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Julia and everyone just continue to stare in disbelief even Hershel and his family. Shane shows no remorse over what he's done as he seems confident and proud with himself. Julia wipes the evidence of her tears and adds this moment to the dark vault of what made her cold.
"Don't look. Don't look." Daryl says while lifting a hysterical Carol up to her feet but she just breaks free of his hold and storms away sobbing as she leaves.
Hershel's daughter Beth can be heard crying too as she clings to Jimmy before rushing towards the Walker pile. Rick tries to stop and shush her but Beth blows right past him and approaches a specific Walker.
A woman laying face down with other walkers piled on top of her. Beth removes the Walker that lays on top of her, and then goes to roll her over and the Walker tries to grab her. Beth began to scream bloody murder as everyone tries to separate her from the walker.
Glenn grabs its arms as T-Dog tries to kick it down but it just kept coming almost biting Glenn.
Julia runs up and slices the Walker in the head with her sword making it drop as Beth cries now clinging to Hershel who looks to be in shock.
Rick looks distressed as he stares at the bodies knowing Shane just ruined their one shot of staying on the farm.
Hershel leads his family towards the house as Shane tries to shift some of the darkness of what he's done to them. Blaming them for what they'd done to Sophia, claiming they knew she was in there.
Julia just walked Raya to the picnic table and made her sit down and read. The small girl stayed mute tears dried on her chubby cheeks as she sniffles.
Julia after leaving the girl somewhere safe found herself going for a walk to try and calm down from whatever the hell that was back there. She hadn't cried in so long yet- she cried for a kid she barely knew.
Julia kept kicking things on the way of her walk when- she noticed Hershel rushing to his truck without anyone else in sight. Julia knew they were preparing for the funerals more then likely.
So Julia followed him.
"Wait up!" She calls and Hershel keeps walking but stops at his truck glaring at her. "What do you want Julia.... I can't-..... don't say anything to me today okay just- not today." He says gravely but Julia shakes her head.
"I was just going to ask if could tag along. You- your going somewhere and something tells me .... I need it right now too." Julia adds and he stares at her and he must have seen something because he points to the passenger seat as Julia rushes to climb in.
He drives them to the local town Julia could only assume is where Glenn and Maggie do their runs.
They go to a bar named Hatlins that is empty and feels cold due to the lack in lighting. Julia immediately grabs a stool and starts chugging down vodka. The burn felt pleasant the longer she drank and soon enough she was smiling and looking at Hershel ready to talk his ear off.
"So.... What do you want to talk about? You want to start off light or get to the heavy shit?" Julia asks with a smile as he just hunches over his drink more.
"Nothin." He says gravely as Julia nods before filling the silence with her own voice. "Alright I'll start us off then. Today was a load of bullshit. I'm sorry Shane did what he did. If it makes you feel any better you can join mine and Dales Shane hater club. But- ya gotta get the mandatory stick and poke tattoo." Julia says with a laugh showing her tattooed wrist but he doesn't even glance at her.
"Okay tough crowd." She says with a sigh drinking some more vodka before her eyes trail down to a cross.
"I don't know why I thought for even a second that little girl was out there alive. I'm mean- I'm doom and gloom Julia that's what I do I see what's right in front of me. I- I knew she had to be dead deep down but-.... Rick he does this thing that gives you hope and you just gotta believe him. Like- when he got us to the CDC and we thought no one was there. He saw something and saved us that night. Given it almost blew us up the following day but- it gave us a night to relax and drink. I even slept with Daryl which is- kind of on my mind now probably because I'm drinking and when I drink I get horny." Julia rambles as Hershel only listens to the first part the rest was too much information for him.
"Why are you so doom and gloom?" He asks as Julia stiffens and looks away. But- drunk she would answer him of course.
"Well- like you I was raised religious.... Except I was told from the moment I was born what I was-... a sinner. Born by an unmarried whore according to my grandmother may she burn in hell. I learned from a very young age that I couldn't rely on anyone but myself. And- that the people you want to trust- they just take advantage of you." Julia sneers as her smile was long gone.
"Despite what I seen today I find that unlikely Julia. I don't see you as anything less than anyone else in that group." Hershel says softly but Julia shakes her head.
"No no I am. They all get to be the 'normal' ones. I'm the one they say is bat shit crazy. It is what it is." She shrugs as Hershel just goes back to being silent.
And the pair drank in that silence for awhile.
