Tom's view:
Not going to lie, I've been slowly going crazy. Just the fact that Booker not only went to lunch with Sydney, but it's been all day. I mean all afternoon. Doug came back with Harry. They could tell I was irritated, but I had to not blow it, not let them know I'm mad that Booker is having all day lunch with Sydney.
Harry said, "Where is everyone." I glared at him. Harry said, "Hanson you still in a bad mood?" I said, "I don't know where they are, I guess Booker thought that it's ok to blow off work and take the new girl out all day lunch." I slammed my book shut. Harry made a face and looked at Doug. Harry said, "you're jealous. Is Sydney the girl from last night? Did she hit you? What did you do to her?" I frown at them. Not this again.
Doug said, "come on Hanson. Syd is a sweet girl" I said, "Don't call her Syd. That's not her name." Harry and Doug laughed.
I laugh at the thought of her being a sweet girl. Well it's true, she's a sweet girl to everyone but me. For some reason she hates me. She hated me the moment she saw me.
I was so happy when Booker ended up coming back and had said that he didn't know where the girls were, they had lunch, then he had to go help his friend out. That is a relief that he hasn't been with her all this time.
Judy had come in but not with Sydney. Maybe she is outside.
We said hi to Judy. Doug asked where Sydney was. I wanted to but didn't. Judy said, "she went on home."
Judy was at her desk. Doug said, "Hey Hanson, Harry and I are going to go out tonight get wasted, find some girls. You in?" I looked at them. I mean it's exactly what I need to do, to cope with having to work with a girl who hates me. But I don't want a repeat of last night. I mean if I rejected a girl rejected a hookup in front of the guys, they would rag me on it."
I said, "no thanks" Doug said, "come on Hanson, what did this girl do to you. I mean for you to be hung up on her." I said, "I'm not hung up on her. Trust me." Harry said, "Then why don't you want to go hook up." I said, "I don't feel like it."
The guys left. I said, "later Jude." She said, "Hey Hanson." I said, "Yeah" She said, "you want to hang out tonight." I said, "Sure I got the beer you bring the pizza" She said, "Deal see you soon."
We sat down to eat . Judy said, "Tommy about Sydney."
I think dammit. Why is everyone asking me about her. How many times do I have to say that no I don't know her. Besides I'm trying to get my mind off of her, not talk about her.
I said, "What about her."
Judy said, "I know that she is the one who hit you and yelled at you." I stare at her in shock.
That damn bitch I'm thinking. Wow I cut her some slack, don't go tell on her, and what does she do but stab me in the back. Of course, she does. I never saw this coming. I mean it's not enough for her to rip me, make a fool of me, hit me, but now she wants to what lie to Judy tell her I did all this stuff to make her hit me, and cause a problem between me and Judy. I mean if I was mad last night, she hasn't seen anything yet. What next, stab me in the back, and tell Adam that I did something, is she going to try and get me fired. What the hell.
Judy said, "She told me what happened." I said, "Did she now."
Judy said, "She said that you did nothing wrong, that it was all her, that she was having a bad night, with all these disgusting perverts being disgusting hitting on her, suggesting what they could do to her, touching her, and she had a few drinks and then thought the next guy who sits down and speaks to her is going to get it, and that was you She said she took everything bad that had happened out on you, simply because you sat down by her."
I am shocked at what I'm hearing. What, guys touched her, threatened her, dammit. "
I said, "She told you that she was totally to blame." Judy said, "yeah she feels really bad about it. She lost it on you."
I said, "I'm surprised she told you. I told her I wasn't going to because I knew how excited you were to have her here."
Judy said, "she told me that she couldn't be friends with me, without telling me, because she felt like it would be betraying me, since she knows you and I are good friends. She figured I would not want to be her friend, when I found out that she hit you."
I have to admit that shocks me that she did that. Took all the blame. Came clean with Judy. I guess I have misjudged her.
Judy said, "She is worried about working with us, because she thinks you hate her." That stung. I mean I don't hate her. Far from it. I'm trying to keep from falling for her.
Judy said, "Tommy, I won't tell her. I promise this stays between us. I won't tell the guys either. But I have to ask you, are you falling for her?"
I hurriedly say "no Judy. Why would you ask me that? You know I don't fall for girls" Judy said, "I know but you turned down a hookup last night and tonight. And the way you were acting all jealous over the guys hitting on her." I said, "I was not. I'm not jealous."
