A/N
If you haven't read Haunted, go read that because this is the sequel! Okay! That's all!
Love you!
A/N: I wrote this almost ten years ago and feel like I should mention that there are some very insensitive remarks regarding sexual assault, suicide, self-harm, eating disorders, etc, and not the best portrayal of these things. I was in middle school when I wrote this, so I apologize for my lack of sensitivity and understanding.
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Liam's POV
I had never been an impatient person, really. But sitting in a dismal waiting room in the emergency room and just barely clinging to my sanity, I was ready to hit the roof.
I was going out of my mind with fear and worry. A doctor had come out after three painfully long hours and explained to us that after getting his stomach pumped, blood transfusions, and a dose of charcoal to help get rid of any remaining medication, Harry had been stabilized but wasn't awake yet, nor would he be for a while.
I spent the time washing my hands repeatedly, trying to get any trace of blood off of me.
I couldn't get the image of Harry out of my head, collapsed in a pool of his own blood. I hadn't even thought he was alive until I found a rapidly slowing pulse. I'd immediately wrapped two of Harry's shirts that I found on the floor around his bloody wrists and forced him to keep breathing with CPR. It had easily been the most terrifying moment of my entire life.
I shook the memory out of my head and focused on Louis.
He sat two chairs away from me, staring numbly into a space a few feet in front of him. His hands folded and unfolded a letter that I had found addressed to him on Harry's bed. Louis wouldn't let any of us read it. He wouldn't even let us near him.
I had seen Harry cry so hard that he couldn't breath on multiple occasions, but how hard Louis had been crying easily beat anything I had ever seen. When we had first arrived at Harry's flat and gotten into his room, Zayn had had to hold Louis back from getting to Harry. Louis had been screaming and thrashing around and Niall had eventually had to help Zayn wrestle Louis into a different room. Judging from the bruise that had formed on Zayn's cheek, Louis had not been happy about that.
When we had arrived at the emergency room, Louis had been so hysterical that we had had to give the staff permission to administer a mild sedative. Now, Louis had settled into what a doctor said was shock.
Zayn periodically came in to see if there was any news, but he mostly stayed outside and smoked. Niall was keeping him company and I had a feeling that Zayn wasn't the only one smoking.
Anne, Harry's mum, had been called and she had left immediately, but had called me to say that there had been a bad accident and traffic was backed up for close to a mile and that she and Gemma wouldn't be arriving as quickly as they wanted to.
"Lou?" I asked softly. I knew that he was in shock, but the doctor had suggested to periodically try to get him to talk.
He didn't respond and he refolded the letter.
"Lou, please, I just want to know what Harry told you in that letter," I begged.
His hands stopped as they started to unfold it and he looked at me sharply, bloodshot blue eyes cold and harsh.
"Everything," he croaked, "That bastard told me everything."
Then he turned back around and resumed unfolding it.
I stood up and sat down next to him and he flinched away as I tried to hug him.
"C'mon, Lou, we both need somebody right now and Zayn and Niall are together smoking up a storm," I said.
He relaxed slightly, but his grip tightened on the paper. I noticed a smear of brown that I assumed was dried blood.
"Can I see?" I asked gently.
"Leave me alone," he snarled, "Just go."
The venom in his voice made me recoil and I slunk back to my seat two chairs away.
I risked going on Twitter. I was immediately greeted with frenzied tweets from our fans.
Somebody had somehow gotten a picture of us sprinting into the hospital. It was obvious that Zayn, Louis, Niall and I were there and Harry was not. Along with that picture, I saw some that had been taken in the waiting room. I should have been surprised, but I wasn't. A fan must have recognized us and taken them while they waited. There was only a teenage boy with hot pink hair and a older woman, so I assumed that whoever had taken the pictures had left.
I looked at them. There was one of Louis when he was yelling at the doctor, demanding to see Harry and one of him as he was now, completely blank and ashen. There was one of Niall curled up in a ball on a chair, hugging his knees as he cried into Zayn's shoulder. I had a feeling that there were more but I didn't look.
