Warning:Suicide attempt and maybe death so read at your own risk ⚠️
Something is different,something is definitely wrong but he says he's fine which is obviously a lie but why wouldn't he tell me what's wrong.
Could it perhaps be his father,I hate to bring that up because clearly he could have a panic attack from just hearing his name and ever since he fainted I've been checking up on him and picking him up from work,good thing our finals are almost over because I hate studying more than hate my ass-of-a-brother.
"You don't have to stay,someone might think you're my bodyguard"he laughs and hands me the coffee I ordered.
"Good"I say and take a sip out of my coffee.
"Don't you have anything important to do"he rolls his eyes at my words "nothing is as important to me as you are"I admit and his cheeks turn strawberry red,I can't get over how adorable he is when he blushes.
"When my shift is over let's have dinner,my treat"he beams proudly.
"I'm paying"I say taking another sip.
"Stupid it isn't 'my treat' if you're paying"he says the obvious and I smirk "then it's my treat"I reply.
"No I'm treating you not you treating me"he says slightly confused as he points at himself then at me god I love messing with him.
"What's so funny now"he raise a brow.
"I'm just messing with you"I laugh.
"Pfff I knew that"he shrugged his shoulders.
"Sure"
Not long Fei gets back to work after Maria sends us death glares saying this isn't a couples play date.I watch him proudly as he serves orders to people,some girls giggling and some calling him cute which I agree and I'm okay with til one brat asked for his number.I was surprised but also happy when Fei said no bluntly and I couldn't help but want to laugh almost choking on my coffee.
And there he comes,the same guy for the past few days,all he does is orders ice tea and sits there.If I walk up to him and gouge his eyes out would anyone notice?
. . . . .
Fei was closing up and says goodbye to Ryan however the dude from earlier was still here can't he see that they are about to close or is he blind.He then walks up to us about to ruffle Fei's hair but I quickly slap his hand before he could even touch him.He pauses and looks at me then at Fei but with a smile that can make someone unease.
"See you around Fei"he says and walks away.
I look down at Fei.
"How the fuck does he know your name?"I raise a brow at my boyfriend,what was he not telling me this time "his the friend that helped me when I passed out"he says looking down at his feet not making eye contact with me.
He makes it so obvious.
"And what's his name"I ask.
"I-um..Mathew..."
"Try again"
He inhales deeply "Damien that's his name"he says and drags me by the hand before I could even say anything,we walk up to my car but I kept thinking why he lied in the first place does he think I'm going to do a background check on him,i mean yes but where's the trust at.
The drive wasn't long and we got the restaurant Fei had planned,we take our orders.I got mash potatoes with smoked steak and red wine while Fei got pasta and sushi rolls as i side this,at least his eating now and more often actually.
"I'm going to be fat stop me"he complains and right after devours his food like he didn't just whine about getting fatter.Fei ends up paying like he said and did it with a big smile,now I was driving him home.I turn down the music and open the door for him.
"Oh my your such a gentleman"he makes a joke and I laugh "for you"I say honestly and he blushes "oh and um..I'm going to hang out with Valerie at her place tomorrow so we might not get to hang out"he explains and I laugh at how worried he is,his worried about me but does he really not know I don't care about those type of things,I'm certainly not a clingy boyfriend.
"Okay luv"I chuckle and ruffle his hair.
"Well um..bye"he stammers and stands on his tippy toes before giving me a kiss and a small goodbye wave.He stammered more that usually that's weird.
I let out a sigh and drive off back to my house before collapsing on my bed,drifting into space til my brother comes barging in.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you now"I say pinning him on the floor "ow ow I can't breathe asshole"he taps on the floor and I let go with a smirk on my face.
"I hate you know that"
"I know"
. . . . . .
His been zoning out more often and talking less,I can't help but wonder if I'm the cause of all this and somehow it's my fault again I failed to make someone happy.You make promises if you can keep them and here I am doing the opposite.According to him his at Val's place and I trust him,I just don't trust myself which is the major problem,I also don't appreciate the fact or like his friend,I don't recall ever knowing his name but if Fei likes him then fine by me.
God I want to see him,his face and smile,I miss it.I want him to beam blissfully at my presence I want him to smile when he sees me,I want to witness that again.I drive up to Valerie's house and knock,eager to see my boyfriend damn I'm really on edge.The door slowly opens and she hesitantly comes out and tilts her head up but with a confused expression plastered on her face and I raise a brow,was there something on my face.
"Why are you here"she drags her words as her lips parted and now I give her the confused look "I'm not here for you,where's Fei"I roll my eyes getting straight to the point.
"You wound me"she utters with her hand placed on her chest dramatically and I let out a deep light chuckle "did you lose your boyfriend or something,Fei's not here"she finally replies my question as she rest the side of her body on the frame of the door.
"What?"I blatantly ask again.
"His not here"she says each word with a pause after and takes it slow like I don't understand English "then where is he"I ask feeling the gradual beat of my heart,it became rapid.
