I rushed out of my house, still in my pajamas but I really didn't care.
It's so hard to get clean and relapses are the moments when you are at your lowest ever. You feel like you will never be able to get out of that tunnel but you also feel like you filled up a void in your life. You think that you'll never get clean and convince yourself to stop trying.
Don't get me wrong, Rafe hadn't been clean for a long time. But I could feel that this time it would've been different and so did he. This was his first real relapse and I needed to be there for him no matter what.
I rushed into my car and started the motor, I drove to Barry's in what must have been five minutes, so I was definitely speeding. I don't know how this happened so fast but I was going to do everything for Rafe.
I got to Barry's and stormed in. I gave him his money and to be honest I expected him to ask for way more than that. I rushed to find Rafe, I found him sitting down on a couch, he had just sniffed the last line that was on the table. I saw him, so miserable, so sad, so angry at himself and tears came to my eyes, he wasn't all of these things but his dad convinced him that he was and drove him into relapsing.
"Rafe?" I said with a slight sob but I tried to push the tears away for Rafe.
"Lil?" He answered throwing his head up from the table to look for me. His eyes met mine, they were so red and he had a different look on them. Not the loving Rafe that I was getting used to, not the rude Rafe that I had known all my life, he seemed sad. Like someone had stabbed him in the heart and he couldn't take it anymore.
"Lil, please don't leave me, I'm sorry. I let you down I know. I know you're disappointed but please don't leave me." He said sobbing.
I grabbed his face with my hands, one on each side, and looked him in the eye.
"Rafe, I'm not disappointed. I get it, truly." I told him emphasising the 'truly' so that he would get that I meant my words.
"You do?" he asked tears coming to his eyes.
"Yes, Rafe. Of course, I do. Let's go home now." He nodded and followed me. It was hard to get him in the car because he was barely listening to me. He seemed off. Very off. I could just see it in his eyes. Something was different, but, of course, I let it go.
We got to my house, I couldn't bring him to his house because I knew that Sarah would be awake. I brought him to mine as my parents were sleeping when I left the house, I could just sneak him out the next day.
I brought him to my room, it was hard and required a lot of dragging.
"Do you want me to get you some clothes to sleep into?" I asked him and he shook his head. Taking off his pants and shirt and getting in my bed only in his boxers.
"Or that," I said chuckling at how he did that so naturally.
I didn't look at him too much and I just slipped into bed beside him. Before I did that, I locked my door so that if my parents woke up they couldn't come in and see Rafe half-naked and assume weird things.
I was so worried about him, his dad's words really got into his head. "Are you okay?" I asked him and turned around to face him. "Yeah I'm good," he answered but I could tell he was lying. He knew that I could tell but I didn't want to force him to open up so I just nodded and closed my eyes to sleep.
The next morning I woke up before him, I was laying in his arms and he was still sleeping peacefully. I took a picture of him because he looked so calm and so cute. After a while, he woke up.
"Good morning beautiful," he told me "Good morning handsome," I told him and smiled.
"So are we going to talk about it?" I asked turning my body around so I was facing him, my body on his chest.
"I guess we're going to aren't we?" he said and his smile was ripped off his face. I hated that but I couldn't just let him go on his day, pretending nothing happened.
"So, what happened?" I asked him gazing into his eyes.
"After the lunch I-I," he stuttered and he was clearly getting nervous.
"Hey it's okay, I'm here for you," I said and he closed his eyes for a moment. "I drove to Barry's and from there, it's a blur, I couldn't handle myself. I'm so sorry Lil. But please don't leave me please don't." He said, his eyes looked scared and I just wanted to let him know that I will never leave him.
"Rafe. Stop apologizing. Getting clean won't be a straight road, there will be times when you'll feel like you can't control yourself. These moments bring you down, but what you don't realize is that these are the moments that you learn from. Maybe they bring you down but they give you the chance to get up. You have to know that you don't need drugs, you don't. As long as I'm here you'll never need them." I told him.
