•||Chapter 19: Taunts & Burnt of memories||•
|| M E H R U N ||
I could feel the meaningful and judgmental eyes of everyone around me. I tried to minimize my breath, heart beat and my presence but those gazes were saying it all.
How I was abandoned by the groom on my Nikah. How I forced myself in Saim's life. How I disgraced my father, my family. How ruined I was. And. How I ruined everyone's life around me.
"Mrs. Ali, good thing I met you here! I couldn't make it to your son's wedding. Afterall it was all sudden."
An elderly lady came to us and greeted Mirha Phupho which made me uncomfortable because I could feel the taunts in her polite and soft voice.
"It wasn't all sudden. One month time is enough for all preparations when you have money," Phupho replied to her with the same polite and soft voice.
Phupho put her hand on my back with a gentle pat and tried to sidewalk that lady who didn't get the hint.
"Where is your son, Mrs. Ali? I haven't seen him with your daughter in-law. Is he angry?"
I narrowed my eyes at that lady and was going to answer her while gently holding Phupho's arm who's anger was about to burst. But before I spoke, Arash Uncle's cold voice came from behind us.
"I sent him to run some errands. Do you have any problem with that?"
"N-no... um.. My-my husband is calling me. See you later," She rushed away, nervously.
I and Phupho turned to Uncle who had softened now without any anger on his face.
"You don't have to worry about anyone. Go and enjoy the event," Arash Uncle smiled at me.
"Thank you," I whispered, feeling guilty.
"You don't have to. We are family," Uncle put his hand on my head then turned to Phupho to calm her anger.
"Don't be angry, my beautiful wife. I'll take your anger out on our son," Uncle tried to soothe Phupho, lovingly behind me.
I went to my parents and family, greeting them. Mom's eyes looked behind me while pulling me in a hug.
"He'll be a little late. He has important work," I answered her unasked question when she didn't ask me about Saim but glanced behind me.
"Someone said anything to you?" She asked me, narrowing her eyes somewhere.
I shook my head with a smile because I didn't want to ruin her mood or make her worry more about me.
"I'm going to meet Laraib," I informed her, glancing at Laraib who was signing at me to come.
I walked to her and greeted her with a grin which turned her cheeks red.
"I take it you like my gift," I whispered, naughtily in her ear.
"Shut up!"
She whispered back with shyness.
Finally I got to see the color of shyness on her face.
"How was it?" I asked her, glancing around to make sure the groom was not in the hearing site.
"Look Anmol is also coming here," She nodded at Anmol who was coming our way instead of answering me with crimson cheeks.
"Hey! How was your night?"
I chuckled at the first question Anmol asked her.
"All thanks to you both! It was really hot!" She muttered, glancing at Mohsin then narrowed her eyes at both of us.
"But you enjoyed it," I stated, pointing at her glowing face.
"Just wait, you both. I'll definitely take my revenge," She threatened us, pouting her lips.
I chuckled at her threat then left her alone when her relatives came to greet the bride. I and Anmol went where my parents were and talked about her future plans.
"Will you tell your fiance about your company?" I asked her.
"Depends," She sighed, looking a bit tired.
"Everything's ok?"
"Yes. It's just my dadu, mother in law and Ash, Faisal's Phupho, has been dragging me everywhere for wedding shopping. Even if the functions are going to be simple, they want everything to be perfect," She complained, showing me the picture on her phone of her wedding lists.
Not one, two or three. It was more than seven lists. I patted her shoulder encouragingly and silently thanked my family for doing all the shopping themselves.
Half an hour passed since the reception had begun but Saim hadn't come. I was talking to my mom while worrying about his whereabouts in my heart when I heard his voice, greeting my parents coming from behind me.
I side-glanced at him in worry but caught the pale yellow color tie which exactly matched my dress color. If I remembered correctly, he wasn't wearing any tie when he left home. And yesterday his tie was also matching my dress.
Did the important errand he had was this matching tie..?
In a few seconds so many theories were running in my mind. I looked away from him feeling giddy inside.
"Be-,"
"Let's go to take pictures with them," I cut him off before he called me Begum in front of my parents and nodded towards Laraib and Mohsin.
Without waiting for his answer, I walked towards Laraib and Mohsin when suddenly something soft was stuffed in my hand gently. I looked down and saw gajra, just like the one he had been giving me since our reception.
I put it around my wrist feeling flutters inside. His small acts were creating the ripples inside but it was also making me anxious for not making any effort towards him.
"Nice gajra. Saim got you another one," Laraib winked at me with a smile.
I just smiled back at her in answer because I couldn't think of any verbal reply when my subconscious mind was starting to reminisce about my past with Shaizum and compare him with Saim.
Even if I didn't want to, the subconscious part was always trying to compare both of them.
My mother warned me never to compare my past with my present because we had something in the past which we would never have in the present or future and likewise we had something in the present which our past never had.