I knew that we had to tell our fans the truth. Paul had called management and told them. They were apparently horrified and promised to do anything they could to help Harry get better.
I beckoned Paul over from where he stood by the door, looking distraught.
"The fans know that Harry's in the hospital. Somebody got pictures of us in here. I want to tell them," I explained.
Paul nodded and sighed.
"What will you say?" he asked.
"I want to tell them the truth. Obviously not why, but they don't deserve a bunch of lies," I said.
"I'll call Modest! and make sure they think that's okay," he said.
A few minutes later, he came back and said that management had given me permission.
'You've probably all seen the pictures, and we feel that you guys deserve to know the truth. Harry tried to commit suicide today.'
'He has been stabilized but he isn't awake yet.'
'It is in no way our fans' fault, it was because of something personal to him.'
'We really need everyone's support right now so please send your thoughts this way.'
'I'll try to keep you guys' updated.'
Twitter immediately exploded as soon as I posted the tweets. Within minutes 'Get Better Harry', 'Pray For Harry', 'Harry Styles', and 'Pray For 1D' were trending. I had to appreciate our fans' concern and horror when they learned the news.
The same doctor who had told us that Harry was going to be alright came out again and approached me.
"Come with me," he instructed.
Louis instantly stood.
"What about me?" he asked, his eyes narrowing.
"Just Mr. Payne right now. I just need to go over a few things with him about Harry's condition," the doctor replied calmly.
Louis looked like he was ready to flip out again, but Paul noticed and came over, taking Louis's arm and sitting him back down.
I followed the doctor quietly and he led me to a room. He opened the door and I shuddered as I saw Harry laying in a bed. It struck me just how small he looked. Harry was tall, he was taller than anyone in the band. But now, seeing him so weak and thin, he just looked so small.
"We normally allow only immediate family in, but his mother insisted quite adamantly that you boys are his immediate family. I didn't see the other two with you and Mr. Tomlinson is in no condition to discuss matters calmly, so I chose you," the doctor explained.
"I didn't quite catch your name?" I prompted, tearing my eyes away from Harry.
"Dr. Nicholas Stern," he answered, and we shook hands.
I sat down on a chair next to Harry's bed and studied him. I felt terrible for allowing things to get this bad. I could have forced him to see somebody, but I hadn't.
"Do you know why he tried to commit suicide?" Dr. Stern asked.
"He ah...he fell in love with Louis a while back. It's been downhill since then but Louis proposed to his girlfriend today and Harry just...he couldn't take any more, I guess," I sighed, my eyes burning as I forced tears back.
"Unrequited love. It isn't as unusual to have people in his situation as one might think," Dr. Stern mused, checking a machine and scribbling something down.
I nodded absently.
"Are you aware that he was self-harming?" he asked.
"Unfortunately. We tried therapy and rehab but it only seemed like it made it worse," I sighed.
"Eating disorders?" he continued.
"He didn't eat much but I don't think he ever had like anorexia. Cause that's the fear of gaining weight, isn't it?" I replied.
"Yes. Look," Dr. Stern said, gently picking up Harry's right hand and tilting it towards me.
"What?" I asked.
"See that small red mark?" he asked.
I nodded.
"People who are bulimic can get marks like that. It's from their teeth scraping their hand when they induce vomiting," he explained, "It usually only happens in the more severe cases."
I stared at him, trying to comprehend what he was telling me.
"Are you saying that Harry's bulimic?" I asked.
"I'm saying that there is a very high probability that he is. I have to be honest with you, Liam. Had he not tried to commit suicide himself, he would have most likely died of malnutrition in the near future. He is severely underweight and I'm surprised that his body has been able to support itself for so long," he said.
I bit my lip and kept my eyes trained on Harry's face. I noticed how tightly the skin was drawn across his cheekbones and as I studied his hand, I saw how slender his arms were.
"What will happen when he wakes up?" I asked quietly.
