(Au. I would read this while listening to Pluto Projector by Rex Orange County, at least the first part)
Stopping the first taxi that drives by I get inside and tell the man the address of what used to be Matteo's and I's home. It's been months since I have been there... since the accident when everything went to shit. And then it became part of the investigation around Matteo when he burned down every incriminating thing about us that was in his office.
I can't believe I haven't thought about going back until now, at first, when Matteo told me I wasn't going back home I was furious but then it all changed when she appeared. Without me noticing it was even happening Mia made a home out of the apartment.
Fuck even now I can't stop thinking about her.
"We are here, sir." The driver says nicely when he notices me looking at the driveway in silence.
"Yeah, thanks," I reply handing him the money before getting out of the car.
Then when I'm walking to the door it's when I remember I don't even have keys and just when I'm about to turn around huffing at my fucking stupidity the door opens. I walk inside following the path to the porch when the main door of the house opens too.
"Hello, sir. It's been a while." Felix says a big smile on his face.
"Felix, it's nice to see you. I didn't know you were still here." I admit.
"Your brother asked me to keep it clean and make sure his office got fixed up in case Miss Black decided to come back here." He explains moving out of the way to let me in. "What brings you here if you don't mind me asking?" His eyes wander down to the prosthetic for a few seconds.
"Tough day, I needed an escape and my mind went to this house. You say it's fully fixed?" I ask getting inside and making my way to Matteo's office.
"Completely, as you already know the office burnt down but everything is back to normal now. Just some slight changes on the furniture." Felix follows me walking a little faster so he can get the door for me. "See it for yourself."
He didn't lie, everything is exactly as it was before. The only thing that changes is the chair and some decorative items. That and a missing bookshelf.
"Where's the bookshelf that was against the wall?" I point to the newly painted spot.
"Mr. Russo asked me to move it before setting everything on fire. There were some important pictures and books on it according to him. I believe Miss Black took some of them when she came by to take her stuff before moving a few months ago."
"I see, that's good. And thank you for your help that day by the way." I say referring to him helping Matteo set all this back up when he was arrested and I was still unavailable.
"No need to thank me." He smiles politely. "Oh and there's no food or anything in the kitchen right now but if you want to stay here or eat something I can call to get some groceries."
"Don't worry, I won't be staying here. Not today at least. I would leave in a little while. I just felt the need of seeing how the house was holding up." I say looking back at him before taking one last look around the office and leaving towards Matteo's favorite part of the house.
The library.
Opening the big white door I take a look inside. Going from one corner to another following the infinite lines of shelves. Everything is the exact same as he left it.
I will never forget the day we discussed what we would make out of this room. It had always been a library but when father left and the house was ours I thought we would do something different. I voted for a cinema but Matteo said that would be sacrilege, that a room like this could only be a library. And of course, I said yes because I was never good at telling him no.
He got the original bookshelves restored, painted every little corner of the room, and put a lot of different lamps accompanied by seating areas. The look on his face when everything was finally complete made all the time this took worth it. Since that day if I ever needed to find him and his office was empty I knew he would be here.
Every bookshelf is perfectly categorized by the type of books it contains, and he has everything, from psychology to classics. Or at least all except one, the one in the corner where he used to put his favorite books. Those that according to him made his "perspective of the world change". He used to recommend me at least once every week meaning that the shelf is pretty much full.
Running my hand around the different beautiful hardcovers I stop on the last one I remember he recommended me, "Cien años de soledad" and take it out. As usual, the book is annotated, you knew it was one of Matteo's favorites when the pages were filled with Post-it notes, scribbles, and words expressing his thoughts. He wrote everything down, it had always been easier for him to communicate like that. Since he was a kid. (One hundred years of solitude.)
As I keep turning the pages I find one that's blank except for one underlined quote, "Siempre queda algo para amar", he didn't write anything about it or analyzed the words as he always used to do, this time he simply marked it with a fine line in pencil. That's apparently all he had to say about it and now that I read it I wish he had written something else, something so I could also know his thoughts. That was always my favorite thing about reading the books he recommended, getting to see a little part of his magnificent mind... that same mind that is now in a hospital bed because of me. (There's always something left to love.)
With the book still in my hand and walking to one of the sofas I take my phone out of my pocket and send a text to Nathan telling him about Matteo's situation and to figure out who attacked him. It can't be a coincidence. It had to be father too, he is going after everyone I care about, one by one. As Rick said he is trying to break me down and the worst part? He is winning.
Setting the book down I carefully kneel on my right leg and put my hand against the cabinet of the little table beside the sofa.