"You should know that"she started and pokes my broad chest,I look down at her "Um..I don't know try calling him"she stammers and takes a few steps back and lets out a dry cough.
"Mm"i only utter before turning and heading to the direction of my car "hey where are you going"she yells but I don't turn back til I feel her behind me "let me come with you"she insist and before I could tell her no she rapidly slides in the back sit with a smirk on her face.
"You want to follow me home?"I ask does she think I'm going somewhere else "The Fei I know is probably at home drowning himself in bed"she says and laughs in the process and I stare at her "then why did he lie"I ask feeling slightly hurt "wait he told you that"she lets out a gasp.I don't say anything else but drive to his place,we both get down and I knock but no one answered so now I'm currently running out of patience so I place my fingers under the welcome mat and reach for the spare key as soon as I feel it "how did you know"Val asks hovering around me "how don't you know"I raise a brow before unlocking the door.
It was quiet and a not so good nostalgia feeling hit me,I rush up to his room "is he there"Val asks as her voice increases from down stairs.I don't answer her but look around his room,I take off the blanket on his bed and as expected he wasn't there but I can't deny a part of me that believed he was sound asleep in bed was right all along but it wasn't.
I then bring out my phone while I processing on wether I should send him a text and to my surprise he already sent me a text an hour ago and I hadn't replied shit.
My heart drops once I read the message.
My Sunflower❤️:Hi Nicolas I'm sorry for lying and you might be wondering why I'm apologizing but I lied I didn't go to Val's house,I have been lying about everything,you always worry about me and I want you to know you don't have to worry anymore I'm really sorry for everything I'm sorry for bringing you into my life I really do love you please don't blame yourself it's all me this is not your fault,don't bother coming over I don't want you to see me like this,I want you to be happy again I love you forever and goodbye.
*this number isn't available at the moment press one-*
My phone falls off my hand as I collapse on one knee staring at what was on his nightstand,a syringe,a tube,a transparent cylinder rope that was connected an injection and a powdered substance that was in a plastic back.I slowly step back,hearing the own beat of my rapid heart and it felt like in any given second it could burst.My breathing becomes shaky as I try to maintain my balance and not fall.I rush into his bathroom where his tap was still running and I turn it off.
There he laid in the tub of water that was covered in blood,filled with blood and was now escaping from the tub to the tiles,he wasn't moving,Fei wasn't moving,he is not breathing.
"Fei!!"I hear a feminine scream as Val rushes so fast I almost couldn't see her except for her brown hair flying in the hair,she takes of her jacket and not thinking twice,she jumps inside.
"Help me"she hold his unconscious body and looks at me teases rolling down her cheeks,i froze I couldn't move,I couldn't breath,why am I still alive "Nicolas I need you,Fei needs you please I-I...I don't want my best friend to die"she breaks down in front of me with Fei in her arms,she hold him so tight like he was going to escape from her grasp.
"I can't lose him either"was the only word I could manage to say as I feel my body,the life I had left,living for him finally disappeared and now I am a ghost.
"Then save him,like you've always done"she smiles or at least try's,still crying and her once brushed lashes was wet,entangled with her tears her mascara running down like she cried black tears.
I carry Fei bridal style,I couldn't force myself to look at him,I'll lose it instantly.We rushed him into the car and I drove like a maniac to the nearest hospital not giving a fuck about how I parked "how's he"Val ask.
"Dead"
"That's not funny Nicolas how the fuck is he?!"she asks but her voice was louder,straining her vocal cords,i could feel her wanting to cry and I
could feel myself wanting to cry but I don't.
"It's okay to cry you don't have to be tough"
Those were his words that made everything suddenly okay,made me okay made my matter to myself again "I don't know Valerie"i say lastly as we bring him into the hospital,doctors already swarming us and take him,checking his pulse.The sick nostalgia feeling hits me again and makes my stomach turn and twist my organs into a knot,knot so powerful I couldn't speak nor breath,the only thing capable of escaping my mouth at the moment was blood all I could see was blood and I finally break down,please don't die Fei.You promised you won't leave me, you'll never leave me,don't break your promise now.
If you die I die.
"Where's my son Nicolas"the guilt that was consuming me was cut short with the hand of a lady and a familiar scream of a broken mother.
I don't say anything,I can't speak I'm being dismantled and twisted on the inside my vocal cords are dead bleeding from everywhere,at least that is what it feels like.
"Is he okay what did you do to him answer him what have you done to my son"she yells in my face but I don't here anything,did it take my hearing too am I def now,blood flowing from out of my ear,my eyes,my nostrils,my mouth.
I can't breathe.
I can't speak.
I can't hear.
I can't see.
"You said you'll protect him"she looks at me like her heart's been shattered into smithereens with a disappointed expression "no no please no nope I refuse to believe his dead no no he can't please say something what happened..t-tell me!"she begs me on her knees crying like a broken child who knows nothing but sorrow and has seen only sorrow.
That's what happened.
"I couldn't save him"