I looked for him in every hall and couldn't find him. I thought of calling him but maybe it's too intrusive and he doesn't want to be found right now, I don't know...
I turn a corner and I can finally see his green bolero, but is not him wearing it.
Is it Bojan who wears it and he sees me too.
-Hey, (Y/N) ! - he raises the can in his hand to salute me.
-Bojan! - I hurry to get closer to him.- Well done out there. - I say.
-Thank you! You too. It was fun, all of this, but I guess today everything ends.
Don't say that...
-Yes, I suppose. It was awesome to meet you guys.
-Same, it was truly an experience I wish we could repeat. - he takes a sip of his drink.
-By the way...Jere?
-He's gone in that direction. - he points to one of the halls.
-Thank you, how was he?
-He looks very sad, don't gonna lie. I found him near the bathroom.
-I see... - I stand there thinking about it. - Thank you Bojan, let's keep in contact.
-Yes, please.
-And you wear it well. - I point to the bolero he's wearing.
-Thank you! Maybe I'll keep it. - he smiles.
We give each other a hug and say goodbye.
I start walking to the direction that Bojan told me, after a while I realize that I am going to the Finnish backstage, so maybe he's gone there.
When I get there I see a bunch of people in the hall surrounding someone.
Everyone grabbed that person and lifted him up like he was a rockstar, cheering for him.
And that person was Jere.
They took him inside the Backstage and put him standing on a chair.
He started to give a speech with a hand on his heart and with the other grabbing his country flag and one of those peach tea cans.
The address was all in Finnish so I couldn't understand much. I only recognized the words "thank you", "I'm grateful" and "sorry".
I did not dare to enter, it felt like an intimate moment with his people.
I observe everything from the door.
He looks tired and sad, not like the person I saw just an hour ago. His hair is still a mess and the black shadow of his eyes is smeared.
Although I don't understand the language I can sense what his feelings are.
Suddenly our eyes met, he stopped talking and gave me a sad smile.
-Kiitos... - He moves his mouth but doesn't pronounce the words
Everyone rushes at him shouting his name like a chant. He lowers his head and lets himself be embraced by his team.
I look at my feet with my eyes filled with tears.
When the show ended I thought it would be a good idea to go and talk with him right away but now I know it's better not to push him. I didn't imagine seeing him like this but I can understand...
I decided to go back to the Spanish delegation backstage, to pack my things and give them a moment.
...
When I get there all my coworkers are reunited in a semicircle chatting and relaxing, they look much better and calmer.
It seems that the tension has gone.
-(Y/N)! - Anna looks at me with a big smile. - Where have you been?! Come sit with us!
I sit beside her and she caresses my back.
-You did a great job, we're finally done. -she whispers to me assuming, I suppose, that I'm emotional because of the overload of work, like last time she saw me like this.
-Yes...you too. - I just say.
-We were talking about what we'll do after this. - Says Anna.
-Yes, Blanca said that she wants to record a new album, for example. - responds our coordinator.
Blanca nods.
-That 's huge! - Says Anna. - My only plan is to sleep for at least two weeks straight. And then will see what happens...
-And you, (Y/N) ? - asks Blanca.
-I don't know, maybe travel to some country... And go see my mother, that's for sure.
-What country would you like to visit? - asks Anna.
-Some southern country ? Or a nordic one? - asks Blanca
She smiles at me, I do the same. And the question remains unanswered because someone else starts to talk.
...
I look at my phone thinking about texting Jere, but I think that it's best to wait.
So I keep talking with them a bit more, enjoying the last moments all together.
We laugh and get emotional at remembering some anecdotes.
That one occasion where the vocal coach tried to flirt with a Londonense and they spilled their drink on his head.
When a seagull tried to steal the breakfast of our stylist, and it won.
The story of the kiss proof make up.
The party in Madrid where Anna abandoned me...
-Oh, oh! and and... - Anna couldn't hold the laugh. - The day that Blanca almost fell from the stage in the practices.
-That's not fair, they moved the floor! They moved it!- Shouts Blanca.
-How can they do that?! - replies Anna. - You just forgot where you had to stand!
