In one hand were my shoes, in the other was Avery's hand. This green, knotted bracelet she was wearing kept tickling the inside of my wrist. Being wet from the lake water made the air feel frigid as we walked back home, but her presence made me warm.
I've learned so much about her this afternoon.
Her favorite color is dark green, she loves cinnamon toast made with an unhealthy amount of butter and sugar, her birthday is in March, and she's not a big fan of cats. Every word she spoke about herself I wanted to hold on to forever. I'm a clutz when it comes to birthdays, though. I know I'll have to write hers into my phone calendar when I get home so I won't forget it.
"So, why did you, uh, why'd you move here?" she asked like she knew it was a sensitive topic. Her shoulders softened but she didn't meet my eye. I swallowed a lump in my throat and looked to the ground. My bare feet were covered in dirt.
"Um," I clutched the heel of my shoes tighter between my fingers, "it's uh..."
"Sorry, you don't have to answer. I'm just being nosy," she said. I looked to her and smiled with a tiny laugh.
"No, it's not that," I said. "It's just kind of dark. It would, uh... ruin the mood." I eyed her subtly to try and figure out what she was thinking. I wanted to tell her. I was finally ready to talk about it with someone.
Avery shrugged, "I don't mind." I hummed and scanned my brain to figure out where to start.
"Well, my, uh, my dad's a drunk. I know he's trying to get sober and all now, but I don't know. I guess it's hard to trust someone that's always let you down, you know?"
Avery nodded.
"He's been a drunk about half my life. He had gotten sober again for a short while when my mom was pregnant with another child, but the... uh," I pressed my eyebrows together as I realized these words were harder to say than I thought, "the baby didn't make it." Avery held my hand tighter. "And it sent him further down that path than before. My mom and I were burning through our savings. She couldn't get a job 'cause as much as everyone was sorry for her, they were equally afraid of her. Like she had some baby-killing disease. Pathetic, really. It makes me so mad."
"Oh, Nel, I'm so sorry," Avery said. The next step she took was closer to me, so our shoulders kept touching as we walked down the forest path. My shoulder felt pink from all the love that was rubbing off Avery onto me. I smiled to let her know it was alright.
"Then, it was unc—well, actually I think he's my great uncle, but I've never called him that. My grandpa's brother on my dad's side. He passed and gave my dad his house. We didn't have to pay a dime. It was weird, but the mortgage payments were piling up so high on the place we lived in North Carolina—and of course we hated it there—it was pretty much a no-brainer to move here. So, yeah. Felt like a miracle, really." I observed Avery and realized she hadn't taken her eyes off me since I started telling the story.
"I'm really glad you moved here," she said. I smiled and bumped her side.
"Oh, shut up. That's just 'cause you got to kiss me," I teased. Avery didn't seem to like that joke. She pinched her eyebrows together and frowned, stopping us in the middle of the path.
"No, I'm serious," she said, reaching up to hold the side of my head. "You're so beautiful, inside and out. Your story... I would never—I could never be as kind as you are now after going through that. That takes a different kind of strength, Nelly. Not everyone can bear pain like that and stay as wonderful as you are."
I took in her expression and my eyes started to sting. I didn't want to cry but I felt so seen and appreciated I just couldn't help it. I whipped my hand up to wipe my eyes before a tear could fall. Avery's thumb pulled at my skin as I looked to the ground.
"Thank you," I just barely managed to whisper. She started to say something else, but I threw my arms around her instead. She froze. It took her a while to hug me back—so long I was starting to get self-conscious—but once she did the whole world breathed a sigh of relief around me. I felt like one of those bounce castles finally being deflated after being jumped on all day. I closed my eyes to cherish the feeling.
"I'm really glad I moved here, too," I said as we parted. Avery smiled, interlocked our fingers, and kissed the top of my hand. I blushed so bad I had to look away. It made Avery chuckle and gosh, my chest swelled with love and all those other emotions that make you go all fuzzy. I looked at her and realized there was just something about her that made me feel a little more alive and a lot less lost.
And that's saying a lot, considering I now feel I belong somewhere. It goes beyond whatever silly romance is blooming between Avery and me. This place, this forest, the house... it feels so surreal. Like I'm in a dream because there's no way reality could be so kind. What did I do to deserve all this? To meet all these people that shine like the sun?
I feel like I haven't tried that hard or worked hard enough to deserve any of this. It's almost like it was handed to me on a silver platter and all my family did was lick the treat up as fast as we could, not even asking ourselves if we really deserved it or not.
