The Cistern was bustling, and Karliah was zooming around, gathering what she felt they would need. Brynjolf was watching her curiously and Gwen was watching him. Looking on at the man, she felt her heart beat a few times, then she turned from her own gaze. She felt a hand clasp onto her newly healed shoulder. "Hey, Lass... are you okay?"
"I... I will be." She spat out swiftly.
"No. Not 'will be'. How are you now?"
She looked to him, the man's face twisted into concern and care. He was good at that. She eased a little more on his bed. After a moment she nodded. "Swearing my soul to... guard a temple. I just... Brynjolf..."
"I know..." He chuckled. "It's a lot."
She narrowed her eyes, looking to him, the man beaming at her. "Then why do you seem so okay with it? Almost happy?"
He rubbed the back of his head, then took in a deep breath. "Ah... Nothing gets past you." He averted his eyes from her for but a moment. Working up courage around her was never easy, but it was getting to the point that he could do it without so much worry. "I am okay with it Gweneith. Our lifespans... I went into this knowing that I will always leave first. Just like I went into this knowing your feelings. We will be separated by vast oceans of not only time but whatever the whims of gods and demons around us, or circumstances that happen to us while we try to navigate this life be it together or alone." She stared at him intently. He had thought about this far more than she ever had, or ever guessed he could.
It was a little embarrassing, to think that he had been thinking about this the whole time while she had been living in the moment. It was already bad enough that everything happening made her feel so selfish, learning that he cared this much was not only a miraculous revelation but a humbling bit of knowledge, with her own feels so cloaked from the world and sometimes herself. He noticed her baited breath and continued. "It was all so murky. Lass, not knowing what would happen... Was killing me. But now... Now Gwen, I know where I will end up. That spot is also right next to you. How can I be anything but okay with that? Everything is crystal clear. In the light of that context, guarding a temple for all eternity doesn't seem so bad."
She let it all sink in. Everything he said, the meaning behind the words and that look in his eyes all made her melt. She swallowed softly, then without a word moved. Her arms moved around his neck, loose at first then tightened around him to the point that the pair wobbled and he fell back on his bed. The man was careful to ease her down so she didn't hurt her stomach. She was much better but not one hundred percent yet. His hands moved to her lower back as she inadvertently grinds her body into his while lying on the man. "G... Gwen?"
She hushed him, then placed her hands on his chest, pushing herself off of him for a moment. She gazed softly into his eyes, her lips light and curled into a caring smile. "Brynjolf. That was beautiful. You... Really feel like that?" He was tugging at every heart-string she had. The man nodded firmly, looking up to her. His hand moved to her cheek, brushing it gently with the tips of his fingers. She realized in that moment just how precious she was to the man. Her chest was heated through, then she lay down once more, pressing her lips to his.
The man was surprised for just a moment, then he relaxed into the kiss, closing his eyes and allowing her to take control. It didn't last long, she pulled her lips from his, lidded eyes looking down to him. "Brynjolf..." Her voice was a soft moan.
"Yes, Gwen?" His voice was soft. He was patient and would wait for years for her to formulate her own feelings if need be. What she went through was not something to rush through processing. He was going to refuse to let her feel as if she owed him anything as well. "You can tell me anything. Whatever it is I can take it." He whispered.
"Can you?" He vaguely nodded. She bit her bottom lip, moved his hair from his face then looked back down into those sweet eyes. "I'm not so worried about this anymore." He raised a brow. "Everything is clear." Brynjolf found himself smiling, holding her still. "Should we be getting ready?"
"Probably, but..." He whispered. "I really don't want to move."
She snickered a little, shyly smiled and nodded. "Me either..." He perked up a little more and she lays her head on his chest, closing her eyes. "Just a little longer."
"I... Will always want more. And I will steal all you will let me."
"Well, you are a thief... I should expect that." Her head bobbed as he chuckled. Her finger moved over the design of the armor. "Is it stealing though? It seems more noble than that." She looked up from her makeshift living bed. He looked down, tilting his head off the sheets with a raised brow. "I mean, it is just good manners. To accept something given to you by a lady. You're a gentleman." She watched as his cheeks flushed and that moment was one of sheer perfection. It was short lived, like every happiness for the woman. "Or... I suppose you would be. If I were really a lady." His face eased and his hand moved to the side of her head. Caressing her he kept her locked gaze on him.
