Chapter Eight. In which in (a rather frustrating) circumstances, you're back in the studio to properly 'offer your thankfulness to them'. You wished you persuaded your mother not to make them.
Warning: mentions of suicide/suicide attempt.
Proofread.
I WANT TO HEAR YOU
You didn't consider yourself a popular student.
You were pretty much a sort of shadow kept in the dark and to never be seen, only hiding from Yuri's back. Between the two of you, she'd easily beat you in terms of popularity. She had everything while you were just...you. You didn't even consider yourself as somebody who had something that attract people because most of them had told you and felt that you had an intimidating aura, look always like they didn't have gotten the touch of sleep (which was kind of true) — Overall, you'd like to think that you didn't anything that makes people want you in a romantic eay. Especially when the whole school knew that you were dating her, most have ignored you in a loathing way because you? Dating the Yuri?
So it was a wonder in your third year that you'd receive love confessions. Although you've started having them in your first year, it wasn't that prominent at that time. Albeit, within the start of your last year — they were suddenly coming right at you. Perhaps they knew that the relationship you had with the popular girl was coming to its end, so they were starting to take their chances. You were going to be honest that it was starting to get annoying, although you were flattered that some people saw you that way, understanding that you weren't looking for any romantic relationship at this time would be good.
There were times when you wished that you could just bury yourself six feet underground and to never rise again because some of them caused something embarrassing.
And those times were like this for example.
It was afterschool and you were inside the art club room. The room itself was vacant today and with that, the club teacher rang the members to attend. It was supposed to be a normal session, there was a wave of relief and calmness like soft rain when you stroked the brush against the surface of the canvas, each careful touch that it lingered against a specific color in the pallet held by your non-dominant hand was euphoric in a way. These were the times when you felt like nothing mattered in the moment. The other members of the club were silent around you, only puffed breaths of frustration and contentment along with brushes — the silent whirring of electric fans.
It was all quiet.
" FUJITA-SENPAI! "
Until, it wasn't.
You heard the call behind the door before the door itself bursted open, so harshly that it hit the wall and a loud bang resonated around the once calm room. The chorus of surprised yelps and gasp, were followed by groans of frustration seeing what happened with their works. The scream brought a mistake to their canvas along with yours, the shade of sky blue that was supposed to make contact with the bottom side of the art's surface went down to the finished grass — now, a smudge of blue was out of place there.
You apologized on behalf of the boy after standing up from your seat, wincing when it made a loud screeching noise. Quickly as you could, you walked out the classroom wanting to avoid this sudden embarrassment as far as you could. You closed the door behind you and stared at the boy in front of you.
His shade of hair was in orange, styled messily. He wore the P.E. uniform: red pants and sneakers, white shirt that was topped over with matching red jacket that had his full name printed on the left side that you didn't bother to read. You stared at his form, your face slightly twitching into an exasperated look. You could only think of your artwork being ruined, just as when you thought you could finally have some peaceful time away from any chaotic events. Even if they were small and didn't cause that much trouble in your life, you preferred not to be part of it, thank you very much.
But it seemed like your wishes and hopes were not taken for granted by whoever watched over you. You've been having too many predicaments lately, can't you take a break?
" Fujita-senpai! " His half-frantic voice broke you out from your stupor, voice much less louder this time (which was a blessing to your ears, god knows why he just had to slam the door and call you as if you were going to die right there) — and in front of you, he bowed dramatically. So animatedly, that it made you ponder, were you real? and do people act like this these days? He extended his arms towards you, fingers softly clutching a pink envelope. You exactly know where this was going.
" I've liked you for a while now, Fujita-senpai! " His feet shuffled as he didn't move from his position. You thought that the only thing that would make him do that was to grab the envelope in hand so you did, and you resisted the urge to wince at the shine in his eyes upon seeing what you did.
And it was quick to dull down by the words that came out from your mouth.
