I spend the next few days preparing for my Death. I don't know how long I have until I have to vacate my apartment and head for Salvia Street. I'm not sure if I can stay in my apartment until the money I have saved up is spent and I can no longer pay rent, or if they'll make me head for Salvia Street right away. I'm not taking any chances, though, so as soon as the tears were dry and I had the energy to get up off the floor, I started preparing. Setting my affairs in order was the easy part. I don't have that many affairs to settle.
The hard part was deciding what I would do for my Death. I thought about performing the same one as Eliot's father, but I decided against it. I want my Death to be glorious. I want it to be one that people will remember for years. So performing parkour without any safety precautions is out of the question. Perhaps I can do a stunt with a car. But, no, I've never actually driven a car. Not that any other Citizens had driven one before their Death, but still. Deaths involving cars are always unpredictable. Everly is a testament to that.
It's only on the third day that an idea actually begins to take root. What if my Death happens in the Coliseum? Many great Citizens have met their end there as Gladiators. Many Gladiators are still revered in the City and even have special statues in the graveyard. How glorious a Gladiator's Death is depends on how skilled they are. Many die during their first fight. But if a Gladiator is skilled enough, they can win a few fights before they're defeated or they throw a fight. The more victories under their belt, the more reverence they're held with.
I could do that. I could be a Gladiator. I'm not sure how many fights I could win, but I'm sure I can win at least one. It's the best idea I have. By the time I've made the decision, it's just past noon. There's only one more thing I need to do before I go to the Coliseum and surrender myself as a Gladiator. Something I've been meaning to do for years now but couldn't bring myself to do. But now, as I'm practically facing death in the eye, I no longer have any qualms. I should be terrified, knowing death is so close. But I'm not.
In fact, I'm rather exhilarated.
My time has come. It's time for me to go down in a blaze of glory and bring pride to my district. I was already revered for being the youngest and the best Doctor in the City. But I'm going to continue to be revered long after death for completing one of the most glorious Deaths there is. Every Citizen has a role in the City, and they each have their own path to take. But all those paths lead to the same place. To the ultimate goal. And now it's my turn.
It's that thought that spurs me into action. If I surrender myself in the afternoon, I may even be able to have my first fight tomorrow. It will all be over soon. No more pain and no more feeling lost. Just the sweet relief of death. I only wonder if Cassie will come to watch me fight. If she does, will she bring Eliot to see me? Eliot doesn't remember his father, but maybe he'll remember me. I want him to have something to remember me by. I want him to have a reason to remember me.
But before I can surrender myself, there's a trip that I have to take. A part of the City I have to see that I've only ever seen from a distance. I keep my head down as I walk out of my apartment and onto the streets of Lucifer's district. I don't want anyone to see me. After losing my job, respect for me dwindled and all I get now are stares of pity. But that pity will be replaced by awe once I fight in the Coliseum. But, for now, I have a task I need to complete.
The walk to Behemoth's district is one I haven't taken very often. The only time I've ever done so is the one time my electricity went out and instead of sending a Messenger, I went down to the maintenance district myself. It's a long walk, one that I didn't think I'd be making again. But life can change in an instant, and the things we once held so dearly can be ripped from our grasp. It's a lesson I learned the hard way when I was six. And when I was just starting to forget that lesson, the Cardinals decided to remind me.
It takes me nearly an hour to get to Behemoth's district, and another twenty to get to my destination. But once I'm there, there's no mistaking it. It's more spectacular up close. The neon shines brighter here, lighting the space around it in a way that the lampposts can't compare to. In fact, there aren't any lampposts in this area of the City. The neon provides more than enough light here.
The graveyard.
I've always known that my parents' ashes were spread here. Skye told me that much. But she never took me to see their gravestones, and after my sister disappeared, I didn't want to try and find them myself. I didn't want to be reminded of the parents I'd lost before I'd even known them. But now that my Death is upon me, it's time to try and find my parents. If worse comes to worst, I'd like my gravestone to be placed with theirs. Hopefully, though, it won't come to that. If I'm lucky, my gravestone will be placed somewhere else.
I walk up to the gate and pull on it, expecting it to open right up. To my surprise, though, the gate doesn't open. It's locked. Well, isn't that something? I work up the courage to finally find my parents, and I can't even get in. That seems unfair. I pull on the gate a few more times, rattling the metal. I try pushing it, just in case that was the problem, but still, it doesn't open. I sigh in frustration, and right as I turn to leave, I see someone walking towards the gate. I look carefully at his armband and realize the person is the Sexton. The person who takes care of the graveyard.
"You didn't have to pull on it that hard. I heard you the first time," he says, and I smile sheepishly.
"I'm not surprised. It's so quiet here," I respond, and he shrugs. It's not altogether unsurprising. The graveyard is the most sacred place in the City. It makes sense that it'd be quiet. Just standing on the threshold of it, I can feel the sanctity of the place. Even the Sexton speaks in a whisper, and I immediately feel the need to do so myself.
