Summary: EJ becomes a single father to his little girl and copes through his life since Ricky's death.
Note: The aftermath.
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*three weeks later*
It's been three weeks since I've became a father after Ricky died from giving birth, and I was still very sad about it. Being a parent can be very exhausting sometimes, especially when you're a single parent, which Ashlyn did make a very fair point about, but I've been staying focused on caring and loving for my daughter. Luckily, I've gotten as much help as I ever needed from my family and friends.
The moment I took Michaela home from the hospital with Ashlyn and Nini at my side, I wanted to be happy. But I wasn't because I was in grief. Everyone was at my house, and they were excited about meeting my daughter but also heartbroken that Ricky wasn't there to be a part of the moment. My parents were the first ones to hold Michaela, and then Ricky's parents. Mike was very touched about how Ricky and I came up with the name after him. And then the rest had their turns besides Nini and Ashlyn. Gina was first, and then on with Big Red, Kourtney, Carlos and Seb. Everybody stayed a little longer as we were sharing stories about Ricky, mostly like happy ones, and it kind of started to make me feel better. Even though, Big Red mentioned that he was in love with Ricky after he told him and Nini he was trans, but was heartbroken they weren't getting together. I wasn't as surprised about it, but I wasn't mad at Big Red for that. It was only way back before I met Ricky.
A week later, we had a funeral for Ricky after I made an arrangement with help from my parents and Mike and Lynne as we sorted some things out. It was the final time I ever got to see Ricky's face when his dead body was laying in a coffin. I looked at the promise ring on his hand, and I had a promise I've kept and that I didn't want to break but knew it was never going to happen then. It was going to be a lot more difficult to move on with my life. I couldn't even imagine my life without him, including our future we were going to have together along with our daughter. I was the first to speak with a eulogy I prepared, expressing my love for Ricky and that would always be with me.
A few days later, graduation day approached. Ricky and I were supposed to do that together, and yet, we weren't going to be able to share this day when he wasn't there. But I needed to be brave for not just for him, but for also my daughter and my loved ones as I kept my head held high. The second I received my diploma, the next I looked over at the crowd with proud faces, and I had a feeling that Ricky was there to cheer me on. After the ceremony was over, my parents were holding Michaela. She was smiley as I went to her and took her from my mom's arms. Then Mike approached to me, and I told him that I wish Ricky was there. He proudly told me that he was there. With me, and with the rest us, but in spirit, which felt good for it to be true.
The next day after the graduation, I was taking a walk in town with Michaela in her stroller until I ran into my old childhood friend, Maddox and her younger brother, Jet, and the three of us caught up on how we were doing on each other's lives. It was so nice to see them and they were at an awe to see how cute my daughter was. They had been worried when they checked to see how I was holding up upon Ricky's death, and they even offered the extra help I could need to take care of Michaela the next time I'd see them again, which I was very thankful for that.
Instead of going to NYU this fall, I gave up my shot at it after I talked to my parents about how I was going to focus on Michaela. I was going to apply to a college around Salt Lake instead, because I decided stay and figure out a new plan. I had found myself a job at a grocery store and started to work there. While I was at it, I would often ask one of my friends to babysit Michaela. And sometimes Mike, and Lynne whenever she would come for a visit usually to check up on how I've been holding up with the baby. I wanted to ask my parents for the same thing, but they're busy as always.
During days and nights like these, I almost couldn't get much sleep because of Michaela crying, whether she needed a change or to be fed, and sometimes I would sing to her before putting her back to sleep. Whenever I'm sleeping in my bed, it's been feeling kind of lonely, because I remember the night when Ricky got kicked out of his house by Mike, and I moved him into my room after asking my parents for permission to let him stay. And then on, we would cuddled up next to each other so warm and cozy. Oh, how I've missed that.
After a while, I've been getting better because of what a good daddy I am to my sweet, adorable baby girl and as long as I have a new plan on what to do with my life. But I miss Ricky a whole lot, and sometimes I wish I could see him again. Just at least for once.
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*one night*
It was very late at night when I was asleep in my bed until I woke up the second Michaela started crying on the baby monitor. I got out of bed and walked out of my room to check up on her, and I didn't want my parents to be awoken by the crying. By the time I got in front of her door, Michaela stopped crying.
