The sun out of the window surrounding the bar is filtering against the glass, hitting my face and pushing me to look somewhere else to not be annoyed by that. It's early morning and I am sitting waiting for Daniele to come for our meeting. I have no idea how it will go and if he will help. I have asked myself what if he won't accept? I needed a plan B but never thought about it. The only thing we could do is to try with the police. Maybe there will be someone helpful to hear us and catch Joe with his dirty hands.
It's a really cold day and I am waiting for Spring so badly. January seems to be the longest month ever and no matter how many layers I wear, it appears to never be enough to warm my body.
I spin my eyes around until I meet Kevin's. He is sitting not so far away from me and when he catches my gaze, he smiles, warming my chest as the dimples appear on either side of his mouth.
Every time he smiles at me like that makes my stomach flattering and my heart racing.
I didn't want him to join the conversation from the beginning; I need to see if Daniele was ready to let him in the plan because Kevin was the key in all of this. And I am hoping for all of this to work.
«Enede Robertson?» A male voice calls me and makes my head lift to face the man who just reached the side of my table. I wonder how he recognised me but maybe my dad's feathers are pretty visible.
«Yes, that's me,» I smile at him and nod to the chair in front of where I am sitting so he can take place.
Daniele does it making a big noise with the chair but apparently not caring about that. He is wearing sunglasses that cover most of his face and his expression is fully blank. He has probably the same age as my father but he is skinnier and has a thick beard with some white hair in it.
«I am Daniele, nice to meet you in person,» he presents himself while offering me the hand.
I shake his hand before letting it go. A waitress comes across us, asking what we want. I catch Daniele taking off his sunglasses and it seems like he has had better days. He orders a beer and that confirms my theory because it's early in the morning and not a very common time for a drink.
«I'll have a cappuccino and an empty brioche, thanks,» I declare with a gentle smile before the girl leaves us. I had to eat something. Kevin is checking if I eat regularly and if I don't, he basically forces me to do that. I am trying to be good to myself and feed my needy body even if my mind doesn't want to.
«So,» Daniele started with a deep breath. «Spill the tea.»
I look nervously at my fingers. Now that I have him in front of me I feel like the whole idea is stupid and with no sense. He is a professional and I am just a twenty-one girl trying to save someone from his own family. I snap a quick look over Kevin that has never left my figure. He gives me a comfortable gaze before I focus back on Daniele. «I know you mostly work on injustice and corruption cases, that they are the ones that you are more affected by,» I mumble before clearing my throat. «And I need help for one of them focusing on a Mafia family, the one leading Milan right now.»
«Kid, it has been years since I worked on a Mafia case. Believe me, it's a one side road. Whenever you get close to catching them, either you risk death or your proof suddenly becomes useless.»
The way he says those words make my hopes slowly fall because it seems too personal. He probably has worked so many times on cases like this and has never been able to accomplish them and I totally believe his words. It's pretty known how hard is to catch a mobster.
But we have an important key in the pocket. And when I am about to say it, our orders arrive so I shut quickly my mouth before saying something someone shouldn't listen to. I patiently wait for the waitress to leave our stuff on the table where she places the stamped paper with the table number and then walks away.
«What if we have a direct connection to the leader?» I ask, hoping for a good reaction from Daniele.
He takes a deep sip from his beer while I try to not feel nauseous by the smell of the alcohol at this time of the day. He gives me a deep look, thinking about it. «Which is?»
«His son,» I admit with no filters and my heart races when I catch a shine in his eyes. «Kevin Adonis,» I add lowering my voice, not wanting anyone to listen to me.
«What about him?»
«He will help to expose his father by being the bait in the whole plan. His father always wanted him to be the perfect emotionless son to push up once he has done with his role of leader but Kevin refused since the beginning, not wanting to be part of it,» I explain and touting the warm brioche in my hands. «But Joe is breathing hard on his neck, not letting him step away so...» I lift my eyes, meeting Daniele's. «I planned something where he would finally be ready to take his father's place, pretending to do whatever his father says just to make him drop all the secrets and then a hypothetical big attack.»
I take a bite of the brioche to fill my mouth, trying to be quiet to let Daniele wrap his mind around my words. I stay focused on his face while his dark eyes stay pinned on mine. He has stopped drinking, his beer firm against his crossed hands pushed on the table. My mind is walking around different thoughts and I am hoping he will say something that will make me feel good.
