Trigger Warning: SA, Anxiety
I was struggling to breathe as I made my way to the bathroom, Rafe was holding onto my hand so I wouldn't get lost in the crowd. He opened the door for me, I passed by him and then he closed and locked it behind him.
"Ok, now Lillian you're going to have to listen to me for once." He said with a serious look on his face. He wasn't kidding.
I nodded and then he continued "You have to inhale for 5, hold for 3 and exhale for 3. Then repeat. I'll help you through it just copy me." I did what he said and felt it getting better.
"R-Rafe?" I stuttered.
"Yeah?" He replied.
"Can you give me a hug, it's what helps me most usually," I asked him still chasing for air with my breath. Looking back now I'm surprised at how nice and caring he was being, it doesn't completely match with his persona. I'm also surprised that I wasn't yelling at him for helping me.
He pulled me in in a hug, my head on his chest. One of his hands holding my head and the other my back. I was holding onto him tight.
"You're good, you're safe, you're with me" He whispered in my ear to calm me down.
I noticed that my attack had stopped so I pulled away from the hug. "Are you okay?" He asked me with a concerned look on his face.
"Yeah..." I answered vaguely processing what had just happened.
"Do you want me to leave and call Kiara or Sarah? I know you don't really like me,"
"No I'm fine, but can you stay for a few minutes I don't want to be alone," I said quietly.
"Of course," He said with a slight smile appearing on his face. I was sitting on the bathroom counter when our eyes locked, we were both silent just looking into each other's eyes. We didn't break the eye contact or the silence so we were both just there staring at each other.
Rafe had the most beautiful blue eyes, I felt like I could dive into them and swim like in the ocean. He was so handsome and in what he wearing tonight he genuinely looked hot.
I felt weird thinking of him as that but it was the way I felt and for once I wasn't afraid to admit that.
After a while Rafe broke the silence "You don't have to answer but what exactly happened with Dylan? I just heard you say that he was hurting you so I came", he looked at me softly, he knew that he was touching a soft spot so he wanted to do that carefully.
"Well, we danced together for a while, he introduced himself and stuff, then we kissed and once we were done he asked me if I wanted to go to an empty room with him, to you know. He mentioned something about me having to obey him in there and that was like really weird of him to say so I told him things weren't going to work. Then he grabbed my wrist and tried to make me come in there with him and lastly, he called me a slut." I said with a sarcastic smile. To be honest I had already forgotten about it, he was so unattractive to me now so I didn't really care about his opinion of me. It's so fucking weird how an ick can be a deal breaker, but any girl will understand.
"Lillian, you aren't a slut. Dylan is just a little bitch who wants to get in everyone's pants. Just let him fuck off" Rafe said abruptly, he meant what he said, it was clear.
"Thanks, Rafe, that means a lot to me actually." I said and chuckled, and Rafe smiled softly at me.
"Rafe?" I said catching his attention.
"Yeah?"
"Why are you being so nice to me? I don't know if you remember but we kind of hate each other." I asked him. He looked surprised and took a moment to think. I thought of the label that we had put on one another over the years. "Enemy", were we enemies? Could we be friends? I realized how stupid it was, to think of a person in black and white, to not want to know more about them rather than what's clear to the eye.
Rafe was very far from being the type of person I would be friends with, but the Rafe I was seeing wasn't the one I'd known since i was little. He was different, good different, refreshingly different. Like no one I'd been with before.
"I have no idea," he laughed. I chuckled as well and almost got ready to leave as this was getting awkward. "I guess you're just different from what I thought you were and I only really realized it recently." Rafe blurted out calmly, startling me.
"What did you think I was?" I chuckled. "Well I thought you were, I don't know, you just always hated me and I never knew why so I just went along with it I guess," Rafe said and I raised my eyebrows, surprised.
"That's not true," I said. "Yes it is," Rafe chuckled. "You always teased me and always made fun of me when we were little," I said defensively. "Yeah but I did that to everyone," I chuckled. "Oh sorry, my bad," I said sarcastically.
"No that's not what I mean," he laughed. "Sure," I teased. "I wanted to be your friend when I was little but you would always humiliate me and Sarah in front of people and then I grew up and started to feel negatively about you so I treated you like I thought you deserved to be treated," I said.
"I just remember you hating me," he said and I frowned. "Ok?" I said, standing up to open the door and leave.
"Don't leave," Rafe mumbled. "Why?" I asked. "Because I don't want you to," he said. "So you can tell me about how the reason we aren't friends is that I was rude to you?" I said, emphasizing the I and you. "No, that's not what I meant, I swear." Rafe said.
"Then what did you mean Rafe?" I asked, my hand still on the doorknob. "I just remember wanting to be friends with you but you always shut me off." Rafe said. "Well that didn't happen," I said. "I know, I'm sorry." Rafe said.
