A request
Age:5
Elizabeth
"Mama... " Evelyn mumbled as she walked over to me.
"What's wrong? " I asked as I rinsed my hands since I was cutting some vegetables.
"I feel warm." She said looking up at me.
I dried my hands with a towel and touched her forehead.
I knelt down and kissed her forehead.
"You are abir warm huh." I said and she leaned her cheek into my hand.
I smiled and stood up to look for the thermometer.
After the beep I moved it away from her ear and frowned at the high fever she had.
"Robbie! " I yelled and Robbie came into the kitchen.
"Can you continue? Evelyn has a fever. " I said and picked Evelyn up.
He nodded and kissed Evelyn's forehead before we left the kitchen.
"Hot." Evelyn mumbled as we entered her room and I directly moved to the bathroom.
I let her go and started to strip her.
"It's going to be cold baby. " I said as I planned on making her take a cold shower to get it down.
I sat her in the bathtub and she flinched when the cold water hit her.
"No... " she said pushing the shower head away but I kept it in it's place.
I made the water a tad bit warmer so it wasn't freezing and she got abit used to it.
I dried her off after the shower and her fever seemed to be lower.
"My head hurts... " she mumbled and I sat her in her bed.
"How about we take a nap? Then when you wake up you can take some medicine after eating. " I said and started to tuck her in.
She didn't argue and closed her eyes as I closed the blinds.
I stayed next to her until she fell asleep and went back down stairs. "Should I make some soup? " Robbie asked when I entered the kitchen.
"Sure." I said and he nodded.
I continued making the main course while he made some soup for Ev.
●
"Careful Ev! " I yelled as Evelyn ran to the park.
"We have a reading next week. " Robbie said as we sat on a bench. I nodded.
"Should Ev come? " he asked and I shrugged. "Well I don't know wouldn't that be risky? "
"Well she begged to come last time and we didn't let her. She can just blend in with the crowd. I don't think it'll be a problem... "
"Who would take her though? "
"I'll ask my mom. " he said and I nodded.
"Okay then. "
We started talking about other stuff and soon Evelyn ran to us. "What's wrong? " I asked when I spotted the frown plastered on her face.
"My head hurts! " she yelled.
"What? " I asked shocked.
She keep having random headaches it's honestly concerning now.
"How bad is it baby. " Robbie asked as he lifted Ev to his lap.
"It hurts alot daddy. " she said and Robbie looked at me.
"We should probably get a doctor's appointment... " he said as he rubbed her tiny temples.
I nodded. "Should we go home now then. " I said.
Evelyn leaned onto Robbie's chest with a frown and we both stood up ready to go home.
●
The 3 of us sat in the waiting room with Evelyn on my lap.
I was letting her lean into me as I rubbed one of her hands as I held the other.
Her heads been hurting nonstop ever since we left the park.
And of course a 5 year old with a bad headache isn't a very easy thing to deal with.
She's been crying about it nonstop and when she cries she cries even more because it hurts more.
But we found that me just cuddling her calms her so she won't cry.
She'll still whimper once in awhile from the pain but she isn't crying as much which is great for her.
"Mommy... " she whined as she rubbed her face on me. "What's wrong? " I asked.
"I feel sick. " she mumbled. "Do you feel like throwing up? " I asked worried and she nodded as she slowly lifted her head.
"You two go to the bathroom. " Robbie said and I stood up.
I went to the bathroom and I was just intime with setting Ev in front of a toilet stall.
Since the moment I put her down she looked down and threw up the minimal food we had successfully fed her this morning.
Evelyn started crying after throwing up.
"It's okay it's okay. " I said as I flushed the toilet.
"Mama." Evelyn whined through her tears as I cleaned her up.
When we left the bathroom Robbie signaled us over meaning it was finally our turn.
We entered the doctors office and explained the situation.
He looked at Evelyn and after called a nurse over.
