Trigger warning: severe panic attack
Hope's POV (Short Chapter)
My body felt numb. I felt like I couldn't move. I was frozen.
He's gone....
Loki... my other half. My one. My soulmate is gone and I could have saved him.
He was right there. He was right in front of me.
Then he wasn't.
I stared down at the ring in my hand. The one Loki put in my hand before he....
It was completely gold with a medium sized diamond on top. It was beautiful.
It wasn't flashy, since he knew I never liked to be flashy.
And it was made from his golden helmet.
He was going to propose with this.
He wanted me to be his wife and... oh my god...
I can't do this.
I felt like my heart was going to rip in half, literally.
I doubled over in pain as I sobbed quietly to myself, not wanting the others to hear me. I kneeled on the floor, resting my head against the floor.
I could have stopped Thanos if I didn't let him in my head. I was blinded by my fear of losing my family.
I should've been able to stop him.
Loki would still be here... he would be here with me.
My body was hurting... so, so bad. I felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly, all over my body.
I should have done more.
This is all my fault.
"I-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I cried into my hands, trying to stay as quiet as possible.
My body was glowing, trying to heal an injury that it couldn't heal.
Why did he have to go?! Why couldn't it be me!?
He didn't deserve it! They didn't deserve it!
Loki. Please come back.
I need you. I can't live without you.
You're my one.
My body shook as that moment flashed in my head.
"The... sun will shine on us... again..."
The dust creeping up his body as he said those words.
The wound I created on him...
The last time I will ever see those beautiful green eyes. The last time I will ever hear his soothing voice.
The last time.
"Hope...? You in here?" I heard a voice come from the door I thought I locked.
I stayed quiet. They couldn't see me, but they could see the trashed bedroom.
The bed was flipped onto its side and the drawers had fallen over. There was papers from the desk all over the floor.
Burn marks in the walls as well as a cracked window.
I tried to stop glowing, but I couldn't control my body. Not when my mind was going haywire.
I don't even know where we are or how long I've been here. I only remember Thor carrying me away from that field in Wakanda.
I bit my lip to hold in a cry, wanting to be held and be told this would go away. Just like Bucky used to.
Bucky.
I felt my heart pound hard on my chest as I thought of the two men.
My boys.
One my lover and one my brother.
I'm so sorry I wasn't here, Bucky... I'm so sorry I left you.
I should've have been here. I shouldn't have left.
Not to mention I made you think I was dead.
What kind of sister am I?
"Hope." I heard the same voice mumble in front of me.
"P-please go..." I whimpered to them, knowing who it is. "I-I want to be a-alone."
My voice cracking from the endless crying I've been doing.
"I'm not leaving you alone." The person kneeled just in front of me on the floor. I couldn't see them, but I could feel their presence.
We didn't say anything for a good 5 minutes. She just sat there while I tried to contain my sobs.
"I'm here." I felt a hand on my head. I flinched at the touch which only burned the woman trying to comfort me.
I looked up to the woman. I watched her eyes widened as she stared at me.
"H-He's gone..." I cried to her. She let out a shaky breath as her eyes begin to water.
I immediately felt guilty as I watched one of the strongest people I know start to cry.
I could have prevented it.
"My other half. My soulmate. Loki is gone." I sobbed as I stared at the woman with me.
"Bucky... Sam, Wanda, Pietro, T'Challa... so many more people... they're gone." I named some of the only people I know who are gone.
I finally said it out loud. And doing so made it feel real.
I felt a sharp pain in my chest making me cry out.
I curled up as I fell to my side, holding my arms close to my chest. My heart was pounding. My head felt like it was going to explode.
"Y-you need to leave..." I felt my magic begin to bottle up in side. My eyes burning as did my skin. "I don't want to hurt you."
Natasha stood up slowly. I squeezed my eyes shit as I held in my magic.
The wind picking up in the room, papers flying everywhere. The ground shook.
"Please!" I yelled at her, afraid I might hurt her. She just stared down at me. "This pain... it doesn't just break my heart, it physically hurts! It feels like my heart has been ripped out of me, like someone put my chest on fire! He's gone! The connection we had is burning away!"
I felt another sharp pain, but it was in my head. I cried again.
Now there was blue mist surrounding me.
I heard the door close with a slam.
I could feel Loki's connection completely leaving me.
"No! Please! No!" I screamed out as I wanted to hang on to him.
I gasped for air as I felt myself beginning to have trouble breathing. I couldn't take full breaths. Small, heavy inhaled and exhales.
Somethings happening to our soulmate bond.
I sat up and quickly backed into the wall, sitting up straight as I looked around for something to hold to keep me steady.
I felt a large throbbing pain in my chest. I kneeled again and bent over. I screamed in pain.
I could feel it. It was all coming out. A powerful surge of magic building in my chest.
I tried to breath normally, but it was no use.
Then, I lifted my body and released all the magic I needed to release.
I screamed as a wave of blue mist filled the room, cutting into the walls and shaking them.
The bed flew away from me and hit the wall with a crash. The desk and drawers hit the wall as well.
I contained as much as I could, afraid I would devastate the whole building. Afraid to hurt anyone else.
I felt myself become weak and tired.
I dropped onto the floor again, laying down. My body aching, my head pounding, and my heart broken.
I couldn't feel Loki anymore. He was completely gone.
There was no more connection.
I tried to cry, but I had no tears left. I couldn't. I just laid there, tired. I couldn't move my body.
I have never felt so weak, so empty.
There's nothing there.
Such emptiness...
I heard feet rush into the room.
"Hope!" Thor boomed in shock as he kneeled in front of me. I looked up at him tiredly.
Steve and Nat stood beside him. With worry and tears in their eyes.
"He's gone." I whispered so quietly I could barley hear it.
Thor's eyes casted down in guilt and sadness. Eyes watering. "I'm sorry, Hope."
I didn't even care about the stares I was getting.
I felt my eyes begin to close as sleep started to take over.
I felt someone begin to lift me. I tried to stay awake, but I couldn't.
I let my eyes close and darkness take over.