"You are more of a lady than you know." He leaned down, only stopping short of her lips by mere hairs. "..." His eyes were lidded. "M... May I?" She nodded to him so vaguely that he nearly didn't catch it if not for those soft lips grazing his own. He captured them in a swoop, holding her there as he always would. The comfort falling over her relaxed every muscle in her body. She adored those honeyed words. Their lips fell from one another and she met his gaze with a heated arousal which was not new to him. What was, however, had been her hand moving to her back, peeling off his grip from her and entwining their fingers together. It was not just a lust that held her there any longer and it was noted. He would refrain from uttering a whisper of this inkling however. "Gwen..."
"Brynjolf..." She met his whisper with her own, brows curved in sorrow at the realization. "We... don't have time."
"Lass, there is always time for this." She shook his head, slowly. "I'm in love with you. I need to be here for you. Like you're always here for me. Reassuring you is my job."
His words tugged a bit of guilt for her. He was always so genuine with her. She sat up moving onto his lap, wondering just what the hell was wrong with her. She never used to be a coward. She liked the idea of love and companionship. She never would seal part of herself away before. Her eyes closed and she felt every bit of the cold world around her. He sat up then wrapped his arms around her. Her head perked up, letting his warmth envelope her. For the better part of a year, she was still letting one man control her life. The man was gone and he still had a hold on her, even now. The brotherhood was a means to an end. Astrid controlling her life was a welcomed comfort. She didn't have to make decisions. That woman did it for her. Until she was left on her own to her own devices when Brynjolf found her. He didn't tell her what to do, though. He offered her opportunity. It confused her at first, but when he told her to do what she wanted it all felt natural.He never wanted to control her, which was weird.
Her eyes opened, tears collecting in the corner of her eyes. She did her best not to sob, quieting her own voice but her eyes scrunched up for a moment and they fell. Her mouth opened and she cursed that she felt everything all at once. Being with Brynjolf forced her to stop long enough to let everything sink in. He was still winning if she kept this up. He whom humiliated her and used her, still had a hold on her. She was chained down by his very will, no matter how much of a ghost the man was. She took in a deep breath, longing to push herself further. She turned in her warm seat, straddling him with her hands on his shoulders. Seeing her face, stained with tears and contorted into pain the man held her close. "You... Okay listen, lass. I'm sorry. I shouldn't push anythin-"
"No!" She looked up to him, shaking her head so violently she almost gave herself a headache. In his gentle nature he had gotten it all wrong. With a bit of a dizzy spell she sniffed in as hard as she could, desperate to compose herself. "Brynjolf, you aren't pushing me. I want... just so much. But, I'm just sitting here spinning my wheels. I'm letting this get to me, still. It's not fair to you. I should be able to handle myself. I should be able to..." She looked down.
"Gwen, you are doing what you can."
She shook her head. "But I'm not! You see me as this perfect thing, but I'm not. I care for you a great deal. I should be able..." Her fingers slipped down the arm, gripped tightly around the sleeve of the man, digging nails into the leather. "He shouldn't get to hold control over me. I rid myself of him but since then his ghost has been stuck here, mocking me and I can't even..." She grit her teeth, finding herself unable to fully say the words which only served to piss her off. Her brows furrowed and she looked up to him, every bit of determination of a person about to fight.
"But I care for you. This hurts you and I'll be damned if I allow him to do this to you. Hurt you like he hurt me. When... I..." Her words fell off again and she tensed her entire body up in his lap, closing her eyes tightly and cursing herself. "Fuck. Ugh!"
