Niki had listened carefully to the stories the other people in the room were telling.
For example, a girl related how (a year ago) some of her ex-classmates bullied her every day for being a little overweight and having pimples on her face typical of puberty. They beat her and insulted her to death, and when she finally decided to ask one of her teachers for help, she called her a liar and said that she was only envious of the others for being thin.
''TOTALLY ABSURD HOW COULD PEOPLE BE SO STUPID?'' Niki thought angrily.
One day the girl got so fed up with her situation that she had contemplated ending her life. She didn't give details of how she planned to do it, but she did say that she stopped because of a message that her mother sent her at that precise moment: "Darling, it's very cold out there, come home before you catch a cold." She thought of her mother and the deep pain that would leave her if she died that day. So she decided to go home and confess to her what was happening at school, before she hadn't told her for fear that she wouldn't believe it.
Since then, her mother was accompanying her throughout her recovery process and now she felt better physically and psychologically, but still had many insecurities when it came to socializing and that is why she was in the support group.
Niki managed to empathize with the girl, but he too was envious that she had a mother who really wanted to support her while he...didn't have the same.
On the other hand, there was an old man who felt very lonely after the death of his wife and although he had never had thoughts of ending his life, he did feel discouraged all the time because she had been his only company since his children grew up and moved to different countries, now that his wife was gone forever... he no longer felt motivated to do anything. His children were really worried about his situation and since they all lived abroad they had thought of selling the house where the man lived in order to put him in a nursing home so that other people could take care of him and they would get rid of the problem. That only made him sadder because he felt useless and a problem. One morning when he came back to buy his pills he saw the group's announcement and decided to join to try to ease his pain a little.
Niki's heart clenched when he saw the man cry while he told his story, which made him reflect a lot on the feelings of older people, something he had never done until now.
It was his turn and all eyes were on him.
''It's your turn to share with us'' The leader of the group, Kim Seokjin, spoke with a friendly smile and an understanding voice. ''You can trust us.''
The brunette bit his lips and looked down, he wasn't sure how to start or what he should say.
''My name is Nishimura Niki.'' He began nervously, ''I'm sixteen years old and..''
He took a long pause, he was struggling to find the words to express what he felt.
His hands were shaking and he was moving his leg because of the anxiety he felt at that moment. He didn't understand why it was so difficult for him to tell his story or how to assuage the fear he felt. However, he remembered Sunoo's words about the purpose of being there and accepting the pain was the first step in letting it go. So he took a breath and courage to continue.
"I feel guilty about my brother's death and my mother's depression, I feel guilty all the time and I think that everyone would be better off if I didn't exist," he confessed aloud, something he thought he could never do.
Sunghoon gave him a small smile from his seat, as if he was proud that Niki could put into words something so deep and stormy. Niki wasn't sure why, but the gesture kept him going. A new sigh left his lips and then...
he continued.
—----------------------
''Have you sent him a message?''
''Yeah.''
''Already answered?''
''No.''
Jongseong's answer made him smile, and no matter how hard he tried not to, Jake ended up letting out a little laugh. He knew that his friend had liked the boy they met hours ago at the restaurant, but he didn't expect him to write a message so soon, much less to ask him if he had arrived home safely.
The situation was quite particular and a bit strange, apparently Jungwon approached their table because there were no more places to sit and in the end he ended up accompanying them until they finished the meal. Jungwon was kind, but also quite shy and a bit cutting with some of his responses. Still, the conversation between the three of them was quite natural and entertaining, with Jungwon being the one asking a lot about the project materials Jake and Jay were making for science. However, when they asked him a question about his life... he evaded the question, which was a bit strange for the pair of friends, but they didn't think much about it and attributed it solely to the boy's shyness .
When the three left the restaurant, Jungwon thanked them for letting him sit with them, another slightly strange aspect is that he constantly looked at the time on his phone. Jake assumed that he was getting late to go somewhere, they didn't want to continue delaying him and they proceeded to say goodbye, of course... not before exchanging numbers to "keep in touch", an idea that (of course) came from Jongseong. At first Jungwon didn't seem convinced, but he ended up giving in perhaps so he wouldn't look rude.
Now the pair of friends were at the older's house, resting after having laid the foundations for his project and waiting for Jake's mother to pick him up.
''Maybe he'll answer you tomorrow.'' the younger one commented, trying to cheer Jongseong up. "He seemed in a hurry when he left, he's probably busy right now."
''Maybe...'' Jay replied, not very convinced.
That boy caught his attention in a rather strange way and yes, he had the intention of seeing him again.
''Maybe I'm going too fast and he thinks I'm a stalker.'' He thought to himself regretting what he had done.
"Jay... Do you like Jungwon?"
