Carina walked to the Duke with a smile on her face, "So, I was thinking about us doing something different..."
Simon just simply looks at her, with an unreadable look on his face, worried, she continues before he cuts her off, "The ice flavors here are divine, yes, but, well, perhaps the two of us..."
"Of course, Miss Bridgerton." he replies stoically. Hearing him call her by her last name was like a bucket of cold water was dumped on her being, he was not acting like himself, like her Simon, today. "Simon. What happened?" She whispered, quickly catching on.
"Nothing happened Miss Bridgerton? What did you have in mind for today?" He said, trying to brush off the topic.
"Well I did not have any specific activity in mind. It is no matter let us just continue with our original plan." she says, a little bit dejected and definitely not in her happy mood from a while ago.
"No. You wanted to-"
"Something is wrong, Simon. What is it?" She interrupted, filled with nerves.
"Nothing is wrong, Miss Bridgerton." he sighs and looks into her eyes with his own crazed ones.
"Then why-" taking her hand in his, he interrupts and whispered, "Carina, let us just go and do something different like you wanted, hmm? It is too crowded here." he says, with a look in his eyes, one she caught on to. It was not safe to talk here.
Nodding and immediately linking her arm through his, she whispered with a smile as they took off, trying to lighten the mood, "So where to, My Lord?"
"Hmm..." his lips quirk up at the corner, finally a little less tensed, "I was thinking... perhaps a quaint boat ride through the lake, Miss Bridgerton?"
"That sounds lovely, Your Grace." She replies, as they continue to walk. Whatever has been bothering Simon must have been quite serious, Carina knows that for sure. Yet, she believed they could find an acceptable solution to it, for she believed there was nothing they couldn't do, that she wouldn't do, when they were together.
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Dipping her fingers into the lake, Carina giggles at the feeling of the cold water beneath her fingers, and Simon couldn't help but smile at the sight of her. So carefree, with her perfect smile and that twinkle in her blue eyes. He would be mad to look at her and not smile at her, beautiful and smart Carina. His Carina. Unsure of the possessive nature of his thoughts he blinked at put them at the back of his mind.
"Carina... I- I can not join you any longer." Simon said instead, refusing to even meet her eyes.
"What can you mean?"
"I have to leave England. I am leaving England. I have moved up the plans of my departure. But you now have a bevy of suitors at your disposal, and I've been afforded relief from mamas and daughters alike in order to conduct my affairs in peace whilst remaining in London. Thus our arrangement has succeeded, Miss Bridgerton."
"Stop calling me that..." Carina says, a pang of hurt in her heart. She had known this day was to come, she had known it all, she had known the Duke would never return her affections and she would have to bear the weight of her feelings alone. But she anticipated more time, she had not known he would break the agreement off so soon.
"You should know by now that I do not particularly care for our ruse much Simon. I consider you a friend. And thought you did me too." Her heart shattered, she could handle being rejected in terms of love, she never expected him to hold any sort of affections for her, but for him to deny their entire friendship like that? Just because he was leaving and she wasn't needed anymore- it made her want to crawl in a hole and cry until she had no tears left.
"I know that Carina, I do. I apologise, I just- did not know how to do this and I treated it like a business. And you are my friend Carina. My best friend, but I plan to leave." he says, grasping her hand in his as he apologised.
"I do not understand the sudden need for this to end, Simon. Make me understand what happened. What brought this on?" She was prepared, she knew what to do, she had prepared herself for this. Despite being taken aback by the suddenness, she knew how to handle this. She just wanted to understand where this all came from.
"You have the attentions of a prince. He is perfect for you." he whispered instead.
"You know he is not. You know about the children issue, this is something else.", she gasped, a sudden thought occurring to her, "This is about our conversation yesterday."
"No, Carina... Gods, No! I swear this is not about that. I told you about my father because I wanted to tell you. I want you to know every thing Carina. And before you ask, I absolutely do not regret telling you. You are the only good thing in my life right now."
"Then tell me why the sudden change in plans. I will not leave this boat until you tell me what is actually bothering you." she said fiercely.
