I've been staying in the Ryder household for three weeks now. As promised, I took care of the house in exchange for my stay. James and George made me feel at home but I didn't forget to remind myself that I shouldn't feel too comfortable. I don't belong in this time and still I have to think of a way how to get back to my time. Until now, I still don't know why I'm even here or how was it even possible for me to be here. This question remained unsolved. If I raised my concern, they might think I'm crazy and will send me to an asylum and I don't want that to happen. So, I'll keep this to myself.
While I'm still here, I observe in fascination as I experience living in the 50s. It amazes me I get to see it with my own eyes. This answers my curiosity of what were people like during this time. The culture is different from the culture I was born into.
During this time, women are still being expected to be the perfect little housewife while the men were the head of the household. A huge pressure for women to have a ring on their finger than a diploma in their hand. Only a small percentage of women are in universities. Although they can vote and have work opportunities, their rights are still limited. This made me truly realize that women's rights have come a long way. I have to constantly remind myself to hold back my tongue whenever I hear a sexist comment. I don't want any unwanted attention and not to cause any trouble for James.
The same goes for the African Americans. They are able to go to school and have jobs but you can see the unfairness of the system. It's like they're being left behind while those around them are improving for the better. There's also those sly snide remarks being thrown at them. One time, a middle aged man loudly murmured the most offensive word for African Americans at George while we were in the grocery store. I was about to call him out but George held me back and told me to ignore it.
People haven't really acknowledge their rights. In my point of view, there's a line between them. Even though it's invisible in the naked eye, it's there if you look close enough.
The 50s great with its music and films but I have been missing a lot of things that I got used to doing in the 21st century. I terribly miss Wifi. Without it, there's no Google. Although, it seems pointless since Google hasn't been invented yet. So, I solely depend on books when I need to search for something which is time consuming. I also miss my phone. The other day, I asked George if he saw my phone anywhere because I was going to take a picture of the cookies I baked and post it on Instagram. He furrowed his eyebrows and pointed at the telephone and told me James has a camera that I can use. I mentally scolded myself to be more mindful. The TV shows during this time is enjoyable but I do miss watching modern films and shows. I haven't finish watching season 2 episode 9 of 9-1-1 and I want to know Hen's full story.
The one thing that I still haven't gotten used to is the celebrities coming to James' house. I almost dropped the tray of food I was carrying when I saw Audrey Hepburn sitting on the couch along with James, Martin and Kurt Frings, Audrey Hepburn's agent. They were talking about their upcoming movie project. James has to snap his fingers to bring me back to reality when the four of them saw me standing still at the entry way with awestruck eyes. I'm thankful she didn't think I was some creep. She kindly smiled at me and gave me a friendly hug. She even let me sit down beside her and included me in their conversation. I wasn't listening to them because I was too busy admiring Audrey Hepburn's beauty. Lucinda Wright's beauty is nowhere near hers. Mom's a big Audrey Hepburn fan. It's a shame I can't brag this to her.
Besides Audrey Hepburn, I got to meet Frank Sinatra! I remembered from the articles I read that him and James are pretty close friends despite the age difference. Sinatra shared in news articles he sees James as a brother. He came to visit him and spent some time with his friend. When he saw me, he threw me one of his charming smiles. He thanked me for serving them Iced Tea and mini burgers. Then, he started singing his song All The Things You Are. His eyes trained on me as he serenaded me and I swear it's hard not to swoon. The articles were right; he's a real charmer. James stopped him in mid-song and escorted me to my room while Frank Sinatra's laugh filled the air. George became their server instead of me every time he comes to visit. I asked James if I did something and he told me I didn't but he thinks it's better if George served them. I still don't understand why but I let it go.
Today's Sunday and I'm busy organizing the pantry and the fridge. James find my organization skills amusing and weird. He said he never meant someone who's obsessed in organizing as I am. I took it as a compliment although I know from his mock smirk that it was far from it.
It was just me and George in the house. James was busy at the studio; filming for his next movie with Audrey Hepburn. It was their movie 'Rich Girl, Poor Boy'. The only movie they have together. Martin excitedly told me the storyline's great and he can't wait for me to see it in the big screen. I clapped and squealed to match his excitement when he told me. Little does he know that I've already seen it, five times actually.