He told us he was going to take an mri since he had some suspicions.
We of course got worried and asked what suspicious and he said not to worry which honestly didn't help.
Evelyn innocently turned her head to us and asked. "What's an MRI? "
"Well hunny they put you on a bed and it takes a picture of you. "
●
After waiting Evelyn had her MRI taken and now we were waiting in a room for the results.
The doctor had given Ev abit of pain killers to calm her down and it worked abit since now her and Robbie were playing rock paper scissors on the bed.
The doctor entered the room and called us out.
We left and the doctor brought us to his office and put a serious face.
"After looking at the results and after examining them with a neurosurgeon we have spotted a anaplastic astrocytoma tumor in her brain. "
"What." I said shocked.
He explained the tumor to us and started to talk about treatment options after.
"Her tumor seems to be to big to remove surgically as seen here. " he said and lifted the mri scan.
I took a deep breath when I saw the actual size of it.
Such a big tumor in her little brain.
How can she have a tumor? I mean she was healthy up until now.
"These types of tumors are very aggressive and tend to only grow and become even more aggressive but as I said. We will try our best to treat it. First we will start with chemotherapy and if it becomes small enough we can try and surgically remove it. But please keep in mind that us taking the tumor out does not mean she is cured. You will need to bring her in once in awhile to be tested to make sure the cancer doesn't come back and of course take medicine. "
We of course immediately asked when we could start.
He said he would make an appointment for Wednesday and we nodded.
We headed back to Evelyn's room to see her talking to a nurse with a smile.
When the nurse saw us she smiled and left.
We explained to Ev that she would now have to occasionally come here.
"Why? "
"So you can get better baby."
"But I am better! See no headache!" She said with a smile.
"Well it isn't gone forever baby. "
"So it'll come back? " she ask with a pout and I nodded.
"But for it to stop the doctor will call us here and give you medicine. "
"Will it hurt? How will he give medicine. " I stopped talking and looked at Robbie so he continued.
"Well it'll hurt but your a strong girl aren't you. "
She nodded. "I beat up Michael from kindergarten daddy! " she said proudly making me teary eyed.
"Yes you are... Your a strong girl. "
●
I fixed the little mask on Evelyn's face as she had her chemo.
Other patients were in the room to.
Some kids and some teens.
I looked around the room and looked back at Ev.
Chemo would cause hairloss... We already knew this but everything feels so surreal now.
I looked at Evelyn's long blond hair she loved so much and took a deep breath.
"Mama can I watch bluey? " she said and I nodded.
"Only 2 episodes baby. " I said and she nodded as I handed her the phone.
She watched with a smile but would frown once in awhile.
●
We sat on a hospital bed as Evelyn had fainted earlier today.
She also had a nose bleed which worried us to death. We rushed to the hospital and learned that she had a low level of platelets.
So the doctor gave her medicine to get them up.
"Let's brush your hair baby. " I said as I hadn't for a day and it was probably abit tangled now.
She sat in front of me on the bed and I started to slowly brush her hair.
I stopped brushing midway when I noticed a big piece of hair was coming down together with the brush.
I brushed down and looked at the hair that fell out and I completely zoned out.
"Mommy? " Evelyn said as she turned around.
"Daddy I'm going bald! " she cried when she saw the hair on the bed.
"Mommy!" She cried making me look at her.
"It's okay. It'll grow back it's okay. " I said trying to comfort her as Robbie took the fallen hair away.
After an hour of crying and explaining why her hair fell out we decided to give Ev an option.
"Baby, we either let all your hair all out on their own or we shave it all away. "
"Shave it all away? " she asked as she touched her hair and I nodded.
"Well I think shaving is better so you don't have random spots. But if you don't want to we can just hide it all with a beenie. You'll be wearing a hat either way though. " I said.
Evelyn pouted as she touched her hair.
"But I liked my hair mommy... " she whispered.
I also loved her hair.
