A month has passed. I've had two cases with Tom and Doug, and then I was on a case with Judy and Harry. So far I am really loving my job. It's just a little awkward still for me to be around Tom. How when I look at him I get flustered, and how he is making my body feel. I've tried to think of him as just another guy I work with, but so far, I can't stop thinking he is so hot.
It's Saturday and I'm really not wanting to get up and get out of bed. You see today is going to be a bad day. I already know it. This past week, when I was over at my dad's, I usually go over to eat dinner with him. My dad asked me to do him a favor. He never asks for favors, and by the look on his face, I could tell he was not wanting to ask me. I told him sure.
He apologized but then said this is about that no good rotten asshole and about your Aunt Jackie. I'm so sorry to even bring this up. I immediately felt sick Wished I hadn't ate anything.
I said, "it's ok daddy" He explained that Jackie came to him all upset, and worried, because of the fact that I hate Kris. And that there is just this tension between us, and she understands why and she is so sorry for how all this went down, but Kris is her daughter and they want this wedding to be her dream wedding, and Jackie and Kris both are just so upset about the fact that I'm hurt and it's going to ruin the whole thing, this bad tension.
I told my dad if they want to un invite me that would be great. He told me no that Jackie really wants me there, and so does Kris. He said his favor was would I go over to my aunt's on Saturday for a lunch, so that they could once again try and let me know how sorry Kris is that they hurt me, and handled this all wrong. I told him I would go.
I wish I could get out of this. I mean call and say I have to work
. But my aunt is so special to me. She looks so much like my mom, and I know my mom would want me to go meet with her, to make Aunt Jackie feel better. I can see in her face, that she is so upset that I was hurt. She blames it all on Rob. Not her daughter. While I blame the both of them, but Kris even more.
I felt sick as I got dressed. Jay came over Friday and spent the evening, trying to cheer me up about having to go. He said he would go with me, but I had to talk him out of it, because he hates Rob so much, and when he first found out ,when I found out walked in on them in my bed, and dumped him. I told Jay and he went and beat Rob up. I don't want Jay upset and getting our aunt upset. It's best I do this alone.
Well I knew this lunch was going to be dreadful, I didn't know how bad it would be. At first it was just bad, then got way worse. To start off, Kris apologized again, and my aunt apologized, and then she talked about how close we were growing up, how we used to play together, sleep together and have tea parties, and sleepovers. Kris was saying how I was like her sister and she is so sorry, but she just could not resist Rob when she fell so deep in love with him. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't stop. Like I want to hear all this. Then she was saying how she and I had always planned to be in each other's weddings maids of honor, My aunt started talking about that.
I said, *I'm sorry Aunt Jackie. I love you so much. You are so special to me. But if you are thinking that I can do that now I just I'm sorry. It is not happening. I will attend only because I want to honor you, because you are so special to me, and been here for me all my life"
. Kris said, no I wasn't asking you to stand up with me, I would never ask you to do that. I was just saying it makes me sad. I just I know you are devastated over losing Rob and your dream of marrying him is ruined because he loves me.
I mean this bitch. Takes everything I have to not smack her in the face. She kept going on and said maybe some day when I can manage to let my love for Rob go, you can be open to trying to find what I found. I want that for you. This bitch. And she's talking like Rob is such a prize. Rob is an asshole. I hate this man. I don't mourn the fact that I lost him.
I could not take anymore of it. I said "Look you can have him. As far as I'm concerned you did me a favor. Rob is a disgusting piece of trash. The only thing I hate is that I was ever with him. Makes my skin crawl the fact that I slept with him. he disgusts me. he is not the love of my life. And you don't need to worry about me someday finding someone I already have a great man. A hot man. Way hotter and sexier than Rob, and sweeter too. I feel sorry for you Kris that you are actually stuck with a guy like Rob. I do thank you because if it wouldn't have been for you, I would not have met my new man."
Why did I do that? God, Kris made me so mad, but still. I mean I don't have a new man. I have to admit that the whole time I said it I was thinking of Tom. I mean Tom is the hottest man I've ever seen. his dark black hair, his eyes, his face, his cheeks, his adam's apple, his jaws, his abs, I mean let's face it Tom Hanson is perfection. But he's not my man, and he never will be. I mean we aren't even friends. And no way a hot guy like him would ever want to be with me. Ever. And I don't want to ever trust another man again with my heart or my body. But why did I go on and on about having a man.
Thank God I asked Ben to come with me as my date, I mean he is a hot guy, not like Tom. But now what do I do. I mean I pretty much said that I was head over heels for this guy, I don't want to act all lovey dovey crap with Ben. I don't want him touching me, nor do I want to send him any signals and have him misunderstand. I was hesitant in asking him to do me this favor, because I was worried he would then think I wanted to date him. Which no I don't. Not at all. He's my neighbor, that's it.
