The clouds in the eastern sky glowed orange as I finished, dragging my spoon through the remnants of butter pecan pooling at the bottom of the bowl.
Sitting back against her seat, Sierra looked stunned as she tried to absorb my words.
And I didn't even tell her everything...
It's not like she needed to know the intimate details of my time with Jason.
She didn't need to know that we'd laughed in his kitchen as he cooked for me. She didn't need to know the way his hands always seemed to find me in the nights we'd spent together, the way I'd wake wrapped up in his arms.
She doesn't need to know that I love him...
My chest ached at the thought, unspoken yet to anyone.
Days had passed since the revelation, and with the furious whirlwind of everything else, I hadn't gotten a chance to think about it, to decide what to do.
Maybe I don't want to.
In a way, it was too big, too terrifying to face. I loved Jason Coleman - now what? Were we going to move in together? Get married?
Sure, that would go over super well.
I could just imagine showing up to one of his work functions, the child bride on his arm.
Closing my eyes, I could hear the mocking judgment, the muffled snickers, and snide remarks. I could imagine being a target for ridicule, making Jason a target along with me.
And yet, in the back of my mind, some part of me still desperately wanted a future with him.
I wanted to proclaim to the world that this man was mine - to put my ring on his finger-
Oh boy. Okay, this is getting out of hand fast...
Snapping out of my daze, I watched as Sierra came out of hers.
"So, wait - when Faith said she thought Jason was dating somebody - that was you?"
"Yep."
"And you just sat there, listening-"
"-and freaking out the whole time."
"Oh my god - I asked you if Jason was fuckable right in front of Faith!"
"Yeah," I chuckled, "thanks for that."
"Holy shit, I'm so sorry - I had no idea-"
"It's fine, really."
"God damn. I mean, when I figured out you were seeing someone on the sly, I thought it was, like, a coworker?"
"What?"
"I don't know, it seemed possible?"
"The only person around my age at that store is Tara, and she's a complete flake."
Sierra snorted, "Didn't stop you with Jason."
"Hmm?"
"The age thing. You're clearly not fazed by older guys."
I laughed, "Okay, fair."
"So, like, where do you see this going?"
"Going?"
"In the future - I mean, it would be legendary if you became Faith's stepmom!"
Oh, god.
That hit too close to home.
Covering the tumult of my emotions, I chuckled, "I honestly don't know. At first, I was just expecting it to be a one-time thing, but then it just sort of... happened?" I shook my head, remembering how "one night" had become "until the end of the summer" after I'd crawled into his bed.
Maybe... maybe it could be more.
Standing, I took my bowl and hers, walking them over to the sink. "Honestly, it's weird, but for some reason we just go really well together right now." I shrugged, "I'm busy with classes, he's busy with work, and neither of us have time for anything serious..." Setting the dishes down, I rinsed them quickly, drying my hands on a towel.
"Why do I hear a 'but'?"
I looked down at my feet, remembering the sick, suspicious fears that only kept growing in my mind.
Shaking my head, I muttered, "It's stupid."
"What is?"
"You're going to laugh."
"I promise that I'm not; spill."
Taking a breath, I walked back to the table, sitting down across from Sierra. Meeting her curious gaze, I began, "So, Jason's been acting kind of weird lately. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, but something's going on, you know?"
"Okay?"
Beneath the table, my hand clenched into a fist as I finally spoke the words aloud, "...I'm kind of scared that it's Amanda."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm scared that with, well, everything that his feelings for Amanda have rekindled-"
Sierra frowned, "No way."
"But-"
"He's not the type."
"What?"
"Look, there are men who will get back with their cheating exes, but Jason Coleman does not strike me as the type. Plus, Amanda's got her own shit to deal with right now - I mean, imagine realizing that you spent the last four years married to a total perv."
"I guess."
"Why don't you just talk to him?"
Anxiety washed over me, "I-"
"Don't give me that - you're hooking up with a DILF, and one of the alleged benefits of DILFs is their maturity, right? So just talk to him!"
A million excuses flooded my brain, and I blurted, "He's in New York right now."
"New York?" Sierra asked.
"Something at his company's corporate office - I don't know."
"Okay, so call him."
"This doesn't seem like the kind of conversation you want to have over the phone," I reasoned.
"Then when's he coming back?"
I felt my cheeks burn as I admitted, "We're meeting up on Saturday."
"So, talk to him then."
My unease must have shown on my face because Sierra leveled her most no-nonsense stare at me.
"Hales-"
"I know it's just-"
She cut me off, "Hailey, you are not ready to be fucking grown-ass-men if you cannot handle expressing your feelings like a grown-ass woman."
"Jesus. Tell me how you really feel, Sierra."
"I'm just telling it like it is."
Grumbling under my breath, I muttered, "Fine."
What's the worst that could happen?
The week sped by; Sierra didn't return to school, Faith was her usual, insufferable self, and I felt like a bundle of nerves, trying to figure out what to say to Jason when we met on Saturday.
It didn't help anything that my secret was "out". Sure, I trusted Sierra to not betray me, but I couldn't help feeling like people were staring at me whenever my back was turned.
It was a relief when Saturday arrived. After brunch with Robert, a weekly occurrence that looked like it was becoming a tradition, Mom went to take a nap while I lied about going to work and instead followed the familiar route to Jason's place.
Dread filled my mind as I turned into his driveway, parking on the concrete pad.
Silencing the engine, I sat in the driver's seat for a moment, collecting myself.
I can do this. I can have an honest, direct conversation with the man I'm fucking.
Right?
Frowning, I picked up my purse, slinging it over my shoulder as I stepped out of the Beast.
I never had to be emotionally vulnerable when I was hooking up with high school boys...
With a sigh, I locked the car, heading for the front.
I never came with any of them either.
Snorting, I realized, there's a price to be paid for good sex.
Using my key, I walked into the entryway, closing and locking the door behind me. "Jason?"
His voice called from down the hall, "I'm just running some laundry - give me a minute."
"Okay!" Stepping out of my shoes, I walked over to the kitchen, setting my bag on the gray, marble counter.
Sprayed across the top of the breakfast bar was a mélange of post-travel ephemera; a bottle of Dramamine, a laptop case half-opened and bursting with papers, and, strangely, a gift bag containing a miniature Empire State Building, a foam Statue of Liberty hat, and a t-shirt that looked like the classic "I Heart NY" design.
Behind me, Jason walked into the kitchen. "Oh, shit. Sorry - I should have cleaned this up-"
Grinning, I picked up the small, brass model. "You don't strike me as the souvenir type. Are these for Faith?"
He hesitated, "Actually, my boss got me those."
"Oh?" I held the miniature out to him.
Reaching over, he took the figurine from my outstretched hand. "It's... it's a sort of 'congratulations' gift."
"For what?"
"I accepted a promotion."
"Really?" I watched as his thumb caressed the smooth, metal finish of the statuette.
Jason nodded, "Yeah. They've been offering it for about four years now, but I've been putting it off while Faith was still in high school."
I frowned, confused. "Why?"
"It's a lot more responsibility, and god knows I'm already way too focused on my work as it is. There would have been no way for me to take on the new role and still be present in Faith's life, but now that she's graduating," he shrugged, setting the model back down on the counter, "she's not going to need me like that..."
A slow, snaking tendril of dread bloomed in my stomach. "There's more, isn't there?"
"Yeah," he admitted.
My fingers found the edge of the marble counter, and I clutched it to hide my shaking hands. "What is it? Tell me."
Looking up, Jason's dark, unreadable eyes met mine. "The new job's at our head office," he paused, taking a breath, "in New York."
My grip on the counter loosened as the world fell away beneath me.