When Ev was born she was born with a head full of golden blond hair.
Everyone around us told us that it would all fall away but it didn't.
And at age one she already had thick hair that reached her shoulders or abit longer.
She's always had golden blond long and thick hair.
That's how she's liked it and I don't mind and in fact love doing her hair everyday.
It's a good bonding time to...
"Okay... It'll grow back right? " she asked and I nodded.
●
"Im scared! " Evelyn said as she covered her eyes when I turned the razor on.
"Oh god I am to you do it. " I said and handed it to Robbie.
"Here we go babe. " Robbie said and shaved away.
"Ew I look ugly! " Evelyn said with a frown as she looked at herself in the mirror.
"Don't say that. I think you look cute baby. "
"Lying is bad mommy. " Evelyn said with a frown looking at my through the mirror.
I laughed.
"I'm not lying. " I really wasn't her hair being gone was weird but it was truly cute.
Her cheeks looked so cute I could eat them.
"You look gorgeous baby. " Robbie said and we all had a moment in the mirror. (You guys I would make either Robbie or liz shave their heads but I don't want to make either of them bald so)
●
We sat in the hospital room with hope as we waited her the mri results.
Hopefully the chemo worked and the tumor got smaller. And hopefully it didn't spread.
I truly hope it didn't spread.
Me and Robbie looked at the door so quickly when we heard a knock.
The doctor entered and our hopeful expressions suddenly turned into sad ones when we saw the doctors face.
We left the sleeping Evelyn alone and went to his office only to learn that the tumor had spread.
It was only on a quarter of the right side of her brain but now it was starting to spread to the other side.
"Since chemo didn't work. We plan on trying radiation therapy or even targeted therapy. "
And this is how the nightmare begins.
I thought that her having a brain tumor was the nightmare.
I thought it being an aggressive one was the nightmare but no. No no.
This is the nightmare.
Drugs and drugs. Endless hospital visits.
Her being in so much pain.
She's not like she was before.
Before she was such a bubbly little girl.
A little girl that would run around with a big smile yelling for me to join her.
A little girl that loved tea parties and friends.
A little girl that loved her family.
Now she's just.
A little girl that's in pain every single day.
●
"The radiation therapy stopped working. "
I twisted my wedding ring around as I listened.
"I consulted her neurosurgeon and since the radiation therapy worked a significant amount we can try and take out as much of the tumor as we can and treat the rest with immunotherapy. "
●
Me and Ev sat in front of the window with her on my lap as we watched the rain.
I rested my chin on her head as she leaned into me.
"Mommy does surgery hurt? " Ev asked.
"No, you'll be asleep the whole time. "
"Mommy, will you and daddy be there when I wake up? "
"Of course, we'll always be there hunny. "
"I promise to be strong mommy. I'll be strong just like daddy. "
I sniffled and blinked some tears away before answering.
"Yes hunny, your strong. Your a strong little girl. "
"You be strong to mommy. " she said.
"I will I promise. "
●
The surgeon was able to take a small amount of the tumor out and after the surgery her pediatrician decided to keep her asleep for afew days before waking her up.
Since the surgery took quite the tool on her.
A day after she woke up she immediately started immunotherapy.
The amount of therapys she's been in is making my heart ache.
And every single time even though she's in pain.
Even though she's tires and sad.
She keeps going.
She keeps keeping her word and going.
I can only hope I can keep mine.
●
I leaned onto Robbie's shoulder and looked at the sleeping Evelyn.
"Robbie... " I said in a whisper and he hummed.
"Do you ever think she'll get better? " I asked.
"I do. " he said.
"It's been a year and a half since she got diagnosed. "
"I know but she'll get better. She's strong she'll fight it and she'll make it. I know she will. "
"What if your wrong? " I asked and he stayed silent so I continued.
"What if she doesn't give up but her body does? " I started to get teary.
