Later that night I accepted Ezekiels DM message.
He told me the time and The Library to meet him at for our study date.
The week flew by as I anticipated my study date.
I never been on even a regular date and if a study date was the closest Im getting I'm gonna take it.
He's the sweetest guy Ive met. We text all the time.
Weve been texting a lot since our first time that we met.
On the other hand I haven't talked to Zyan Since our argument.
It's like he sees me as a Baby. Sometimes I'ts hard being a open Christian. Everyone thinks so highly of you and expects a lot.
I feel like that is how Zyan treats me.
Things are so complicated with us right now.
He still takes me home and to school but our car rides are silent.
I guess you can call him a gentleman.
He just turns up the music during our drives to drown out the silence.
We both have nothing to say to each other.
Sunday 2:00 pm
I get dressed in a cute casual outfit, put my hair up in a claw clip , grab my glasses and apply a coat of lipgloss.
Nothing too much very simple and cute:
(Let's assume the skirt is knee length)
I grab my laptop, my textbooks and call an Uber to the library.
Location: Town Library 📍
I gasp as soon as I walk in.
"Woah" I say looking around in amazement.
I never been here before.
"Better in person right!" a male voice says.
Caught off guard I flinch, then I realise it's Ezekiel.
He looks at me up and down. A little too long.
"Dang" he says in awe as he sees me, then clears his throat correcting his language.
"Ahem, You look fine as always Madam" he says in a British accent while bowing to ask for my hand.
It's corny but it's our thing.
I bow and accept his hand. "Thankyou sir"
"Alright this way" he says with my hand still in his.
This place is HUGE.
We get to a secluded study area and unpack our things.
We Talk for an hour getting a little work done.
Something is different about him today Though. He won't stop staring at my lips when I talk.
"Is something wrong?" I ask
"Yeah, You came here looking fine" he smiled.
"Oh...thanks" I say with a forced smile.
Something is off.
He keeps staring at me making it awkward to Ask him anything.
I kind of want to wipe this lipgloss off because I feel like that's the problem.
Lord the men you gave us a rib from are down
here lusting over lipgloss. Help them Lord.
Can't do nothing in peace.
"So I have these flash cards, that I need help with for a test can you quiz me?" He asks with a grin while handing me the flash cards.
"Yeah sure" I say taking them.
"One thing though" he says.
I listen.
"For every card I get right , you have to kiss me on the cheek" he says while making that face that guys make when they think they're running game on a girl.
And what do I do?? I fall for it.
Even though we have only known each other for a week this was my first time seeing this extra side of him.
I guess people can't hide their true personality long.
I mean it's just a kiss on the cheek. It's harmless....right?
Besides, I think he's cute so why not?
So I agree to his terms.
"Bet. Hope you know what's on these cards sir" I say in a flirtatious tone.
"Mhm" he says with a smirk on his face.
I ask him the first flash card and he gets it wrong.
"WRONG." I say.
"You need to study more Mister" I say while laughing.
He still has this stupid grin on his face. He's up to something.
The second flash card he memorized and got right.
"I think you owe me a kiss Ma'am" he says facing his cheek in my direction.
"Yeah Yeah whatever" I say trying to sound disappointed but secretly enjoying this.
I kiss him on the cheek and he quickly says " Alright next card"
I hesitate a little to get the next card.
I read the third flash card and he gets it right again.
I already know at this point what to do.
He turns his cheek and I lean in.
Before I know it as I'm approaching his cheek he turns quickly making our lips meet.
Before I could process what was going on, he starts kissing me.
Like kissing kissing.
As we kiss I feel nothing. I'm expecting to feel butterflies or something.
You know? Like when you really like someone.
But nothing.
The kiss starts getting intense.
At this moment I have the choice.
I could give in and Most likely Face temptation or I can stop right now and set boundaries.
As I'm making a decision he starts to get touchy.
IMMEDIATELY I pull away.
It says FLEE from sexual immorality and I already know where this is headed.
I don't even know why I let that go on as long as I did.
I feel kind of gross. Lord I already know.
"You okay?" He says concerned with a hint of annoyance.
"Yeah, but isn't it too soon to kiss? We've only knew each-other for a week" I say.
"People kiss all of the time." He says in a nonchalant tone.
Well this is not very Christian of him.
" But as a Believ-" he sighs loudly interrupting my sentence.
"Um- actually nevermind. we really should just study" I say kind of embarrassed.
" You thought we were really gonna study the whole time?" He says with an attitude.
"Well yeah , we're at a library and I brought my boo-" he cuts me off again.
"So why did you wear that sexy librarian outfit, Pin your hair up and wear lipgloss" he says in a rushed and disappointed tone.
It really bothered me because nothing was sexy about what I wore. All that is showing is my knees down to my calves and my arms.
My hair has been in a claw clip this whole week, and I wear lipgloss all of the time.
He must be one of those guys that sexualize women for doing regular things.
You would think he knows by now that my style is preppy.
I don't feel the need to explain that to him because he's being a jerk.
"You know what? I have a better question" I say impatiently.
There's silence.
"What are we?" I say folding my arms waiting for a response.
"What do you mean? I thought we were feeling each other" he says trying to brush my question off.
" Oh YOU were feeling me alright. A little too much. We're not even married ....let alone am I your GIRLFRIEND" I say disappointed and disrespected.
"A kiss is one thing, but you started touching me with intentions of it going further"
I try to remind him "We are the body of Christ we shouldn-" he interrupts me.
Lord give me strength because if he cut me off one more time.
" Can you chill with all that Believer stuff. Im a Christian but your doing too much. You Need to have some fun" he says now uninterested.
Well excuse me.
He packs up his stuff getting ready to leave.
I stand there speechless.
"By the way you bake better than you kiss Love." he says as he's away like he got it like that.
If I didn't feel hurt and disrespected right now I'd throw a book at his head.
Great....another Boy who can't have deeper feelings for me.
I start to tear up. This sucks.
I was so blinded by his humor and Personality that I couldn't even see the wolf in sheep's clothing.
As I'm still standing there this verse pops in my mind:
Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God. 1 John 4:1
I miss Zyan.
Atleast he treated me like a human being and not a sexual object. I need him right now.
I need my friend right now. I don't care about all of the other stuff.
__________________________________
Zyan
I'm Crying
in the library.
I need you
WHAT
wya
Send me your
location
📍Location Sent
__________________________________
I grab my things and head to the front of the library.
This place is so huge that I see Ezekiel downstairs still walking to the exit.
Location: Outside Library📍
I get to the front a few feet behind Ezekiel.
He walks out the door first.
As I reach the door I see Zyan with his car parked in front of the library rushing to come find me.
Before he can find me,
He sees Ezekiel first and they both have a stare off.
The look in Zyans eyes was nothing I ever Seen before.
He looks ready to commit a crime.
"Please don't beat him up , please." I thought to myself.
Ezekiel was short compared to Zyan, and Zyan had more muscle.
I already know how this would have went down.
Ezekiel paused but says nothing.
It's pretty obvious he doesn't want any problems.
He turns and starts heading in another direction avoiding conflict.
Once Zyan snaps out of it he runs to me and hugs me.
Once he held me I let it all out.
All of my frustration, my hurt from losing my brother, all of The things I went through at school and this stupid boy.
I've been holding in a lot for at least a year now and I can't do it anymore.
This was the last straw.
He asked no questions and rubbed my back as I sobbed into his chest.
There we stood, outside of the library, me ugly crying into Zyans chest, his car blinker lights still on parked in-front of the building...where it clearly says no stopping or parking.
It was a mess.