He placed a hand on her thigh, looking her over and instead of falling limp as she often does, Gwen shook her head hard once more. When he was about to speak she growled again. "No! Brynjolf don't act as if this is okay." Her eyes opened to look upon him again. Iris' quivered as she fought through everything. She was able to fight back from the brink of total collapse. Looking into his eyes she finally relaxed a little, his gentle smile and attentiveness soothed her. "Nothing... Nothing in this world is okay." Her forceful voice spewed out in almost a ramble. She had to get it out, all out and all at once. "I-"
His lips covered hers sweetly. Her eyes burned with a flourished hatred as he was the one who ultimately stopped her confession. To be fair, the man didn't know what she was going to say. She did have a habit of speaking ill about herself in front of him. She glowered at the face so close, eyes closed and head tilted as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. Her paralysis from anger wouldn't last long and upon rearing back the man gripped both sides of her arms, holding her close. He moaned deeply into the kiss, longing to continue this, though she struggled for a split second longer. His tongue slid across hers in a comfort that finally made her muscles melt. She could never stay mad at the man, at least not for this. Her body fell into his, arms tugging on the hem of his armor. She returned the moan he served to her with heat blooming between them. The man's hands moved to her hips.
The floodgates were opened and the water rushed forth. She didn't need much convincing by his strong hands, she moaned again and deeper this time. He sucked in air from the kiss and she felt him throb deeply at his core, pulsing from just this little. His lungs cried for air, the man breaking the kiss only to look at her with a hunger she'd never known before. His chest heaved and she tried not to lose what little composure she had left. "Not a word against you. You care and that is enough. Beyond all the flirtations, heated glances and desires, you really care. I knew that when you refused to sleep with me." He shook his head. "Not everything is destined for what it should or could be and that's just fine. He still holds onto part of you and that is also fine. Lass I can camp out in what little purchase of you that you'd allow. I'm strong enough for that."
Her shoulders shook and her mouth closed. She gulped, unable to let this lie like this. He was considerate, sweet and loving. Yet, mostly wrong. "There is nothing left of the heart he had a hold of. That one has decayed." She shook her head. "But I've rebuilt one stronger. I need to get over this fear of being hurt again. I want... I long... I need... No I deserve to do with it as I please. What I please... My true desire. Can you see it? My new heart. It is freely given to you, Brynjolf. In spite of all my promises to myself. In spite of the truths, half truths then... Unfortunate lies my ego, weakness and fear forced from these lips, no more. I refuse to keep going on like this. Brynjolf I care for you, that care is deep and lasting. It is more than just a mere concern for you as a person. You're the solitary individual I can be myself around. That's a fucking amazing thing to me. I've told you things that no one knows and you seem to glean things that no one guesses. I feel as though you see right through me, but I guess you couldn't see that. It's my fault."
She turned to him, unwilling to allow her own cowardice anymore. Her back straightened and he found it odd. She looked so nervous but at the same time the woman was confident in herself. "I am in love with you, you big, goofy dummy."
He opened his mouth in the wake of the flurry of information. The mouth closed. There was a silence between them then his hand moved up, finger pointing to her briefly then wagging. It moved to his head, pushing deeply into his tangled mess of hair. She heard him groan and everything in her felt like free falling. He finally looked up after what felt like both an eternity and a millisecond. "Gweneith..." Her full name spilled from his lips, softly. He was still processing. "You... Uh... Think I'm goofy?"
The moment froze within her pause settled and then she exhaled with the hint of a smile on her lips. "That was your takeaway? You should hate me."
"I should? Now, lass where is the rule-book that says that? A beautiful, strong, secretly soft, intelligent and capable woman just told me she loves me." He shook his head. "No man alive would dislike that."
"But... Fen-"
He placed a hand between them, halting her words. "I said alive, lass. He also wasn't much of a man. He doesn't define who you are or what I should feel. I am also not him. I'm nothing like him. Man was a walking nightmare and a fool. The only thing that gives me the slightest bit of pause is your admission that you lied with the omission of how long." He looked into those ruby eyes, a tender look of affection cascading down his face.
"Oh... I uh... You want to know the... Exact moment?"She somehow was more nervous now than the confession itself.
"If that agrees with you." He shook his head. "I only want to know what you let me know."
Her gaze shifted from him for a moment then her lungs expanded in a gargantuan breath. "Brynjolf, I don't know what to say. It is so cloudy to me. The long story your actions told me over the last year make up a larger whole. I learned piece by piece who you were, or who you let me see, anyway. At the same time I found myself rebuilding who I am. Finding that woman again under the scars and pain, drying her tears and offering her a hand was impossible on my own. It only really happened because you were there to offer warmth and understanding."
