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Julia lays on the cement ground by the RV tire in the middle of the night just staring at the sky. Her eyes continue to go linger on Daryl's motorcycle where she knows he has the pills. The only problem was Dale being on watch, she wouldn't be able to explain herself.
So she kept tossing and turning which- on pavement isn't exactly comfortable.
It also didn't help that she could hear Carol sobbing inside making Julia twiddle her thumbs sighing aggressively. Raya somehow was sleeping through it probably exhausted still from all the walking.
As Julia finally began to doze off the RV shaking with someone's movements woke her up. She stayed laying down but watched as Daryl Dixon opened the door, he was muttering to himself.
At first Julia didn't think anything of it other then him needing the rest room.
But he walked rather far and towards the wooded entrance Sophia disappeared in. Instantly Julia pushed herself up and went running after him feeling Dales eyes on her. She didn't even look back to explain herself as she soon ran to Daryl's side.
Hearing her running up on him he turned around suddenly bracing for an attack or something but stopped short seeing Julia. She didn't say anything as she wordlessly joined his side.
"What are ya doin up?" He asks gruffly but continues the lead the way as she kicks rocks along the path.
"Couldn't sleep. You?" Julia asks but doesn't seem to care as her voice and face remain stoic about it. "Me neither. So- I figured I'd walk the road. Look for the girl." He says it nonchalantly but Julia saw through him. He cared. But she wouldn't call him out on it, it was his business anyway.
With that the pair remained silent for awhile until they were deep into the woods. Julia looked around with a pout of her lips before looking to Daryl who shined a flashlight around.
"Do you really think we're gonna find her?" Julia asks softly her eyes searching the forest to avoid his penetrating gaze at the question.
"You don't got that look on your face like everyone else." He notes instead of answering as Julia side eyes him. "What face would that be?" She asks with an edge thinking maybe he was going to say something insulting.
"That you already believe she's gone face." He mutter distastefully as Julia shrugs. "I'm on the fence about it. Only reason I think she has a shot in this hell is because Shane thinks she's a goner. He tends to be wrong. Plus-..... she's got us all looking out for her. That's more then some get." Julia rambles awkwardly her eyes looking around the dark woods trying to ensure a tree wasn't really a Walker waiting to jump out.
"What the hells wrong with you people? We just started looking?" He scoffs making Julia furrow her brows and stare at him with slight hostility. "You just said I'm not making that face like them. And I told you-.... I'm just on the fence." Juli excuses making him scoff and shake his head.
"It ain't the mountains of Tibet. It's Georgia. She could be holed up in a farmhouse somewhere. People get lost and they survive. It happens all the time." Daryl calmly explains still not meeting her eye as Julia glares at him.
"Yeah well- that was before the undead rose and started eating people." Julia spat before shaking her head as her eyes glaze over in thought. "Besides she's only 12..." Julia voices in a softer tone her mind elsewhere.
Julia had only been 13 when the pastor did what he had done to her.... She knew what it was like to be young, and weak.
It wasn't anything personal.
"Hell I was younger than her and I got lost. Nine days in the woods eating berries, wiping my ass with poison oak." Daryl suddenly says after staring at her for a long minute like he knew he was losing her subconscious.
"They find you?" Julia asks scratching her arm harshly for some reason getting to know some of Daryl's past felt weird. It felt.... Special in a way. She knew he probably would never tell another person this, not unless asked about it or provoked.
"My old man was off on a bender with some waitress. Merle was doing another stint in Juvie. Didn't even know I was gone. I made my way back though. Went straight into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. No worse for wear. Except my ass itched something awful." Daryl calmly explains before Julia snorts a laugh making him look at her funny.
Julia doesn't even apologize as she continues to laugh right in front of him about it. He didn't say anything either as he watched her laugh for a good bit. He couldn't recall seeing her laugh sober.
"That's hilarious I'm sorry." Julia chokes out an apology before busting out laughing again as Daryl shakes his head with a faint smile. Soon even he had to laugh along with her only making Julia laugh harder until she stops to catch her breath.
"Only difference is like you said she's got people looking for her. I call that an advantage." He continues to walk making Julia follow and catch up walking along side him again.
The pair stay silent for awhile again when they start going deeper into the woods they hear sticks and stuff shifting. Julia grabs her sword and flash light and prepares just in case a Walker or two attacked.
Daryl seemed to have the same idea as he had his bow and light lifted looking around.
The familiar faint sound of growling could be heard making the two move toward it just in case worse scenario it was Sophia. But upon moving closer they find a Walker hanging from a tree.
"What the hell?" Daryl asks confused at first how it was hanging by its neck in a noose.
Despite being up in a tree the Walker thrashed it's arms around as if to get them making Julia roll her eyes as Daryl reads a note off the walkers body.
"Got bit. Fever hit. World gone to shit might as well quit. Dumbass didn't know enough to shoot himself in the head. Turned himself into a big swinging piece of bait. And a mess." Daryl says with distaste as Julia just shakes her head nose scrunched at the sight.
