju is going to sink today. As it should. The amount of sins that has happened on this land... it really should..." I hear Mrs. Hyun sighing deeply. "But I'm worried about the roads, they are so slippery and-"
"Mrs. Hyun, can you pass me a gown, please?" I ask wearily, holding my hand outside the bathroom. My body is freezing from coldness. It feels like what I have come through wasn't rain, but a shower of bullets.
"And also, this weird monsoon! This is July, not September! Why will it rain like this-"
"Please, Mrs. Hyun. I'm shivering."
"-Oh, yes." she stops bickering and turns to the closet. Pulling out a white nightgown, she hands it over to me and mutters. "Wait, I will light up a candle. You shouldn't shower in the dark."
"You and your prejudice." I sigh while turning on the tap. "There's nothing in the dark, Mrs. Hyun. Monsters don't exist."
"A haunting past, does. A nightmare, also does." Mrs. Hyun passes me a candle which I put on the floor. Now there's a soft radiance of golden flame cast around the bathroom. Drops of water on the walls reflect brightness. "Mira, pain grows in the dark. When you realize there's no way you can bring light closer, the pain only deepens."
I don't close the door fully, because Mrs. Hyun likes to talk with me while I am taking a shower.
"Is there any way to ease that pain, Mrs. Hyun?" I ask, my eyes set on the floor as I pour down water on my head. I hear the shuffling noise of her dress and the door creaks open a little more.
"Miracle," Mrs. Hyun whispers quietly. "Which comes only to them who still hopes."
I pour down more water. Wet strands of red hair cover my eyes, droplets trickle down to my neck. The glowing flame of candle trembles a bit.
"I have been trying, you know," I whisper back as water drenches my crouching body. "All these years, I have tried, really. But I haven't-"
"Well, you can't hope for a miracle while being stuck in this hell like place, can you?" she speaks in a grave tone. "Miracles can be anything; a person, an object, or just the birth of a new hope. But at first, you need to see the colors, Mira. Life isn't black and white. There's a huge world waiting for you to explore."
I pour down another mug of water.
"Now, you're not willing to drown yourself in water, are you?" Mrs. Hyun knocks on the door and speaks in a demanding voice. "Out, in three minutes. You will catch a cold at this rate."
I reach for the towel and start wiping my hair. I can see Mrs. Hyun walking around the room absent mindedly, through the small creak of bathroom door.
"It's a good thing that you have returned soon." she nods at herself and strides away from my gaze. "I was getting anxious about what will Mr. Kang say if he discovers you aren't here-"
An abrupt noise coming from outside makes us stop on our tracks. I halt wearing my nightgown. The sound of horses' hooves thumping on the mud reaches to my ears, and the creaking of carriage wheels. Blinking, I peek into my room and find Mrs. Hyun staring through the window.
"Who came in this rainfall?" I ask her while gripping the doorknob. Mrs. Hyun also blinks, looking confused.
"I don't know. Is it Mr. Kang's gang?" she draws together the curtains. "But, do they ride on carriages now? I have seen them riding on bikes. Guess, those cowards got promoted..."
She then turns to me, and screeches. "Your hair! How many times have I told you to wipe it thoroughly? You never listen... look, look! How much it's soaking wet-"
"It's so difficult to take care of my hair." my nose crunches up in frustration, lips pouted. "I want to cut them off!"
"What!" Mrs. Hyun sounds like she is at the edge of fainting. She wipes my hair with towel aggressively; I let out a loud ouch. "Hair is woman's pride! Without hair, you're done for-"
"Bla bla bla. No matter what you say, waist long hair isn't my thing!" my hands grip my waist as I eye her on the mirror. "I'll shave my head one day, and you won't be able to say a thing."
"You won't." Mrs. Hyun states, her voice demanding. "You'll regret."
"I won't!"
"Now, turn at me." she pulls open the drawer and takes out a comb. "Let me do your hair. By the look of it, I think I may have to tear some apart."
"Don't dare-"
"But, you look astonishing. Why?" Mrs. Hyun tilts her head, inspecting me closely on the mirror. I glare at her bewildered expression.
"Why? Do I look like a Mammal other times?"
"No, you look normal at other times." she narrows her eyes until they resemble to a dot, looking furiously attentive. She points a finger at my face, as if she's trying to threaten whatever causing me to look astonishing. "But right now, at this moment, you seem-"
"-Alluring?"
We both turn at the voice of Yurin; her eyes oddly dreamy, cheeks flushing red, and a magnificent smirk on the corner of her lips. She's clutching onto the doorframe as if it's her dear life. Mrs. Hyun gapes at her panting figure.
"Tell me?" Yurin orders, a maniac gleam in her excellent eyes which are trying their best to leap out of the sockets. "Tell me if she's looking alluring? Is she? Is she? Is she? I mean, she has to, because-"
"What happened to Yurin?" I mouth at Mrs. Hyun while moving my lips very slightly. "Why's she asking the same question thrice?"