" I'm sorry, but I don't even know you. "
Maybe what you said was hurting and you would have sugar coated — but being brutally honest was in your nature, unfortunately for him that you let that statement slip from your lips. It was really true though, you didn't know him to some extent, everyone who had been confessing to you in your years in high school weren't even close to you as friends. And he's just been added to the list. Your eyes stared at the envelope now held by your hand before they drifted to the male in front of you. You expected to see the dejected look on his face, the people you had been rejecting in this type of circumstance would have had that face but to your surprise and utmost confusion, he grinned at you.
" You'll fall in love with me, I'll make sure of it! " He ran off after he said that and you could see him hiding his face behind the palm of his hands running off like a confessing schoolgirl. He went off just like that as if he were just a fifteen second ad on the internet and you could only stand still there being in the state of being dumbfounded.
" That guy's persistent. "
" Talk about getting rejected by an attractive upperclassman like that, I'd be doing the same thing if I were in his position. "
" You find Fujita-san attractive? "
Craning your head towards where the voices were coming from, you only saw the door slamming shut. You heaved a deep sigh and ventured back to the art room, earning looks that lasted for a second before they disappeared from your form and to their canvases. You went back to your seat and continued where you were left, painting the blue with green that made it easily wipe off the mistake, now the incongruous smudge was nowhere to be seen.
Time passed slower today than yesterday and you've spent about another hour and a half inside, your eyes lingering towards the other side of the room when you took short breaks where your school bag stood, accompanied with a black lunch box bag.
By the time that you were finished, you were the only student left in the room so it was your duty to lock it and bring the keys back to your club teacher who left the room thirty minutes ago.
You sauntered through the hallway that had much fewer students, it wasn't that loud compared to the noise they made when the hall was filled like the sea which you found nice. Things that were loud were sort of uncomfortable to your ears and you'd like to stay away from it. Even when it's something melodic and people find it soothing to the ears, you wouldn't think of it the same.
" Excuse me, I'm going to leave the art room's key in Takahashi-sensei's table...Ah, she told me to do so. She's currently at a meeting and I was supposed to lock the room's door... Alright, thank you."
Leaving the faculty room was just as easy as entering. Stopping by the lockers, you settled the lunch bag on the bench and removed your indoor shoes, putting it inside your locker to pick out your own shoes and wearing them right after. You exhaled your breath for the umpteenth time, taking a hold of the bag once more before heading outside the building.
The breeze of the nearing summer along with bits of the sun rays that touch your skin warmed your body as you ambled, and with a small turn you're on the pavement of the streets. A couple of more steps, you reached the train station, turning your head to the left and to the right wanting to catch sight of a mop of salmon pink hair.
But when there wasn't any — unfortunately — just in time the train you're going to ride in arrived, your head turned around one last time with a small hopeful look with the sea of workers and students alike, before heading inside.
Apparently, your mother so much insisted on giving your life savers™ something in order to show your appreciation for what happened yesterday. She said something about them being your human succors and you had to beg her to stop exaggerating that much. Your shock surpassed the height of the tallest mountain on earth when you saw earlier this morning the amount of sushi she readied for you to 'deliver to your saviors' (she said that). You were grateful that they saved your life in some way, but did you really have to do this?
" Mom...I think saying my thank you to them yesterday is enough, besides I don't even—"
" No, no dear. This is a sign of respect, you will bring this to them and no buts! If you don't want to then I'll give them this and tell them how much you're thankful for and—! "
" Fine...I'll do it... "
You shivered at the thought of your mother arriving at your school holding a lunch bag while she walks around the school like she was some sort of supervisor, telling things like: " Have you seen a sweet boy named XXXX, they saved my baby yesterday! " She'd probably tell some embarrassing stories on her way when meeting them, you knew because you've seen her do that a couple of times and it was a mom thing that you couldn't take away.
So that's how it led you through the train station. You would have a nice relaxing afternoon if it wasn't for this 'deliver respect for my saviors' errand. Your mother told you to take a break from working at the club, coming into some sort of conclusion that working late at night would have been the cause of your fainting along with sleeping late.
You messaged Yashi last night, asking if it was fine for you to take a week off and her being the saint she was, she said yes and with how it wasn't much of a problem. Maybe you could have a better sleeping schedule now that you were taking a break, but then again — you had school projects to be done and semestral examination's around the corner.