Judy said, "oh ok, so if she went out with Booker tonight then" I said, "Dammit did he ask her out? Did she agree to go out with him. Where the hell is he taking her"
Judy laughed. She said, "Gotcha Hanson." I said, "Jude." She said, "no Booker is not taking her out. And she is not interested in dating Booker or Doug or Harry. Or you for that matter. I just said that because it's obvious you're jealous."
I said, "I'm not jealous. Just because I don't want to have to watch Booker with her, doesn't mean I'm jealous Jude. I don't do relationships, girlfriends, or get jealous or fall for girls."
I said, "Judy what were you saying about guys threatening her." Judy said, "I don't know they threatened her, but she felt threatened. I can relate. I told her that is my nightmare. To have to sit alone. She was trying to order food to go, but the bartender was so backed up, and the kitchen was backed up it took forever, and she said one guy after the other hit on her, and every time a new guy sat down it was more disgusting what they said. Tommy as a rape victim I can relate to that. I would have been terrified sitting there. She hadn't eaten much, and then had the two drinks, and she knew it wasn't right, but she kind of let all her anger out on you. I mean Tommy come on. You're a good guy. You're not disgusting like that. But guys who degrade women and say disgusting stuff about what they want to do to you, it's upsetting, it's terrifying to some girls. You can see that right."
I said, "yeah Judy. And I'm sorry. I had no idea that happened to her. I mean the place was crowded. A lot of hookups going down. I didn't know."
She said, "I really like her. I'm glad she is joining the team. How about you" I said, "I'm happy that you have another female on the force, so that you can have a friend.."
Judy said, "I actually told her all about what happened to me." I said, "you told her about um" She said, "yeah, that felt good to talk about it with her." I said, "That's good that you were able to talk I think it's good for you to talk about it. But I'm a little shocked that you would tell her this, when you just met her."
Judy said, "yeah I was a little shocked I felt so comfortable with her, but I did so mainly because of you."
I said, "I don't get it." She said, "Well I wanted to make sure that she knew that she was safe with you. I mean safe with all the guys, but since you and her had that fight and she hit you. I just wanted her to know that you aren't like those other guys at that club who were disgusting to her. That you would never treat a girl that way. I mean she told me that you didn't do anything, and it was all her, but I just wanted to make sure she knew that you weren't that kind of guy, I mean just because you were there to hook up, doesn't mean you are a jerk like that. Or treat women bad."
I said, "Thank you Judy for defending me. You don't need to tell me, but what did she say when you told her all that about me, I mean that I'm not that kind of guy" She said, "That she felt worse now, because she clearly misjudged you, that just because you are a man and were there didn't mean you are like the other guys. She really does feel bad for hitting you. And she wants to be able to work with you, without it being awkward." I said, "yeah I'd like that too. She apologized to me." Judy said, "yeah she told me that. So, then you are cool with her." I said, "yeah."
Judy said, "we are going to the mall tomorrow to shop and hang out." I said, "well I'm glad you got a friend to go shopping with. I hope you two have a great time."
Judy said, "thanks. So just let me know if you do start falling for her, maybe I could help" I said, "Judy I don't fall for girls remember. I don't do love. Or girlfriends. Relationships. Commitment." Judy said, "Right and now you don't do hookups either, so why" I said, "What is it with you, you are as bad as the guys, what do you care if I hook up or not." She said, "I don't care. I'd rather you not, if you are wanting to be with Sydney. I mean she's a really sweet girl Tom. And she deserves better than a guy who just wants a hookup and who goes out and has sex with random girls."
It's Monday. I have spent the last two days obsessing over Sydney. I mean I misjudged her. She could have tried to get Judy mad at me, instead she told Judy that she was to blame for it all. She owned it. Have to give her credit.
I pull up early, as usual. And I'm shocked because I'm not the first one here. I spot Sydney's white Corvette. Not parked in my spot. I open the door.
She is sitting at her desk, and I scared her. She jumped when she heard the door.
I said, "Sorry. If I scared you" She looked at me, then said, "it's fine."
I said, "you're here early." She said, "I just like to be early." I nod my head.
I went passed her and went to the coffee machine, started the coffee. I ask if she wants a cup to help herself. She said she doesn't drink coffee.
I sat at my desk.