She was also right when she warned how difficult it would be not to compare both too. A large amount of willpower was needed to control that subconscious part, which I lacked.
"I saw something. Pale yellow. Tie. And. SOCKS. I approved this man for you completely now," She whispered in my ear with an excited voice.
I froze when she said socks. My eyes fluttered as I took a quick glance at Saim's socks then looked away quickly.
"Talk to him. He will understand," She whispered, knowing my inner struggle and repulsion.
• • •
I stared at the fresh gajra on my vanity while moisturizing my arms with skincare cream. He got me another one early in the morning when he went out for a morning walk.
I held my breath for a few seconds to listen to his rich voice with a British accent, coming from the room. He was attending a conference call there instead of going to study.
After patting the night care cream on my face, I picked the novel I borrowed from Mirha Phupho and went to the room to continue reading it.
I glanced at Saim who was wearing a suit on top and tracksuit trousers on bottom with earpods in his ears, sitting on the couch in front of a glass wall.
Ignoring him and his dressing, I sat on the bed and opened the book from where I left reading, leaning against the headboard. I didn't when so much time passed when I heard his voice from near.
"Is that the same book in which main male character kidnapped the female lead, mentally tortured her and tried to brainwash her?"
I paused and looked at my right side where he was standing beside the bed. I nodded my head in answer with mixed feelings especially heaviest. I might look fine from outside but inside I was shredding tears for the female lead.
"You read this whole book?" I asked him, curiously.
His nod perked my interest because I wanted a spoiler. I didn't want the female lead and male lead characters to end together to be very honest.
"Time to sleep. Read the remaining tomorrow," He pointed at the clock while taking the book from my hand and put the bookmark in it.
"Let me read one more chapter. I'll sleep then," I took the closed book and pulled it near my chest.
One more chapter wouldn't hurt my sleeping routine. It was just the tiny spoiler that was making a little restless to end this whole book tonight.
"And we both know it never stops on another chapter," He stated the true fact.
There was a knock on the door interrupting our conversation. He went to open the door while I looked there in confusion guessing who could be at the door at this time.
"Thank you," He thanked the person at the door, politely then closed the door.
He turned around facing me with a tray of two cups in his hands. He put the tray on the coffee table and handed me one cup.
"It will help you sleep peacefully without the restlessness about what would happen next in the book," He winked with a tease in his voice.
I laughed putting the book aside and held the hot cup in my hands.
"Thank you." I whispered, taking the sip of milk.
For everything you have been doing since the first day of our nikah.
"Just be you," He also took his cup and sip while telling me softly.
I smiled at him and finished the milk. After such a long time without any medicine, I felt relaxed and at ease. He took the cup from me and put it back on the coffee table then inclined his head towards bed with a thin quilt in his hands.
With a pout I laid down on the bed feeling reluctant to part with the half completed book while he put the quilt on me and dimmed the light. I didn't know if it was really the effect of milk or placebo effect that I started to feel my eyelids closing, dozing me off in peaceful sleep.
• • •
"Brother! Brother! Buy some flowers for your wife. If you buy from me, Allah will bless you both with many children!" A small teenage boy blocked our way to a restaurant with flowers and other types of garland on the stand that he had on his shoulder.
I stared at the kid blankly but my eyes widened on seeing Saim calmly handing the kid money and buying a flower.
"What else will you pray for us if I buy more?" He asked the kid teasingly, handing me the flower.
"What more prayer do you need when you have such a beautiful lady beside you!" That kid pointed at me and raised his eyebrows at Saim innocently.
I tried to resist the smile that was pulling on my lips with the heat rushing to my cheeks. Saim laughed ruffling the kid's hair and bought two gajra for me.
I put them in both hands and went inside the restaurant to meet Saim's another friend who arrived in Pakistan for some business.
"There you are! I can't believe he finally got married. And too with a beautiful girl!" A girl with short chin length hair greeted us as we reached our reserved table.
"Nice to meet you, Mehrun. I'm Saba, Saim's friend and another sister from a different parents," Saba shook my hand with enthusiasm and excitement.
"It's nice to meet you too, Saba," I told her with a smile and sat beside her instead of sitting beside Saim, and put the flower on the table.
"So Elena wasn't joking when she said you really turned into a romantic from a serious and bland man," Saba laughed, pointing at the flower and gajra around both of my wrists.
I glanced at Saim with interest because here in Pakistan since day one I had seen him as a polite and calm man with a touch of warmth. Elena also told me the same thing as Saba, how different he looked here compared to in the UK.
"The first and only thing he did romantically was arrange my proposal day with my fiance," She told me, raising her hand and showing me her ring.
"Congratulations. When are you planning to hold the wedding?" I asked her, happy for her and wished at least she'd have a happy ending with her lover.
"Hopefully soon," The smile she gave me had less excitement than before.
I glanced at Saim whose smile also vanished.
"I'm here to give him a surprise too besides work," She added with previous enthusiastic excitement.