In the middle of organizing the fridge, the doorbell rang. George yelled out he'll get the door and I continued on. I stood up from my crouching position and assessed my work. Satisfied with my masterpiece, I closed the fridge and onto my next chore; mopping the kitchen floor. George came in to the kitchen when I turned; holding onto an envelop. "Mail?"
"Yes, for Mr. James." he grinned and pocketed it in his jacket. "It's from Mr. Frank."
"Who's Mr. Frank?" I asked him while I start wiping the counter table.
"Mr. Frank is Mr. James' neighbor from his hometown in Boston. He has wife named Dorothy and they're such good people. They would mail to him just to see how he's doing."
"That's so sweet. Do they mail each other regularly?"
"Very much. They're the ones who raised him."
That caught my attention. From the articles I read, James kept his personal life private. The only thing that I know was that he loved his mom, graduated high school and did sports. Nothing more. No information about his childhood and family background. The articles were more focus on how he started acting and what inspired him to be an actor to compensate the lack of his personal information. Hearing George telling me this part of his life, is a surprise for me.
"What do you mean they raised him? What about his parents?" I questioned; wanting to know more about the famous and mysterious bad boy.
George hesitated a bit and sighed. "Alright, but don't mention this to Mr. James. He doesn't really like to share much about his life." I nodded and stopped my work. "Mr. James' father left them when he was five years old. He told them he got business to do and would be gone for a few days. Few days passed and he still didn't come home. Ms. Mary Anne, Mr. James' mother, and him would wait for him almost everyday to come through the door but he didn't. She grew even more worried when two weeks passed and still no return. One day, when they went grocery shopping in town, they saw him but he wasn't alone. He was with a pregnant lady; hand in hand."
My heart clenched painfully and I have to take deep breaths to ease the aching feeling. I've been cheated but it was nothing compared to what James' mother experienced. Imagine the man you vowed to love and spend the rest of your life with left you for another. Left the life that both of you created without remorse
"He cheated and left." I frowned. "That must've been so hard for them."
George nodded sadly. "The whole town knew. Been cheating for a year and when he got the lady pregnant, he chose her. He never left for business. It's a lie for him to leave without trouble."
"What happened then?"
"Ms. Mary Anne became a father to James. Filling up the cup her ex-husband left. She did all she could with the help of Mr. Frank and Ms. Dorothy. The couple made them part of their family. They had one child named Christopher. Mr. Martin told me they were like brothers. They have each other's back."
I grinned as I picture James Ryder as a child playing in the backyard with his brother. Then, a sudden realization came to me from what George said. "Wait, had? You don't mean..."
"Christopher died when he was six years old. Died because of a bee sting." he frowned. "Then a year later, Ms. Mary Anne died of cancer. His father never went to the memorial. Never wanted to take in his poor son. Mr. Frank was angry with the father and decided to adopt James instead."
My heart breaks even more as I listened. At a very young age, James lost so much from his childhood. Hearing and listening to James' past, it's no wonder why he is the way he is. He carries a lot of emotional baggage throughout his life and no one seem to see nor care. If they did notice, he must have put up huge wall that's hard to demolish or climb; blocking everyone out.
My heart stopped when a sudden realization came and cursed myself of how slow I was. I'm in the year 1955. The year where James Ryder died. He died April 15, 1955. February is almost over which means his death is nearing. I'm mad at myself for forgetting this important detail. Why didn't I remember this crucial event. My mind and heart have joined forces not accepting the fact that I'm going to witness James' death.
"Grace, are you feeling alright?" my eyes snapped to George's troubled face. "You're looking pale right now. Do you need anything?"
I cleared my throat and willed my voice to be steady to hid my anxiety. "Yes, I'm okay. I'm just feeling a little tired all of a sudden. I... I'm actually done with everything, is it okay if I lie down for a bit?"
"Yes, of course! Go ahead and rest for awhile. I'll take things from here don't you worry."
"Thank you, George." I gently squeezed his hand and went to my room. I closed the door and lie on my bed.
I was left with my anxious thoughts. I curled up as my head pounded painfully. It keeps on repeating over and over again like a broken record. I gripped my hair as my hands trembled.
I can't... I can't see him die! I don't want him to die! I can't bare seeing his lifeless body. My heart can't take it.
After spending some time with James, he's a good man with a broken soul. Drowning his pain and sorrows with alcohol. He still has so much to give and live for if given the chance. This can't be it. This can't be his ending. I have to do something. I have to save him from his death sentence. There's no way I'm letting him die on my watch.