I suppose it's not a bad thing, seeing as I don't think we would've gotten back on our feet at all if we stayed in North Carolina. Maybe this is the kick we needed to get back to being ourselves. Dad's trying to get sober again, mom's happy as a clam as a house wife, and me...
Well, I'm smiling again, aren't I?
"Yo," Avery said out of the blue. I jumped. I was so far in my head I didn't realize we were almost at the end of the path. Logan was making his way towards us with a rifle slung across his back. He gave us a head nod and I watched his eyes drift down to our hands. I glanced at Avery to judge her reaction. I didn't know if she was out or in the closet or if she wanted her family to know of us or not.
"You're dead, dude, by the way," Logan said with a teasing laugh. Avery's jaw clenched.
"What are you talking about?" she asked.
"Mom knows, idiot," he explained. Avery's face fell. She froze for a minute, then she let go of my hand. Some kind of hole hollowed in my chest.
"No she doesn't." She shifted her weight and scratched her arm. "She can't, I was... I—"
I knitted my brows together as I watched Avery, the confident and fearless Avery, completely lose her composure. I was in shock, if I'm honest, and I wanted to reach for her, comfort her, but I could feel she didn't want any of that. Logan sighed.
"Look, it's not a big deal. I'm on your side just like everyone else under the age of forty, so who cares? She saw you sitting on the steps and when you stopped the, uh," Logan eyed me like he forgot I was there, "the... you-know, she figured it out."
Avery bit her bottom lip and started fidgeting with her hands. She kept rubbing her thumb over the top of her other fingers, her eyes darting all over the forest floor. I felt useless standing there. I didn't belong in this conversation. A white-water river of sadness completely overtook my brain and made me feel like I was drowning in the violent waters.
"Man, what the hell am I supposed to do?" Avery's voice cracked and I realized it wasn't me feeling that way, it was her. I was fighting some unearthly urge to grab her hand. "What does she expect me to do? Shut it out? Break it off?" she scoffed, "I can't do that." And this time I grabbed her hand, because her voice broke and I just couldn't stand it anymore.
She looked over and gave me a weak smile, but pulled her hand away. I bit my lip.
"Hey," Logan gently took Avery by the arms and pulled her into an embrace, "she'd never do that. You know she just wants to figure out what's going on first." Avery melted into Logan's words like she was finally able to breathe again. He finished with a whisper, "She doesn't want the past to repeat itself."
It felt wrong to watch their private moment, so I turned away and fiddled with a leaf poking its way onto the path. I didn't really know what to think. My brain was so tired of trying to figure out everyone's cryptic words I decided to let it be.
If Avery wants me to know, she'll tell me. I just gotta be patient and wait. Nothing else I can do really except run my sanity into an early grave. All this weird stuff happening doesn't do well for a clear conscious. Big ass birds flying overhead, wolves howling for me at night, feeling people's emotions in my head, other people knowing I'm feeling emotions in my head... jeez! How my head isn't completely messed up yet is beyond me.
"Nelly," Avery called. I turned my head to find Logan disappearing into the brush and Avery standing there with her shoulders still slumped. She continued, "come on, I'll walk you home."
And so, she did. We were both real quiet on the short walk back to the road. I had so many questions spinning about in my head but I knew better than to ask any. Avery was walking about a foot away, staring at the ground, not really paying attention to much except for making sure she didn't step barefooted onto a pebble. I should've been doing the same but I was so focused on her I didn't care if my feet got ripped to shreds by the little devils.
When we were passing Avery's house we tried to just walk right on by, but the woman on the porch wouldn't have it. I got about as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Avery looked like she was expecting a beating.
"Hi girls!" Jo Auden called—sickeningly sweet, might I add—from the porch. "Come on in for some watermelon. I just cut a real juicy one up. It's delicious."
Walking towards the house was just about the most awful thing I'd done all day. Avery's emotions kept bouncing into me and making me feel like I was in the dog-house with her, when I didn't even do anything. I don't know what Avery did that made Jo so angry, but I could feel that, too. Jo's anger. It was radiating off her like she was a nuclear reactor about to blow.
"Oh, gosh, Ms. Auden. I'm all dirty, I don't want to track it into your home," I said. Avery had gone in dripping and dirty before me, so my excuse was just that, an excuse to not go in. Nobody ever wishes for sickness, but right about now I wouldn't mind having a stomach bug so I could get out of here.
"Nonsense. I'm used to it so don't you worry, dear," she smiled. I tried not to wince. You know when you really don't like something and you try your best not to show it but it ends up painting your face clear as day in how you feel? Yeah, that was me right about now.