But he slowly shakes his head. «This is a suicide mission for you and your boyfriend.»
I choke with the brioche at the word boyfriend and shake my head fast. «He is not my boyfriend,» I fend off with an annoyed tone and control myself to not move my eyes on Kevin. He is not that far away, he put himself where he could hear some of the conversations. «I want to help him and free the city from Joe.»
Daniele leaves a loud laugh leaving his mouth. «You will never free the city from mobsters. You put Joe out of the games? A new one will take his spot. If it's not his son, it will be someone else.»
«Then I don't care to save the city, I care just to make Joe's life end,» I quickly answer. «Look, I know you are half intrigued by this. You've always wanted to catch him. I read your interviews and took a look at your work and your way to think. You want this, you're just afraid of him,» I taunt him.
Daniele's gaze now is firm and serious. No amused smile on his face. «Kid, don't call me a coward. If you have seen half of what I saw, you would understand and never put yourself in this.»
«Then I should find another way without you,» I end it by pushing my back on the chair and raising my hands.
«No one will ever help you,» he warns me. «No one is crazy enough to be hauled in this messy thing.»
«No one but you,» I try again and this time laying towards him. «Even if it is crazy and reckless, you would do it. I don't think you have anything to lose. It seems like you have passed your last days by looking back at your cases and crying over spilt beers. Give it a try. Plus, your job is not even the bigger one. You just have to direct us and then collect the proof until we have the big ones.»
Daniele is silent while my words are hitting him like rocks. I have probably marked the spot and realised that even if I am being mean, he needs to be spurred so he can feel he can do it. His beer is still untouched and his glasses are being twisted in his frenetic hands. I drink my cappuccino with confidence, trying to make myself a secure appearance even if I am totally the opposite of it.
«And are you sure his son wants to do this?» He asks and I hold myself to jump and clap my hands. «Fully sure? That's something really big and once you step in you can't go out.»
«You can ask him yourself,» I comment before moving my look to Kevin which got my meaningful gaze and reaches us.
I move aside so he can sit next to me, in front of no ready Daniele's eyes. He gives him a deep scan before holding the hand Kevin was offering. «Nice to meet you, Daniele.» The full England accent of Kevin fills my ears and I move my head to look at him.
He is smiling, with a calm and firm expression. Our arms brush and his left tight is pressing against mine right. I swallow my thoughts before they can be read on my face. I focus on Daniele, which hasn't spoken yet.
«You look nothing like your father, except for the blue eyes.» That's the first thing that Daniele says and Kevin chuckles hearing that. «Are you sure about what you are about to do, kid?»
«Never been more sure,» the boy next to me answers. «But there is an important topic we need to talk about. I want the security I can walk out of this free and not risk jail. I need to be sure that what I'll do is safe for the main purpose: setting myself free. If there is anything I can do to not result guilty, I'll take it.»
Daniele lingers his look in Kevin's gaze. «That's something I'll take care of,» he warns him, walking in detective mode. Almost like he completely wants to do it and my ego is flying to have been the one staging this.
I am smiling like a kid, darting my gaze from one man to another, mostly when I realise Daniele is on our side and he will help us, will help Kevin. I have this feeling in my chest, as always, telling me that he is good at his job, even if he had unsuccessful pasts. It is not easy working on this side of life. I just hope that Kevin can be safe from risking jail and that what he has done in the past, stays hidden and that his collaboration in helping expose his father will help him clean his half-criminal records.
I keep my ears open while they keep speaking. «You need to tell me everything you did that can be illegal and the way you operated that,» Daniele says pointing to Kevin and I feel this one stiffening.
I do a side look at Kevin that has already turned his head on me before Daniele speaks again. «And I wanna hear from you the plan in detail, so I can give you more advice and answer all your questions.» I move my head back to Daniele and nod in his direction as he asks me that. «I'll prepare my stuff and we can meet again tomorrow, in my office. In the morning early like today.» Now I totally see the light back in his eyes. It's like I have waked up a wolf from his long sleep. I hear all his words with wide open ears and nod at each of them. Kevin looks very confident and I envy him so much. Meanwhile, he has his back straight, his eyes firmly pointed at Daniele and a powerful smile, my back is rounded and my eyes snap everywhere, not keeping firm contact. It always seems like I am the most insecure girl in the place where I am when it's just that I have a lot of things on my mind and I don't take care about my appearance, even if I want to look like a confident person.