''What nonsense are you talking, Jake?'' The other questioned, surprised by the direct question from his friend. "I met him a few hours ago, it's not possible for something like this to happen so fast."
''Yeah, but it starts with something, right?'' The one with glasses answered as if it were obvious ''First it was Niki with his mysterious boy and now you're interested in Jungwon. At this rate I'll stay as the single of the group, while you walk happily down the street like fools in love I'll stay alone...ALONE..''
The latter was expressed dramatically. Jongseong couldn't hold back his laughter when he saw his friend acting so childish.
"You know we won't leave you alone, Jake," the older defended himself.
''Are you accepting that it's going to happen?!''
Again there was laughter, but this time from both of them.
Jongseong hadn't thought of seeing Jungwon in any other way than being friendly but... the idea that Jake has said didn't displease him at all. In fact, he even found it interesting.
—----------------------------
Niki told his story and also confessed for the first time about how difficult it was to pretend in front of his friends that he was "getting over it" when in reality the feeling of sadness and pain only got worse as time went by, and explained that he didn't tell them because he was afraid of hurting and worrying them. He also described the demotivation he had to do things that seemed easy to other people, such as eating, fixing his appearance or concentrating correctly on homework. And finally, he told with shame his attempt to run towards a moving car to end his life.
Yes, that had been the hardest part to tell.
When he finished, he looked up expecting to find disapproving looks and scolding for being an ''exaggerated and troublesome teenager'' as his family and classmates used to say, but... he received the complete opposite. .
''Well done, Niki.'' Dr. Kim spoke with a smile. ''The first step is complete and I know it's hard, but you've done it. You are not alone, we understand what you feel.''
The people around them nodded in agreement with the group leader's words.
''Thank you, but the others out there don't,'' Niki replied, shrinking a little in his seat.
"That's when you'll find out who really appreciates you and who doesn't. The girl who had told her story first said. ''If you tell your family or friends how you feel and they leave you because of it, then they're not worth it. Those people don't deserve to see you getting over yourself and being happy. The only ones who stay by your side and support you in this process are the ones who are genuinely worth and care about you.''
Niki was silent. He knew that girl was right.
''Thank you..'' Niki paused, not remembering her name.
''My name is Ning Yizhuo, but you can call me NingNing.'' She smiled.
Niki returned the smile and waited for Doctor Kim's response.
''Well, our dear NingNing couldn't explain it better..'' he expressed, making the girl's cheeks turn a little pink. ''As you know, the next step to do is open up to your loved ones and tell them what you feel, just as you've done here today. Asking for help is not a bad thing nor does it mean that you are crazy as many people who live in ignorance believe. There is nothing to be ashamed of, ever.''
''And what is the next step after that?'' Niki asked.
''Well, the third step is to find a qualified doctor to accompany you through the process so that we can professionally help you overcome the pain you are feeling.'' The man's voice softened at this point. ''You must understand that everyone has different recovery times and in most cases it never goes away, but you learn to live with it. The important thing is that you persevere until you achieve your goal even when thoughts of giving up come into your mind.''
''Will you be in charge of our sessions or will you recommend someone else?''
''My friends and I founded this place to help people in the best way possible, so don't worry because we are not only a support group, we also have doctors and specialists that work with us. You will be in good hands, trust me.''
The session ended a few minutes after Seokjin's final directions, welcoming the newcomers and giving them a few words of encouragement to let them know that they were special and that there was always a light at the end of the road.
Although Niki still doubted those words and continued to think that his life was miserable, it was true that he had lifted a great weight, which still surprised him.
''Maybe Sunoo was right..''
He said goodbye to Seokjin and thanked him for allowing him to enter the group. He congratulated him again and said that there was no problem, of course, but not before telling him that he was expecting him the following week.
He also reminded himself that he would thank Park Sunghoon the next time he saw him. He tried looking for him... but apparently he had already left.
He walked towards the exit in a hurry because he wanted to hear Sunoo's voice as soon as possible. However, he was even more surprised when he saw him at the entrance, sitting with a smile.
''I thought you had gone home.'' Niki commented closer and closer to the black-haired man.
''I didn't want to leave, not after bringing you here'' he whispered taking Niki's hand ''I know it wasn't the date you expected, I'm so sorry.''
''Don't apologize.'' Niki chimed in fondly. ''It might not be what I expected, but it was what I needed.''
The shorter one felt joy when he heard Niki say that.
"Does that mean it went well?"
The brown-haired man intertwined his fingers with Sunoo's, which caused the black-haired man to blush.
''Let's walk and I'll tell you.''
And that was how, with the moonlight on a clear night, and the noise of the city as a soundtrack, Sunoo and Niki walked for the first time hand in hand.