Hearing the automatic announcement brought another escaping sigh from your lips, you clutched the handle tightly and pushed your way through the door of the train. You took your time walking through the bustling streets, completely aware of your surroundings with the sound of people and the rumbles of vehicles — passing your way through the same post where you fainted brought a displeased look on your face. This specific post would definitely be remembered for quite some time, something embarrassing happened here. You wondered how many people saw you, you hoped that it was only the two second years that have had.
The familiar sign of the studio reached your sight, and you walked a little further until you reached the entrance door. Immediately, you went towards the desk and called out the woman behind the table.
" Excuse me. "
She had a thoughtful look on her face as she looked at you. There was definitely some sort of confusion lingering around her mind as she saw you. The people that rent here were usually the usual customers. Seeing you here as if you were someone that shouldn't be here, you'd take a guess that it was what she was thinking.
A smile etched her plump lips, " Need a room to rent? " You shook your head and turned your head to the hallway where they were yesterday, the distant sign of the number one in bold red you saw, before you turned your head back towards her. " Akihiko Kaji...is he here? " You hoped that the question wasn't anything weird. Akihiko was the only thing that came up in your mind before that inquisition was executed, he was the only one that you knew (but not that you knew him that well), Closer? He was definitely the one that you were closer to than the other three.
" He's not, but I'm positive that he'll come here. Haruki-san's here though. Oh! Are you perhaps a new member of their band? " She smiled at you with an expectant look, it fell slightly when you replied with a shake of your head. She shuffled in her seat though and brought another bright smile to her face, leaning in her seat as her index finger pointed a specific direction. " Haruki-san's in that room, straight from this hallway. "
You nodded your head unsurely, standing there a couple of times before letting out a thank you to the woman who replied much more enthusiastically. You walked through the hallway with hesitance. Should you go there? Or should you wait for Akihiko?
…
You'll take the former, who knows when that blonde man will arrive. You just have to give this lunch bag to the man—Haruki—, say what you needed to say for the four of them and be respectful as possible as your mother instructed, noting that you'll have to take the train this time on your way home; (Although it'd only thirty minutes if you walk, your house was a bit far from the studio but walking in that span didn't hurt your feet like that a lot, then again you weren't that much sure if you really could do that since it had been a long time since you walked your way home, only when you do so when you felt like it.) Then you could have your cramming session, eat good dinner with your mother, maybe bother Ugetsu via message and then hope to get at least seven hours of sleep.
It's not that hard, isn't it?
Reaching the familiar green door, your unoccupied hand formed into a soft fist as you used your knuckles to knock against it three times. Your hand soon faltered as you waited for it to open and with a click, you were greeted with the honey blonde man and the first thing that you noticed was how his hair was styled differently. The fringe that would have covered his forehead was tied back on the crown of his head with a clip you assumed, the remaining hair tied to the back in a low bun. If it wasn't for his voice, you'd realized that you've been staring at his hair for too long. Seriously, if you ever get close to this man, you'll need to ask him what brand and routine he has in order to have that silky and healthy hair.
" Fujita-san? What brings you here? " You avert your eyes to the lunch bag in hand before turning them to his own amber orbs only to avoid contact as soon as you do, bowing instead as your mother have told you to do.
" Thank you for helping me yesterday, I appreciate it. " Pulling your body back, you extended your arm that held the bag that contained the numbers of sushi, you were confident that it was enough to feed the four of them given how much your mother had made, you still couldn't believe that inside those two large containers containing sushi. " O…oh. You didn't need to Fujita-san! " Despite his insistence, he took it from your grasp and softly laughed.
You really didn't need to, your mother was just insistent.
" It's sushi, " You informed with a blunt tone, watching as he opened the zipper of the bag and stared at it with a shock that you didn't know that he'd let out. " It's a lot, " He stared at you with slightly wide eyes before he relaxed into a small troubled face. " We wouldn't be able to finish this, Uenoyoma and Mafuyu aren't going to be here since they had some things to do. " You slowly nodded your head in understanding. That's not a problem, he could just store it in the fridge and eat it again for about twenty hours from now. You opened your mouth to verbalize your thoughts when a voice behind you interrupted.