«Now I need to leave you,» Daniele speaks brushing away my thoughts. «Enede you have my number. Text me with all your questions and details so I can work on them and be prepared for tomorrow. I'll send you my location.» After saying that, he takes his sunglasses, greets us and walks away without finishing his beer but going to the cash desk to pay for -what I think- his beer.
Kevin and I watch him go away until he leaves completely our sight and then the man next to me turns his head to face me. I nervously swallow because of the closeness he is.
I try to move a bit on my left but there is not much gap between us. «How do you feel about him?» I ask him, trying to look completely fine.
Kevin smiles at me and my nervous movements and to make everything even worse, he pushes an arm against the table, so he can half turn his body in my direction. Now we are face to face. «He needs to oil his rusty skills,» he comments lowering his voice. Or is my perception? «But he seems a good one. Firmly on what he does and probably taking this very personally.»
I nod. «At the start, I thought he would refuse, then he seemed to get into it mostly when I nominated you. When he realised that a good resource will help us, he saw the light.»
«Yes, your boyfriend,» Kevin mocks Daniele's words with a smirk on his face.
I roll my eyes while my heart races hearing him saying that. «He went quickly on an assumption,» I chuckle a bit while spinning my eyes everywhere but not in his. I still need to finish my breakfast but I sense it to be cold so I don't feel like still drinking a half-warm cappuccino and a destroyed brioche from my anxious hands.
Kevin says nothing but stares at me with his usual scan gaze as if he wants to read my mind but he better not. My mind right now is thinking about too many things together. From the chat with Daniele to the fact that he is too close to me I can smell his good cologne and that perfume is making my mind blur.
«We can go,» I say hoarsely and then clear my voice but when I lift my head to meet Kevin's eyes, he is shaking his head. «What?»
«I haven't had breakfast and I am hungry.» He smiles with his head half-tilted.
Oh, you perfidious handsome boy. «Why haven't you eaten while Daniele and I were talking?»
He shrugs while raising a hand to call the waitress but never breaks eye contact. «I forgot.»
Something in his expression and voice tells me he did it on purpose, so we could've stayed here more. Sitting next to each other, so close that I want to take a fresh air but I am wedged between him and the wall on my left. I take a deep breath and rotate my body to face in front of me and not the man next to me.
The same girl who took mine and Daniele's order comes across our table and I distractedly put my eyes on her. She is not looking at me, not even a flash of side eyes. She keeps her flirty gaze on Kevin, with her cheeks deep pink and a nervous smile filling her expression. I blink quickly, realising how he has the same effect on almost every girl surrounding him. The waitress hears Kevin speaking and notes what he says without leaving her stare on him and an annoying warm in my stomach is making me want to push her away.
I shake my head, blowing away those thoughts before looking back at her. Her voice is noisy while Kevin's is flat and has a gentle smile on his face. No side of flirting or anything similar. Is just his appearance making everything look like that.
Once he has finished with his order, she gives him a flirty smile before walking away slowly. I am still keeping my gaze on her when I hear Kevin's giggle so I spin my eyes on him. «What?» I grumble with an annoyed tone.
His smile is bigger now. «Why were you looking at her in that way?»
I shift my position on the chair nervously, looking away from him. «What way?»
I sense Kevin getting closer to me, so I bravely spin my head back in his direction, tossing him a confident gaze, or at least I am trying to, and waiting for him to answer my question. I am aware my cheeks are blushing like the waitress but I don't let that sensation drop my attempt to seem convinced of what I am doing. Thank God he can't hear my stomach twisting.
«I don't know,» he starts grinning. «It almost looked like you wanted to hit her,» he murmurs and gets closer to my face until a few inches separate us. His blue eyes are hidden by the dilated pupils and I wonder if I also are like that, considering why they turn so big.
I hate being so obvious. «I think you got it wrong,» I answer smirking and pushing my chin into the palm of my hand and managing to keep a firm tone and not trembling like my heart.
Kevin shakes his head. «You know my ability to read people's faces.»
«Never doubted that but this time you may have seen something different,» I point out keeping control of my eyes and not letting them fall on Kevin's lips, knowing how close they're to mine.
Yeah, look at him now waitress. I put an amused smile on my face at that thought before lifting my gaze to the same girl that is bringing Kevin's order. She is now facing me, with an envious glance but a passive smile since in her job being gentle is one of the main traits. While I am keeping my eyes on her, Kevin keeps his on me. The waitress put her order down on the table and, before leaving the ticket with the table number, flashes a look at the man sitting next to me but he doesn't glance at her. The girl walks back with her shoulders down and a firm disappointed expression.