We walked right into the kitchen. Jo Auden pushed that plate of freshly cut watermelon towards us and motioned for us both to take a slice. My god, Avery looked like a dog sent out to the doghouse. If she had a tail I bet it would've been bowed right between her legs. She had her head down and everything like she was ready for the scolding.
"Had a nice time at the lake, did you?" Jo asked, looking straight at Avery. I kind of froze right then. Was this about the lake or was Jo just trying to bring up nice conversation while I was here?
"Beautiful scenery," I said, desperately wanting to break the tension. If I had to bear this mother-daughter brawl, I might as well try to diffuse it. I already felt awkward as is. "Listen, Ms. Auden, I'm—"
"Jo, please," she insisted. I gave a hesitant nod.
"Right, well, I'm sorry I didn't pick up your dog for that run this morning. I didn't wake up until two in the afternoon—real lazy of me, I know—but I'll get up bright and early to—"
"Oh, hush, it's alright. I know you were exhausted."
"Mhmm, yes, so, uh, where is that dog, by the way?" Please, please let that dog come downstairs. Anything to occupy me so I don't just have to stand there awkwardly while Avery gets her ass handed to her.
Avery looked up, at her mother, and I swear there was some kind of smirk being smothered.
"Yeah, where is she, mom?" she asked. My eyes swiped between the two of them and I didn't like the new kind of tension I was feeling. "Maybe I should, I don't know, show her?" Avery continued.
"Avery Josephine Auden, you sit down and eat your watermelon right this instant," Jo gritted out. I had to pull my lips together to stop myself from giggling. I'm sorry, I don't know what it is, but anytime there's authority like that around me I just can't stop myself from laughing. Maybe 'cause my mom is so laid back I can't take real motherly orders seriously. Avery obeyed her mother, but looked at me and smiled.
"Would you like me to take your dog with me on my run tomorrow?" I asked.
"Oh, no, I don't think that's—"
"She'd love to go with you," Avery spoke over her mother and held my eye with a secret sort of glint that I couldn't decipher. I smiled anyway, and begged the heavens to not let my cheeks from blushing in front of Avery's mother. It was damn near impossible with the way Avery was looking at me.
"Oh, great. Maybe you'd like to come, too?" I asked her. Avery chuckled quietly.
"If only I could," she said, then sighed and looked menacingly at her mother, "if only I could."
Jo smiled harshly at her daughter, then turned to me and said, "Avery promised to help me with the garden." I nodded, pretending like I bought it.
"That's too bad," I said. Avery and I exchanged a glance that reminisced about our time in the lake. "Well, I ought to be going. Thanks so much for the watermelon, Jo, and I'll be here early to pick up your dog."
I had been backing up that whole time and just as I shut the door, I heard Avery laugh. For what, I don't know, but what a wonderful sound. Like honeysuckles and wind chimes.
As I was turning around, I almost collided with Logan.
"Oh!" I exclaimed. Logan looked pissed. He was scratching his arm as if it were on fire. When I glanced down at the spot, I wish I hadn't. "Good lord, what happened?!" I asked.
On his forearm was the gnarliest puncture wound I'd ever seen. Not that I'd seen a lot of wounds, but if I had, I can guarantee you his wound would be one of the worst ever. His sleeves were always rolled down, always long sleeves these past two days, and I had wondered why because it was so damn hot lately, but I'm guessing it was to hide that nasty thing from the world.
"What?" Logan grunted. It was like he wasn't really up there. In his brain, I mean. I widened my eyes.
"I, um, I asked about that cut on your arm," I repeated. Logan looked down and I physically saw his soul float back into his body. He pulled his sleeve down and got all bashful and embarrassed.
"Oh, sorry, Nel. Cut myself on a knife while paring a deer, no need to worry about it." He smiled and it was a kind, warm smile but I saw right through it. That wound looked a couple days old but it was deep and definitely not a clean slice like a knife would've given. It looked like he'd gotten in a fight with bear and it had chomped right down on his arm.
"Are you sure you're alright? I think you should really get that checked out!" I reached for his arm to get a better look but he whipped his arm behind his back before I could. I lifted my chin and angled my head away from him cautiously.
"I'm fine, I promise. I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine." At this point, I just shook my head and blew a snort through my lips.
"You people," I murmured. Then, I pushed past him and was on my way. If he wants to let that wound get infected that's on him. I'm tired of these people just getting weirder. What kind of person refuses to get medical treatment for a wound that could've killed him?
This town has got to be the quirkiest place on Earth. They should put a big fat sign up that warns people of it before they move here, just so they know what they're getting themselves into. And alright, sure, my family has quirks, too, but nothing as weird as whatever's going on here.
That I'm sure of.