The poem I wrote that night I tried to drown myself. It wasn't hard to write, it wasn't hard to think of the words. Cold water, cold hands, cold chest. The unbearable feeling of nothing, Nothing at all, just the water rushing down my body.
No sounds, just the quilet hum of the water, and ringing in my ears.
Dark bathroom. No words. No thoughts. Nobody to worry about me. Cause who would know. Who would expect. Who would care.
People forget, you know.
I closed my eyes for a moment. I felt so distant. So far away from the world and all the people in it. So alone. I felt like I'm not real. That unbearable feeling that all I know is just some illusion, that it was all a lie. I didn't know the boundaries between dreaming and reality. I didn't know what was real, if something was.
I covered my face with my hands.
My scars were aching.
My heart was barley pounding.
I felt like I was dead already, so does it really matter?
The water surrounded my whole body, except for my face.
I closed my eyes. Such a wonderful feeling.
Emptiness.
I will finally be one with it. With the water. I felt my beat going faster. My chest was burning. But I told myself that it will be over soon.
The water hugged me tight. It was a nice feeling. My body felt so cold and so hot at the same time. I begged the water to hug me more. More and more. Then it started to hurt. Burning. It was burning so much, my whole body was on fire. But the water already hugged me too tight to let go. Something told me to reach for air. But I was so lonely, I wanted the water to hug me some more. Release me. Let my body stay with you and let my soul free. Release me from this never ending nightmare called the world. Let me stay with you. Hug me, hug my body tight. Crush it. Then I will be finally free. Only the calming water. It was scary at first, but then it felt like the only right thing to do.
People forgive you know...
I don't want their forgivness