He was silent as she spoke and she looked into his eyes, nodded then kept going. "There is not one single moment that I just knew. It is at once like I've always known and just finally saw it. If you're asking when my eyes finally opened..." Her voice petered out, leaving just the next line a desperate whisper. "It was the morning I was anxious after Mercer told me you were here with a woman. Do you remember?"
"Aye. You were feeling a certain way and took my processing that as an indication of how I felt. Glad to see you broke yourself of that and let me process this... I meant what I said. We weren't in any social contract to be 'loyal' to once another, but my heart never needed one. I am loyal to you and your feelings, title or not. I will always want to take care of them. Honestly asking if you would be my girl was a desperate attempt to ease your feelings. If we had a 'contract' or 'vow' you would sleep easier. Knowing how I feel about contracts, that is." He chuckled softly and she was not far behind, her face fully red and her eyes away from him.. "So you... Looked at me differently then?" She looked up, able now to study his face with a coyness locked in her expression.
"No,t entirely 'different', you were still you. It was like I saw you for the first time ever. You never changed, I did." She shook her head. "It was a strange feeling. I really liked what I saw. Made me wish I could go back to that moment you pulled me into the shadows and tell myself to fall freely. Not that my stubborn ass would listen."
He leaned back just a little. "So when I asked you to be my girl, no matter what that meant to you and you said yes but that wasn't love...?"
She felt exposed by him, a feeling he was probably used to around her. Her toes crinkled in her boots and her body tensed. Shyly she looked to him and flushed. "S... Shameless lie. Or a mask so you wouldn't figure it out. The way I live my life is reckless. I've longed for death. Enough to try and seek it out." She takes off the cuff on her left wrist, showing him a myriad of scars, each one jagged and long. His eyes met hers with an urgency.
"When I thought I was meeting my end... At Mercer's blade no less, my last thoughts were of you and how I let you down. How I would never be what you needed. I was just a scared little woman. Ironically the thing I longed for the most was the last thing I wanted, because of you. When I didn't die, because someone else saved me I didn't deserve to be saved, I figured things out. I'm weak and horrid. I would always be the one who helped someone who hurt you once I came back with Karliah. Feelings are fickle and slippery. The look I imagined you'd give me. Couldn't bare that. I saw it for a moment and it was written in stone. Yet. You wouldn't let me leave. I wanted to leave after opening your eyes, but you refused. Why?" She sighed and he took her left arm, holding it as if she were so fragile. It bothered her that she looked so pathetic in front of him.
"These are done by shaking hands..." He whispered, then watched her nod. "You gave me back someone I missed. I can look up to her again and that's what's fuckin' amazing. You made that happen because without you I doubt I would have listened to a word she said. You let me see Mercer Fey, the empty vault the hard proof but I didn't need that." His fingers moved over her scars. "I couldn't let you leave before you saw my feelings. Gweneith, please look at me." She stared deeply into his eyes. "You are the strongest woman I know. I am deeply in love with you. Nothing can change this. I don't care if you lied to me. I don't care if you'd never have told me how you felt. As long as I got to stay by your side. It's why I agreed to be a nightingale in the first place."
One of his arms moved around her lower back, holding her closely. She blinked, looking into his eyes with a soft blush on her cheeks. "But for me trust is everything and I've been lying to you..."
"Out of fear and heartache." Her refused to let her feel bad about this. "I can't claim to understand your feelings, Gwen. I don't know how it felt for you to be in love with him. I can't claim to understand how it feels to be in love with me. I can only tell you that being around you makes me stronger, our lives are intertwined. You didn't betray my trust, Gwen. Your actions were always more important than words. You came to me willingly every time." She felt a soft heat bloom inside of her gut. "You know that words are worthless. I've never stopped trusting you, even now. Especially not now."
"What?" Her tone only proves to him that he couldn't communicate it right. She sounded so unsure and that shook him. He was sure of where her life was and would be and how he fit into it, to hear her like this was unnerving. "How would anything that has happened make you trust me more?"