«I've never pictured you as a jealous person,» he admits and rotating his body in his order's direction.
«A what?» I ask while glancing at him. «I am not a jealous person.»
Kevin doesn't answer, he puts two spoons of sugar in his coffee and then rolls it to mix them. On his face there is an amused smile that makes me roll my eyes and look away, trying to catch the view outside of the nearest window.
We're not in the centre of Milan, we came to a city near it called Rho because we wanted to keep it low and also because Daniele's his office here. This city is even more chaotic than the one where I live. To find a parking spot we took twenty minutes and the streets were full of kids going to school. It was a complete mess, I would never live here if someone asks me to.
«Since we have a free day,» Kevin speaks again drawing my attention to him. «I'll take you to a place not so far away from here.»
«Who told you I am free today?»
He glances at me. «Are you free today?» His non-question is mixed with a hopeful sight.
I linger my focus on his light eyes before nodding. Of course I am, I have never had something to do and lately, wherever I have to go, he is with me. So, at least this time I can see something instead of my city's streets or Kevin's house. After I gave him my consent, he looks happier and finishes his breakfast in five minutes while I check on my phone to see if Antonio has texted me something. Lately, we don't see each other so much. With me planning Kevin's getaway and being followed by him everywhere, I am totally losing the sense of all the things I have in my life.
I decide to text him.
Hey there, how are you?
Sorry for the disappearance, I am still alive.
I am busy doing stuff.
Can we see each other these days?
The answer doesn't come immediately, so I have to take away my phone when Kevin stands up and offers me his hand and I accept it by standing up and picking up my stuff. He doesn't let me pay for my half-eaten breakfast and while he does it, I wear my jacket.
Outside the sun is shining but the weather is still cold and when the fresh air hit my face, I chill but take a deep breath. Dry weather is always better than rainy days. I would love to live full winter with only this weather instead of mixed stuff. Kevin takes again my hand, as an unintentional movement and I don't complain. As I said, spending time together made us a bit more confident between us and holding hands has been the most common thing. I always like to feel this contact with him. It makes me feel safe. If whatever happens, I am attached to him and nothing will ever hurt me.
«Have you ever been to Como's Lake?» He asks as we approach the car.
I think about it. «I've heard about it but I have never been there. I never moved so much from the centre,» I comment and then jump into the car. The Audi smells well and the inside is warm. I wonder how fast a long trip can last with this car at its highest speed.
«That's where we're going,» he heralds smiling and turning on the engine.
The not-so-far-away from here appeared to be a one hour's drive but I have to admit that it is not so bad to spend so much time in the car, mostly if it is speeding in the motorway and I am free to put whatever song I want to listen during the trip. Kevin let me connect my phone to Bluetooth so my Spotify songs would echo in the car. I didn't even care if my songs weren't Kevin's taste because he seems the kind of guy who listens to everything and does not judge everyone's else taste.
But I am trying to control myself from singing since I don't want my bad singing voice to break the peace that is filling the car. The control starts to become hard when From Now On from the movie 'The Greatest Showman' starts. The beginning of the song is slow but as soon as I heard the first seconds I bit my intern cheeks. Knowing I won't control myself when the fast part starts.
I flash a look at Kevin and he is firmly looking at the way in front of him. He has never left the first lane, passing all the cars on our right and moving to the second one just to let some other's car pass. When the music starts to get fast, I begin to tap my hand on my leg and my gaze moves away to face out of the window. It's stronger than me, I can't control it. So, I let it out and start to sing, unconcerned if my bad pitch would've turned the mood in a bad way.
«I drank champagne with kings and queens, the politicians praised my name,» I sing while cheering and moving with the song's rhythm. «But those are someone else's dreams, the pitfalls of the man I became.»
I move my head in Kevin's direction, catching him smiling at me singing. I start to do it in his direction, dancing along to the song's pace, waiting for the big chorus to start, where I totally lose myself, gesturing and moving along the rest of the song.
«And from now on, these eyes will not be blinded by the light,» I take a break as also the singer does it. «From now on, what's waited 'till tomorrow starts tonight... it starts tonight. And let this promise in me start, like an anthem in my heart. From now on, from no one.» And I keep cheering with the song, happily moving on the seat and pretending I am drumming with the full band and doing the half choreography of the song, knowing the movie so well that I always do all the dances and repeat the lines of each character.
