Beatrice's apartment was a small loft that, despite being small, was quite cozy. Bea didn't spend much time there anyway. Every moment she was alone, thoughts of her flew irretrievably to Ava, wherever she was. And those thoughts hurt a lot, so she avoided giving space to idle moments. She usually came home just to shower and sleep, many times practically passing out from exhaustion.
"Sorry if anything is out of place... it's small here and I'm not home much."
"Bea, don't worry that much... everything's perfect. Like everything you do, by the way. I couldn't be in a better and more cozy place than this."
"I'll make you something to eat and then I'll make your bed. You can take a shower to help you relax, if you want... you look really tired. I'll put some clothes on for you to be comfortable."
Ava couldn't be more grateful. She felt cared for, protected... loved. She approached Beatrice and kissed her on the cheek a little longer than usual. She stood there so close to Beatrice that they could both feel each other's breath on their faces. Ava was itching to kiss those lips again after so many years (at least for her), but she didn't know if that would be awkward or uncomfortable for Bea. She just pulled back a few inches, looked into Beatrice's big and beautiful eyes, and headed for the shower.
Beatrice remembered that she should start breathing again. She leaned back against the kitchen counter and closed her eyes. How she wished Ava had kissed her again. But why didn't she take the initiative herself? Why was she waiting? "I'm such an idiot, I'm always late", she thought to herself. Sha was late to tell Ava that she loved her too, late to take the initiative by being inches from her pretty pink lips... but what could she do if Ava had the power to paralyze her and left her without even remembering how to breathe?
And speaking of stopping breathing, there was the shortness of breath again minutes later. Ava was coming out of the bathroom, still drying her hair on the towel, dressed only in Beatrice's baggy long-sleeved shirt. Ava's beautiful legs caught Beatrice's eye immediately. Ironies of fate aside, Bea thought that Ava might as well be a real angel straight from Heaven. She was so beautiful...
Beatrice took a deep breath and came to herself (forcibly), she sat down at the small table with Ava and shared a simple but very tasty dinner with her: pasta and some polpetines.
"I don't usually eat at home, I didn't have many options to offer you tonight, forgive me for that."
"It's wonderful, Bea. Really."
"At least I have wine to go with dinner."
"Who knew, Beatrice has wine at home? I only believe because I'm seeing it with my own eyes. If someone told me, I wouldn't believe it."
Beatrice laughed.
"Tiny sips, remember?"
"Yes... I remember everything about you, Bea." Ava was trying hard to make Beatrice red in the cheeks, or so Bea thought.
After dinner, Beatrice made the bed and opened out the couch, covering it with sheets, throws, and pillows. Ava smiled gratefully and walked over to the sofa while Bea was still finishing arranging it.
"Ava, you sleep in the bed today."
"No, there's no way I'm going to get you out of your bed, your comfort."
"Please, I insist. I want you to be as comfortable as possible, and the bed is softer than the couch. You know I don't care about that, convent beds have always been pretty spartan and it never bothered me."
"Bea, don't..."
"Ava, it's already decided. You will sleep in the bed."
Ava watched as Beatrice settled down and pulled the covers over her on the sofa. Beatrice again being Beatrice, decisive and in control of the situation. Ava smiled, defeated, and lay down on the bed, next to the sofa where Bea was lying.
"See? I'm obedient." Ava teased, eliciting a smile from Beatrice.
"Good night, Ava."
"Good night, Bea."
***
In the middle of the night, Beatrice woke up and saw Ava tossing and turning in bed. She was lying on her back, turning her head from side to side, wiggling her legs as if she was caught in something. Beatrice got up and turned on the bedside lamp, and saw that Ava was in a cold sweat, her forehead and temples with several droplets of sweat, breathing heavily and muttering something as if she said "no" over and over again, distressed for some reason. Ava was in the middle of a nightmare, but Beatrice was afraid to touch her to wake her up, thinking that the Halo might emit some energy that would throw her away for touching Ava without her expecting it. Ava could feel like a threat, as she was immersed in that nightmare. But Beatrice couldn't leave Ava in that affliction. She decided to just call her, hoping that would be enough to wake her up.
"Ava... Ava, it's me, Beatrice. Wake up... Ava!"
Ava woke up and sat up suddenly, with a heavy sigh, like someone who is drowning and finally got a breath of fresh air. Beatrice noticed that Ava looked around anxiously to understand where she was... or as if looking for something that was chasing her.
"Ava, it's okay. You were having a nightmare." Bea sat down on the bed next to Ava in an attempt to calm her down somehow.