I said, "Judy told me you told her what happened, that you took full blame, and said that I didn't do anything wrong." She said, "yeah. Like I said I'm sorry about that I'm hoping that you will accept my apology. If you want me to go in and tell Adam what I did to you, attack you without cause, then I will. I kind of felt like I should have told him Friday." I said, "no there isn't any reason for Adam to know. It's over with I accept your apology."
She gave me a slight smile. Well not really gave me. She smiled, and was looking down, when she looked up at me, the smile was gone.
She said, "Good, this is my last chance at being a cop, so I'd really like to take the job. I don't want trouble with you, I will try and stay out of your way."
Those words hurt. Stung. I'm beginning to hate the deep pain in my chest this girl brings me.
I guess what she is saying is that she is calling a truce with me, putting what happened between us in the past, and has no desire to be friends or communicate with me ever. She wants to stay out of my way, and me stay out of her way. This is for the best. I don't want her to know how I feel, and I need to hide that from everyone. But it hurts.
Everyone starts coming in. And we do our usual morning how are you talk. Adam starts with Judy and Harry and their case. I was actually holding my breath and didn't realize it really, but I was praying hoping that Booker won't be paired with Sydney on a case. I mean I hate being paired with Booker, but I'd rather be paired with him, and not have Sydney with him. I won't be able to handle it. Him working so close to her.
Adam said, "Booker I'm going to put you in with." I hold my breath. God please don't say Sydney. Please Adam, I'm begging you I am thinking.
He said, "I'm putting you with Judy and Harry." I let out a breath in relief. Dammit, I think a little too loud. Judy is looking at me, she gives me a smile. Just great. She already thinks I'm falling for her.
I can't contain my butterflies in my stomach and the way my heart is racing and doing flip flops. If Sydney isn't paired with Booker and Harry and Judy, then that means she is either not going to be on a case, or she is going to be paired with me and Doug. I want her paired with me. I can't come out and beg Adam to do that, but it's what I want. Or maybe because it's her first time out he's going to let her sit out a case.
Adam said, "Hanson, Penhall, and Sydney I am putting you together on a case." He handed us all three our files. He said, "it starts tomorrow. You can read over your files today. Questions." No one says anything.
Sydney's point of view.
I got my first case. And it's paired with Tom. I'm relieved that Doug is going to be on the case. I mean I'm relieved that he doesn't seem as angry and that he accepted my apology, and hopefully he will leave me alone and I will leave him alone. I have to admit I wanted to work on a case with him. I mean I'm nervous about it, but also, since we are going to be avoiding each other at all costs, cases will be our only contact. Which is for the best. I mean he's made it clear that I disgust him, even if he was mad at me for yelling at him, he said what he meant, what he felt. And like I said I know I'm not attractive to men. I've really only had the one serious boyfriend, and obviously we know how that turned out. And I don't want to be thinking he is hot, and crushing on him, I mean even if he did think I was attractive I wouldn't go out with him, because I am done with men. I'm done dating. It's just as well if we don't. have any contact with each other, except cases. Now I just need to try and forget his words saying how ugly I am.
Judy, Harry, and Booker left to go meet with someone about their case.
Adam said, "guys I'm heading out. Just to let you know, we won't be having our morning meeting tomorrow. I have to be down at headquarters for a meeting. Just you make plans how you are going to handle this case, and all that goes with it. have a good one." He left.
Doug ended up leaving early. I had been reading my file, and about the case. We had lunch. Doug ended up going and getting it bringing pizza in. We went over the case files, and Doug thought it best for the first time out, if I go in as their little sister. Tom was really quiet. I mean he talked but addressed it to the both of us, instead of me. He avoided eye contact, so I didn't look at him either.
Tom was headed out. He said, "See ya." He didn't look at me. I didn't look at him either. Just said, "yeah" Jay called and said, "hey Sydney I need a huge favor from you. I will make it up to you." I said, "Sure." He said, "you are a life saver." I said, "What can I do for you big brother." He laughed.
he said, "can I borrow your car tonight" I said, "Sure." He said, "I had a blow out, and Allison has got to go see her best friend, it's kind of an emergency" I said, "oh is everything ok." She said, "yeah but she is having her baby." I said, "oh how exciting. I thought she had another month. I bet she's so ready to meet her baby girl." He said, "yes they are."
He said, "I promise you I will have your baby back to you sometime tomorrow afternoon." I said, "wait what." Jay said, "we are staying the night at the hospital, she wants to be there when the baby comes." I said, "Um ok Jay that's fine. You want to come over tonight and get it, I'll be home in a few." He said, "Ok thanks again."
