From here on out I'll be taking a commenter's advice and shorten your ex best friend's name to y/ebfn
"Y/ebfn???" I say after opening my door. "Y/n, my mom talked to yours. One thing led to another and I found out about...what happened. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for everything. As soon as she told me I broke down crying because I was terrified at the thought of losing you. I'm sorry so much has happened between us and I'm sorry that I have hurt you before. I've been thinking about you a lot lately and I miss you so much, I just wanted to say I love you. I hope that one day we can talk about this to see if we can eventually work things out and be friends again. I'm also really sorry if I seemed harsh when I didn't exactly want to be friends again yet. I was in a rough place too and I didn't know how to handle it. All that being said though, I do wish the best for you and love you. I understand if you don't want to get things to how they were before, I just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you and I'm here."
I don't know how to process this but I give her a huge hug and say "thank you for coming and taking to me, obviously right now I've got a lot going on and I don't know how I'll feel by the time I've processed it all. For now I'm ok with us trying to rebuild our friendship but I have a lot healing to do and I can't guarantee that when it's over that I'm going to still want to rebuild. I hope you can understand and I love you too"
we pull apart and she says "I understand, I did talk about you behind your back. Even if my intentions were to vent to our friends it doesn't change the fact that I hurt you and I know that's not the only way I hurt you. I know you've spent a long time trying to pick up the pieces of our friendship that I broke, it's my turn now and after all I've done I can't expect you to stay by my side. Especially since..." she sighs thinking about all she's done "I didn't stand by yours."
We look at each other for a moment, not quite sure what to say when we hear the honking of a car outside. "That's my ride, I'd better get going." She says to which I nod.
"I'll miss you..." I say before she leaves my room.
"I'll miss you too" she says, closing the door behind her.
I lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling, just wondering if I'll ever have the heart to truly completely forgive her for all she's done to me. I know I'm trying but to truly forgive her, to forgive and forget...I'm just not sure.
In a brighter frame of mind I should probably text the gang to get over here to tell them what happened.
20 minutes later I'm sitting on my bedroom floor across from a slack jawed Kiri, Kami, and Mina.
"She said that?!" Mina says astounded.
"The y/ebfn said THAT" Kami asks.
"Yup." I say, still a little surprised myself.
"To be clear we're talking about the same y/ebfn that practically chased you out of your last school?!" Kiri says.
"So you're just going to be friends again???" Kami asks.
"I'm going to take it slow, watch her actions first and foremost. Then if she sticks to what she says I MIGHT let down my guard but until then I'm not getting my hopes up." I say.
"Sounds like a plan to me." Kiri says, earning agreement from the others.
"Sooooooooo, now that all the tea's been spilled how about we play truth or dare?" Mina asks.
"Mina, usually I'd kill for the chance to see you embarrass these two but it's getting late and we're going to ground bata tomorrow." I say.
"I'm with y/n in on this one Mina." Kami replies.
"Me too." Says Kiri.
"Awwww, okayyyyyyyy." Mina says in a winey voice.
I close the door behind them after saying goodbye, I plant my forehead to the door and let out a sigh as tears fall from my eyes. Y/ebfn want to fix things but just talking with her reopens old wounds. My tears started coming faster and my breathing speeds up, I'm having a panic attack
My quickened breathing turns into full blown hyperventilation and my chest tightens slightly. I pace around my room looking up from time to time, driven to by feeling so desperate to make it all stop. I finally lay down and it just stops as quickly as it started. I don't know why but honestly I couldn't care less.
I stand up after a moment turn off the light to my fan and go to sleep. Here's hoping tomorrow won't be quite as draining.