"Right." Mrs. Hyun nods. "She looks... like that. But why are you-"
"I-I-" Yurin turns her head at my closet, her gaze turning dreamier than before. "I think on my way here, I did a few cartwheels, a high kick, threw some punches at Mimi because you all know what kind of bitch she is- and again did a few cartwheels..."
Then she does something very unexpected. We jump on our feet as Yurin falls on the floor, throws her arms, bangs her head hard, and lets out a high pitched giggle.
"Is she- is she bewitched?"
I ask, horror struck at the situation. Mrs. Hyun has leapt on my bed, and is watching Yurin while clutching her chest.
"What happened?" she asks in a very cautious tone. "Who bewitched you-"
"Oh, yes! Yes, I'm bewitched! Yeah, I'm bewitched- by that face!" Yurin covers her mouth and lets out another series of muffled giggles, while kicking her legs in the air. "Oh, what can I say? I'm so terribly bewitched- oh, no- how handsome-"
Then she springs up to her feet, making us lunge several steps back. I land on top of the dressing table, and Mrs. Hyun sinks into the furthest corner of the bed.
"Wait, tell me this first." Yurin hollers with the same high pitched voice. I have never seen her being this much happy before. "Which one was the black haired man? The elder one? Or the younger one?"
It takes me a while to understand what she is saying.
"Are you talking about the Choi brothers?" Mrs. Hyun arranges her dress which was lifted up to her legs, and fixes her lopsided bun. "Elder one was the black haired man. But why-"
"WHAT!"
Yurin has let out a bone crashing scream, looking as though someone has shot a bullet right through her heart. I slide down to the dressing table, and fall on the floor. Mrs. Hyun closes her eyes. Yurin starts slapping her cheeks.
"No... why's my fate like this? Why?" she turns to the closet, and begins a nice chat with it. She cries like a lamb, jumping and kicking her legs sideways. "Why can't I get a handsome man? Why? Oh, oh, I always thought fine men don't exist, but him- oh my! Why! Alas! My damn forehead!"
Letting out another wail, she starts banging herself against the closet. But she loses interest very soon, because afterward, she has fallen on the floor again.
"Is she... talking about Mr. Choi?" Mrs. Hyun shouts at me in the midst of Yurin's fit. I gather up myself, slowly getting on my feet.
"Maybe yes? But why now-"
Then the realization finally drowns in us. Mrs. Hyun stares at me, and I stare back at her. I'm pretty sure both of our minds are replaying the same memories- which include rainfall, sound of horse hooves and-
"Choi Yeonjun!" Yurin shrieks, her wide gaze stuck on the ceiling. "Why's he so handsome? He shouldn't exist- no, that's a breach of contact- he can't exist in this world of ugly humans like us-"
Oh, so this is the matter!
Mrs. Hyun slowly gets down to the bed, and tiptoes on her way to me. We give each other a puzzled look. She leans to me, and asks.
"But why's he here? I mean, it looks like there's a flood ongoing."
I shake my head. We are still recovering from the shock Yurin has given to us. She cries one moment, then giggles after another moment. Once she kicks the air, then she slaps her own cheek.
"I think I should comfort her..." I crouch down tentatively and hold Yurin's hands. "Hey, mate. If you think Yeonjun is your perfect one, then you can surely go for him. I don't mind-"
"NO!" both Yurin and Mrs. Hyun screams in unison. I am taken aback by their sudden outburst.
"Come on, Yurin." Mrs. Hyun starts pulling her sleeves, her eyes soft and assuring. "I know how you feel... I felt kind of that, too... look, what can we do? Fate, fate-"
"You felt- what?" my mouth hangs open. Yurin blows her nose as Mrs. Hyun gives me an embarrassed smile.
"Look, we shouldn't cry for what's not ours..." she makes Yurin stand on her feet, and brushes off the dust on her dress. "Now, get a grip!" she narrows her eyes as Yurin sniffs. "You almost gave me a heart attack-"
Knock.
Mrs. Hyun and Yurin both freeze on their spot. I look at the door; someone is knocking quietly from outside.
"That's him!" Yurin whispers, her nose looking like a ripe cherry. "He wanted to meet Mira!"
"Him who?" Mrs. Hyun blinks rapidly. Yurin throws her an are-you-being-serious type of look.
"The black haired one!"
I'm only an observer in this situation. I watch Mrs. Hyun lunging to the bed and starting to arrange the sheets. Yurin runs to the dressing table, pushing me aside, and begins doing her eyelashes.
It oddly looks like a grandmother and her daughter is getting married with the man they chose for the grand-daughter; if it makes sense.
"Done!" Mrs. Hyun leaps down from the bed, pulls me away of the corner, and fixes the cuffs of her dress. Yurin swallows, turns the doorknob, and hides behind us.
"C-come in, sir!"
Mrs. Hyun croaks, Yurin shudders. I can't help staring at them, wondering that why they are behaving in this way.