" Why don't we eat it together? "
There it was, the voice of the famous Akihiko Kaji.
Kaji, you make the worst suggestions ever.
" I'm sorry but I have to be quick since I still have work to do. "
" Eh? Yashi-san said you're taking a week break from the club. "
Why don't we eat together? Why don't we eat together?! Doesn't he feel any sort of awkwardness between the three of you or do you have to let it really radiate from your aura so he could turn down his stupid suggestion?
" I'm going to head off now. Again, thank you for —"
" You can't just leave your lunch bag and container here. " He said. You clutched the hem of your uniform, pondering about it before letting a defeated sigh. The containers that your mother used for the sushi was her favorite. Leaving them today would earn a little scolding and questions that you didn't want to hear.
" Fine. "
Wait, Akihiko knew your house right? He could just—
" Alright, then. Drinks are on me. You like coffee right? "
That bastard.
Your eyes wandered around the room, the gray walls and the soundproofing wall strips had given it an accent — it was the same as it was before, besides the electric guitar that were nowhere to be found. On the clean shiny floor, you sat with your legs comfortably crossed, with Haruki across from you while Akihiko was beside him. Infront of you was the container that had the food, only then you realized as there was another one that was smaller than the two, containing tempura. Your mother really had outdone herself, you really had to thank her with the food that she made.
While they had light beer for drinks, you had a can of cold coffee, the same brand that you drank yesterday from the vending machine. The conversation between the three of you was mostly Haruki asking you some questions that you replied with only No's and Yes', a hum. He introduced himself first and as the small interaction that flows, you could make out that this man was a sweetheart. Honestly, you never thought that you'd meet somebody like him. Maybe there were people like this in your school, but knowing that you barely interact with the students there, you didn't get the chance to meet someone that gave you some sort of comfort — which was weird since you had only properly met him today.
Quietly munching the tempura, you were more focused with the thought of: Was eating inside the studio even allowed? Even so that this was probably the last time that you'd come here, you didn't want to get banned from doing something against the rules of a place and you figured that eating inside wasn't actually allowed upon seeing the poster on your left when you turned your head slightly, a burger and drink inside a red circle that had an X mark in the middle indicated. No wonder Haruki looked hesitant a couple of minutes ago.
" You were in a band, right? "
You were starting to regret coming here and talking with Haruki...
You swallowed the tempura in your throat and gulped, grabbing the canned coffee and sipping from it. You dodged Haruki's questioning gaze and looked of somewhere with a slight glare in your eyes. How did he know that you were in a band? Bitter thoughts, bitter thoughts. Will he judge it by the fact that you didn't have a bassist back then?
Thankfully, he seemed to catch up with your slight discomfort and moved on with another topic, an award laugh escaping his lips as picked a sushi by the metal chopsticks that you brought along with you — telling how delicious the food was. You nodded your head slowly and appreciated that he saw right through you, in a way, because there were times when you didn't like people seeing through your soul. You took another sip from the can and picked up your own pair of chopsticks and fished a sushi inside your mouth relishing the spicy tuna filled delicacy. If you weren't with these two men right here, you would have moaned at how good it tasted.
" You used to play the acoustic. " Now in his voice, there wasn't any questioning tone laced in it. More like, he was pointing out and knew that you did that. You stared at Akihiko, it was surprising that you gazed at his forest green eyes for more than five seconds (that's a new record for you). Even when you didn't utter a single word, your eyes screamed: Please don't talk about it or you'll meet your doom today.
" You know, you were really good back then. " Unconsciously, you clutched the hem of your upper uniform and glared at the sushi as if it was the most hated thing in the world. " Wish I could still hear you sing though. " That was a mumble that he should've kept really to himself but you heard it clearly as clear as the sky.
You quickly stood up and fumbled with your bag, going through the door — ignoring the calls of the two college students. Pacing through the entrance with the worried voice of the woman behind the counter was shut out. I should've never gone to this place and just throw what mom made, was all you could think. You didn't truly mean half of it, the negative feeling that you felt in the moment that you shared with the two brought you to think of such a way. If only he knew what you went through then he would have understood that his words hurt more than millions of needles stabbing your heart.