___________________________________
Rick was trying to settle things down back at camp when Lori rushed to get him saying Hershel was missing and Beth needed medical help. Of course Shane followed and they looked around his room to see a bunch of his wives things out.
"Your stepmothers things?" Rick asks as Maggie nods, "He was so sure she'd recover. They'd just pick up where they left off." Maggie says with her gaze piercing Shane who doesn't notice.
Instead he lifts a flask up, "Looks like he found an old friend." He tosses it to Rick who inspects it as well.
"That belonged to my grandfather gave it to dad when he died." Maggie explains grabbing the empty flask with curiosity surely thinking she had to be wrong.
"I didn't take Hershel for a drinker." Rick says with surprise as Maggie shakes her head. "No he gave it up on the day I was born. He didn't even allow liquor in the house." Maggie explains as Rick looks to have an idea.
"What's the bar in town?" Rick asks having a good idea where the man was. "Hatlins. He practically lived there in his drinking days." Maggie says while looking to Rick confused on why he wanted to know.
But subconsciously she knew why.
"Betting that's where I'll find him." Rick says with a sigh knowing a drunk Hershel might not be as clear minded. "Yeah I've seen the place. I'll take you." Glenn offers making Rick nod and begin to leave for the truck.
"N-No." Maggie says stoping Glenn who looks confused. "It's an easy run." He tries to tell her but she still doesn't budge. "Like the pharmacy?" She asks rhetorically making Glenn look h sure what to say.
"Hey, Maggie? I'll bring him back." Rick states confidently before walking out of the room.
When a small blonde child runs inside the house and looks scared, "Mr Rick..... I- I can't find Ms. Julia anywhere." Raya says with fear evident on her face. Lori could be heard sighing saying something nasty of the woman but Rick sighs and shakes his head.
"What are the odds she went with him." He mutters leaving to go to find Daryl. Lori tells Raya to find Carl and she does but- she looks like she doesn't want to listen to the woman at first. Rolling her eyes as she leaves the house searching for the young boy.
"Rick? You want to have a conversation about this before you leave?" Lori asks with annoyance since he didn't ask her permission despite him not needing it.
Of course Shane just had to input his two sense too.
"So you're seriously gonna go after this guy and nut case Julia with everything that's going on huh? What you gonna do?" Shane asks with an attitude and Lori even agrees with him. Just so she can keep her husband home and nothing else.
"He's right. This is not the time to head off, not today. You don't always have to-" Lori begins to ramble but Rick cuts her off being calm despite the two people he trusts mosts attacking him.
"I'm not arguin. It's the least I can do for Hershel after we-" Rick tries to say but of course Shane interrupts. "What? After we what?" Shane asks before walking between the couple to leave the house.
Rick sighing as his best friend was causing him so much stress. "Carl said he would've shot Sophia himself. That's your son. He's getting cold. He's growing up in a world with- he's growing up in a world where he needs a father like you- around, alive. Not running off solving everybody else's problems." Lori tries to coax Rick to stay but- he needed to do this. To make it right.
"It's not just his problem I'm trying to solve. We need Hershel for the baby. I'm going after him. Julia- I just need to make sure she's okay, she's one of us." Rick says with finality before leaving the house as well.
He approaches Daryl who was in the process of moving his tent. "Hey- I just gotta ask you something real quick." Rick calls and Daryl pauses before continuing to grab his stuff.
"Like what?" He asks with annoyance as Rick sighs and follows him. "I need to know when is the last time you saw Julia?" Rick asks and Daryl stops walking and faces him with a scowl.
"I don't know why?" He asks with venom as Rick sighs. "She's missing, Hershel too. We think they went to the local bar in town. Was seeing if you'd wanna come help us bring her home." Rick offers but Daryl just scoffs shaking his head.
"She ain't my damn problem." He huffs before going to walk away again from Rick. "I promise to bring her back." Rick calls and Daryl doesn't even pause his steps as he keeps walking away. Rick goes back to the truck and waits for Glenn who is having a long and passionate goodbye with Maggie.
Rick just looks away and sighs waiting for Glenn to finish up.
As they drive to the bar they speak of Maggie and Glenn's relationship Rick giving the best advice he can before they see the bar pull up. "Rick? I know about Lori, her being pregnant. I got her those pills." Glenn admits as Rick just smiles grimly.
"I figured." He states before climbing out of the car. "Hey I'm sorry I kept it from you." Glenn says apologetically as Rick seems unbothered.
