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There is no such thing as 'getting over it.' Trauma permanently changes you and no matter how hard you try, there is no way to forget. Whether the marks are physical, emotional, or mental, it doesn't really matter either. The harsh reality of it is that it rips you from yourself, your safety, and your sanity.
And there's no going back.
There is a way through it though— not giving up. And that was hard. It was so damn hard when the entire world was against her. But if she gave up, then what the hell was she even fighting for anymore?
Finnick's words rang through her mind as Cass pulled this year's suit up over her hips and past the faded seven inch scar wrapping around the side of her torso. The thin, pallid mark was prominent against her tanned skin, still faintly there after everything the Capitol had done to try to repair the damage.
They couldn't though. There was no possible way for Snow or anyone else that had been involved in The Games to make up for what they'd done. The scars were there, literal or not, and there was trauma burrowed deep inside her chest.
That's why she buried everything inside. It was easier to do that than to feel as deep as the wounds cut. Because if she did something as imperative as experiencing all of her emotions, she'd lose control. It'd happened when she was twelve and her mom had died. Her entire world had come crashing down, and if it wasn't for her dad, she would've drowned.
But, she'd never really been given that opportunity in the first place. Finnick hadn't let her. He knew how her mind worked and he knew exactly how she shut down when she didn't want to feel anymore— when everything came surging up, threatening to overflow.
'It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together than it does to fall apart though.'
That's what he'd told her when she asked how he carried everything so well after The Games and it was the exact same thing he'd said when Kai died. So it's what she did— she wiped her tears, picked herself back up, and kept going.
Because if she didn't, then what was the damn point?
"Are you ready?" Daisie asked, shattering the muted ambience inside as her fingers dropped from the zipper attached to the back of her suit.
Cass didn't say a word as her dark eyes shifted in the mirror from herself to Daisie.
"All right, then." Daisie stammered out, dropping her gaze. "Let's go."
It was silent as the door to her room was opened, light flooding into the darkness. Cass followed her out into the lounging area, locking onto a pair of sea-green eyes already pinned on the door.
Finnick stood, taking the remaining steps to her. His hands reached up, cupping the back of her neck. "I'll find you. Okay? I promise."
Her hands reached up, layering over top of his, warmth exuding from her touch. Cass couldn't say a word, only a nod moving her head.
"I'll take Cass to the jet. You can take Finnick?" Apollo offered, glancing at Daisie for approval.
"Wonderful." She responded, almost breathing out a sigh of relief.
Finnick's hands reluctantly dropped from Cass's face, a look of insurance floating in the air. Her eyes lingered on his momentarily before she was forced back to reality. She exhaled slowly, grudgingly taking her gaze from him and following Apollo out the door.
He didn't make any comments on her appearance or give her any unsolicited advice as they walked, their feet bringing them closer and closer to what awaited. The massive Capitol jet came into view as they exited the elevators, Peacekeepers guarding either side of the entry.
Apollo gave them a nod as they silently climbed inside, taking their seats against the wall. And it stayed silent. What could anyone possibly say though? All of the victors were on their way to the unidentified arena where they would fight to the death. Nothing could really alleviate any of the negative energy emanating from them.
"Your tracker."
Cass didn't lift her head or even flinch as a needle shot through her skin, the tracking device whirring as it entered into her forearm.
Apollo glanced over at her, anguish crossing his face. "Look, Cass, I know you don't want to hear anything right now; I don't blame you." He paused as she lifted her gaze. "I can't do anything to keep them from putting you in that arena, but I can provide minimal aid. The suit you have on isn't thermal. I'm guessing that means deserts or tropics."
"Thanks." She expressed, despondency lacing her quiet voice.
Time seemed to be on a mission, racing faster than it had the past two and a half weeks they'd been at the Capitol. It almost felt like they'd been there forever by the time last night had come, but now that she was on her way to the arena, nothing felt real anymore. She was really doing this. She was really going back into The Games.
The second those cannons went off, she had no idea what would happen. What she did know was that Katniss was the mission. Keeping her safe was the only thing that mattered. And Finnick. He was one person she'd also protect, no matter the cost.
The jet came to a stop, a loud humming noise filling her eardrums. A moment later, the doors slid up, revealing an enclosed hallway. Even after all these years, it looked the exact same— the ominous white lights blaringly shining down on her and the endless ivory corridor.