It's flesh was completely gone on its legs making Julia want to gag but hold it back.
"You alright?" Daryl asks and Julia just shrugs removing her eyes from the depressing scene. "I'm fine." Juli says short and to the point as he nods slowly.
"Your..... really good with a crossbow." Julia states trying to get the subject off the Walker as Daryl still stares at it like it's no big deal. "Gotta eat. That's one thing these walkers and us have in common. I guess it the closest he's been to food since he turned. Look at em- hanging up there like a big piñata. The other geeks came and ate all the flesh off his legs." He notes loudly making Julia gag but still not throw up.
"I thought I successfully changed the subject and then you bring it back to his dumbass getting his legs chewed clean through to the bone. Gonna make me barf." Julia snaps with some hostility but- there was also still a hint of teasing.
"Call that payback for laughing your ass off at my itchy ass." He says with a faint smile but the mention of his itchy ass just had Julia laughing again.
"Let's head back." Daryl says suddenly after staring at her laughing again his pace quick as Julia looks back at the Walker briefly.
"Your not gonna..." Julia trails off slowly as Daryl turns and looks at the Walker again with indifference. "No. He ain't hurting nobody. Ain't gonna waste an arrow either. He made his choice. Opted out. Let him hang." Daryl calmly says before going to walk away.
Julia just continues to stare at the Walker as her thought once again go else where...
⚠️TW SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS. MENTIONS OF PAST ABORTION AND SELF HARM TORTURE AND SLIGHT SA.⚠️
"Now the Jackson's won't even say hi in the mornings.... I hope your happy your little stunt has ruined my life Julianna." The old woman says with anger while throwing a dish towel down on the counter.
A sixteen year old Julia just blankly stares at the kitchen table, her hands unknowingly in a baby cradle position over her stomach. Her eyes seemed lost....
She looked dead from the inside out.
"I'm sorry." She whispers painfully as her grandmother just scoffs shaking her head. "You will be.... I've been talking to Martin. He doesn't want to give up on saving you, and has proposed me with an idea to save our fate." Her grandmother explains calmly making Julia slowly process these words and look to her fearfully.
She thought she had escaped his clutches.... What could he possibly want to do to her now?
"What is the churches main motto?" Her grandmother asks with hidden delight as Julia looks at her grandmother while gulping. "Through punishment and pain we learn to not sin." Julia whispers as her grandmother nods vigorously grabbing her purse. It was an early Sunday morning....
"Get dressed. We're going to church." Her grandmother instructs while walking out to the car. They hadn't been to church in nearly a month due to the backlash their family received from the sled inflicted abortion attempt.
Julia walked into the church with wobbly knees her eyes wide as she saw the pastor saying hellos while people sat. Julia went to go to their usual seating but he stopped them and had them come to the front of the room.
"Now my children- it is time we roll out a punishment. I know you are all well aware of the situation we had with the Wilson's last month. Well- like the good religious folk they are they've come back to us and know.... Their is no learning their wrongs with out some pain." Marvin says loudly the church going deadly quiet as everyone knows what that means.
A young teenage Julia bites her thumb nail to try and keep her lip from trembling her legs already shaking in fear.
"Today under the lords gaze we must teach a new lesson to stop the sin. Julianna Wilson please come here." He says calmly holding his hand out making Julia take a deep breath as she approaches,
"Mr Tenat please bring out the table." He says calmly while an old gentleman grabs the very known piece of torturous equipment. It had built in cuffs to keep the 'sinner' tied down and unable to fight the punishment.
Julia felt pure bile rising in her throat.
She looked back to her grandmother for any signs of doubt but the woman looked stone cold and even wore a tiny smirk.
Marvin straps Julia down and her heart thuds wondering which punishment she would get... in church they saw many different forms. Julia wondered if it would be something sexual like most women got but no.... No the pastor had taken her wedding refusal personal.
He already took her innocence but he wanted her to always remember this lesson. Always.
"Mrs Wilson.... If you would join me." Marvin says calling to Julia's grandmother who eagerly joined him standing behind Julia's pinned body. Julia could barely lift her face to see the crowd of onlookers. Most looked neutral some smiled, and very few grimaced as the knife was lifted behind her back.
"Mrs Wilson.... I want you to think of one word you would describe your granddaughter with." Marvin confidently says and the old woman didn't even need a second to think. It was the words she called her mother, it was the word she called Julia since the moment she 'saw the devil' in her.
"She's a whore." The old woman calmly says and Julia feels her body go tense as the man's hand grabs her shirt. He cuts the fabric opening the back of Julia's shirt making her freeze weary of the crowd seeing her nude body.
They couldn't see much but Julia still shook and tried squeezing her eyes shut tight.
"I want you to carve it right here." Marvin instructs making sure to linger his hand on Julia's back sexually as he subtly lowers his hand towards her ass making her whimper and shake her head.