"Anyone particular you're here to see?" he asks, and I nod.
"My parents. I'm not sure where they are, though. I've never been to see them," I respond, and he smiles at me.
"That's what I'm here for. Names?" he wonders, already walking into the graveyard. I follow him inside, trying to keep up with him while also trying to keep my footsteps quiet. It is unusually quiet in here. My footsteps don't ring in the air like they usually do. I look down to see that I'm standing on grass. I didn't know there was grass inside the City. I thought that was something that only existed in the Outside. The rest of the City only has concrete and the only plant life is of the fake variety.
"They're, um..." I drift off, trying to remember what my parents' names were. Skye has only mentioned them a few times. "Xavier, and... um... Sheila. I think."
"You think?" he asks, a smile in his voice.
"They've been dead for about 21 years. Just after I was born. I never really knew them," I explain, and he hums in thought.
"21 years, eh? Well, I wonder if they're over here," he responds, walking away from the gravestones towards a wall on the other side of the graveyard. I raise my eyebrow until I see the wall is covered in plaques. Do they just move the plaques onto the wall after they've been there for a time? I haven't heard of that, but maybe it's something that I wouldn't have needed to know. We get to the wall, and I gently run a hand over one of the plaques. This one belonged to a woman named Priscilla. She was 27 years old the day she died. She was climbing a building and "fell" off.
"What is this?" I question, looking at the huge wall of plaques.
"About 15 years ago, most of the statues were destroyed. The plaques were left alone, so we moved them all up here instead of making new statues for them all," the Sexton answers and I harden my face. Who could come into a graveyard and desecrate it so? But I already know the answer. I only know of one group of people that could do this.
"They did this, didn't they?" I ask, the hatred clear in my voice.
"Sure did. I'll never understand it," he answers, and I sigh. Then something hits me. He said that the destruction happened 15 years ago. That was about the same time that I was kidnapped. Is it possible that the two things happened around the same time? If I could only remember what happened that day, maybe I could explain to the Sexton why the graveyard was destroyed. "I don't see a Sheila or Xavier on this wall. Maybe their gravestones weren't disturbed."
"One can hope. I think I'm going to look around myself. If you don't mind, that is?" I wonder, and he nods, saying he's got some things he needs to do around the graveyard. I nod, before taking off towards the statues.
Walking through the neon lights has a different feeling than walking by the wall. The wall felt serene. It was only my anger at the desecration of the graveyard that broke the serenity. But walking through the neon lights, it feels like there's energy swirling all around me. Energy that pushes at my perception, whispering something unintelligible. It's almost like if I were to stop and truly listen, the voices would tell me something important. Maybe they could tell me what happened that led to the destruction of the graveyard.
For a graveyard, this place feels strangely alive.
I stop for a moment, letting the energy swirl around me. In the center of the graveyard is a raised dais. The statues there are grander and shine brighter. Those belong to the Citizens that completed Deaths that were extremely glorious. They deserve to be on display to inspire other Citizens. Their names will be remembered long after their death. Many great Gladiators are up there, including little Sunny's father. If I can do well enough in the Coliseum, maybe my name will be up there, too.
I look to the corner of the graveyard, to the only place where no neon lights shine. It's a crypt where Citizens are buried rather than cremated. Those who died with shame are placed there. No plaques and no neon statues. That's shameful enough in itself, but in the City, to be buried rather than cremated is the most shameful way to end life. Those in the crypt enter the afterlife in a state of disgrace. Whatever remained of the man that hurt Everly and killed her father was probably placed in there. The Angel of Mercy might be in there, too.
I wonder for a moment if Skye is anywhere in this graveyard. But that's unlikely. The people who took her aren't inside the City. She was probably taken to the Outside. What happened to her out there, I don't know. I don't even know if she's buried anywhere out there. Sure, there's a possibility that the Cardinals found her body and brought her home, but surely they would have told me if they'd found her. No, whatever was done to Skye, wherever she ended up, it all had to have happened in the Outside.
I take a deep breath. I have a goal to accomplish. I won't get that done standing here. I walk among the gravestones, looking down at each plaque, trying to spy the names Xavier or Sheila. As I walk, the smell of ash fills my nose. I wonder if someone died recently or if there's so much ash mixed in the ground that the dirt will always smell of it. I decide it must be the former. Human ash isn't good for plants. It contains so much sodium and has a high pH. The grass looks too healthy for there to be a lot of human ash in the ground. Although, I suppose if they added activated charcoal to reduce the sodium and found a way to lower the pH, it could be done.
I keep moving, letting myself feel the energy. Soon enough, I'll be a part of it. Something pulls inside of me, and without even thinking, I follow the pull. I walk with no idea of where I'm going, only a feeling that I need to be there. It's as if my feet have a mind of their own, or the energy is pulling me somewhere beyond my comprehension. Well, I don't have a clue where my parents are anyway, so maybe following the energy isn't a bad thing.