We break into laughs, Blanca doesn't try to negate it anymore and laughs with us.
Anna was crying with laughter with her hands on her stomach.
The laughs little by little begin to stop and I am the last one to realize it. I stop, looking at them strangely.
-Wha.. - I start to say.
Everyone looks at the door and I slowly move my head to that direction.
-Hi. - says the black haired man standing there with a timid smile and sad eyes.
He's already dressed to go out. He wears a hoodie, pants, boots and a backpack on his shoulders, all in black. The green of his nails stands out.
-Jere! - Shouts Anna.
I stand up and we look at each other holding our breath.
At that moment all the people in the room start to talk to him, congratulating him, asking questions and giving hugs.
I stand there not knowing what to do or say.
...
When they finish and the attention goes to something else, Jere gestures discreetly to me to follow him out of the room. I nod and I follow him.
We close the door and stand in front of one the other.
-I called you.- he whispers shyly.
I took my phone to check if I had missed the call.
-No.- he speaks again. - I mean, before, when you were at our door and left.
-Oh, sorry, didn't hear you... I wanted to give you space, it felt like you may have wanted a moment alone and also with your team.
-Yes. I was... I, all of this... -he cannot find the words, he looks down defeated. -Thank you. - he manages to say.
-Don't worry... - I say, trying to reassure him.
He keeps in silence for a second, thinking.
-At the end I didn't win...
I grab him carefully by the shoulder straps of his backpack making him look at me.
It hurts me to hear those words come out of his mouth and see him like this.
-You accomplished many other things and much better ones than winning this contest. - I whisper to him.
He drops his head onto my shoulder.
-Then you'll go to celebrate them with me, as we said?
-You can choose. - I say
-In a peaceful place...
-In a peaceful place... - I repeat.
I never imagined that today it would be like this, that it would affect us this much.
I really thought it was going to be a celebration night.
But if things turned out like this... and today is going to be our last day of this amazing experience together, I'm not allowing it to end up this way.
...
We decided to go first to his hotel room to let there some things.
When we got there I could see that his room was way bigger and better decorated than mine. It was perfectly cleaned except for his luggage that was with all his clothes and personal belongings disordered and all thrown on the floor.
Jere lets his backpack in a chair and enters the bathroom.
I sit in his bed waiting for him.
-You have to take an airplane tomorrow and you haven't packed your things.
-I suppose I'm not mentally ready to take that airplane yet. - he says from inside the bathroom. I can hear the griffin, the water and the sound of his clothes moving.
-Mmh...
He comes out and he still seems sad. I want to talk with him about what happened but I don't know how to.
-You know... we don't have to go out now if you don't want to.
He is about to say something, but stops and stays silent.
-You'd like to do that on your last night at Liverpool? To stay here with me? - he finally says.
-Do you? Because I don't mind.
-Yes, ok... - he slightly nods. - Let's stay here just for an hour, to recover.
-As you like...
...
Jere decided to take a shower, he didn't have the time to do it before so I waited for him sitting on his bed with my legs crossed.
I texted my mom, she won't see it till tomorrow, but I want her to know that I will see her soon and everything's good here.
Alessandra sent me some more messages and Anna sent me some photos of our estance in Liverpool.
In some of them appears Jere with his usual happy smile. And right now he is so serious that he doesn't even look like the same person.
When he finished he came out of the bathroom with the same clothes I saw him the night he stayed with me in my hotel room, but today he only wears socks, without the flip flops.
I look at his feet, he shakes his head, I try to contain my smile and he approaches me.
-Don't be so happy about it... - he says with a half smile.
Looking at his face more closely I can see that his eyes are still dirty with black eye shadow.-
I chuckle.
-Don't tell me you dont know how to wash your face properly. - I get up.
-What you mean?
-Sit on the bed you still have make-up in your eyes.
-Oh, that... I'm too lazy to clean it. - he sits as I said, with a sigh.
-I clean it for you...
I took some cotton pads and makeup-remover from my bag.
And I clean his face, he doesn't protest and just closes his eyes.