"Please-...." Julia whimpers and right as she tried to beg the knife dug into her back harshly and Julia's screams rip through her throat.
By the time they were done her throat felt raw from all the screaming, sobs still racked through her body. And Julia's grandmother looked smug not even affected by what she'd done.
That was the day another piece of Julia Wilson died.
⚠️ITS SAFE FROM HERE⚠️
"Julia?" Daryl's voice asks as if he'd been calling her awhile and she slowly blinked and looked at him over her shoulder with wide eyes. "Ever since we left the CDC you've been- talking bad about these people that chose to opt out.... Why?" She asks softly and he seems to assess her before shrugging.
"It's the easy way out. Never seen the point in it." He says simply unbothered as Julia slowly looks away again and at the hanging Walker.
"What about you?...... ever thought of it?" He asks with narrowed eyes as Julia slowly looks down eyes glazed over as she thinks of her past attempt.
"I tried once...." She admits with a clenched jaw as she curls her arms around herself for a form of comfort his gaze heavy on her body.
"Why?" He asks and the girl looks at him before away with a grimace. She wasn't just going to tell him something this damning for free.
"It just a question." Daryl scoffs making trying to appear not curious but- he was. He wanted to know what made Julia so.... Insane.
"An answer for an arrow. Deal?" She asks keeping her gaze off him and at her shoes making him grunt in agreement.
"When I was young- I was going through some stuff..... it was a last resort to solve a problem and it worked. If I hadn't done it....... I would've been married that day." She whispers and he stays silent remembering what she had told him about saying no.
"Not much of an answer. Waste of an arrow." He says simply turning to leave as Julia scowls at him she'd told him more then she'd told others. So the woman storms over and shoved him harshly, "Fuck off. Who are you to make a comment on what I chose to do with my life? It was my life. " Julia spat storming ahead of him but he was hot on her tail.
"You told me somethin I already know, you were almost married and you tried to opt out once that's not much of somethin I don't already know!" He calls after her bitterly as she keeps storming away before grunting and turning around to come chest to chest with him.
"See that right there is why I did it. You men- you just take what you want because you think it's owed to you. I don't owe you a grand explanation on my life. I don't owe it to anyone. I tried to opt out and- I didn't succeed. God didn't answer my prayers. He never has." Her voice turned cold at the end as she turned away from him continuing to storm away.
She left him in her dust confused and slightly annoyed since he didn't see what she meant about him thinking he was owed something. They had simply made a deal and she told him stuff he already knew.
So he told her that again.
"I'm not owed nothin. I'm just statin a fact that you were supposed to explain a why and didn't. Going through stuff is barely nothin." He spat with his annoyance making her freeze but not turn around.
".......I was pregnant. And I didn't want it. They were going to force me to have it anyway..... does that suffice for you?" She snarls before continuing her walk but this time he doesn't follow right away as he feels rooted in place.
After 30 minutes of walking the highway came back into view and Julia stopped just to point a sharp finger in his chest. "If you tell anyone what I told you.... I'll gut you in your sleep are we clear?" She hisses and he just nods rolling his eyes pushing past her.
As they get to the Rv Daryl throws one last look over his shoulder at Julia before looking at Dale who blankly stares at him.
"I was starting to get worried." Dale admits to Julia who won't meet his gaze. "Yeah just.... Trying to be thorough." Julia mutters going to sit on the pavement but Dale holds a hand up to pause.
"I don't like you sleeping on the ground like this Julia. Please just- go inside it would make me and the others feel better. Plus Raya woke up briefly she was worried for you." He says it calmly but a scowl is already on Julia's face as she shakes her head slowly.
"I'm fine." She says in a strained voice she felt like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Julia hadn't been surrounded by men 24/7 ever, the end of the world forced her around men day in and day out and it was starting to make Julia feel her sanity slip.
She didn't want Daryl to know about her past but- she got stubborn. She technically had told him stuff he already knew but she didn't expect him to call her out on it or notice.
"Julia..... I just don't want to see you get hurt. You can take any spot you want just- don't lay on this hard ground please." He says in a beg making Julia sigh and look at her shoes.
With an aggressive pull she opens the Rv door and slams it shut behind her unconcerned with everyone else's sleep.
Carol was already back in the bed weeping and Raya was on the couch. Daryl was laid in the floor but he was still awake and staring at the ceiling. With annoyance Julia plops down in the passenger seats leg room area curled in a ball.
No one could see her but- she slowly rested a hand on her stomach and rubbed it with a sigh shutting her eyes and willing the bad thoughts away.
She'd done what's was right but-..... somehow over ten years later she still felt the gnawing guilt.
But strangely after talking about it even in quick passing Julia felt a shred of the darkness in her drop. A weird sense of relief in its place to be able to talk about it, and she didn't receive a look of pity.
She didn't want that from anyone but the only person in the world who could probably ever give her that was Daryl Dixon.