"He'll be kept on suicide watch for about five days and then we'll go from there. If he doesn't voluntarily enter himself into a rehabilitation program, then I think it would be best if he was made to do so under the condition that he is a threat to himself. We'll discuss the options more when he can speak for himself," Dr. Stern explained.
"I think he's going to be really upset when he wakes up," I said quietly, "He really wanted to die."
"Most of the people who commit suicide do want to die," he said dryly, "I have to go see some other patients, but don't be afraid to find me if you have any questions. No more than two visitors at a time right now and I suggest that until Mr. Tomlinson calms down, that he not be allowed to visit."
I nodded and he left the room.
I absently stroked Harry's hand and felt my eyes fill with the tears that I'd been pushing back in front of Dr. Stern.
"You absolute idiot," I whispered, pushing his hair back from his face.
I stayed in his room for about ten minutes when the door flew open. I looked up and saw Anne.
"Liam!" she breathed.
I looked at her and shrugged helplessly as she took in Harry's frighteningly still body.
"Oh, Liam," she whispered, sitting down shakily next to me, "My baby tried to take his own life."
I remained quiet.
"I feel like I should have done something when he came home for Christmas. I knew that he was getting worse, mothers always know, but I couldn't bring myself to call his old therapist. I knew that he'd be upset if I did," she sniffed. I knew she was on the verge of tears.
"You're not alone in feeling responsible. We all saw how skinny he was getting and that his cutting was getting worse. I feel so stupid for not doing anything," I sighed heavily, "And now it's come to this. He's lying in a hospital bed on suicide watch."
"I wonder what it's like to love somebody that much and get nothing in return. I can only imagine how much it has to hurt," Anne said softly, "I've gotten my heart broken before, we all have, but this...my poor baby got it broken time after time and he couldn't fix it."
"How are you holding up?" I asked.
"I'm fine, I think. I'm just so relieved you got to him in time. I can't thank you enough for saving him, because I know it was you, Liam. I can't imagine that it was Louis or Niall dealing with something that horrifying and I figure that Zayn had to focus his attention on keeping them calm. So thank you, so much," she said earnestly.
I blushed.
"I couldn't have just watched him die. He's one of my best mates," I mumbled.
She nodded and gently stroked his cheek, sighing.
"Speaking of holding up, how is Louis?" she asked.
"He's in shock right now, I think. But earlier, he was completely hysterical. I thought he was going to make himself sick," I sighed, "Harry wrote him a note. I think it explained everything and it's a lot for Louis to deal with all at once."
Anne made a small noise of agreement.
"Those two were always so close. I knew from the beginning that Harry liked Louis more than he should and I think that at the time, Louis returned the feelings when they were still two teenagers with crushes," she said.
"And when Harry fell in love, so did Louis. But with a different person," I sighed.
Anne nodded.
"Gemma'll want to sit with him and I need to go check on the other lads," I said, standing.
"Alright. Make sure you don't overwork yourself, okay Liam?" she said sternly.
"I'll be fine, don't worry," I said, "I'll see you later."
I walked back down to the waiting room and found Louis in the exact position I had left him in. Niall and Zayn had come inside and they looked up eagerly when they saw me.
I sat down heavily next to Niall, the weight of the world pinning me down.
"Found out that not only was he self-harming, but he's bulimic as well," I sighed.
"That isn't entirely a surprise," Zayn said, "He was losing weight much too fast."
"He was addicted to his anti-depressants as well."
We turned to look at Louis, who had spoken.
"What?" I asked.
"Those pills you got him for his depression and his panic attacks, he's addicted to them," Louis repeated.
I cursed under my breath.
"He told me everything. Even things you didn't know," Louis said.
"Please, Lou, can I read it? Please," I begged.
Louis growled and tensed up, but shoved the paper into my hands. I was surprised at his sudden willingness, but I opened it quickly, lest he change his mind.
As I read the letter, I felt the blood slowly drain from my face. When I finished, I silently folded it and handed it back to Louis before turning to Niall and Zayn.
"He told him everything."