800 views, this if fckn bonkers thank you so much
Beatrice gasped for breath as she startled awake, her hand coming up to her chest where the false pain pulsed against her skin. Her head circled around quickly, the woman searching for any danger as she took deep breaths. She slowly calmed down once she realized she was in the Sullys marui, her eyes lowering to find Lo'ak spread across her legs, Kiri holding tightly onto her thigh. Tuk was sleeping with Neytiri and Jake, unable to calm down from the trauma she went through at such a young age.
Inhale.
Exhale.
The pain in her chest radiated throughout her entire body, tears immediately dripping down her cheeks despite the absence of cries. The woman sniffled softly, gently moving Lo'ak and Kiri before standing. Her body ached tightly, the woman chewing on her lip as a result.
Inhale.
Exhale.
She didnt remember how she got to the Sullys marui, she didnt remember anything after curling up next to Neteyams body. Her arms wrapped around her stomach gently, stepping outside of the pod and breathing heavily.
The village was silent as Beatrice made her way to the Tsahiks marui, her heart aching to see Neteyams body. She knew Jake and Neytiri would be making their way over to him soon to begin preparing his body for the ceremony that night. She had to soak up as much time as she could.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Beatrice froze as she stood outside the marui, seeing his body laying on the woven table with the Tsahik working around him, blessing his body to go back to Eywa. Her eyes were glued to her love as the Tsahik turned and saw her, her hand coming up and resting over the baby in her womb.
"Come in, Beatrice.." Ronal spoke gently, pulling Beatrices attention away from her love. Beatrice slowly walked in, taking shaky breaths as she made her way to his side.
"Will i be in the way, Tsahik?" Beatrice asked shakily, her voice barely coming out as a whisper. Ronal immediately shook her head, placing her hand on Beatrices shoulder.
"No my dear. Not at all." Ronal responded gently, rubbing her shoulder gently before getting back to work. Beatrice gently picked up Neteyams hand, bringing it back to her cheek as her eyes closed. The tears had never ceased, except grew faster as she stood silently next to her love, listening to the Tsahiks prayers to Eywa.
Inhale.
Exhale.
The emptiness inside chewed at Beatrices organs, the woman constantly having to take deep breaths to prevent herself from breaking down once more. Her eyes slowly opened, looking over Neteyams arms and the familiar stripes, her eyes landing on the armband Beatrice had made him when they first arrived. Her hands slowly moved up to it, untying it gently before holding it to her chest. She took a deep breath before reaching up, tying her hair back with it, it being much too large for her arm.
Her hand slowly moved up his arm, landing to the necklace she had made him around his neck. Beatrice hoped Neytiri and Jake would allow him to be buried with it, her fingers fidgeting with one of the seashells lightly. Her free hand came up to her face, wiping her tears roughly.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Why did Eywa allow her to survive but not Neteyam?
Beatrice brought her eyes to his face slowly, a shaky breath escaping her lips. She admired his face, memorizing all of the details she could. A sad smile grew on her face as she thought about all the times shed try to memorize his face before, the man getting shy and making her stop. The smile slowly melted from her lips as she sniffled, her mind beginning to race with every memory they had.
"I am so sorry, Ma'Teyam. We should have gone to Eywa when you offered.." Beatrice whispered gently, stroking his face gently. The cold of his skin stung her fingers, making her chew on her lip once more. "I see you. I love you."
Inhale.
Exhale.
Beatrice gently grabbed onto his still hand once again, placing a soft kiss on the inside of his palm. She laid her head on his chest, her eyes closing as she relished in their memories. The world went silent around her, the woman getting caught up in her thoughts.
Beatrice jumped slightly as a hand touched her shoulder, her head shooting up in fear only to find a tear stained Neytiri. Beatrice took a deep breath to calm herself, wiping her wet face as Neytiri pulled her into her arms. The woman hugged the older Na'vi tightly, eyes squeezing closed as a sob escaped her lips. After a few minutes, Neytiri pulled away gently, cupping Beatrices face.
Inhale.
Exhale.
"He loved you. So, so much. During the... final moments.. he only asked for you, my daughter." Neytiri spoke gently, Beatrices face grimacing as she began to cry harder. She wasnt there for him when he needed her to be. She wasnt there. Neytiri held the woman tightly as Beatrice sobbed loudly, crying out for the Great Mother.
Beatrice felt another pair of arms wrap around her gently, Neytiri letting go and placing a kiss on Beatrices head. The woman buried her head into the neck of the person holding her now, Lo'aks scent filling her nose as he slowly brought her outside of the pod. He held her tightly as she cried, never letting go until she began to calm down. Beatrice slowly looked up and met Lo'aks eyes, his bloodshot eyes mirroring hers. He cupped her head gently, sniffling as he took a deep breath.
"I am so sorry i treated you that way, Bea. You are my best friend, you only wanted to prove that i was safe. You have only ever wanted to keep me safe. Now it is my turn to keep you safe. I see you, sister. I love you." Lo'ak spoke to her softly, hoping she did not cry again. Beatrice fought the tears in her eyes, giving Lo'ak a sad smile as she hugged him tightly, Lo'ak happily accepting the forgiveness.
Beatrice pulled away after a moment, leaning up and placing a kiss on Lo'aks head. She could hear Tuk, Kiri, and Jake making their way over, coming to spend time with Neteyam before the ceremony. She squeezed Lo'aks arm gently before meeting Kiris hug, squeezing the girl lightly once they pulled away. Beatrice picked up Tuk, giving her a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek before placing her back down, the kids entering the tent slowly. The woman looked up and met Jakes eyes, Jake grabbing her head lovingly.