Cass stood up, wiping her palms on her legs. She let out a breath and made her way to the opening, Apollo right behind her. She knew Finnick already had the gold bangle Haymitch had given them, a sign of their alliance with Katniss. She also knew that convincing the girl would be extremely difficult, considering she trusted no one. Peeta and Cass already had a deal though. She knew she could trust him.
"All right. It's time." Apollo voiced, both of them stopping as they entered the launch room. He lifted up her gold necklace, clasping it behind her neck. "I remember when he gave you this. It's fitting you wear it again." He said with a smile, eyes pinned on the ornate, gold trident.
Cass grabbed the chain, quickly tucking it into the front of her suit. "Thank you. For everything, Apollo. I mean it."
"One last muse?" He replied, raising his brow.
Her eyes only narrowed.
"How long do you think Plutarch would last in his own Games?"
"Sixty seconds to launch."
Cass ignored the announcement, her shoulders irritatingly lifting up. "I don't know. Windward held the title of Gamemaker longer than anyone, reigning in at six whole years because of his deadly creativity. I can attest to that. Crane only lasted four." She paused, hardly masking her hatred. "Honestly, they'd be first to go. But why the hell do you care?"
Apollo seemed to consider her answer for a moment, something she didn't recognize flickering in his eyes. "I don't know. It was just a thought." He raised his brow. "I'd give him thirteen minutes though."
All of her attention immediately shifted to him, her eyes going slightly round.
"Ten seconds to launch."
Without another thought, Cass bounded into Apollo's arms, relief flooding through her entire system. "Warn them." She murmured.
Apollo held tight to her, reluctantly pulling away. "Don't worry, Cass. I'm sure your family already knows how much you love them."
She nodded her head, letting out a breath as she stepped inside the capsule. A glass encasing slid down around her at the sign of her entry. She faced Apollo, locking onto his determined gaze.
He leaned close to the glass, his voice muffled from the other side. "Remember: you're untouchable; bring them to their knees." He echoed, flashing her one last smile.
Cass nodded her head once, tenacity coursing through her veins as she started moving up. Her cylinder raised, a slight humming noise emitting from the movement. The launch room quickly disappeared from view, intense sunlight replacing the fluorescent bulbs.
Her family knew about the rebellion. They knew about 13. That thought alone gave her peace.
That peace abruptly abandoned her, though, as she took in the 75th Hunger Games arena. Water surrounded her pedestal, a beach encircling the waves. There were jagged strips of rock leading to the Cornucopia, but too far to jump to. The only way any of them could get supplies was through swimming.
Cass swallowed down the lump in her throat, eyes wandering around the thousands of trees encompassing the arena. She was a strong swimmer. There was no doubt in her mind she'd be first to reach the Cornucopia.
"Let the 75th Hunger Games begin." Claudius announced, his voice vociferously egotistical in the serene environment. "May the odds be ever in your favor."
Cass whipped to her left, then to her right, eyes searching for Finnick. She couldn't find him anywhere, but she knew he could protect himself. She wasn't worried about him. Her hands lifted up to her braided ponytail, securing the band around it. A breath billowed out of her lips as she crouched down, preparing herself to dive.
Ten
Nine
Eight
Seven
Six
Five
Four
Three
Two
One
Her feet pushed off of the pedestal, her arms flying up to her head as a cannon echoed through the air. Cass's body shot through the water, instantly becoming submerged. Her arms propelled her through the water, quickly getting her to the rock strips.
She pulled herself up and onto the rubble, swiftly getting to her feet. Water splashed off of her body as she broke out into a sprint towards the Cornucopia. She could see tributes on either side of her, also running towards the supplies.
But she was faster.
Cass leapt the rest of the short distance to the slab of rock, her feet slamming into the earth. She hastily grabbed her trademark weapons— a jet black double bladed throwing knife gripped between her fingertips, the others having already been stashed in the sheath of her belt. She whirled to her left, coming face to face with Peeta, knife raised by her head.
Peeta's hands instantly flew up in front of him, eyes widening. "Allies! Remember?"
Cass let out a strained breath, gradually lowering her knife. "I remember." She paused, eyes shifting to his right. "Heads up."
In less than a second, her arm had cranked back, sending her knife sailing through the air. The blade whipped past Peeta's head, barely missing him as he leaned backwards. He glanced behind himself, eyes widening at the sight of her knife lodged in between a tribute's eyes.