It's my favourite comfort movie. I watch it whenever I feel it to cheer me up and Kevin not singing it makes me feel he doesn't know that movie. Something I need him to catch up on because everyone needs to watch this movie. It is so beautiful, with a great cast and plot.
As I sing the last part of the song, I again toss a gaze to Kevin and he is flashing some looks at me with a full happy smile and it warms my chest and also makes me feel upset. This could be such a normal day for us if the reality wasn't right there ready to kick our asses. And I hate so much the surroundings of our connection.
«Well that was new,» Kevins chuckles after I finish singing and another song starts.
«Do you know from which movie that song is from?»
Kevin shakes his head. «I didn't even know it was from a movie.»
I gasp dramatically. «It is called The Greatest Showman and it is a musical about the beginning of the Circus. It has a good cast and the songs are so good. You need to watch it.»
«We could watch it together, I would love to see you singing all the songs.»
«Singing and dancing. I practically could do a reboot for that movie,» I correct him with a laugh and realised after that I gave him a 'movie date' and I try to not let my conflicting thoughts be too obvious on my face but he is facing the road, so he can't see me.
«Full of surprises,» he says with a low voice before taking the exit Lago di Como and heading into the highway where the navigator writes to keep on it for forty minutes. Kevin hasn't looked at it, apparently. Maybe he has it just to be sure of the road but he seems to know pretty well how to arrive.
«Do you go there often?» I ask so I could cut the silence between us.
Kevin does a little sigh. «I used to go there with my mom when she came a lot. Then she stopped showing up and I haven't been there for years.»
«You should ask her to come again, at least for once,» I try with a soft voice but it doesn't seem to affect him.
He just tightens the wheel with his light eyes being covered by a shadow. «She doesn't want to see him,» he slightly growls and I move my hand to hold his, trying to calm him down and I succeed. His hand loosen the grip and his face relaxes again. «Maybe I will try or maybe I'll go to her if the plan succeeds. She would be happy to hear me telling her he is in jail and I am free.»
His words warm my chest. I would love to know how this will end, being able to give him the certainty that everything will be fine and it will be a success for both of us. That he can finally be free and go back to her but I can't see the future. Like him, I have to wait and keep my hope high.
It's just that... the more time I spend with him, the more I am getting closer to the real him, slowly pushing me to feel more and more deeply. I'll end up overpassing the like phase and it is something that I don't want to, not now. As much as I try to handle feelings and emotions, they aren't something easy to take back. They just have their own life and as long as I can hold them it's fine but one day they'll just be stronger and push until they're out.
I just wish I can keep them at least until the end of this.
«I am sure you'll see her again soon,» I try to say with a low voice while the tension in the car flies away and again the light mood comes back. I take a deep breath while letting myself go against the chair.
Kevin is about to reply when the next songs start and I blush so hard that when I try to get nervously the phone it falls, making the song keep going. The words keep going in my ears while Kevin laughs at seeing me attempting to skip it. Forgetting I can easily do it by the big screen in front of me.
It's Such a Whore by JVLA I saved time ago after a Tik Tok video. It has a good rhythm but the words are very naughty and I totally forgot I had this in my main playlist.
When the words Don't leave me horny. Ride me like a pony sang I totally lost it and huff in disapproval, letting the phone on the floor and closing myself in the hoodie cap.
«This is really a specific song.»
«Shut up,» I fiercely fend back his joke.
Kevin laughs stronger and with a finger pushes the two arrows on the screen, letting the next song start and I follow his movement with a very upset and angry look. «I should've known.»
«I don't judge your taste in music, don't worry.»
«Kevin,» I roll out his name and he holds his chuckles again. «Stop it.»
«Do you also like to do those stuff?»
«Oh my god,» I yell becoming all red and raising my leg so I can hide my face between my knees. «You're so annoying,» I suppress my voice against my jeans hiding my face more.
«Come on, I am kidding,» he giggles trying to keep his laugh low but I can sense he is still amused by my embarrassment. «I am serious, don't take that so deeply.»
«I am not,» I murmur with my face still hidden until his hand takes off my hoodie and pulls my hair so I can raise my head. Okay Kevin, stop this because after that song this is really not good timing. But I lift my head and push my hands over my cheeks, trying fresher them.