Like I said this goes from bad to worse. My aunt is so relieved and happy for me so excited about me having a boyfriend. Wants to know all about him. How we met, everything. Before I can answer Rob comes. She thought it was important he come because we need to air all this out, so that there is no fighting or tension at the wedding to ruin this dream wedding of Kris's. Rob kisses her cheeks and forehead right in front of me, calling her baby and I mean just disgusting and gross. The morals of these two people astound me. Like have a little bit of decency. To not carry on in front of me.
I flashback to walking in on them, I was at work, but had to run home to get something, and then saw that both Rob was home, instead of at work, but that my cousin's car was in my drive. Didn't think anything about it. I mean she was like a sister to me. Stayed all night at my house after a night out, we went shopping together, out to eat, double dates with her bf and me and Rob. I unlock the door don't see them. I head into the kitchen they aren't there. I think maybe they are in the backyard. I go out there, Nope. Now I'm starting to have a sick feeling. I mean why would they both be upstairs.
I head up the stairs and I see clothes on the floor, bra and panties only they aren't mine, I don't have that color. I feel sick. I hear them, then look and see them. Memories of that day flood my mind as I am watching them pretty much makeout in front of me. My aunt had gone to the kitchen so then when she came back, she stopped them.
So my Aunt said, "Rob my dear beautiful niece was just telling me and Kris she has a new man,aand going to give us all the details." Kris was so overjoyed at me having a boyfriend, she was excited, saying she hopes that she can meet him, and wants details too. She's so happy for me. Maybe now we can be best friends and sisters again. That is her wish for us. Like yeah not happening. Not ever.
I ignore her, and look away. Rob said, "Sydney please don't do this." I look at him. I said, "Do what asshole" I look at my aunt. She said, "oh dear the hatred in your heart for Rob, I get it, I just wish you could move past it, so that we could be family." I said, "I'm sorry Aunt Jackie. What do you mean Rob" He said, "I hate that you were so hurt. I know how much you loved me, and how you planned that we would get married and be together forever, and I hurt you. I hate that. I really do" Like I said I am just astounded at Rob's ego, and also his lack of decency. I mean to say all that to me.
Rob said, "I hate that I hurt you and I know you're humiliated, we feel terrible, we are sick about it." I said, "yes I can see that." I said that sarcastically and shot him a look.
Kris was a little bit worried I guess that Rob was maybe going to be jealous. She said, "Rob babe, we want Sydney to be happy right, we want her to move on from you, that is what you want isn't it." She gave him a look as if he wants sex he will say it is.
Rob said, "of course baby that is what I want for her. But she's just lying to you. And I hate that she feels the need to lie to you and me and your mom. But she is doing it because she is humiliated."
I said, "I am not. You are such a jerk" Well ok, I am lying to them about having a man. But I am not lying about how hot Tom Hanson is.
Rob said, "Sydney I don't buy that you have this hot new love, that your partner and you are in love. I don't buy it. I know you. I know how much you loved me, and how you were planning on marrying me, being with me, I know that you are still so heartbroken over losing me." I said, "Rob your ego is astounding. I mean you are not as hot as you and your girlfriend" She said, "Soon to be wife" I said, "Whatever. You are not as hot as you think you are. My partner is a million times hotter than you. He is pure perfection in a man. I mean from his dark black hair, to the way it hangs in his eyes in the morning" Rob said, "no way are you sleeping with him. I know you."
I said, "Every part of Tom's body is perfection, his abs, his shoulders, his Adam's apple, his jaw, his eyes." I was getting hot and blushing just talking about Tom. Picturing him.
Kris said, "Rob she is not lying. I mean look at her blushing, she is definitely in love."
My aunt said, "yes she is for sure. honey what is his name." I looked at them. I mean I started to say Tom. But panicked. What do I do. Because while all that is true about Tom, Ben is my date.
Rob said, "See she's lying, she can't even say his name." I said, "his name is Tom Hanson"
Ok great, well that is ok, I am just going to have to explain this fact to Ben, and tell him I'm sorry he is going to have to pretend to be Tom Hanson. I will figure out what to tell him as to why I lied about his name. I guess I will have to tell him also he has to pretend to be a cop. Like Ben is going to think I'm crazy. He may realize he doesn't want to go with me to the wedding and back out. Oh God what have i done. If he backs out I will have to go alone. They will know I lied.
