❁ CHAPTER 19 ❁
UNWELL
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Four weeks.
It had been four weeks, and still Namjoon was yet to come around.
All four of them had been torturous.
The worst of it was the first day. You had driven over to Jimin and Jin's place in a daze, unable to focus on anything but replaying that conversation with Namjoon in your head and wondering what you could have done differently to make him stay.
When Jimin answered the door, he knew something was wrong right away.
"Oh shit, come in," he hurried you into the kitchen, sitting you down and putting a cup of hot coffee down in front of you.
You glanced around. "Where's Nari?"
"Next door playing with Jin," Jimin explained. "Now spill, what's wrong? Are you sick?"
You shook your head, and told him everything.
By the time you were finished, Jimin's jaw was nearly on the floor.
"Okay," he began slowly. "When I told you to fuck each others' brains out, I didn't think you'd take that seriously."
You could only give a short, bitter laugh at this. Jimin eyed you sympathetically.
"I know it's hard," he reassured. "But I can kinda see where Joon is coming from. The man's been head over heels for you since day one. He needs to be sure you feel the same way."
"Hang on, how did you know he felt like that?" you questioned, narrowing your eyes at Jimin.
"Honey, the real question is how you didn't know," Jimin rolled his eyes. "I mean, really, the man offers to marry you and you don't once stop to consider if he might have caught feelings?"
You shrugged, feeling very stupid all of a sudden. "Well..."
Jimin saw how awful you felt at his words, and leaned over to take your hand. But before he could say anything comforting, Nari and Jin burst into the kitchen.
"Eomma!" Nari screeched as she spotted you, excitedly jumping up into your arms and tugging at your t-shirt. "Jimimi has a baby in his tummy!"
You, Jimin and Jin all laughed at this, the tension eased in the kitchen.
"I don't think he does, sweetheart," you grinned at her. But Nari scrunched her face in indignation.
"Uncle Jinnie says that him and Jimimi are going to have a baby. But that means Jimimi has a baby in his tummy, doesn't it?" she stated, looking entirely too pleased with herself at knowing something you didn't. Then she paused, her brow furrowing cutely. "What's a adupshin, Eomma?"
You froze, eyeing Jimin, who was grimacing at you, and Jin, who was smiling. Putting Nari down for a moment, you gazed at them as you realised what was happening.
"You two are adopting?" you asked, astonished, and Jimin nodded. "I... oh my god, how? When? Why didn't you tell me?!"
"Well, we've been thinking about it for a while now," Jin said with a proud smile, moving round to wrap an arm around Jimin's waist. "And Jiminie's been thinking about taking time off teaching. It just felt like the right time."
"I'm sorry for not saying something," Jimin murmured a little lower, so Nari wouldn't catch it. "I just figured, with everything going on..."
Your stomach sank even further. You'd been so absorbed in Namjoon, and Taehyung, and whatever else, that you hadn't even had time to check in with your friends and see what they were up to. You felt, if anything, worse than before, despite this wonderful news.
"Don't worry," you waved Jimin's apology away, pushing down your emotions. "I'm so happy for you both, really. We'll have to celebrate soon. But for now I'd better get Nari home."
"Let me know if you need anything, okay?" Jimin squeezed your hand, and you smiled sadly back.
"I'll be okay, don't worry," you replied.
And yet it was becoming more and more difficult to hide how much Namjoon's absence was affecting you. Nari, being the intelligent young girl she had always been, had picked up on only the third day after your fight that something was wrong.
"Wanna see Namoonie," she proclaimed one day before school, as she spooned yoghurt into her mouth with the shaky precision of a toddler.
"I know, sweetheart," you replied. "Namjoon is very busy at the moment."
She eyed you, and for a startling moment you could have sworn she saw right through you - that she knew exactly what had happened between you and Namjoon - but it passed after a few seconds.
"I love Namoonie, Eomma," she replied, so innocently that it felt like a puncture wound over your heart.
"Me too," you admitted in a whisper. "Me too, sweetheart. Let's hope he'll be back soon, hm?"
And then you'd had to turn to the sink, pretending to wash dishes, so that she wouldn't see you cry.
But he hadn't been back soon. That conversation with Nari had taken place nearly a month ago now, and in the meantime, there had been no word from Namjoon. He said he wanted to give you space, and it seemed like he was truly dedicated to making that happen.
You, on the other hand, didn't want space. Having just realised the true extent of your feelings for him, you wanted to be next to him, close to him, with his gaze on you and his arms around you and his mouth pressed to yours.
The absence of him made you feel physically sick. You slept little, and ate even less, finding you had no appetite and yet still felt nauseous. You knew that you were falling behind at work and at home, the apartment becoming messier as you struggled to keep up with the demands of being a single parent. It was now, more than ever, that you realised exactly how much Namjoon did for you and for Nari, when you were having to shoulder it all alone. Many times, you thought about how good it would feel to go to bed and not wake up for a few days.
But you had a daughter to take care of. Nari came first, and so you kept going, kept working and cooking and cleaning and playing and everything else, so tired now that you didn't even really notice the exhaustion until you stopped for a moment one day and the world spun, having to sit down and press your palms into your eyes to bring your vision back.
And on top of all of this, there was the matter of Taehyung.
You had agreed, over the phone with him, that he could meet his daughter as long as you were there too. There was no secrecy with Nari because you had already introduced Taehyung to her as her father, seeing as he was on TV so often, and Nari was able to recognise his face easily. This made explaining to her why he was coming over a little easier - but she was still uncertain.
"You're my Appa?" she asked, gazing up at him when he arrived at your apartment the first day.
Taehyung swallowed, and nodded down at her. "Yes, I am."
Nari crossed her arms, raking her eyes over Taehyung from top to toe with a dubious expression that contained Jimin-levels of sass. If you hadn't been so tired, you would have laughed.