"You still haven't answered my question by the way Rafe, why did you help me?" I said impatiently. I saw him hesitate before starting to talk.
"It's you, Lil. Even though we've never been on good terms I've always known the real you. The way you act around the people you care about, Sarah, Kie, Topper, and all your Pogue friends. You are probably one of the nicest people I know, it's like you always put others before yourself but yet again you're too smart to be used by someone. I don't know how but you show kindness to everyone who you feel deserves it and well, as I'm sure you know that's one of my weaknesses. I think that for once someone should have returned the favor to you. So I thought that I would be the one to." He said, staring into my eyes. He was probably wasted as fuck but his words meant so much to me, no one had ever told me that I was caring and smart, they always stopped at pretty. Rafe was the first one to acknowledge my other features.
"But yeah, I get it if you hate me, I haven't exactly been nice around you-". He continued before I cut him off.
"Shut up" he was surprised but actually closed his mouth and made me continue.
"I never hated you." I said and he frowned. "Yes you did," he laughed. "Maybe, but you aren't what I expected either,"
"What did you expect?" he said softly.
"Cocky, annoying, all in your head." I said. "Jeez," he laughed but I could tell that slightly hurt him.
"But," I said and he raised his head, looking at me.
"You proved me wrong," I said and he smiled softly. "I mean you weren't wrong, my reputation isn't very clean," he said. "Can I say something?" I said and he nodded.
"This is going to sound really weird coming from me but stop thinking of yourself that way. You view yourself as this monster that is a terrible person, but not because you actually are. Because that's what people tell you that you are. Take it from me, the Kook princess. People think they know me before even saying a word to me. The thing is, they don't. If I convince myself that I am what they think I am: selfish, rude, and spoiled, I'll eventually become that. People think that you are a selfish, cocky, and rude rich boy but let's look at the facts. Today when this boy had the intentions of raping me me, you helped me, not any of the people watching who supposedly are better people than you. You did. Not them, you. When Sarah was wasted at the party, who brought us home? You. Not any of the people whom I begged before you. You. Who calmed me down from my millionth panic attack this week? You did. So stop thinking of yourself as this monster because you aren't the villain." I saw his look change as I said those words, every single word impacting his brain more and more.
"I guess I did that didn't I?" He said while still reflecting on what I had just said to him.
"You did," I thought out loud.
He smiled at my words and yet again we were looking deeply into each other's eyes staring at the person whom we knew much better from the past ten minutes.
"I guess we both surprised each other today," he said, still keeping the eye contact. "We did, didn't we," I smiled back.
"Positively or Negatively?" he asked, knowing the answer. "Let's just say you aren't what I expected Cameron," I chuckled. "You aren't what I expected either, Jones," he laughed.
Our faces were directed at each other and we both started moving them closer, diving into a kiss. But before his lips touched mine we heard Sarah and Kie through the door.
"Lillian, are you in there?" Rafe and I quickly pulled away from one another and I jumped off the bathroom counter, which was where I sat down while talking to Rafe.
"Yeah, I'm in here," I said while opening the door. Rafe and I walked out and Sarah and Kie shared a weird look.
"Rafe, what the hell did you do to her?" Sarah asked Rafe while raising her voice.
"Sar, relax. Dylan was trying to get me to do something with him. I had a panic attack and Rafe came, saved me from Dylan, and then we went here so I could relax. Nobody did anything bad, other than Dylan I guess."
"You, helped, her?" Kie said pointing at Rafe with a pause in between all of her words.
"And you accepted his help?" Sarah finished Kie's sentence with the same tone, looking confused.
"Yeah it's not a big deal, can we go to your room now, please? I want to change and maybe sleep" I said with a tired tone.
"Yeah of course," Sarah said. We headed upstairs but before we walked the first stair I turned around to see Rafe, I smiled at him and mouthed "Thank you for everything" and in return he grinned.
"So?? Kie did anything happen with Tyler?" I asked smirking at Kie and moving my eyebrows up and down, Sarah joining me.
"Well, we can say it was an eventful night." She grinned and we all burst out laughing.
After an hour it was 3.00 a.m. and we were all cozied up in Sarah's bed. Safe to say we were squished but it was still nice.
Sarah and Kie were sleeping but the thought of almost kissing Rafe kept me up. Surprisingly, thinking of him gifted butterflies to my stomach. All my thoughts about love being a fake label that I wasn't ready for, all because of my last relationship, were gone. Suddenly love seemed like a force that had dragged me in.
Big revelations were made tonight, Rafe isn't just who I thought he is, he is way more than that. But the biggest revelation isn't that, it is that I don't hate Rafe, I actually think that I like him. Wait. What. I like Rafe Cameron. My best friend's brother? My lifelong enemy? What? What is going on with me?
Notes from the Author:
Sorry this chapter is shorter than usual but I feel like way more happened in it. I'm so exited to continue this as their love story is just getting started!
Love you all x!