The pull dissipates and I stop walking. I wonder where it went. Before I can think on it, though, I look down to see the two names I'd been looking for. Xavier and Sheila. Their plaques are right next to each other. I can't think of anything more fitting. Skye was 15 when I was born, so our parents were together for at least that long. They should spend their afterlife together. I wonder, though, were they married? Marriage in the City isn't common, but it's not unheard of, either. Most couples don't stay together long enough for marriage to make sense. Death parts them too soon for that.
I kneel on the grass, the smell of ash stronger the closer I am to the ground. Maybe the Cremators did find a way to make the ash safe for the grass after all. I run my hand along the plaque of my father, feeling his life's story under my fingertips. Well, maybe not his whole life story. There's nothing on there about him being the father to Skye and me. But it's not surprising. Family isn't important in the City. Family ties are severed too quickly by death for them to be of any importance. But our family always lives on in our hearts, and that's enough for us.
Xavier. He was 42 years old when he died. Strangely long life. Most Citizens don't make it to 40. I wonder what he was waiting for. But once I think about it, I might understand. Skye mentioned a few times that they'd been trying to have another baby for years before I was born. Maybe that's what he was waiting for. He was waiting for me. And once I was born, there was nothing holding him back. Not when Skye was old enough to take care of me. According to the date, he died exactly two weeks after I was born. Tight-rope walking across two buildings with no net.
Sheila. She was 38. That solidifies the idea that they'd been waiting for me. Once they had the second baby they'd wanted for so long, nothing was keeping them from completing their Deaths. I only wonder what caused them to have so much trouble conceiving when they had Skye at a young enough age. I suppose it doesn't matter now. It's her cause of death that makes me tilt my head. Childbirth.
Death during childbirth does happen, but it's not common. The Doctors are good enough at their jobs to make childbirth easy. But sometimes things happen. I nearly lost a mother who hemorrhaged badly after birth. It was only the MA's watchful eye and the fact that I was in the next room that saved her. Though, I wonder, is that why my father completed his Death so soon after my birth? Not because he'd been waiting for me, but because the love of his life had died and he wanted to be with her? Either make sense.
"Hey. Mom. Dad. I'm sorry it took me this long to come find you. I couldn't face it. I couldn't face the loss of the parents I never knew, not with what happened to Skye," I say, before laughing softly. "Not that you know about that. I wish I could tell you what happened to your oldest daughter, but the fact is, I don't know. No one knows, not even the Cardinals." I look up at the clouds, trying to blink the tears out of my eyes.
Macy... I look around for the source of the voice, but I don't find anyone near me. I can't even spot the Sexton. Shaking my head, I look back down at the plaques. Maybe I was just hearing what I wanted to hear. Maybe I'm just going crazy.
"I've tried to be someone that would make you proud. Someone that would make Skye proud. And, for a long time, I thought I was doing a good job. I didn't have much after Skye vanished, so I threw myself into learning. I was smart. I am smart. I started my apprenticeship at 11, if you can believe it. I was a Doctor by 17. Young, I know," I tell the dirt, wondering if anyone was listening. "I just wanted my parents and my sister to be proud of me. I wonder, can you see me? Wherever you are?"
I feel the first tear slide down my cheek, and I take a few deep breaths to try and calm myself down. While it would probably be cathartic to cry, I can do that later. For now, I have more things I want to say. A warm feeling envelops me, and I laugh. Maybe they are here after all. I put my hands on my arms, giving myself the hug I feel the energy is trying to give me. Good to know that someone is still looking out for me.
"But I made a mistake recently. I saved the life of an Invalid. I was just doing my job as a Doctor, and I'm not going to apologize for that. But, on the other hand, maybe it would have been more merciful to let him die. He's never going to walk again, and I don't know how that will affect his life on Saliva Street. But I got fired. The Cardinals personally broke the news to me. So now I'm going to go through with my Death. When I leave here, I'm going to surrender myself at the Coliseum. I'm going to try to die with honor. Honor for me and for both of you," I rant. "Especially you, Mom. You didn't get a chance to complete a Death. You died bringing me into the world. The least I can do is make sure my Death is honorable and glorious to make up for it."
With that, I stand up and brush the dust off of my pants. Now that I've gotten all that out of my system, it's time to face my doom. But maybe it won't be so bad. If I throw the fight, maybe my opponent will dispatch me quickly. I don't know what will happen next. But I know it's not going to happen in the graveyard. I wipe my eyes and head for the exit. It won't take as long to get to the Coliseum as it took to walk here.
I'm barely five minutes away from the graveyard when a Messenger comes running up to me. Well, now, isn't this familiar?
"Macy?" he questions. Ouch. I'm not even Dr. Macy anymore. The loss of my title stings a little bit.
"Yeah, that's me."
"You've been summoned. The Cardinals want you at the Council immediately."