"Come on Matteo, there has to be something here," I whisper pulling the door open. "Bingo."
Inside it and accompanied by two single crystal glasses is a bottle of his favourite whiskey. Reading often implied drinking too but most of the time it was just one glass. This was his "thinking alcohol" not the forgetting one. We used to share it too, I was never a big fan but sometimes a good drink was all I needed. This is one of those times.
Ignoring the glasses I sit down on the floor, rest myself against the sofa, and take the book back before opening the bottle with one hand and taking a big long sip. The strength of the liquor burns down my throat in the most delicious yet also disgusting type of way. God, if he saw me right now he would probably punch me. I'm such a hypocrite.
Taking another gulp I try to ignore my phone buzzing inside my pocket but at the third followed notification I understand it might be important so I take a look at the screen. A part of me wishing it might be her.
But it isn't.
Danielle: I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have hidden this from you and I apologize for that but discussing it when Matteo was laying there wasn't the right moment. He deserved some respect and we both behaved like children.
The doctor said he is out of the woods and that the inflammation is slowly going down. And in a few days they will probably take him back to prison so if you wanna see him again this is your moment.
And please, I know I have no right to tell you this but don't be mad at Mia, she meant well. We both did, she was just scared of losing you over this. We all make mistakes.
Hope you can forgive me.
I start to type a reply but nothing sounds right so instead I leave her on read and bring the bottle back to my lips. The burn has gotten less and less harsh with every sip and I can already feel my mind getting lighter. Matteo was right it does help to make you forget.
My phone buzzes again and this time it's Rick.
Rick: She is worried about you. I don't know what happened but I'm sure there's a way for you to fix it.
Once again I ignore it. For me to fix it? It's not my damn fault this time, it's hers. So if she wants to fucking fix it she can try herself. I'm done with everyone telling me what I'm supposed to do.
But apparently, Rick isn't because he doesn't give up.
Rick: Carlos, come on. I will get someone to bring you back so I can stay with her, where are you?
Fuck this. Taking my phone I press the buttons to turn it off but stop when I see Nathan's name on the screen.
Nathan: Leo White, Ray Lopez, and Kelvin Trope, the word was that someone from the outside paid them to do it, I asked around and everyone pointed me towards Alessio Vitelli, the three of them were part of his crew. Ring any bells?
It takes me a few seconds to be able to focus enough to at least see the words of the text, and then another few for the letters to stop dangling so I can read it but once I finally do it definitely rings bells. We used to do business with Alessio back in the day. He also has clubs and even though it's true he is an absolute asshole we had always got along or at least I did. Matteo hated him but he hated everyone. I was the one who did the talking for a reason.
Now why would Alessio do that? No idea, Matteo is already out of the picture so I am at this moment, it doesn't make any sense for him to do this so if he did it can only mean someone asked him. Alessio is known for having people inside, and for the right amount he would do anything.
And lucky me, I know exactly where to find him.
___
Tw. Sensitive topics ahead involving SA.
It's only about eight when I finally get to Vitelli's but as usual, it's open. I would be surprised if this club ever closed. Time doesn't mean shit inside here, once you get in, you never know when you will be back out.
It's dark as fuck inside and you can only distinguish the people and objects when the LED lights flash all around. Half-naked women are dancing on stages, men too, and people shout at them begging to give them a moment of their time. I try my best to make my way around the very drunk people, and being slightly intoxicated myself only makes it harder. When I'm about to reach the stairs of the VIP area a hand stops me.
"Carlos Russo in the flesh, I can't fucking believe this." I turn around to meet a very ecstatic Alessio. "What are you doing here my friend?"
"Can we talk?" I ask pointing towards the VIP area.
"Of course, be my guest." He motions for the guard to let me in and puts his arm over my shoulder. The extra weight makes my leg hurt but I swallow the pain and use every ounce of my strength not to trip on the few stairs. "Let's sit here." He then stops on some leather seats in a corner in front of a big window that allows us to watch the whole club. "Marina, honey! Tequila!" He shouts towards a blonde woman that nods politely.
"I don't want anything." I shake my head sitting down on the black sofa.
"Oh come on, we are partying, have a drink." He hits my shoulder playfully.
I'm going to break his fucking arm if he doesn't stop.
"It's not even nine," I say as if I haven't drunk a quarter of a bottle of whiskey about half an hour ago.
"It's three am somewhere." He smiles taking the tequila shots out of the tray the waitress brought and handing me one. "Don't do this to me, Carly, you can't say no to a free drink."