I was about to turn around and go back to bed, but then I had a small feeling that something wasn't right. So I opened the door and saw someone holding and gently rocking Michaela while standing by her crib. I gasped as I couldn't believe my eyes on what I was seeing when the person looked up at me.
"Hi EJ."
"R-Ricky?" I stuttered.
I almost was about to pass out when I couldn't breathe. Then I was about to start crying.
"Is it really you?" I asked.
Ricky nodded before setting Michaela back in her crib. I was shuddering in between sobs as I went up to hug him tightly, never wanting to let him go again.
"It's okay, Eej. I'm here," he whispered to me while I cried onto his shoulder.
Then we released from the hug.
"I missed you so much," I said breathlessly.
"I missed you too," Ricky said the same thing.
We went in for a long, passionate kiss until we broke away a moment and touched each other's foreheads.
"I can't believe you came back," I said.
"Me neither, babe," Ricky responded.
Then we both looked down at Michaela who was sleeping so peacefully.
"She's so beautiful, Eej," Ricky said.
"She looks like you, Ri," I smiled.
"Yeah. No wonder we've created a mini me," Ricky made a statement.
We chuckled a bit. Then my smile went away and I had the sad look back on my face as Ricky noticed it and put a hand on the side of my face.
"Oh, Eej... I'm so sorry about everything. I never meant to leave you. I know that you promised that we would do this together, but it didn't work as we planned it," Ricky said.
"I know. But when you died, I was terrified because I lost you. I almost doubted about being a dad because I was afraid of raising our daughter alone before Ashlyn talked to me about it. I've needed you like how you needed me," I stated.
"You didn't lose me, EJ. The whole thing wasn't your fault when it happened, and I didn't wanna leave you. I hated how you were going through so much pain when the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you, and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for that," Ricky told me.
"Oh Ricky, of course I would forgive you because of how much I've loved you. But I didn't wanna do this alone when I needed you," I said.
"You're not doing this alone. You've been doing amazing at being a dad, and I couldn't be more proud of you for doing it. You haven't been letting me down when you were afraid to. And you've gotten our loved ones whenever you need help with the baby: our parents, Ashlyn, Nini, Big Red, Gina, Kourtney, Carlos, Seb. You're not alone anymore because you have everyone in your life. I want you to move on your life and be happy again while I'll be watching over you and Michaela, and I'll always be right in there," Ricky put his hand on where my heart was.
I smiled again and so did Ricky while letting out a couple of his own tears.
"Thank you so much for everything, Eej. Thank you for being by my side, thank you for being standing up for me when I was going through a tough time of being bullied, and..."
Ricky started to choke up before he could finish his sentence.
"... thank you for being the best boyfriend I've ever asked and hoped for. You'll always be my best friend and the love of my life."
"As you'll always be both of mine too," I said.
Then Ricky's smile faded.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I have to go now," Ricky said.
"But I don't want you to go yet. Please stay a little longer, Ri," I begged.
"I can't, Eej. But I promise you that everything's going to be okay. Don't worry about me. Just focus on Michaela for a while, and we'll see each other again soon."
Then he went up to me and gave me a kiss on the lips until he pulled himself away from me. It was our last kiss for a while until we could meet again.
"I love you, Ricky Bowen. Forever and always," I said.
"I love you too, EJ Caswell. Forever and always," he said it back.
Then he disappeared into a warm, bright light that flashed a little into my eyes.
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I gasped as I woke up, finding out that it was only dream. A dream I found it to be real when Ricky was there. I looked up at the ceiling, staring up at where Ricky was at, and I smiled. He was right about everything he told me.
And right on cue, I heard Michaela crying. I got out of bed and went into her room to check on her. I picked her up from her crib and held her in my arms and rocked her.
"Shh. It's ok, Mica. Daddy's here," I whispered softly.
I went to sit in the rocking chair and rocked slowly for a little bit while still holding Michaela until she fell back asleep. I pressed a kiss on her forehead and placed her back in the crib as I stared down at her a bit more. After everything I coped through for, and after Ricky came back to me but in my dream, I was finally at peace and found my happiness again.
Thank you for being the best thing that ever happened to me, Ricky Bowen. I'll forever cherish our moments we've shared together. I love you, my sweet prince. Rest in peace.
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Wow! I'm actually starting to cry as I've been writing it all down for the last part. Thank you for reading this. I'll have more oneshots soon. In the meantime, be sure to check out my other stories. Love you, guys!