"You are still apart of this family, even if you and Neteyam had not mated yet." Jake said softly, Beatrice forcing a smile on her face and nodding. Beatrice watched as Jake entered the tent, her ears lowering as she heard their cries.
She may be apart of their family, but she knew if they could pick, they would have their son back.
If Beatrice could pick too, she would pick the same option.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Her feet immediately started moving, her eyes watching the woven path turn to sand as she made her way to the beach. She clicked her tongue loudly as she stepped into the water, grabbing onto the ilu tightly and beginning her ride.
She couldnt live in a world without Neteyam. He had saved her, but she couldnt save him. It wasn't fair.
Beatrice admired the life around her as her ilu took her to her destination, but despite the life surrounding her, she still felt empty inside.
Once the ilu broke surface, Beatrice took a deep breath, her eyes falling onto the floating rocks surrounding the Cove of Ancestors. She urged the ilu to keep moving, her eyes falling to where the Tree glowed brightly in contrast to the bright sun beating down on it. She gently slipped off the ilu, petting it gently before letting it go. She took in a few shaky breaths before diving down, the Tree swaying in the water as if beckoning her. She floated alongside one of the leaves, pulling her queue over her shoulder before gently making the connection, warmth spreading through her body as her eyes fell shut.
Bright light surrounded her, yet she could still walk around.
"Great Mother?" Beatrice asked softly, her voice echoed around her. The light surrounding her glowed brighter, the woman falling to her knees as she realized the Great Mother was all around her.
"Great Mother, please take me instead.." Beatrice whispered, her head falling forward. She watched as tears landed on her hands, taking in another shaky breath before continuing. "He has a family. They need him. He is all i have. I am begging you, Great Mother. Please tell me what i must do for you to return him and take me instead."
The woman looked up as silence surrounded her, a quiet thrumming in the back of her head. Her ears twitched as she listened for any response, sniffling.
"Please, Great Mother. I will do whatever you want. Just... please, take me instead."
The light surrounding Beatrice glowed brighter before she could hear soft footsteps, her head swiveling around as she searched for the sound. Her eyebrows scrunched together as no figure appeared, yet the footsteps grew louder. She felt a phantom hand on her cheek, gasping softly at the contact before the voice filled the air around her.
"You have made many sacrifices, child." The mighty voice of Eywa echoed around her, goosebumps rising along Beatrices skin. "You are willing to sacrifice your life for him?"
Beatrice nodded her head feverishly, her eyes searching for something to land on. "He is worth my life and more, Great Mother." She responded softly, feeling something wipe the tears from her cheeks. She heard Eywa hum softly to herself in understanding, Beatrices heart racing.
"The enemy will be returning. You are needed to save everyone." Eywa finally spoke, Beatrice scrunching her eyebrows in confusion. Her arms raised as the light started to dim around her, nausea building as she realized Eywa was declining her wish.
"Great Mother, please! I will do anything! Please!" Beatrice shouted before feeling the push in her mind, her eyes snapping open to find herself face to face to the leaf of the Tree. A sob broke from Beatrices lips as she started swimming up to the surface, wails leaving her lips once she finally broke the surface. She forced herself to swim to where the rocks made a makeshift beach, crawling onto the ground as sobs shook her body. Her body collapsed roughly against the rocks, curling into a ball as she felt all hope leave her body. Her arms wrapped around herself tightly, trying to hold the shattered pieces of her together.
Her mind started to race, terrible images of her body lifeless waiting for someone to find her filling her mind. Her heart calmed slowly as she inched towards the acceptance of what she wanted to do, realizing how badly she did not want to live in a world where Neteyam was not. Different ideas of how she could do it flitted through her thoughts, her breath hitching in her throat as her mind suddenly stopped processing.
Lo'ak.
She couldnt leave him. Her best friend, her brother. Kiri and Tuk would move on after some time, but something in Beatrices gut told her Lo'ak would not survive without her after his brother died. He will be lashing out more, fighting with his dad more. She had to be there for the young boy. A sigh left Beatrices lips, her eyes scrunching together tightly as she accepted she had one person to stay for.
After a while of crying under the sun, eclipse nearing with the heartbreaking reality of the death ceremony coming soon, Beatrices ears twitched as she heard wings flapping above her. She slowly opened her eyes, her hand coming up to block the sun from her sore eyes as she began searching for which Sully came looking for her on their ikran.
Her heart ached as the ikran landed next to her, letting out a soft chirp as Beatrice recognized him as Neteyams ikran.
"Oh, my friend.. What are you doing here?" Beatrice asked sadly, slowly getting up and making her way to the ikran. She hugged the ikrans face tightly, him letting out a sad sounding chirp as she laid her forehead against his. She slowly pulled away, petting the ikran down the forehead gently before scrunching her eyebrows in confusion, watching as the ikran lowered his neck to her. Knowing she could never bond with the creature, she slowly climbed on, holding tightly onto the saddle handle. "Go easy, my friend. I have never been the one leading you."
The ikran let out another chirp before spreading his wings, taking flight as Beatrice held onto the reigns tightly. She allowed him to lead her where he wanted, sighing softly as she realized he was simply taking her back to the village. A small grunt left the womans lips as the ikran landed, sliding off and hugging the ikrans head once more.
"Thank you, my friend." Beatrice whispered, rubbing his snout softly. She stood back a few feet as she watched him take flight once more, her head turning to the village as a sigh left her lips. Her feet started moving before she realized, heading to her and Neteyams marui with a broken heart.