-You always take with you your work tools - he asks.
-Maybe...
He smiles timidly.
-The first time we met...- I started saying. - You had your eyes all dirty like this. I thought you were a mysterious guy.
He giggles.
-You found out that I'm not.
-You're way better than a mysterious guy.
He opens his eyes slowly to look at me.
-I remember how you gave me courage that day. That you were sure that I am good at what I do and told me everything will be fine.
-And I was wrong? - I smile sweetly, but he lowers his face when hearing those words... -I-I know that you can't see it right now. But... all you did, it is amazing, you achieved big things.
-I wished to win, to prove something... for tonight to be different and not like this.
-And what's wrong with this? With tonight?
He looks at me surprised and his lips separate to say something but say nothing. I give him a sad smile.
I think about what to say next.
-...Loreen has a history, a background in Eurovision. She's not only a great artist but known and loved by the audience.
You came out of nowhere, few people knew who you were and today they wanted you to win. You received the highest punctuation from the public. You earned everyone's hearts and love.
He sits there hearing me talk, with his eyes widened, analyzing what I'm saying very concentrated.
-Only good things are waiting for you from now on. -I keep speaking. - This is just the beginning of it... The important thing is not to win but to be remembered.
He suddenly takes me closer, embracing my hips with his arms, he puts his head on my stomach, placing me between his legs. I hug him by the shoulders.
-Of all things... you are the best that has ever happened to me. -He takes a breath to speak again. -I can't imagine how things would be now if you hadn't gone up to that rooftop that day and if I hadn't been taking an irresponsible sun bath.
I laugh at his sudden joke, feeling my eyes fill with tears and I rest my head on top of his.
-You would never have discovered peach tea.
-Or I would never know that in other countries "UNO" is played like savages.
-Ey! - I pinch his cheek and he laughs.
-You have always been there for me and I hope you will continue to be in the future...- he says it with a more serious voice tone.
-I promise, Eurovision ended but this it's not goodbye...
We break the embrace and we look at each other's faces, I can see his teary eyes and his cheeks wet, tears falling down mine.
-Don't cry! - He says smiling again, like he always does.
-No, YOU don't cry ! - I shout.
We laugh and he wipes his tears with the collar of his t-shirt, I dry mine with the back of my hands.
-Thank you (Y/N), you always know what to say to me. - he takes one of my hands on his. - You're right to say that I got better things from this. I have made great friends, I have met you and had experiences that I will remember forever. I know I shouldn't react like that for losing...
-You worked very hard. Why do you have to hide your feelings? You shouldn't do that, at least not with me.
-No... I shouldn't. - he pulls me closer. - (Y/N)... - he whispers my name.
-Yes? - I move my head towards him to hear him better.
-Olen rakastunut sinuun...
-Olen rak-rakas... - I try to repeat not knowing what it means.
He doesn't say anything more, instead he puts his other hand on the back of my neck to carefully pull me closer to him, he approaches his face to mine too.
We look for a moment at each other's faces, my eyes focusing nervously from one to another part of his face and finally stopping on his blue eyes.
I don't need to know what he said to understand what his feelings are.
I approach him slowly, timidly kissing his lips, like asking for permission.
He takes my face with both hands deepening the kiss.
First in an insecure way and then with more intensity when seeing that I follow his lead.
At that kiss I feel a strong connection that makes my whole body flinch.
We separate and he looks at me like he is under a spell. I timidly smile, feeling my cheeks getting hot.
He puts a lock of hair behind my ear and I lend my hands on his shoulders softly kissing the corner of his lips looking for more.
He kisses me again, while unconsciously pushing me slowly towards him. I sit on his lap facing him, he grabs me by my lower back and pulls me closer, finally putting one body totally touching the other.
We stop kissing, searching for air and look at eachother faces again. His ruddy cheeks and glazed eyes make me melt in his arms.
I rest my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes trying to calm myself.
He lets out a nervous breath and tightens the embrace.
-(Y/N), do you want to... stay? - He whispers to me.
-Yes... - I say with a soft voice.
We had a pending conversation, but no more words were needed to realize each other's feelings.