"I know, it's just that everyone in my life always leaves as soon as it gets unpleasant." he said, he was more talking to himself than to me.
"Rafe, I'm not going anywhere, I promise," I told him looking deeply into his eyes. Rafe has lots of depth to himself, but you need to get to know him to truly understand it.
He pulled me into a kiss and we just laid like that for a while, just the two of us. It was four p.m. and we were still there, for the most part we talked but truly we did nothing and that kind of bugged me, to be honest.
It felt good though, to know that the person whose arms you were laying in would do everything for you. My phone rang and it was Sarah. I picked up, "Lil what are you doing?"
"Not much, just in bed what's up?" I answered.
"Well, there's a party tonight." She told me and I was instantly excited.
"Pogue or Kook?" I asked her. I was hoping for a pogue party because they're always at the beach.
"Pogue," She answered instantly.
"Cool cool, where should we get ready? Mine or yours?" I asked her.
"Yours, I'm on my way already,"
"Oh you're on your way! Okay, see you in three minutes!" I said with a loud and nervous voice before hanging up.
"Your sister is coming here right now, you need to leave!" I told Rafe with a panicked voice.
"Oh shit!" he yelled before jumping out of bed and putting his clothes on. He was still in boxers from last night and I have to say that he looked really good. He's always worked out and because of that he had abs, they were wow. I stared at his chest for a while and he chuckled.
"Like what you see huh?" He told me and slightly smirked at me.
"Oh yes I do, but you have to go now," I reminded him.
He looked at me smiling and said "Give me a goodbye kiss," I gave him the kiss and he got out through the window. He did it so well that it almost made me wonder if he had done it before.
Just as he was out of sight Sarah attempted to open my bedroom door, it was still locked from last night. I ran to the door and opened it. She looked at me with a doubtful look and chuckled at what I was wearing, just then I realized I was still in my pajamas.
"I had a lazy day for once k?" I told her and she laughed even more.
We got ready together and I was wearing jean shorts and a green tube top. The pogues picked us up with the Twinkie and they were already pregaming, I love partying but I could never do it every day if I drank as much as they did. I truly could never.
We got to the party and it was really fun. Music was blasting along the beach, and Kie and I were dancing pretty much the whole night.
The party was dying down when the kook trio showed up. Of course, they would come. Kelce came towards the pogues and I, "Can you get me a beer my friend?" he asked Jj with a sarcastic look.
"Why don't you get it yourself huh?" Jj answered.
"Because I'm a kook and you're a dirty pogue," Kelce answered and our mouths opened wide. Everyone had always treated the pogues like that and it wasn't anything new but the way he believed that him being a kook made him better than others made my blood boil.
Topper and Rafe were also stunned by Kelce and I have to say I was feeling a little proud, it was the bare minimum but still unusual for them.
"Kelce what the hell is wrong with you? You come here at a pogue party and demand a beer. You have legs and arms so get it yourself. No one on this beach is inferior to you and you don't have the fucking right to come here and think that you can treat us as if we were. Wake up, no one in this world owes you anything so don't go acting around as if you're better than anyone just because you have money." I yelled at him.
People were even more stunned about that but I was sick of hearing kooks think they're better than others because of their money. Yes, I am a kook, but not one of those.
"What the hell did you just say to me, princess?" Kelce said getting closer to me, I could see Rafe and Topper getting angrier by the second.
"You fucking heard me Kelce, either you act like a normal human or you can get lost in Figure 8." I answered with a calm voice. I'm not going to let this idiot discriminate against my friends.
"Jj you better tell your bitch to shut the fuck up before I make her regret it," Kelce snapped.
That's when Rafe and Topper both started to beat the shit out of Kelce.
Author's Note:
Ohh Shit's about to go downn!!!!
Anyways!! I rlly hope you're liking this story!! Thank you for reading!!