I said, "Dammit. I have to report to the high school. I mean if we were going to meet here, I could ride with one of the guys, well Doug, I guess. But I guess I'll call daddy and see if he can lend me his car."
I called my dad. He said, "hey princess." I said, "hey daddy. How are you?" He said, "good sweetheart. How was your day at work?" I said, "Great I got my first case. I start tomorrow." He said, 'How exciting, now you promise me it will be safe for you." I said, "yes daddy" He said, "Good. I'm still going to worry about you." I said, "Thanks I know. Listen I was hoping that I could borrow your car tomorrow."
He said, "Honey I would let you, but I'm out of town remember." I said, "right I'm sorry. I totally forgot. I hope I didn't bother you during your business meetings." He said, "no we were done for the day, getting ready to go out tonight for dinner." I said, "I'll let you go. I love you" He said, 'I love you too."
Dammit what am I going to do. I guess I can take a taxi. I don't trust uber drivers, nor taxi drivers. Especially having men know where I live. But I guess I have no choice. I didn't realize that Tom had come back in. Nor that he heard me cuss.
Tom said, "uh what's wrong"
I said, "I just family problems. My car is not going to be available tomorrow and I thought I could borrow my dad's car but he's out of town, and I start the case tomorrow, just trying to figure out how I could get there. I guess I will take a taxi."
Tom said, "Sydney um I can just um we can ride together. I mean"
I said, "oh I don't know. I don't want to bother you." He said, "it's not a problem. I mean we called a truce didn't we." I nodded.
He said, "We are going to the same place. I mean Doug could ride you on his motorcycle if you'd rather." I said, "A motorcycle." He said, "yeah a small one." I said, "oh um. I um guess if you don't mind. I mean I told you I'd stay out of your way. I'd really appreciate the ride, if you are ok with it." Tom said, "Sure."
Tom said, "What's your address?" I said, "What why?" Tom said, "to pick you up. How else would I drive you to school, if I don't pick you up" I said, "oh I um thought maybe we could just meet here." He said, "Right so how are you going to get here. I thought you didn't have a car." I said, "Dammit that's right. Yeah, um ok" I gave him my address. I told him I'd be waiting for him outside, at whatever time he wanted to leave. He said "school starts at 8, so we need to leave at 7 00. The school is in another city, takes about 40 minutes." I said, "ok then I will be ready before 7 and be outside I don't want to make us late." Tom said, "See ya." I said, "yeah"
Tom's point of view
Damn calm down Hanson. I mean yes you are going to have this girl in your car, but it's not like she wants to be there. Her only choice was a cab or a small motorcycle, and she did not want to give you, her address. Still, I need to just try and calm down, so that I don't freak out, and obsess over her sitting in the front seat of your car. Smelling her hair. Her smell. She smells so damn good.
Sydney's point of view.
Dang it. I mean my heart is racing, my stomach doing flip flops at the thought of riding in his car. But then also what am I going to do, A 40-minute drive in his car. Maybe I can just study my case file or pretend to be on the phone. And I'm sure he is not going to want to speak to me, will probably be looking straight ahead, watching the road. It's going to be ok. Once we get to school, there will be students, and Doug. And hopefully maybe Jay can pick me up in my car at school.
My night I thought was going to go well. I mean I am excited about my case, even if I'm nervous to be around Tom. I really don't want an outburst from him. I mean if he calls me ugly in front of anyone else. Why would he do that though. He accepted my apology.
Jay came and picked up my car and surprised me with my favorite meal from Olive Garden. As a thank you. He and Allison had to leave so I gave him a hug and he left.
I ate and enjoyed my meal and was going to try and relax. I was going to take a hot bath, and then maybe watch one of my favorite movies. It is one that was my mom's favorite. She watched it over and over with me. A Hallmark movie. Christmas love story, Christmas wedding. it makes me cry every time I watch her, it's so romantic, and like a dream wedding, and it makes me think of my mom."
Well, my plans are ruined. Before I can take my bath, my doorbell rings. I look on my ring camera. What the hell does he want. Rob. I ignore it. He rings again. I said, "go away." He said, "We need to talk Syd." I said, "no we don't." He said, "Sydney let me in" I said, "Rob go away." He said, "no. It's important."