Carly? Now I understand why Matteo said he is fucking stupid.
"Thanks." I smile tightly taking the shot and drinking it so he leaves me the fuck alone and I can get this over with as fast as possible. "Fuck, this is strong." I clear my throat.
"The best of the best for my boy." He smiles too, his excessively perfect white teeth almost blinding me even in the low lighting. "So tell me, what do you need?"
"Leo, Ray, and Kelvin," I say slowly staring at him to watch his reaction.
"What about them?" He asks not reacting even a little. "Hey! Megan, Laura, come here girls!" He shouts towards a red-haired woman and a brunette that instantly turns around at the sound of his voice.
"Don't act stupid now, Alessio," I say sharply ignoring the barely dressed women walking in our direction.
"Megan beautiful, take care of him. He is special." He tells the red-haired lady and she nods looking me up and down with a flirty smile as he moves his focus onto the brunette.
"I'm not here for this. She can stay right where she is." I shake my head trying to focus and also get Alessio's attention back to me.
My head is fucking pounding.
"My bad, want the brunette? Though I gotta say Meg is the best at sucking cock, I promise, you won't regret it." He smiles his hands running over every inch of the other girl who I'm guessing is Laura.
"Come on big boy, I will make it worth your time." She smiles again sitting down over the arm of the sofa I'm in and running her hands through my chest.
"Don't touch me." I move to the side with difficulty my body weighting twice more than usual. This isn't normal.
"You good?" Alessio smiles proudly and that's when I know something is wrong.
"What was in that drink?" I ask aware that alcohol can't make me feel this way that fast.
"Just a little help, we are here to party remember?" He smirks motioning for Megan to keep going.
I feel her hands on my chest once again but this time under my shirt. Goosebumps go all around my body but not the good kind and every time I try to move she moves closer. Her lips are suddenly on my neck, sucking on it and I can hear the buckle of my belt getting undone.
"You are so hot." She whispers in my ear her hand gripping my dick over my boxers and stroking.
"Stop, leave me alone." I push her away from me as hard as I can but I barely have any strength, she is back on me in no time.
"Oh, come on honey. You will enjoy it." She laughs bringing her hand down to my dick again. "Let me make you feel good." She strokes me again and for some reason that I don't understand my body betrays me and I can feel my boxers tightening.
No, no. Stop. Not now. Why now? I don't like this.
I don't want this.
"Please, no," I beg hoping she will let go.
"Shhh, it will be okay. Close your eyes." She kisses my neck again my head so heavy I can barely keep it straight and her hand now under my underwear. "See, you are enjoying it."
"Stop, please," I mutter trying to push her away once again but it's totally in vain. My body won't answer my brain and I can barely hold my eyes open... I can't fight this.
Mia, think about Mia.
I think to myself before closing my eyes waiting for this to be over.
"Get the fuck away from him." Suddenly the woman is sent flying over to the other side of the sofa and when I open my eyes again Rick appears right in front of me. "Come on, I will get you home."
"Hey, what the fuck are you doing old man?!" Alessio shouts pushing the brunette away from him so he can stand up directly in front of Rick.
"Old man? I could break every bone in your body in less than twenty seconds so you better get out of my way before I lose my fucking patience." Rick warns him and I try my best to stay awake. "Come on, son. Let's get you out of here."
"Mia... where is she, is she okay?" I ask my brain barely functioning.
"She is safe, Nathan is with her." He whispers his voice filled with pain. "I have got you now, boy. It's okay."
And that's the last thing I hear.
Author's note (important)
As always if you are here ty for reading and don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts!
First, I feel like sexual assault towards men is never talked about and it also happens to them. And sadly sometimes their own body betrays them but that never means they want it. NEVER do something without asking for consent and if you ever see a situation when someone looks uncomfortable or out of it, interfere.
Then, this is probably the best chapter I have ever written and I'm so sorry because it's really painful and fucked up but and honestly I wasn't sure if I could do this, I got to the point where I was overthinking in the middle of the street wondering if I should really do this to Carlos, to all of you and to myself. I didn't think a fictional character could mean that much to me.
And It wasn't supposed to go this way but then I started writing and I knew this had to happen. This is what I needed to tie everything down.
I understand if you all want to kill me (but you all said yes when I asked if I should post this so) and I wished I could say this will get better but yeah.. sorry.
So, opinions about this chapter? As I said I'm low-key proud about my writing on this one, it isn't easy to write about these topics and hopefully I made a accurate representation of how this can also happen.
Lots and lots of love,
Maria