"Don't be. You did what you thought was right. It just so happens it wasn't." Rick calmly explains as Glenn looks weary but nods. He definitely wouldn't be hiding things from Rick any more
__________________________________
"Moving to the suburbs?" Lori tries to joke and lighten the mood but Daryl doesn't even look at her. "Listen Beth's in some kind of Catatonic shock. We need Hershel." Lori states while approaching Daryl who keeps scratching his knife as Lori stares at him.
"Yeah. So what?" Daryl asks like he couldn't care at all making Lori crouch beside him with pleading eyes. "So I need you to run into town real quick and bring him and Rick back. Daryl? Come on Julia's missing too?" She tries to throw Julia in to get him off his ass but that seems to trigger him more.
"Your bitch went window shopping. You want him fetch him yourself. I got better things to do." He says with a cold voice as Lori stares at him in bewilderment.
He didn't even mention Julia.
"What's the matter with you? Don't you be so selfish." Lori spat as he immediately stands up with a glare and scowl aimed at her for using the word. "Selfish? Listen to me olive oil. I was out there looking for that little girl every single day. I took an arrow and a a bullet in the process. Don't you tell me about me getting my hands dirty! You want those three idiots have a nice ride. I'm done looking for people." Daryl yells before sitting down and continuing to scrap his knife as Lori just stares at him in disbelief.
She begins walking away but stops slowly facing him with one last thing to say before she leaves.
"I know you saw how she looked after Sophia came out of that barn. Julia may say the cruelest, and nastiest things but she's still a human being. Finding that little girl like that didn't crush just you and Carol, I know you saw it. I just figured you gave a damn." She sneers at the end before sauntering away as Daryl scoffs and shakes his head.
Glenn and Rick open the bar door guns at the ready in case there was walkers but the place is cleaned out except for a very drunk Julia and a silent Hershel.
"Glenn Rick. Drink." Julia says with a cheers motion before dumping a bottle of vodka into her mouth.
"Hershel." Rick says ignoring Julia's invite as he gets straight to business. "Who's with you?" Hershel asks he had been tuning Julia out as she was going on rambling of things he didn't know of. And he also couldn't understand as her speech had slurred.
"Glenn." Rick says uneasy knowing Julia had just said it. "Maggie sent him?" Hershel asks with some sass making Julia snort and look away as more drama felt ready to ensure.
"He volunteered. He's good like that." Rick says standing up for Glenn while walking up to a drunk Julia looking at her face before sighing and shaking his head.
Like he was disappointed.
"How many have you guys had?" Rick asks but Julia snubs him after he gave her such a look by drinking more by the bottle. "Not enough." Hershel answers making Julia hum in agreement as she keeps chugging the vodka.
Rick grabs it from her and she glares at him but he keeps it away from her anyway.
"Let's just finish this up back at home. Beth collapsed, is in some sort of state. Must be in shock I think you are too. Maybe Julia too..." Rick trails off as said woman give him a dirty look.
She felt just fucking peachy.
"Maggie's with her?" Hershel asks and Rick nods but looks upset that Hershel wasn't more worried for his own daughter. "Yeah, but Beth needs you." Rick tries to coax him but Hershel just shakes his head solemnly.
"What could I do? She needs her mother. Or rather to mourn like she should've done weeks ago. I robbed her of that. I see that now." Hershel says with emotion trying to not cry as Julia rolls her eyes.
The most he talks and it was full of bullshit in her opinion.
"It wasn't you who robbed her of that. It was your supposed god." Julia sneers grabbing a whiskey glass and pouring some bourbon in it. Rick gives her an unimpressed look but Julia didn't care.
⚠️TW MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, ABUSE, SA, AND ABORTION⚠️
"Julia- not now." Rick tries to say desperately but Julia just waves him off and snorts dismissively. "It's not Hershel who failed her though it was god. He decided to punish us the only way he saw fit, by killing what he created. God failed everyone. He failed you, he failed Hershel, and he's certainly failed me." Julia says in a cold harsh tone as Julia sips her bourbon for a brief pause.
"You know I haven't prayed in over ten years..... I prayed for Sophia and look- look how that went unanswered. Just like all the other times I prayed for his help and he left me with nothing but agony Rick. This- this is all some cruel joke okay and the quicker you learn that the quicker you don't get disappointed." Julia snaps pouring more bourbon in her empty glass.
"Julia- I don't.... I don't understand okay but right now we need to get out of here." Rick tries to say but Julia just shakes her head and shrugs. "Why Rick? What's the point? You cannot escape from your punishments okay? If anyone knows that it's me." She says while pointing to her back before swirling the contents of her cup around.