I sit there wishing I had kept my mouth shut. I tell my aunt and Kris that I do not want to cause any problems at this wedding, I know it's their dream wedding, and my aunt then talks about how sorry she is that my mom is not here to plan my dream wedding, but she can't wait to get started on helping me plan my wedding I mean not to rush me, but just if I do ever get married to Tom or to any other man. I say that I have to go. So I left. Not so fast. I just thought I did.
Before I can back out, Rob is standing at the passenger side door. I ignore him, but then that asshole stands in front of my car. Oh please don't tempt me Rob. I would love to hit you with my car, but it might hurt my car. I know that sounds bad. Especially since I'm a cop. I roll down my window. I said, "Asshole move."
Rob came to the window. He said, "Syd I know that you are lying. I know that you aren't in love, nor are you having sex. I know you. There is no way that you are having sex with a guy this soon after we broke up. I hate I hurt you. I hate that I caused this hatred for your cousin. I know she is grieving and so sad about it because you were like her sister. I didn't plan it Sydney. You have to know that." I said, "Shut the F--- up. Just leave me alone."
Rob said, "Sydney I have tried to explain and I'm going to keep on until you accept my apology." I said, "Rob get this through your egotistical head. I do not love you. I do not want you. I cringe at the thought that I slept with you. Just because I hate you, and hate Kris, does not mean that I am sad at losing you. It means I hate you and what kind of disgusting trash people you two are. has nothing to do about love or missing you." I left
I'm in a panic. I mean what did I just do. God I wish I would have let Jay come with me. Then maybe I would not have ran my mouth, about having a man. They just make me so damn mad, that I can't think straight. I do not love Rob. I do not miss Rob. I detest him. Can't stand the sight of his face, or his voice. Makes my skin crawl. But I am not over what he did, over the betrayal. The fact that he humiliated me. The fact that he was still having sex with me every night in our bed, and then having sex with her too during the day. I mean it makes me sick. he was having sex with the both of us same days. If he would have just done the right thing by me.
I mean I could get it if he would have came to me, and said hey Syd I'm so sorry, I don't want to hurt you, but hey I need to be honest and tell you that I'm starting to get feelings, get hot for your cousin. I didn't plan it. I was shocked by it, but I can't fight it, and I don't want to cheat on you, I think we should end this, and I move out. If he would have just said that, then I would have been hurt, I would have been depressed and cried, and probably curled up into a ball in my bed, crying my eyes out, but I wouldn't have hated him, or hated her.
I mean Rob was a really hot man and I could understand if Kris fell for him, but she should have done the right thing. Not sleep with him until she told me. I grew up with her. Best friends from kindergarten on. Like sisters. We did everything together. Instead of telling me the truth, she slept with my man for 8 months.
I'm freaking out totally. I am sweating. I feel sick. I mean I have to talk to Ben now. I have to fill him in on what I did. Try and explain this. I mean thankfully Ben didn't move in until after Rob moved out. Ben is probably not going to be happy when I tell him he has to pretend to be my partner Tom Hanson. I mean he is going to think why what's wrong with me, why didn't you say you were coming with Ben. I mean I can't tell him that I practically drooled while describing Tom Hanson and his body. That would hurt Ben's feelings. I have to say this right, so that I don't hurt or offend him. I need to think about this, so that I don't blurt it out. I need to sit down and write it out what I will say.
Well so much for my plans about being logical and calming down first and thinking the right way to ask Ben if he will mind pretending to be my partner Tom. Because as I pull into my drive. Ben is coming out of his house. Which I wave at him, but then he is jogging over to me. Great. Maybe I can just chat with him, and then not tell him right now. That is what I will do. Don't panic and look like something is up.
I get out of my car. Ben said, "hey Sydney. I am so happy you are home. I was just getting ready to go to the gym, but I really need to talk to you if you have a minute." I said, "Sure come on in." We go in the house.
I said, "What's up" My heart drops. And I am trying to handle this like a normal person, and not have a meltdown in front of Ben.
Ben said, "Sydney I am so sorry to do this to you. I hope you will forgive me. And not hate me. I really like you a lot, and I just Sydney I'm sorry. I can't take you to that wedding. I'm so sorry."
I'm shocked, stunned. Floored. He is just repeating he is sorry he can't take me.
I said, "um sorry. I just wasn't expecting you to say that. I thought everything was good and you could take me. Did I do something wrong? I mean Ben if you were thinking or worrying that I was wanting it to be a real date, I mean if you are seeing someone or want to be, I can talk to her, and explain."
Ben said, 'no it's not that. I'm not seeing anyone. And I mean I like you. I wouldn't care if it was a date, that is not why. I am so sorry. I feel terrible. It's just my mom just called, and she is going to have major surgery the day before, on that Friday, and I have to fly home, and be there. Sydney, I have to. It's major open-heart surgery."