I go to the door. Open the door. I said, "I have nothing to say to you." He said, "I know how hurt you are. I know that you are dying inside from my betrayal. And I feel so bad." I said, "Asshole. Your ego is astounding. I'm not dying. In fact, I'm counting my blessings that my eyes were opened to what kind of a dirtbag you were." He said, "Sydney I never meant to hurt you. I know you don't believe me." I said, "Right you didn't want to hurt me that is why you were screwing my cousin in our bed. for 8 months." He said, "I didn't want to hurt you. But I couldn't stay away." I said, "Spare me about hearing about your epic love story. Not interested. Now get out."
Rob said, "we need to talk about our wedding. I know how important it is to Kris's mom, to your Aunt Jackie, she wants you to come to the wedding. In fact, she wishes you would be in it." I said, "Well that's not happening." He said, "Kris knows how bad you hate her, and how devastated you are at us getting married. She doesn't want you to have to sit there and watch it and hurt you worse." I said, "Well isn't she thoughtful" Rob said, "So we are trying to come up with a reason for you to not go. I mean you know your aunt her heart is set on it."
I said, "Rob I am so over you it's a blessing to see who you really are. In fact, you and my bitch cousin did me a huge favor." He said, "You don't have to pretend." I said, "I'm not pretending. I've never been happier in my life." Rob said, "Sydney come on don't lie." I said, "I'm not lying. In fact, I met the hottest, sexiest, man of my dreams, and he makes me so happy." Rob said, "really so you are dating" I said, "he's the sexiest guy I've ever seen. He's so hot." Rob said, "And you met this guy how" I said, "at work" He said, "At work, no way. I mean at your old job, with those perverts." I said, "my new job. He's, my partner. he's a real man unlike you Rob. Now get the hell out of my house. And don't come back" He left.
Ok I didn't lie. I mean Tom Hanson is the hottest guy I've ever seen. Sexiest too. But I did lie about him being the man of my dreams. I did lie about him making me happy. I have no life. I'm not happy. But I technically didn't lie, I never said that he was my boyfriend, or that I was dating either. If he thought that is what I was saying, then I can't help it. I mean he just is so smug and pisses me off so much. Like he is unforgettable. Like he is the best.
Rob is right about one thing. I dread going to the wedding. I have tried to get out of it. But my aunt Jackie has been like a second mom to me, and I'm her sister's daughter, and since her sister is gone, I'm the one who can represent my mom, and that is important to her. I don't want to hurt her. So, I will go. I have about a month left to figure out what to do about a date. I mean I am already humiliated to be there, with everyone staring and gawking at me, pitying me, making rude comments pretending to feel sorry for me having to be there. I don't want to have to go with my brother and his girlfriend. I mean bad enough to have to be my brother's date, but then with Allison there, I'm a third wheel. And she got so upset when Jay suggested he take me alone. Because she doesn't want to miss the wedding. Of course not, I mean she is bringing her mom and her sister. To make a big show of it.
I don't want to be my dad's date either. I mean the more Rob and Kris carry on acting like I'm broken and depressed and can't get over Rob. Ok so two of those are true, I guess I am broken, and depressed at my lack of a life, but I'm over Rob. I just know if I go alone, I will face all the stares, and people mocking me and laughing at me when my back is turned. I can picture it. In fact I have nightmares about it.
I wish I could find a date. I have thought about asking my neighbor Ben. I mean he's been a nice neighbor to have. He loves my car. And has offered to do oil changes for me. and look at it for me. He has always been a gentleman. I know that my dad and brother both warned him to not bother me. But he is polite waves when he sees me pull in, and has never made me feel uncomfortable or like he is going to hit on me. I have been thinking about asking him. I just am a little ashamed about it. I mean the fact that it will be my ex's wedding marrying my cousin. And he doesn't know the details of how they were cheating. he's a new neighbor so he doesn't know anything about Rob. I guess I'm desperate and I will ask him. I mean I thought about seeing if I could maybe ask Doug or Harry or Booker. But then I quickly decided no not a good idea. For one, I do not want anyone to know what Rob did, and also that would be sending mixed signals. I just told them all I don't want them to ask me out. So then asking them to take me on a date. Yeah not a good idea. And besides that, I don't know them very well, as far as telling them what Rob did. I know Ben better. And I will ask him. I might as well get it over with and call him and ask him for a favor. Ben is really nice about it and says that he would love to help me out. He's sorry that I have to go, but he's my friend so he will take me. Good that is taken care of.