The sound of a cannon shot through the air, his body crumpling back into the water as Peeta's doe eyed gaze locked onto hers.
She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "I said 'heads up,' didn't I?"
"Thanks." Peeta stuttered, utterly shocked at how close her blade had come to his skull. "We need to find Katniss."
Cass nodded her head and took a step forward. "Finnick should already be with her, but we need to find them before—"
She was abruptly cut off by the brute force of another tribute slamming into her. The two of them flew off the rock slab, their bodies plunging into the water.
"PEIA!" Finnick yelled, having just come around the corner of the Cornucopia.
Without another thought, Peeta dove into the water after her.
All the oxygen in Cass's lungs left her body and she was suddenly back on that rig. She was fighting Asher again. Everett had just died. She couldn't breathe. Everything was closing up and—
Cass pushed all of her memories and trauma back down her throat, forcing herself to remain calm. The tribute on top of her lifted his fist, but she caught hold of his forearm, straining to keep it from slamming into her face. He was holding far too tightly to her other shoulder, though, not allowing her to break free.
Spots danced in her vision, the need for air overtaking anything else. She had water in her lungs and in her throat. Salt was all she tasted, the liquid filling her trachea. She needed out. Now.
The man was suddenly ripped off of her and yanked to the side by Peeta, his grasp on her faltering. Cass desperately kicked her legs, forcibly scooping her arms through the water. Her head broke through the surface a moment later, gasps and coughs spilling from her lips.
The familiar sound of the cannon shot through the air again, panic filling her chest. She turned around in the water, searching for signs of Peeta. There was nothing for almost three seconds.
Then a body resurfaced.
Shit.
Cass was about to go back down when Peeta's head shot up through the water, his breathing labored as he gasped for air. She let out a breath of relief at the sight of him, her heart still wildly beating out of control. Finnick came up next to the two, concern etched in his gaze. He'd come for them.
After discerning that they were fine, the trio swam back to Katniss, Finnick getting out first. He held his hand out to Cass, helping her up and onto the strip of rock. She arduously got to her feet, dropping her hand from his as she expelled the last bits of water from her lungs. Her palms rested on her knees as she coughed, barely able to breathe.
"You good?" Finnick asked, giving her a glance as he helped lift Peeta out.
"It just had to be water." She quipped, letting out a sigh as she stood.
Katniss scoffed. "I thought you were a good swimmer."
Cass turned to her, already bothered by her sarcastic persona. "I am. But I've already done the whole submerged arena thing. I'm not a big fan." She retorted, turning to Finnick. "We need to get out of here."
"She's right. Let's go." He echoed, breaking out into a sprint down the slab of rock.
Cass glanced back at the other Career tributes, eying the small group of them before following after Katniss, Peeta, and Finnick. The four of them reached the shore, quickly rushing into the foliage. Another cannon reverberated through the treeline as they ran, only intensifying their trepidation. They kept running, their legs taking them further and further away from the beach.
Katniss and Peeta promptly took charge, racing past Cass and Finnick. The only color in sight was green, dousing every last plant, vine, and leaf in color. It was all monotonous, a never ending jungle of lush, verdant vegetation.
"Okay, hold up. Hold up." Finnick voiced, forcing Katniss and Peeta to comply.
The three of them came to a stop, taking cover in the greenery. A bead of sweat or water–she couldn't really tell the difference–dripped down Cass's forehead. She stayed close to the ground, eyes never staying still long enough for her to relax. Flies whizzed past her head, a low buzzing noise filling her eardrums.
And it was humid.
The sun was beating down on them through the foliage, the huge tree they were at not nearly enough coverage from it. Her throat was dry and her chest was heaving up and down, already fatigued from all of the running they'd done. She needed water.
"God, it's hot." Peeta voiced.
Cass glanced at him, brow raised. "You don't say?"
"We gotta find fresh water." He said, locking onto her gaze.
It fell silent, that realization quickly sinking in. Before any of them had a chance to respond, though, three cannon shots split through the air— the harrowing noise faint from how deep they were in the jungle.
Finnick eyed Katniss and Peeta, turning to them. "Well, I guess we're not holding hands anymore." He mused, letting out a small chuckle.
"You think that's funny?" Katniss questioned.
"Every time that cannon goes off, it's music to my ears." Finnick admitted, gesturing up at the sky. "I don't care about any of them."
"Good to hear." Katniss quipped, pulling her machete from out of the sheath on her back.