I was going to ask her his name but before I asked my phone rang. I excused myself from them seeing it was from mom.
.........
"Are you coming before dinner or during dinner time?"
.........
"Before dinner. I have some things to arrange in my room too," I told her, thinking of the stuff that I had almost forgotten.
.........
"I have cooked all your and Saim's favorite dishes."
"Since he doesn't like spice, I have made mild dishes for him according to his taste," She informed me.
.........
After talking to mom and asking about dad, we ended the call. I returned to the table where both Saim and Saba were waiting for me.
After lunch with Saba, we parted our ways. She went back to the hotel since she had to make arrangements for a meeting. While Saim took me to the EXPO Center to look at exhibitions there.
He took me to the section which I wanted to look at then later we both made our way to the technology section.
"What are you looking at?" After looking around the gadgets for more than an hour, I asked him.
"I'm doing a survey... are you tired? Let's go there and rest for some time," He inclined his head towards the stairs that led to the upper floor where tea and food stalls were.
"I'll go there. You do your survey," I told him then went to food stalls alone.
I stood against the barriers and looked down at the people while eating fries. My eyes were unconsciously searching for Saim in the crowd of people.
"Isn't that the same girl from that viral meme and video? First her proposal went viral then her fiance ran away and later she was randomly married off."
My hand froze midway as someone's voice reached to my ear. I could feel those odd and judgmental eyes lingering on my back.
"They must have all the fun before marriage. That's why the man ran away. Isn't that the case in every relation? Men break up after doing everything."
"I thought that happens only to the poor. Now I know rich people are also same."
"Do you think the next viral video or meme will be their 'fun' before the abandoned marriage?"
Their voices were getting far away slowly as they were moving away while gossiping about me.
I wanted to argue with them but my tongue was tied and my anxiety was rising. I wanted to argue how could they put this allegation on me. I wanted to yell how could they judge me and my relation with Shaizum before marriage.
But the word 'abandoned' stuck really hard. Wasn't it true how I was abandoned by him at our wedding, in front of the guests and literally the whole world who had seen our proposal video.
I lowered my eyes at the disposable plate of fries in my hand. I put it on the empty table near me and quickly headed for the near exit. I didn't want to involve Saim in all my mess further, more than he was already involved.
I sat on the bench with my shoulders hunched and my few strands of hair working as the curtain, hiding me from the worldview. I unlocked my phone and unconsciously looked for Instagram. Remembering I had deactivated it and that was also because of my messy life.
A sob stuck in my throat badly wanting to make its way out, aloud but I held it and squeezed my eyes shut.
I didn't know how long I had been sitting there listlessly, staring blankly at my phone until it rang. Saim was calling me. Taking a deep breath and controlling the emotions of my voice, I answered.
.........
"Where are you? I can't find you here."
.........
"I'm outside. On the bench near gate no. 5."
.........
There was a pause on the other side then his voice sounded.
"Does something happen?"
.........
"Everything is good. I just want some fresh air."
.........
"I'm coming. Wait for me."
.........
With this, the call ended. I exhaled exhaustedly then waited for him. He appeared in front of me in few minutes, breathing heavily.
"Sit quickly. Why did you rush here like this?" I asked him in concern, slowly patting his back.
"You sounded down."
His answer made my moments stilled. My hand froze midway and the wave of awkwardness hit me.
"I am a little tired that's why," I told him, standing up, and turned to walk away towards the parking.
"Mehrun."
There was sternness in his voice when he called my name. I was startled as my name came out of his lips after a very long time and turned to look at him blankly.
And that sternness of his voice reminded me of some sinful scenes from the novels I read.
"Huh!"
I calmed the inner turmoil and blinked to pushed those sinful scenes in the back of my memory.
He looked in my eyes for a minute then sighed.
"Nothing."
• • •
After having dinner with my parents, I went to my room to pack somethings which I never got chance too. There were somethings to which I had never said goodbye to.
I went in my wardrobe and opened a spare suitcase. I looked around my wardrobe feeling and breathing heavily and took all things out one by one that Shaizum gave me. All the stuff felt so heavy in my hands while in reality it was all lightweighted.
Burying something very precious wasn't easy, especially when you spent all your life with that. The relationship between me and Shaizum wasn't of 1 day or 1 year. We had been in relation for more than 8 years, sometimes on and sometimes off.
When we had off relationship, we both knew at the end of the day we would be on again. But this time it was permanently off.
One suitcase wasn't enough to bury all our memories, it took more than five suitcases to bury. With each stuff I buried, a tear fell from my eyes as the flashes of us appeared in my brain.
After zipping the last suitcase with heavy heart, I went to my room and stared at the pictures wall. I took down every single picture that had his memory in it.
After settling everything in my room, I went to washroom to refresh my makeup. Later I went to my dad to spend some time with him.
. . . . . . . . .
This chapter is supposed to have Saim's pov too but this chapter is already 3000+ words. So his pov in next chapter.
Till then take care.
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