Ava looked at Bea and hugged her around the waist, burying her face between Beatrice's neck and shoulder. Bea hugged her back, patting her back. Ava's back was hot, very hot. Beatrice realized that she was right to not wake Ava by touching her. The Halo was about to trigger, but Beatrice never knew that fact, that the Halo got so hot on the Warrior Nuns' backs. But as Mother Superion always taught, the Halo manifested itself in different ways in each of the sisters. As Ava calmed down in her arms, Bea was able to feel Ava's back return to normal temperature.
"I'll get you some water... just breathe and calm down, okay?"
"No! No, Bea... stay here with me." Ava snuggled into Beatrice's lap.
"Some water could help you calm down."
"You calm me down... stay here, please. I'm already getting better... and I don't want to be alone."
"Okay... Okay."
Within minutes Ava's breathing was returning to normal and she actually calmed down within Beatrice's protective embrace. As Ava slowly pulled out of her embrace, Bea asked:
"Do you feel better? Do you want me to get you some water now?"
"There's no need, everything is okay... but... I wanted to ask you something, can I?"
"Of course."
"Sleep here with me."
"Are you saying here... in the same bed?" Beatrice paled a little, and was grateful for the soft light from the lamp, which wouldn't let Ava see her pallor.
"Yes... you calm me down so much, Bea. And I feel protected with you. Since always. It's just so I can sleep tonight... please."
Beatrice always had her soft spot in the puppy eyes asking for the cuddle that Ava had when she looked at her. How could she deny something so simple to someone who seemed so fragile in that moment? Bea nodded and lay down next to Ava on the bed. Lying on her back, still looking very tense. And that tense position made Ava burst out laughing.
"How does a person sleep so tense like that?"
"I'm not tense."
"Of course you are! Lying down staring at the ceiling, barely breathing... I won't bite or hurt you. I just want to feel that you are here by my side. But I don't want to bother you with that either, it's enough that I took your bed, even if it was against my will."
"It doesn't bother me, Ava." Bea finally relaxed a little and turned onto her side, facing Ava. "It's just that things happened so suddenly and you know, I tend to have things planned out. The unexpected scares me a little... and I don't know what to do."
"I understand you. I'm sorry I got you into this whirlwind of so many unexpected things... since I came across the Order's path."
Beatrice touched Ava's face, lifted her face and made Ava look into her eyes.
"Never again think you are a burden to me for any reason. You were the most precious thing that came into my life and I couldn't be happier that you came back when I thought I would never see you again."
Ava felt her heart warm at Beatrice's words. She then touched Beatrice's face as gently as she could, caressing Bea's cheek with her thumb, running it lightly over her lower lip. Ava swallowed hard, thirsty as she was to kiss those lips again. She couldn't help the glazed look on Bea's mouth anymore... and Beatrice noticed. Her heart was about to jump out of her chest, but she stayed still, waiting for what was to come.
Ava moved a little closer, and a little closer, testing Beatrice's receptiveness. When she was so close to Bea that she could feel the heat emanating from her parted mouth, Ava very lightly touched her lips to Beatrice's. Feeling that Bea didn't flinch from that touch, Ava kissed her softly and tenderly, a slow and sweet kiss.
Bea felt that that kiss should have been the first. No rushing, no goodbyes, no pain of feeling like she could lose Ava at any moment. That was the kiss that made her stomach flutter, that made the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. She lost herself in Ava's kiss and knew that was the only way to lose herself that was really worth it.
When she broke her lips from Beatrice's, Ava opened her eyes to find Beatrice's eyes still closed. Bea realized that she had been waiting for that kiss for a lot longer than she thought. Ava smiled at Beatrice and placed a peck on the tip of her nose, then snuggled into her lap. She was happy, she felt serene and protected in Bea's arms. She took a deep breath and Bea knew she fell asleep right away. But before falling into a deep sleep, Ava spoke softly, already practically asleep, "I love you".
Beatrice smiled, feeling Ava lying on her chest, already asleep. She wrapped one arm around Ava's shoulders and the other caressing the arm that rested around her waist.
"I love you too." She whispered with her face resting on Ava's head.
"Late. Again! What the hell is wrong with me? Sorry for the word, God... but what is wrong with me? Why didn't I tell her again?", Bea found herself thinking. And at that moment she decided that she would no longer miss the opportunity to confess her love for Ava. She decided that she would open her heart. Heart that already belonged to that beautiful girl who was sleeping peacefully and snuggled in his chest.
Beatrice kissed Ava's forehead and fell asleep.