Hearing footsteps following you brought your feet to walk faster through the pavement, you didn't want to cause any scene like what had happened before so you hoped that whoever was following would just take you out of their mind and leave you alone.
But then a hand caught yours, the feeling awfully familiar that you didn't need to think twice to conclude that it was Akihiko.
" Leave me alone. " You spoke with such venom, as you turned to look at him, trying to hide the anger that was boiling at a rapid rate inside you. You took your hand away from him and continued to walk and he said " I won't." You faced him again. " What the hell do you want? " It wasn't in your nature to get so mad about something so easily. Irritation was usual, but this was far from that and worse. " Drowning in your past won't let you rise up to your future, it only drowns you even more to the point that you'll get consumed by it. You'd never be able to let go and that hurts, doesn't it? "
You could feel yourself go breathless as he spoke. You weren't one to expect words, somehow poetic and metaphorical — but it confused you why would he ever tell you that? He didn't know you at all and you didn't know him that well. Both of you only had interactions because your best friend was his boyfriend. It was Ugetsu that stood in the middle, he was the borderline that separated you from being that close. Only the ones that you were really close with knew what you went through, you were even far from being friends with Akihiko — you didn't want to consider him as one. You didn't want to. He was a guy that you didn't want to be close with because...
What was really your reason?
Because he had a relationship so toxic with Ugetsu, jumping into conclusions that he wasn't a good guy? Perhaps, you didn't get to hear his side of the story but did it matter? It should matter, it was a rational thing that mattered — but you chose to believe your best friend's story because he was the one you were closer with. But how much did he know about you?
" What I meant is you should give music a second chance, don't let it go to waste. I really did mean it when I said that you did great with your performances back then and why not do it again? You liked being on stage, right? "
Remembering the day that he was there when you first performed in your middle school event and the last time that he was still there made you clench your fist. Your head was training the ground, your shoulder was shaking. Clearly it was from that same anger. He didn't need to remind you of those days that were before everything went worse. And you hated it when you were angry.
Because when you felt that way, you couldn't contain the tears from your eyes.
Like the heavy downpours of early June that'd come soon, it seemed like yours wouldn't stop any time.
You hate this.
You hate everything.
You hate him.
" Come back to the studio when you thought about it, " His footsteps went distant and have gotten fainter, you thought that those were the only things he was going to say. But hearing him halt in his steps, " I know we're not that close, but I'm going to be honest. I missed hearing you sing. " Used to, was really a big word. Like he was expecting you to do that again. You could feel your nails digging its way to your skin. You craned your head to look at his wavering figure with nose red and flaring.
Or maybe the anger was different. Maybe you were angry not about him nor the music.
Maybe you were angry at yourself, you'd always been but…why?
Maybe, because you knew how Akihiko was right. You were drowning miserably with weighing all the responsibilities your past had on your shoulders. Your late best friend's death, your father deciding to leave you and your mother with his other family that he made and then there was the current — those suicidal thoughts in your mind, the suicide that you attempted, your relationship with Yuri.
Maybe, you should stop blaming yourself for it. Like how they've been telling you what to do.
It's hard, yes — but the other part of your mind thought that what if you try? That's what you've reassuring them, right?
" You're still blaming yourself for his death, aren't you? "
" I know it'd take time for you to stop thinking about blaming yourself but know this, you aren't the one, nobody is. "
" It was never - never your fault [Name]. Stop blaming yourself. Never ever blame yourself again. I'd have to remind you that all day now so you could get rid of those thoughts now do I? "
" I know we're not that close, but I'm going to be honest. I missed hearing you sing. "
" I hate you so much. " Your voice even barely came out loud, akin much to a whisper. You didn't know if you were referring to him or to yourself, but you felt like the latter was more deserving.
Making up your mind was really the hardest. Why the hell does your day always end up bad?
MC's band was a five piece that didn't have any bassist.
MC likes Haruki's hair.
MC live twenty five minutes away from their school, their residence is somewhere in Tokyo.
☕;; More drama! But we're nearing towards the exciting part of the story!!