I was feeling bored in my room. I yawned looking out the window, beautiful day outside.
Meh, I'd rather play games in the basement.
-- TWO HOURS LATER --
"Honeyyyy! Come upstairs for dinner babe!" My mom called me. I snatched off my awesomely epic gaming headphones with cat ears attached and throw them on the couch. "COMING MA!" Excitedly I run upstairs, ready to eat some good grub.
(The grub in question.)
"Mom what is this."
I flinched, wrinkled my nose at the disturbing plate of whatever.. that was supposed to be in front of me.
She smiled weakly at me and shrugged, slowly lowering her head while folding her hands. Then, pressing her folded hands to her forehead. She sighed and sniffled, avoiding my gaze.
"Ahh... we've gone broke.. Dad left us. The IRS says I owe them some money. We don't have anywhere else to go since grampa and gramps are in heaven. Lord knows homeless shelters are a wreck, and everything else is too expensive--and I'm an only child just like you. No family to turn to. I'm so sorry.. I feel like--I feel like.. I've failed you as a mother."
She begins to whimper into her palms, soon sobbing uncontrollably into them. I couldn't watch my mother cry any longer... I ate the nasty sausage and cold noodles anyway. Slurped up all the sauce. I couldn't fathom not at least eating what she tried so hard to make.
"I love you mama.. I'm goin to bed." I sigh and rub her back in small circles, patting twice.
"Okay hon.. just- just don't stay up too la-ate.. on tha..t game!" She burst into tears again. Voice cracking. Hands trembling.
I walked away.
-- 30 MINUTES LATER --
After a hot shower I sat in my room, laptop resting on my thighs. I wasn't wearing nothing fancy, just grey sweatpants, and a beige lightweight pullover. I tug on the crewneck hem with my index finger, grunting as I squint at the bright wide screen.
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Tears welled in my eyes. I slam the laptop shut and rather roughly set it down on the nightstand to the left of me. It wobbled a bit before going still.
Then I just sat there. Looking down at my hands... my useless hands.
If i can't do anything, then what's the point of being alive.
Granted, it's not my fault whatsoever that this happened. Dad fell in love with a young woman, gross, but still his choice. My moms in debt for things she did in the past. She chose to have a kid knowing the chances of giving them a good childhood were slim.
But I won't complain. At all.
-- AFTER SOME THINKING --
I spent maybe 2 or so hours over-thinking. ("What can I do to save mom... what can I do..")
I tossed and turned in bed--my last thoughts before I went unconscious being... this:
("I wish we had ALL the money we needed to get mom out of debt. To get me into a good school! Like one of those fancy private schools.. but that's selfish. Let's just focus on mom. I want her to get a good husband who's handsome as can be--please God. If you're out there... please hear me! Hear my prayers and save my mom. I need someone to fix this. I feel so.. useless. I'm a terrible child.")
x
I began murmuring in my sleep.
"M-mooom...mah...mama... I'm sorry."