Cass rolled her eyes, entirely fed up. "Can we all just keep moving?"
"You want to face the Career Pack alone?" Finnick continued, eyes solely on Katniss. "What would Haymitch say?"
"Haymitch isn't here." She shot back.
Peeta glanced at Cass with a sigh. "She's right. We should keep moving."
"Please." She echoed, not hesitating to follow him as he stood.
Peeta led the way, Cass right behind him. Finnick was next as they trekked through the foliage, Katniss a step behind. Peeta's machete slashed through a bundle of vines, clearing the way for everyone as they journeyed further and further away from the Cornucopia.
Cass came up next to him, jotting down the small hill. "Hey, thanks. For saving my life back there." She clarified, nodding behind herself.
Peeta shrugged his shoulders and moved a hanging branch from out of the way. "Don't mention it. You saved mine." He paused, lifting his machete in the air. "Also, nice shot."
A grin lifted the corners of her mouth at his compliment. "I scored an 11 for a reason, didn't I?"
He chuckled, shaking his head as he cleared another section of vines for them. "Haymitch was right. Humble is not one of your key tra—"
"Peeta, no!"
Cass whipped back to Katniss just as Peeta's machete struck the imperceptible forcefield, launching both of them backwards with a deafening bang. Sparks flew through the air as her body smacked into something before ultimately crumpling to the ground. She coughed, every last part of her body aching.
Finnick was at her side in moments, grazing the side of her cheek with his hand. "Peia? Are you okay?" He panicked, eyes rapidly shifting from either eye.
She grimaced, forcing herself to a sitting position. "I'm fine."
"Peeta? Peeta?" Katniss sputtered, fear etched behind her words. "He's not breathing. He's not breathing!"
In an instant, Finnick had shoved her off of him, kneeling over Peeta's body. Katniss rapidly plucked an arrow out of her sheath at the same moment Cass lifted her knife, a look of warning crossing her face.
Finnick leaned down, pressing his mouth to Peeta's, causing Katniss to realize that he was only trying to save his life. After a moment, Finnick lifted his head back up, beginning to do chest compressions in an effort to jumpstart his heart.
"Peeta?" Katniss stuttered, leaving her bow behind herself and crawling the rest of the way to him. "Peeta?"
Cass gradually lowered her knife, her heart returning back to its resting rate. Her eyes were glued to Finnick, entirely enraptured by the determination in his eyes. She felt like she couldn't breathe as she watched him.
"Come on! Come on!" He urged, pressing his hands down into Peeta's sternum.
"Please, wake up. No." Katniss sobbed, shaking her head as Finnick lowered his head back down to Peeta's chest, listening for a heartbeat.
He quickly came back up, restarting his chest compressions. "Come on. Come on!" Finnick commanded, panic engulfing him. "Come on. Come on, Peeta!"
Cass's eyes were wide in horror as she watched, unable to pull her gaze from his face. That could've just as easily been any of them. And that terrified her.
Peeta's eyes suddenly fluttered open as he gasped, air flooding back into his lungs. Katniss cupped his face, fear still written all throughout her features. "Peeta? Peeta. Oh, my God." She breathed out, relief filling her system.
Finnick fell back down to the earth, residing next to Cass. Her eyes were still glazed over as he glanced at her, instinctively placing his hand on her thigh. She didn't make any notion that she felt his reassuring touch.
"Be careful. There's a forcefield up there." Peeta murmured.
Katniss chuckled, pressing her lips to his. "Oh, my God. You were dead. You were dead. Your heart stopped."
Cass swallowed hard, finally pulling her gaze from Peeta's face. When she turned to her right, Finnick was already looking at her. Concern was the only thing she saw, his eyes searching hers to make sure she was okay.
She gave him a nod and shoved all thoughts of her mom, brother, and Everett to the back of her mind. She couldn't let the past haunt her right now. Not when she had people she'd promised she'd protect.
As soon as they were all back to their feet, Katniss fell into Peeta's arms, the two of them holding tightly to each other. "It's okay. It's okay." He murmured into her hair.
Finnick felt his heart palpitate in his chest at the sight of them, his eyes subconsciously shifting back to Peia. A look of regret crossed her face, something flickering in her gaze at the pair. He glanced down, letting out a breath. The fact that it could've been her and not Peeta petrified him.
He didn't know what he'd do if he lost her.