He lets my hair go by brushing the back of my neck and making me shiver. «Good. Because there is no need to be.»
I nod and say nothing, afraid that my voice would totally betray me. I see him out of the corner of my eye moving to adjust himself on the seat and then I stay firmly sit in my place, with my leg still up and my gaze on the road and silence surround us. I don't like this quiet so I move my finger to turn up the music volume as Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift and I let my body relax under the music notes, focusing on the lyrics. I have always loved this song, it always gave me good vibes until I connect the words to Kevin.
I huff and pass to another song, the INCOMING by MC ORSEN starts pumping in the car. This one is a normal Phonk genre and it has a connection to nothing but Kevin's driving. It has a good rhythm and follows the road as we drive in. Finally, the embarrassment leaves my body and the silence is not annoying anymore, so I can chill my head against the window and look outside.
Forty minutes later, we're finally parking the car in an underground big car parking. Kevin chose the one closest to the centre, not caring about the cost because the car value is bigger than any parking price and I agree with that.
Once the car is parked, we leave it and head into the actual city. We walk beside the big lake, with me taking pictures like a real tourist -which I am- and stopping every time something captures my attention. Kevin, with a lot of patience, stops every time I do it and he doesn't complain about it. He also tells me what to do for making the photo better and I laugh at how goofy he seems while he does that. All his appearances of a handsome and careless boy disappear as soon as he starts talking.
«Come on, let's go for a lake ride tour,» he speaks fast pointing the vessel not so far away from where we are. «You are not afraid of boats, right?»
«Considering I've never been on one of them, I have no idea,» I reply to his question with a slight laugh. «I'll find out.»
We book the next ride which will be in ten minutes and it will bring us on a short tour around the nearest places. Kevin told me that we can see where George Clooney has his Manson on the lake's border in a little village called Laglio.
«To ride the best side of the lake it takes two hours. You leave from here and then the last stop is called Bellagio which is where this side ends and you can ride down on the other side, towards Lecco or you can go up. The lake has an upside-down shape of the letter Y,» he explains to me while with his hand he points to each side he talks about. «Bellagio has a very landscape beauty known in the whole world, once in your life you have to visit it.»
«Have you?» I ask before a gust of wind blows my hair on my face and I try to push them back.
Kevin looks at me smiling while putting a lock of hair behind my ear. «Yes, once. It is very beautiful, I would like to go back there.» While he says that I can hear a sort of wistfulness in the tone of his voice, as he really misses travelling around with his head empty. I don't even know if he has ever done that.
The vessel arrives and after waiting for the people already on top going down, we head inside and climb to reach the top of the boat and have a full open view. There is a very hard wind and I try to cover myself in my jacket meanwhile Kevin seems comfortable with this weather.
We sit next to each other and I give myself a scan of the view. We haven't left yet but already seems very exciting. The sun slightly warms my body and I can slowly loosen the grip around my jacket and relax my body.
When the vessel turns on after a few minutes of waiting it growls and I startle under Kevin's laugh. I roll my eyes, ignoring him and keeping my eyes towards the view as we move. All the little houses and the side mountains appear next to us, making me look at them as if I have never seen something like this. This whole lake gives me so many good vibes, calm but also rich. It feels very rich, starting from famous people having houses here.
Kevin points me where George Clooney has his house and I flash a gaze on it because it is too far away and I can't look properly at it. I am taking photos of everything that I find good to be captured and when I catch the guy next to me facing away, finally not glancing at me for once, I take a photo of him with his side profile. He looks peaceful like he has his mind elsewhere and not around problems. And I really wish I could stop this moment, giving him all the time to feel this quiet, making my chest warm and my face smile.
When Kevin spins his head over me, I quickly put down my phone, hiding my secret photo. He gives me a curious look and I shrug turning my focus back on the view that is going back to where we first took the vessel. The ride was just twenty minutes but it was worth it; maybe one day I will be able to do the two hours one and check the village Kevin's talked about.
Once we go down the boat, I have a big smile on my face because by far this has been the best day in two months. I feel so far away from reality and I would love to stick here, even with Kevin is okay.
Being around him never bothered me as his presence, it is just annoying to try to control the feelings I have towards him.
My stomach growl since I haven't had a full breakfast and it's almost midday. I lift my head over Kevin.
We're still at the entrance of the vessel's ticket spot and in front of us is showing a big square.