The door opens slowly. I swear Mrs. Hyun and Yurin has leaned at least one feet closer to get a better view.
And right then, at that night of incessant rainfall, fan-girling womans and candle lights- my eyes have done a magic.
I blink; once, twice, and thrice. My eyes grow larger each second; I momentarily forget how to breathe. I can't tear off my gaze; I really want to- but I can't. A pair of charcoal eyes are holding me back.
What is he... a human?
Or an Angel?
Do humans look this much intimidating while wearing a black coat? And I think I have never seen one wearing leather boots and managing to look not like a clown. And what has he applied on his lips? Grease, maybe? No wonder my fingers are itching to touch them; his lips are glowing piquantly in the dimly lit corridor. The moonlight peeking through the curtains are doing a magnificent job to highlight his sharp cheekbones, and high collarbones.
"Hello! Nice to... meet you?"
That comes as a question, because hasn't Yurin started to sob, and Mrs. Hyun begun making some indistinct bird noise?
Yeonjun off his gaze from mine and bows down. It hasn't been long before Yurin lets out a screech, and with astonish, I spot a little blood under her nose.
Nosebleed?
"Don't mind her, don't mind her!" Mrs. Hyun speaks in a overly passionate voice. She starts dragging Yurin out of the room, who's hand is on her nose, and eyes are zoned out. The door is closed shut, leaving the two of us inside the room.
"Well, Mira..." Yeonjun coughs little, a mere attempt to clear his throat. "How're you doing?"
"I'm good." I answer rather quietly. It has cost me a plenty of energy, because his arrival has caught me off-guard.
"Well, you look nice." I hear Yeonjun saying in a bright tone. As I realize in a slow process, that he has complimented me, my cheeks flush an incredible shade of crimson.
"Thank you."
"Do you...uh- always have this makeover before going to sleep?" he points his finger at my face. "You're glowing."
"I... don't." I shake my head, grasping my gown and looking away. "I never- I don't know why Mrs. Hyun did this tonight, though."
"Well, I'm so glad I have caught you before you go to sleep." he sighs in relief and takes a seat on the bed. For the first time, now that my attention has moved away from his appearance, I see that he has been clutching a leather case. He puts it down on the bed and opens the locks.
"Don't stay standing there! Please, sit down. I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable."
I shake my head. He starts rummaging through the contents inside, his gaze turning attentive.
"I really wanted to drop by before afternoon, but the Kims had a nasty accident, so I had to stay for them." he puts an odd looking equipment on his neck and attaches the ends in his ear holes. He catches me staring at it curiously. A smile forms on the corner of his lips. "Oh, this is the thing I was talking about. Stethoscope."
He stands before me, pulling up the sleeves on his arms. "Now, take a deep breath when I say, okay? And exhale also, all right?"
"What're you going to do?" I ask, fascinated by the stethoscope. Then it clicks in my mind. "Oh, are you going to do a check up?"
"Precisely." he nods, and puts the stethoscope just below my heart. "Now, if you may."
I do as I have been told. Taking a deep breath, I hear the familiar hollow sound in my chest. Yeonjun leans closer, his eyebrows furrowed.
"Again, if you please..."
He does it for three times, then retreats. I tilt my head, and watch him going through the contents again.
"I'm not sure... but if it is what I'm guessing..." he sighs, his voice doesn't sound so convincing. Taking out a large box, he opens the lid. "I shouldn't conclude on a mere guess. But- I think this will work temporarily..."
"What's it?" I am genuinely curious, a bit too curious to be exact.
"I think your lungs are affected." he shakes his head, "We will need to run some tests to be sure."
I watch him scribbling on a piece of paper. Yeonjun's long black hair falls on his forehead as he lifts his eyes at me.
"Do you... perhaps take alcohol? Or smoke?"
"No!"
"Well, they are banned for you, from now on," he chuckles at my expression, nodding. "In case you develop a sudden interest. And I will need to see what you eat, too."
Yeonjun runs fingers through his hair, thinks something for a moment, then startles me by leaning closer.
"No need to worry for now. Auoran has a plenty of good medics. I'm not in the field of medicine, so my knowledge is a bit low in this area. But I assure you, there's no need to worry."
He hands me the note, and stands up. Instantly, I feel emptiness growing inside my chest.
"Please follow the instructions written there." Yeonjun takes the case and proceeds to the door. "And I will take care of the rest. Goodnight, Mira- Oh, my."
Mrs. Hyun has fallen on top of Yurin's back and they both hit the ground face to face. Yeonjun steps back, looking purely shocked.
"W-we weren't!" Yurin gasps while staring at him dreamily. Her nose is still bleeding a little. "We weren't eavesdropping!"
How believable that has sounded to him, I can't guess. Because Yeonjun has dropped his case on the floor and instead clutched his stomach, laughing at their bright red faces.
a.n. : because terry's eyes are that much beautiful!
It was a long chapter, I hope it didn't feel much boring...
tani, 05. 07. 2023.