"Okay," she said, though she still sounded skeptical. "Do you like unicorns?"
Taehyung gave her a wide boxy smile. "Of course. I love unicorns. In fact-"
He reached into his bag and pulled out the present he had got her, the one he'd brought to Mrs. Kim's house on her birthday.
"For you. Happy birthday," he smiled at her. "I'm sorry it's a bit late."
Nari narrowed her eyes at the present, as though it might be explosive, but then she ripped the paper off it and gasped in delight. It was a pink and purple plush unicorn teddy. She hugged it to herself happily.
"What do you say, sweetheart?" you reminded her.
Nari beamed up at Taehyung, with a smile that was nearly identical to his. "Thank you!"
"How did you know to buy her a unicorn?" you whispered to Taehyung as she squeezed the plushie again carefully and reached up for Taehyung's hand. "Did someone tell you?"
Taehyung shook his head. "It was just a good guess," he admitted sheepishly, and you couldn't help but laugh at that, as Nari dragged him off to show her all her other unicorn paraphernalia.
Since then, he'd visited once or twice a week, for around an hour each time. He never cancelled and he was always on time - which you knew must be difficult, as he had mentioned that he was filming in Daegu, and presumably he was driving back for the visits.
He was, admittedly, proving himself to be reliable.
It was clear that he was getting through to Nari, too, because just this morning, she had tugged on your hand as you were walking her to school, and asked a question.
"Can the Man from the TV come and play today?" she asked, as you walked through the school gates, her tiny hand in yours.
"You wanna see your Appa from the TV?" you confirmed, and she nodded. You smiled. "Okay. I'll ask him."
"He's funny," Nari said, as if she were showing off about her new friend. "And he has a pretty smile. Like you, Eomma."
Your heart swelled with affection for your daughter. "Thank you, sweetheart."
"But he doesn't like books," Nari continued. "I know because I asked him his favourite and he said he doesn't have one."
"No?"
"No," she shook her head, counting some unknown number on her tiny fingers, before she said - "I'm gonna make books when I'm big."
You couldn't help but smile at this despite yourself. "Oh really? You want to be a publisher when you grow up?"
Nari seemed a little confused by the word but she hid it well, nodding certainly. "Yes. A pubshor. And work in a big office. Like Moonie."
Your heart clenched once more at the mention of Namjoon. It was clearer than anything now that Nari missed him almost as much as you did.
"Well, if that's what you want, sweetheart," you explained. "You can do anything you put your mind to. You're a smart cookie, remember?"
"Cookies aren't smart," she tutted, as if you were being deliberately stupid. "Cookies are yummy."
"Well this cookie is yummy AND smart," you said, ruffling her hair and making her giggle. "Okay?"
"Okay. Bye Eomma," she chimed happily, reaching the door of the Junior school and giving your leg a speedy hug, before she whizzed off to find her friends.
Your heart panged, as it always did when you left her to go to class, but the exhaustion soon set back into your bones and you traipsed off to the Senior school to your office, mentally gearing yourself up for the day.
Ruminating on Nari's words, you pulled out your phone, opening your messages. It had been enough time now. You needed to see Namjoon. You typed out a text, head and heart pounding as you did.
you: joonie, please, can we talk?
you: nari misses you
And then, after you thought about it for a moment -
you: i miss you.
The messages were sent, but not read, and you figured he must still be at work. Or ignoring you.
You prayed it was the former.
In the meantime, though, there was still the matter of getting through work. You opened your computer, but when the bright light came on you realised you could barely see for the blinding pain in your head. When your colleagues came in and saw you with your head in your hands, they sent you home immediately.
Your headache was now progressing towards a full-on migraine, and as you stepped into your apartment and realised how many chores there were to do - a sink full of dishes, a basket full of laundry and a living room strewn with toys - you nearly wept in despair. There was no way you could get any of this done when you felt so awful. But your headache refused to let you think of any of that. It steered you upstairs and into your bedroom, demanding that you lay down immediately.
Nari, your mind pounded at you, refusing to let you fall asleep until you addressed it. Nari, Nari, who will pick up Nari from school?
As you lay down on your bed, shutting the curtains to drown out the light, you peered at your phone, ignoring the blinding pain in your head as you did so. Jimin and Jin had gone to Busan for their adoption appointment today, so they were out. Yoongi had finally popped the question to Jungkook and they were on a celebratory vacation in Jeju. Mrs. Kim was out with her friends this evening, and Namjoon-
Well, Namjoon was a no go.
You sighed, feeling a hot tear roll down your cheek at your despair.
I guess I'll have to collect her, you realised, praying that the migraine would be gone by 3pm.
But then, you remembered Nari's request from earlier about the 'Man from the TV'.
Without thinking about it too much, you dialled the number, and he picked up on the third ring.
"Hello?" Taehyung's voice echoed down the line.
"Tae, I'm sorry," you croaked, "But I'm really ill. Are you in Seoul? Could you get Nari from school today?"
"Shit, are you okay? Hang on-" There was some muffled fumbling on the other end of the line as Taehyung apparently checked something with someone, before he was back. "Hey, sorry - yeah, no problem. Can you send me the school address?"
"Oh my god, yes - Tae, thank you," your stomach unclenched in relief. Taehyung chuckled on the other end of the line.
"It's literally the least I could do," he reassured you. "Are you alright? Do you need anything? I can take Nari back to my place if you're not well-"
"No no, I'm fine," you replied. "Just bring Nari here and wake me up when you're back? I'll leave a key in the mailbox for you."
"Okay," he agreed. "Don't worry, I'll take care of her."
You smiled, even though it hurt your head to do so. "Thank you, Tae."
Before the phone had even rung off, you were asleep.
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