«That's Piazza Cavour,» Kevin explains, pointing at it. «There are a few shops, restaurants, bars and ice creams. Here you can find one of the best ice cream.»
I feel my stomach roaring again as it hears about food and I twist my nose, scanning the place around me. «Can we get an ice cream?» I ask with a smile, almost feeling like a kid.
Kevin chuckles before nodding. «Sure. I know a good one.»
We walk on the way back from where we came at the start, reaching this Gelateria not so far away and called Gelateria Lariana. It is little inside and there is not a long line outside. Kevin told me that this is one of the fullest Gelateria here since is one of the best. But it's in the middle of the week, so there is no worry about too many people outside and it's working time.
I am having a cone with pistachio and lemon, while Kevin had dark chocolate and coffee and I never thought how flavours can be so much similar to a person until I realised that with him. I pay for my cone, being faster than him and making him chuckle at my attempt to do it without him noticing. I am tired of him paying for everything we do. This is not a date and even if, I don't like someone paying for my stuff continuously and he knows that. I told him the first time we met.
We go to sit on a bench in front of the lake view and I stay quiet, with my mind elsewhere. Wondering when this day will end, and what my feelings will be. The reality will hit me like a tram and I am not ready for that. Tomorrow we will go talk with Daniele and this means going back to the reason why Kevin and I can't be together. I have never crafted how hard is to like someone but not be able to be together. Except for those teens moment when you like a boy, but he doesn't like you back, I have never experienced what I am living now with him. And damn if it's hard.
«What are you thinking about?» Kevin's deep voice pulls my thought away, pushing me to look up and face him. He has already finished his ice cream and his eyes are half narrowed, giving me a reading gaze.
I shrug while turning my head back on my half-eaten ice cream. «Nothing, just enjoying this,» I say raising my full hand and smiling a bit. I know he senses my bad humour but I don't want to ruin the beautiful day we're living, knowing this may be the first and the last one.
Kevin tilts his head to the right side. «And what else?» He keeps asking.
I sigh shaking slowly my head. «Can I have my thought for me?» I fend him off by hoisting my head towards him. I don't like being rude, mostly to him, but sometimes I feel to put myself in defence mode because the nervousness in my body pushes me to do that.
Kevin smirks. «No,» he comments. «Mostly if in those thoughts I am in.»
«Don't flatter yourself, you are not always in my thoughts,» I lie trying to not dirty my hands from the sticky cream dropping from the cone. I grunt, wiping off the cold liquid from my skin.
«That's bad,» he asserts. «Because you're always in mine.»
I close my eyes, take a deep breath and wrap my mind around his words and not hearing the amused side of them. I know he is fully serious about it but it's a moment like this I need to keep it down since I am the one always keeping the gap between us. I am sure if I let myself go, he won't wait one second. If it was for Kevin, we wouldn't keep distances. «I am sorry for you,» I retort with a passive tone, crunching the cone and trying to not let the ice cream go over my clothes.
My eyes stay focused on the ice cream, knowing if I turn them on his face I would ask him sorry for my rude tone. He is probably covering his upset expression with a smile not involving his gaze. When I finish eating, I stand up to throw the paper. My hands are all sticky and I hate those feelings, mostly when they're cold. It makes me so nervous for an unknown reason.
I turn around to walk back onto the bench but I hit something, someone. Kevin is right ahead of me, standing up firmly and when I lift my head to check on him, he is looking somewhere else. «We should drive back, is a long way and I have some stuff to deal with.»
Something in his voice makes me sense that his change of mood is because of me. I nod, not telling anything else, and silently walk beside him. No hand hold this time.
A big wall fell in between us and I create it.
—
On our way back, I put again my music but this time I checked the queue so no weird song would interrupt the heavy and suffocating silence created since the Gelateria. Whatever happened to Kevin's mind, never left him. Not even in the car, not even with my cuppy songs.
I kept my head against the window for almost the whole trip, shifting my gaze only to change the song if I didn't like it. In the end, I ruined the day even if I didn't want to.
I unlock my phone, go into the gallery to check all the photos I made and lingering my sight on the one I did to Kevin, smiling a bit noticing his hair is a mess because of the wind and wondering how mine looked. I lock my phone again and flash a glance at the driver. His head was firmly on the road and his hands holding tight to the wheel. He looks like a statue, not moving a single muscle of his body.
I swallow my pride and my fears. «I am sorry if I said something wrong,» I whisper, breaking the silence.