"Look at her Robbie. I know I know she's strong but look at her. She's so pale... She's so tired. "
"She's been getting therapy almost non stop for a whole damn year Robbie. "
"We have to believe we can't do anything but believe. " he said when I looked at him.
I let out a sob and noticed a single tear drop from his eye.
He put his hands on my shoulders and smiled.
"We have to be strong for her... "
Strong. We have to be strong.
●
I sat on the sofa as I watched Evelyn play with one of her dolls.
In all honesty though all she was doing was play with it's hair.
She's been having alot of seizures lately.
Sometimes it's just her arm or leg but mostly it's her whole body. She gives everyone a heart attack everytime that happens.
It's been around 2 years since she got diagnosed now.
She stopped attending kindergarten last year.
Our lifes especially hers hasn't been the same ever since.
We're always just in the hospital.
I've been on a hiatus and so has Robbie so we could just focus on her.
She's always in therapy...
The immunotherapy worked quite abit so she has a surgery scheduled next week.
Her tumor was around a quarter of her brain and apparently some parts of it are in very tricky areas.
So their going to try their best.
It's going to be even more difficult since Evelyn's body is weaker.
Because of all the therapys she isn't really the strongest right now.
But the doctors are hopeful and so is Robbie.
I am hopeful I truly am.
Because at this point hope is all we have.
●
I twisted my wedding ring as we waited for the surgery to end.
It's been 5 hours now and it's killing me.
What if something goes wrong.
What if they can't take it out.
What if...
I sighed and put my head in my hands.
Robbie stood up and walked back and forth.
And I felt something.
I felt something different. Something bad.
And right at that moment the doctor left the surgery room and walked towards us.
I looked at him with all the hope I have left in me.
But my world crumbled into pieces when I heard the words that left his mouth.
"We were able to take out alot of it. But right as we were about to take the last but out. Evelyn went into a cardiac arrest. We tried our best but we couldn'-"
Robbie stopped him. "Do not tell us that she's dead. " he said in a quiet voice.
"I'm very sorry. " he said.
"My daughter isn't dead! " Robbie yelled as his eyes started to fill with tears.
"Shit! " he mumbled as he put his hands on his head.
I stayed silent the whole time.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to do.
She's gone...
That strong little girl gave up and is truly gone...
●
I sat on our porch and stared up at the night sky.
Funerals. I've never liked them but I truly hated the funeral of my own daughter.
I never thought that she'd be gone before be.
I always thought of me growing old as I watched her grow up into an adult.
But I never imagined watching her get burried into the ground.
Maybe she's happy now.
Free of any pain and agony.
And I will dream.
Dream of her and what she was before.
Dream of when we were all together and happy.
Not like this.
Sad and broken.
Broken apart by death itself.
●
"Mommy! "
"Daddy! Mommy won't get up! Mommy! " I heard a little girls voice say.
I opened my eyes and sat up. I looked next to me and saw Evelyn.
"Good morning to you to baby. " I said with a smile and brushed her hair back with my fingers.
"Morning mommy! Daddy made pancakes! " she said with a smile as she got on my lap.
"Really? "
"Really! I helped him with the batter too! Come on let's go go! " she said and I laughed.
I stood up with her in my arms. "Did you dream mommy? " she asked with a smile.
I stopped waking and looked at her.
"Yes I did. "
"Really! What was it about!? " she asked with excitement.
"It was about..."
"Come on you two these pancakes won't stay warm forever! " Robbie yelled from downstairs.
"Go mommy go! " she said as I sprinted downstairs.
Hello hello.
I got back from vacation. It's like less hot here but today it was 40°c 😃 like wtf.
Also watched barbie today it was great loved it.
It's also been a week since I got back but I was tired and busy so I couldn't really write properly haha.
Also my bestie insomnia is still with me U-U I got better for like a day or 2 and now its back lmao.
Anyway hope you guys enjoyed. I think it's decent but idk.