I said, "of course you have to, don't worry about it Ben. I will be thinking and praying for your mom and for you." He said, "I really was looking forward to taking you. I'm sorry." I said, "it's fine, don't worry about it. No big deal." He said, "well you are so beautiful, I know that you won't have any problem finding a date. But I really am sorry." I said, "Thanks, and it's not a problem. Take care and I'll be praying for your mom" He said, "Thanks." He left.
I wish I was dead. That's it. If it's not bad enough that I have already been humiliated it will be even worse now. I mean now that I blurted all that stuff out about Tom. I'll have to go alone. Or be a third wheel with my brother or be my dad's date.
Yeah, I love my brother and dad, and love to hang out or go places with them, but to my ex-boyfriend and my cousin's wedding, when all of the friends that I had will be there and all knew that he was cheating on me with Kris, yeah, those choices of dates not good. They will just think poor Sydney is so upset over Rob and Kris; poor Sydney can't find a date. No one wants to date poor Sydney. Even a one-day date. how pathetic is she.
As I am sitting there crying, I see Rob pull up. Damn him. He needs to leave me alone. I hurry and lock the door. He is knocking and ringing the door bell. I ignore him. he keeps saying answer Sydney we need to finish our talk. No chance in hell. Rob leaves finally. I don't want him to come back, or if this was a trick to get me outside, I mean him leave then drive around the block. Which is exactly what he did, because I run to my car and drive off, and as I'm turning the corner I see Rob coming around the corner.
I am worried he will follow me. So I put on my siren and I race to the station. Thank God I made it Rob didn't follow me. I'll be safe here. It's Saturday afternoon. Station is closed. Since we are not like real police stations who work on Sat and Sun.
I climb the steps to go in, and walk to my desk, not even bothering to turn on the lights. I sit down at my desk, and I just burst out into tears. I lay my head on my desk and just cry. My mind is racing. I mean I am having these flashes in my head of what it will be like in 3 weeks when I go to that wedding. How every eye in the audience will be on me, most of the day.
I mean when I walk in, when I sit down, during the wedding, probably taking bets to see if I throw a fit, or if I cry, or have to run out. I have never liked people to stare at me or to stand out in a crowd. It makes me so nervous. I mean all through school, I would be petrified when the teacher would call on me, even though I always knew the answer. I used to cringe and tried and hide in my chair behind kids in front of me, so the teacher would not look my way. Didn't work. I hated gym class, because I didn't want kids to see me in shorts and have to run in front of them. Even though I'm older, I still hate to have attention given to me. Now everyone there will see me, and probably laugh at me behind my back.
I can hear the comments from those bitches, with their hot hubbies, or their hot boyfriends, poor Sydney so sorry you could not find a date. Then when they get together they will laugh and say how embarrassing she must be so ashamed. The more I'm picturing how horrible this day is going to go. I'm hyperventilating.
I mean what is going to be worse is Rob's smug face, his smug smirk, when he sees I'm alone, and Rob will be an asshole about it to me, announcing to everyone I lied about having a man. My aunt will look at me hurt probably because I lied to her, and she got so excited about my new romance. I will look even more pathetic that I lied about a romance, and then God Jay what is he going to think. I mean he has met Tom. He thinks that I think of Tom as just a fellow cop. I will have to explain to Jay why I said all that stuff about Tom being hot. I didn't lie about that.
I said, 'God if you want to take me now, it's fine. I've had a good life." My phone rings, as I'm sitting there crying. I look. Great my dad. he will tell that I'm upset. I can't let him know I'm upset.
I wipe my eyes and say "hey daddy" He said, "hey I'm just calling to see how lunch went, are you ok? I'm sorry sweetheart." I said, "it was ok. I assured them that I will not cause any problems. I know how long Aunt Jackie has dreamed of this day, for her daughter. Especially since Aunt Jackie never got to have her own wedding. I know how hard she is working to give Kris the perfect day." My dad said, "I just hate that Rob. I promise I won't cause a scene, but I can not stand that man." I said, "I know I have to go. I'll talk later."
I had to hurry off the phone, because the worst thought just hit me. I have to stop my aunt. I mean I can't let her tell my dad about me and Tom. I mean tell him that I have a man. I mean my dad knows Ben will be well he was going to be my date, and my dad has met Ben. But I don't want her telling my dad I was going on and on about how hot my man is. My partner."
I call my aunt and ask her for a favor. She said anything. I said, I really haven't had time to introduce my dad and Jay to Tom, and so if you could just keep that secret from my dad. She says she hates to keep a secret but she will for me. I explain that you know how hard dad and Jay are going to be on him, wanting to date me, and it's so new, and I just got caught up in it, and just haven't had time to bring it up. I promise I will soon. Then you can.