Yangsoo POV
"Oh my god, I literally love you so much right now!" Chae Won told me as we sat in a dim area in a bar, drinking our time away.
"Could you shut up about it for a second-" My words slurred a bit, tipsy from the alcohol.
Ever since Chae Won came back from whatever date that Jiwon guy took her on, she couldn't stop gushing and gushing about how much she loved me and how thankful she was to be my friend.
Friend...
"But I'm serious! If you didn't give me that nudge I needed, I never would have gotten to spend the day with him." She smiled to herself, face cupped in her hands as she looked at me sweetly. She was happy.
"I know, I know." I took another sip from my glass, changing positions so I could cross my legs better. "I promised I'd help you with him anyway, so stop thanking me so much."
I could never admit it, but the way she clung to me whenever we were alone, the way she considered me as her go-to, it made me feel so happy. Happier than I've ever been my whole life.
She's been there since middle school, and as much as I'd like to throw them away, I can't just get rid of my... Buried feelings for her. She knew I was a lesbian, but she still accepted me. I couldn't help but fall for her charm as the years went by, even if she unconsciously made it clear that... She only thought of me as a friend.
It hurts, deep down inside. I think it's obvious. But I'd feel pathetic if I told her I liked her, she likes Jiwon for fucks sake. I can't do anything about that.
So instead of parting ways with her to preserve my sanity, I decided to just try and help her with her little... No, not little. Big crush on Jiwon. I love her to bits. It's natural that I'd wanna see her happy, right?
But what's there to cling to, if her happiness isn't and will never be me? I've asked myself that multiple times now. I don't think she can get the hint that I hold feelings for her. Not even after cutting connections with everyone but her, I don't understand how.
"Haha, I feel so happy! I felt a connection, Yang Soo! This isn't like anything Ive felt before, I think..." She paused a bit before jumping, hugging me tightly as she laughed. "I think I'm in love!"
I sighed with a smile, prying her off little by little.
I loved her. I loved seeing her happy. She was happy.
But I'm not the reason.
So why do I keep going?
Because I'm clinging onto the hope that... Maybe I do have a chance.
I can't let go. Not yet.