"Julia-..... what happened?" Rick finally asks just wanting her to explain this hostility and coldness. He wanted Julia to be helping him to get Hershel to leave not encouraging him to give up.
"When I was born- my mom and dad were not married so that means I was born out of wedlock. My grandmother told me day in and day out that I was made from a sin, that it flowed in my blood because of my parents actions. So- when my mother died of an illness when I was only 5 years old I saw what god did to sinners. He punishes them Rick." Julia spat bitterly the hold on her glass tightening enough to hear a slight crack.
"And then- then he punished me. My grandmother she took me to her church and they tried to pray it away okay? When that didn't work it went to more extreme measures. The pastor- when I was 13..... the man I was supposed to be able to trust. The prophet who spoke and heard from god the man old enough to be my grandfather decided the only way I'd learn to stop being such a sinning whore like my mother was for him to fuck the demons away." Julia says with a heated glare aimed at Rick as he just looked ready to be sick.
13..... thats about how old Carl is now....
"I prayed every single night for god to stop this monster from doing it and he just looked the other way. Just like when I wound up pregnant at 16...... my grandmother was going to force me to marry that man to save her reputation. She was going to raise my baby 'the way I should have been raised.'" Julia says the last part in quotation marks as Glenn stares at her wide eyed disturbed by what he was hearing.
"There was only one way out for me and it was on my fucking wedding day in that god forsaken church. I punched a mirror and tried to use the glass to kill me and my unborn baby. Hell I prayed for it. And once again God let me down and we both lived, he wasn't the one to answer my prayer but the doctors answered my pleas and at least gave my baby the mercy no one could give me." Julia seethes as Hershel stares at her blankly like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"A few weeks later.... My grandmother made a deal with the pastor to stop being shunned by the church. She would punish me in front of them all for committing the sin of abortion and murder. The pastor asked her for a word and had her carve it in front of all those people..... at 16 years old I was branded as a whore, a sinner, and overall a disappointment." Julia says in harsh whisper as a lone tear drops down.
"I hate men. I hate everything they stand for I hate everything they take because they believe they are be owed. That pastor..... he ruined my life. That's when it all became clear.... That all that kindness and guidance he showed me before I was 13. It came with a cost. Turns out nobodies who you think they are Rick. If I got any lasting advice from my so called pastor it's that." Julia finally stops ranting only to wipe at the tears that had fell.
Alcohol really made her emotional.
"He was never caught?" Hershel asks looking pale himself as Julia scoffs and shrugs. "No he was. He died in prison. That didn't change what he'd already done to me." Julia adds gravely as Rick looks ready to get sick.
⚠️ITS OVER SAFE FROM HERE⚠️
"Julia- I am...... I am so sorry." Rick says on a choked sob as he stares at her with pity. Every past interaction he ever had with her on repeat in his mind as he stumbles to grab the bar top and in shock.
"I had no idea." Glenn adds feeling guilty as he remembered all the times people called her crazy. Or even when he looked at her like she was a psycho because she'd get so violent.... She had very good reason to be.
"I- I really thought we were gonna find Sophia. And her being dead in that barn this whole time just- it made me realize god would never be there for me. But- he was there for you when Carl was shot.... A fucking miracle that he got better I just..... that gave me hope that he'd also do the same for Sophia. That was asking too much." Julia sneers as Hershel sighs setting his glass down.
"The lord didn't fail you Julia, your family did." Hershel says confidently as Julia snorts shaking her head. "I hope you can understand why I wouldn't believe that." She says it in a cold detached voice as he nods sadly.
"I do." He says before turning back to his win drink. Julia begins sipping more alcohol as Rick sighs trying to put himself back together he had to get these two home safe. "You thought there was a cure. Can't blame yourself for holding out for hope." Rick says calmly eyeing Julia but she doesn't interrupt anymore as she keeps drinking.
She looked like a shell of herself, a shell of the woman he met at the quarry.
"Hope? When I first saw you running across my field with your boy in your arms, I had little hope he would survive." Hershel notes making Rick jump at that. "But he did." Rick says with hope that it would make Hershel see not every thing in the world was dark.
"He did. Even though we lost Otis yojr man Shane made it back and we saved your boy. That was the miracle that proved to me miracles do exist. Only like Julia says it was a sham. A bait and switch. I was a fool Rick. And you people saw that. My daughters deserve better than that." Hershel says with despair while pouring another drink.
Seems Hershel was an emotional drunk too...