He smirked, his finger curled under her chin and lidding his eyes, speaking gently enough to make her skin prickle. "You told me the truth, knowing I didn't need to hear it to stay with you. You have brass ones, lass. It's kinda sexy..." He shook his head. "But more than that, brave. You're willing to tell the truth, even if doing so might ruin what you have." He lays his forehead on hers. "I'm yours as much as you're mine. Apparently that was just way more than I thought."
"I... Uh... I'm so-"
"No, Lass." He shook his head. "That old habit again? Don't be so easy to back off, Gwen. I'm here, I'll not let anything happen to you. I never meant that in the way you took it. I'm surprised and... elated. Not scared in the slightest. If you think we're going too fast, think about where you are lass. Nords don't wait three days to tie the knot and I've been stuck on just you for a year, with only a handful of kisses to keep me going." She flushed softly and he leaned in, kissing her but just barely. "You want me and... I'm on cloud nine. I just want you to never regret this."
Her ruminated over it for minutes as he sat there. Sitting back and letting her process it usually had him on pins and needles but right now he felt so at ease. She looked into his eyes, easing herself now with her teeth grazing her bottom lip. "You're not... normal."
"I am." He defended himself with a firm voice that curtailed into a chuckle. "But I also know your experience here in Skyrim of all places has never been the best. You're no different than any other race to me. You are different to any other woman though." He pushes her bangs out of the way, staring at her as the precious person she is to him. "You're so beautiful. You make this dank cavern brighter. You make me stronger. I never would have gone on an adventure like this before you. You make me believe in myself. You're perfect."
"Oh... Brynjolf..." She shuddered, leaning into him, her cheek resting on his shoulder. "I will never regret this. Even if it ends horribly, the feelings you give me... no one's ever made me feel like this. I feel... seen around you. Actually seen. Before Nazir helped me get noticed by people... you saw me. It felt so great. When you reached out and pulled me into this world. I don't know how you saw me, but you did."
"I'm not an idiot." He held her tighter. "Bright woman like you, clearly in trouble... I simply had to rescue you."
"I usually don't need a rescue." She looked up to him, noting how large his silly smile could get.
"That's what's so appealing about you. Strong, lovely but for once in your life I bet, needing someone else." He whispered. "I could be your savior, if only once and I get to have you in my life, if only for a little while. I saw every bit of you and learned all I could in the last year, always hungry for more."
She raised her head, touching her nose to his. "I saw you, too. It just took forever to realize what that meant..." She leaned in just a hair more. "Brynjolf... I... I want... You. Right now."
"ALRIGHT!" A voice pulled her out of her thoughts, looking behind them to Karliah's giant smile. "We're ready to go- Oh. Well then. Brynjolf, I never thought I'd see you like this." Gweneith flushed brighter than magma, sliding off his lap. She'd forgotten exactly where they were as she professed her absolute desire to have him. Brynjolf didn't appear unscathed either, the man nervous as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I knew she cared for you, the glimpses I saw over the last twenty years though led me to believe you were married to this job. No room for someone else. I figured that's why she wanted to leave so bad."
"There was room, I just didn't meet her yet." He whispered just loud enough for Gwen to hear, the woman's ears poking up. Her smile matched his own silliness. He looked up to Karliah. "But yes. We should go." He scooped up Gwen's hand, holding it warmly. "Go head. We'll be up in a moment. I promise, Karliah." She nodded to him and after she was gone for just a moment, he looked to Gwen. "Lass... I want you too. I want to take my time with it, though. We have a long night ahead of us. Will you... still want me after?"
She leaned on him, closing her eyes. "I've wanted you for a year, Brynjolf. What's another night?" She then whispered softly. "I will always want you, clearly even when I'm trying to pretend otherwise and when I think it will hurt you."
"Nothing I do with you like that would hurt me." He kissed the top of her head. "Let's go. We can continue these thoughts after. Can't have guild business interfere with your family's, right?"
"Brynjolf..." She stood up, breaking the hold they had on one another, leaving the man looking a little sad. "You're my family, too." She got up quickly as she walked off, catching up with her and reconnecting his hand with hers.