Simon should have anticipated this, known she would put up a fight. His Carina never backs down from a fight. Yet, as he sat there, gazing in her confused eyes that long ago lost that twinkle he loved, he did not have an answer to offer her.
So he hesitantly offered her the truth, knowing she would try to beat some sense into him once he said it, "Lady Danbury... raised some concerns yesterday... after our promenade in the garden. S- She..." he looked up, into her blue eyes holding his gaze with the utmost respect and determination, he saw the anticipation in them.
It wasn't until then that Simon realised he wished to look into those blue eyes forever. He wanted to look into her eyes- his Carina's eyes- everyday for the rest of his life. He wanted to look in her eyes before going to bed every night and look into them the first thing after he wakes up every morning. He wanted to make her laugh until those eyes teared up and he wanted to be the reason they always light up with that twinkle in them.
He wanted to live his life happy, and he wanted to do it with his Carina by his side.
His Carina.
That thought made him smile and tear up at the same time.
"Simon?" She questioned apprehensively, and hearing his name roll off of her tongue, he never wanted anyone else to say it ever again, "what did she say? And what has you smiling?" she asked, and he could not help but think You, it has always been you. Even when I was unsure about marriage and children, I was never unsure about you.
But as he thought back to Lady Danbury's words, he could not stop the doubt from creeping in.
Carina is it for him, he knows that now. He knows how all those sleepless nights anticipating her company and the sleepy ones spent dreaming about her were more than what he first thought as infatuation or attraction. He knows he is hers- heart, body and soul. He was meant to be hers.
Yet he knew, she deserved someone way better. Someone without a past, who can love her the way she deserved, freely and completely, and be just as good for her as she would be to him. She deserved someone not broken, someone happy and loving, someone who is not him.
"Do not get her wrong, Carina. She did it out of care for you, and she wasn't... she wasn't wrong. She said that you have the attention of the Prince now, and if I do not plan to marry you then continuing to dally with you will only be disrespectful to you." He finally lets out.
"The Prince? I already told you Simon I do not want to marry him."
"Be that it may Carina but me dallying and not proposing like a rake will surely cost you a wonderful match and-"
"Stop it. Do not call yourself that. You are anything but a rake."
"No, she was correct. I am and always will be a rake, Carina. Before I corrupt you any further..."
"Corrupt me?", she scoffed indignantly, "I assure you, I am quite capable of deciding the bounds of my own propriety." she sharply said.
"And do not give me such feeble excuses to explain your actions, Simon Basset. There is something you are not telling me and I do not wish to fight with you anymore." not wanting to say any rash words she didn't mean, she leaves the boat and begins walking away in anger, Simon right behind her. "Carina!"
"I am too vexed with you right now. We can do this some other time."
"You do realise, I am still leaving, right?" this makes her halt her steps, the heartbreak setting in as a few tears slip down her cheeks. "My plans are set Carina, I leave England. Tomorrow. It is no use keeping this facade up for another day and being in each other's presence, when it has to fall sooner or later."
It was a low blow. Simon knew that, and he instantly regretted it, but he was not thinking clearly. He wanted her to hurt, because maybe she would realise how bad he really is if he hurt her.
Oh. She thought, he wishes to be rid of me. "Very well then, Your Grace. You should have stated your desire to be rid of me sooner. I shall not bother you anymore, just as you wish me to. Let us end our agreement."
She saw Lily, and walked to her before Simon had a chance to correct her, "I wish to go home, let us leave Lily." she said, as Simon stayed there standing, looking at her retreating form with regret, never wanting to see her walk away. Yet, doing just that, knowing he let his one and only love slip through his fingers. Even worse, she was hurt, by him. All due to some poor choice of decisions he made.
He realised that day on the boat, he was hers and then he was in love with her.
And he knew then, he would do anything for her. She was his world, his everything, and he would die for her, he would kill for her.
He would do anything if it meant she was happy, even if it meant watching her walk away, knowing it might be the last time he would ever see her.