I notice how his face slowly softened but his brows still frowned. «You did nothing wrong,» he reply to me, in a low voice and I turn down the music volume when lovebomb by Nessa Barrett started. «It's just that sometimes I forgot the whole situation around and I wish things were different.»
I stay quiet and he slows down the car, moving from the first lane to the last. «And it's so unfair to pull you into all this situation when you should live your life, with none of this,» he is now murmuring. «Having a normal life, with a normal person. Having days like this without wondering if you will have others or working about going back to the reality that hurts like hell.»
The way he is not wrong makes everything even more hurtful. «And I would like to let you go, but I am afraid if I lose sight of you, something bad will happen and I would never forgive myself.»
«I know,» I whisper so much I don't even know if he heard me. «But I stayed not only because I am forced and you know that.»
«It is still something you don't deserve.» His words wound like a razor and I hold my breath.
«You have no idea what I deserve and what I don't,» I comment shaking my head. I sight in my seat, changing my position and raising my legs. «I know what's best for me.»
«Surely not what you're living lately.»
«It would've been a disaster if you wanted to be like your father and kept me because of selfishness.»
Kevin huffs, blowing away locks of his hair from his forehead but they fall back so I move them away, passing a hand through it. He twitches under my touch and holds his breath until my hand is back on my lap. «But I am keeping you because of my selfishness.»
I shake my head. «No one can control me. No one can tell me what to do. They can try but they can't handle me,» I affirm with a decided tone. «If I do something is because I want to.»
I finally see Kevin smiling. «I don't doubt that missy headstrong,» he pushes out again that nickname I am used to it by now. «But if I was stronger-»
«Cut it off, Kevin. But if I was stronger, if I was emotionless if I was. You're not and you can't fight with what you are forever. Wrap yourself together and accept the reality of the situation by shutting up and letting me stay near to you,» I say fiercely turning my body to his side. «That's what I want. Even if we can't fully have what we both wish, just staying like this for me is something.»
Kevin catch all my words and keep them in his mind as he nods. «I was right to think you're bossy.»
«I am a what?» I blink fast as he said that.
He chuckles and pushes the throttled back again to catch the first lane, back in his good mood. «Bossy. You're stubborn with bossy vibes.»
«Mh, then I would look amazing as a mobster.» His smile slips away. «I am kidding, Jesus.»
Our way back home from this moment is light and in good vibes. I sang almost all the songs my phone played and Kevin made fun of my crackly voice but I didn't care because I was feeling thoughtless. My body was relaxed and my mind in peace. But as soon as I saw Milan's Duomo, my heart dropped and my mood became floppy.
A heavy sigh comes out of my mouth as I plug off my phone and disconnect my music, returning to the silent, annoying, ugly reality. I was right when I said it would have hit me like a truck. It hurts but I manage to have a relaxed gaze as I jump out of Kevin's car as he pulls over next to my building door.
He reaches me as I am in front of the door. «I'll pick you up tomorrow morning, okay?»
I nod, holding against my chest my purse. «Sure,» I reply before finding something else to say. «Thanks for the trip. It was fun.»
Kevin's blue eyes meet mine and stay there as they're glued. «Hopefully to have more days like this.»
«Never say never,» I murmur before stepping closer to him and putting myself on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. He holds his breath as my lips meet his cheek and the once I am back he breathes out everything he held. «See you tomorrow.»
I enter my building and close the door behind me. Closing my eyes, I struggle with what my body and my mind are feeling and the urge to scream full my lunges. I keep it low as I wait for the lift to pick me and once I enter my house, I find Broody right behind the door waiting for me.
I smile over the dog, petting and kissing him as I sit on the floor as usual. He is full of emotion and it seems like he senses my mood because he is now licking my face, making me laugh.
«Someone here is in a good mood,» I check on him. «At least one of us is.»
My phone buzzes and I take it to check. It's Daniele with his office location.
Daniele Ferrari
See you tomorrow, we have a lot to talk about.
Yup, welcome back to reality Enede.
—
AUTHOR SPACE:
Happy Saturday, how are you all?
New day new chapter and this one is one of my fav because it is so cute and we can finally see some good moments between Enede and Kevin. Even if it is short and they can't do everything they would like to, it is still a good way to escape from the reality behind them.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I edited it because the first script was bad HAHAH
Love ya,
Benny :*
CHAPTER COVER MADE BY ME.