Ari's mouth fell wide open.
"Harvey..." was the only response he could muster.
As the chilling reality of my actions began to settle in, I lowered my head in embarrassment and stared at the crinkled sheets of the bed, biting my tongue as the surrounding eyes burned holes into my skull. My arm had gone rigid, still extended and reaching toward the center of the circle, frozen and unable to pull back. Swallowing me whole was a simple feeling that I could only describe as, what's it called... instant regret.
Ari and I had talked about it beforehand, we had agreed that we'd tell them when the moment felt right. And it did! I mean, I guess it did. It felt like the right time to me. Or maybe it was just a convenient time and not the right time. Or maybe not convenient at all. Fuck, I don't know, Ari was feeling pressured and it made me panic so I just opened my mouth and blurted it out and—
Well, here we are.
I picked my head up and surveyed the scene, being met with faces of true astonishment and stone-cold shock. My eyes realigned with Ari's and we both stared at one another, disconcerted, unsure of what to do.
I looked over at Eden, the one face that was absent of any hint of surprise. Desperately, I tilted my eyebrows worriedly, pleading for help. She just gave me a subtle nod. My interpretation of that nod was her way of telling me to tell the truth. And keep telling it.
I nodded back slightly and opened my mouth. And then I continued.
"Ari and I have been spending a lot of time together recently, I'm sure you all have noticed. And I'm sure you've also noticed that, during that time, I've been quiet. And distant."
My eyes returned to the crumpled sheets, observing the natural disruptions in the fabric caused by the waves that rippled and clumped the material into several organic shapes and formations. In a way, it kept me safe. It kept me from having to look at my peers, directly in the eyes, and disclose all the information I'd been hiding from them for the past month or so.
I took a deep breath and carried on, my voice trembling as I spoke.
"...I've been kinda goin' through a lot recently... I've made a lot of new revelations and... My whole life has, just, kinda... flipped on its head. It's been hard to try and make sense of it, and I haven't. And to be honest, I haven't really made an effort to, either. I've always believed I was one way, but as it turns out, I'm not, and it's possible that there's more to uncover. But, all I know is that..."
My eyes redirected from the sheets to a new source of safety: the Australian Shephard sitting right across from me. Just looking at him sheltered me from all the fear and intimidation I felt. I think that alone was a sign that he was the right person to trust with my feelings.
"I really like spending time with Ari... and I don't know why or how these feelings came to me... but I acted on them, and we've been talking a lot, and neither of us really know what to do with it, but we're okay with that. Because we've been... experimenting—I've been experimenting, and Ari has been there, through all of it, with me, by my side, and I really appreciate him being there... and I want him to stay there. I want to keep him by my side. Because I really like him. And I think he likes me, too?"
I reached forward and cupped my hands over his. Almost immediately, Ari accepted the gesture and folded his paws over, allowing our hands to converge and interlock. The two of us stared deeply into the eyes of one another, finding trust and safety. If nobody had our back, at least we had each other's.
I nodded my head at him, a smile taking over my lips by force. "...Yeah, that's pretty much it."
And then, a long pause.
The silence endured and reigned on for what felt like hours, casting a looming, overshadowing fear down onto me. It seemed nobody in the room could think of a single good thing to say.
Until Harley.
"Wait, so... are you gay?"
"Harley!" Levi hissed, smacking his shoulder.
"No, Levi, it's okay. It's a valid question," I assured the fox, nodding my head in their direction. "I don't know. And I'm not in a rush to find out. It's possible, but... what matters to me now is devoting my time to working on this thing I have with Ari. And working on being a better friend to all of you."
Another long pause. I took the time to pass out assuring glances to each and every one of my peers, scanning their faces and detecting slight hints of shock, remorse, and even pity. Eden stared at me with furrowed brows, connecting with my distress and my grief, like the empath that she was.
I couldn't blame them for reacting this way. It was quite the bombshell after having known me for several years and grown accustomed to me being a certain way for the entire timeline of our friendship. Not a single person in this room, apart from the already knowing individuals, expected any of those words to come out of my mouth in the order that they did—
"I fuckin' knew it," Harley raised his voice, banging his fist forward with enthusiasm as if he had just won the lottery.
"Harley!" Both Levi and Eden scowled, giving him a full-on death glare.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He defended himself, fighting off Levi's little punches as the fox began to whack him multiple times. "I mean—I didn't know he was finoodling with Ari, but I knew you definitely weren't straight!"
"Oh, my god..." Levi grumbled, rubbing his temples with exasperation.
"Harley, shut up, right now," Rian growled.
Harley objected: "I'm just—"
Rian refuted: "Harley."
Then Harley: "I'm—"
Then Rian: "Stop."
"I'm—"
"Shut up."
"I—"
"Nope. Shut up. Stop."
Then Torrence: "Wait, so, let me, just, try to get this straight in my head..."
I looked at my dear corgi friend and rested a considerate paw on his shoulder. "It's okay, I wouldn't expect you all to understand immediately, I'm just as confused as you are—"
"—You went on a date with Eden, but you got with Ari instead?"
I opened my mouth to deny Torrence's assumption, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that was pretty much what happened. "Yeah, it's, um, it's a long story—"
"—There are some crucial details left out, but that's basically the gist of it," Eden clarified.
"Harvey, you're dating Ari?" Levi questioned.
"Yeah, that's what... That's what I've been saying—"
Completely out of the blue, Levi instantly lunged forward, pouncing on us like a tiger and wrapping both arms around Ari and me, giving us the biggest bear hug you could ever possibly receive.
"I'm so happy for you guys..." He whimpered. Ari and I looked at one another, flashing weepy smiles as our hearts melted in unison.
"Harvey, Ari, um..." Rian spoke up, prompting Levi to back away and Ari and I to turn and look at the solemn black wolf. "I'm sorry for being silent, I... It's a shock, what can I say? I wasn't expecting it at all, but..." Rian then fiercely shook his head. "Fuck it, I don't care. I love you guys. I'm so happy for you both."
"Thank you, Rian," I smiled.
"Harvey. I'm sorry for fucking up, so many times."
"It's okay, Ri."
"And Ari, I'm... I'm sorry if I was ever cold or unfriendly to you."
Ari was fast to dismiss his claim. "No, no, you never were. You were always so kind to me. You all were."
"Yeah, um, Ari, I'm also sorry," Torrence added to Rian's apology. "I feel like we haven't made—I feel like I haven't made an effort to get to know you that well—"
Ari's head shook absolutely. "It's okay, we met a month ago, I don't expect you all to instantly accept me into your group—"
"But we do. Ari, I'm sorry," Levi cut him off. The fox's eyes staggered and wilted with shame. He opened his mouth and began to admit something he wouldn't have liked to admit— "When you first came to us, I was... upset because I thought you were replacing Harley. I didn't want you here. But I do now. You were so nice to me. Even when the whole group was making fun of me, you still always checked in to see if I was okay. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like an outsider or..."
"No. You haven't. You've all been so welcoming," Ari stated confidently, devoid of a single hint of doubt. He then went quiet for a second and stared at his hands, which sat limp in his lap, fumbling with his claws and scratching them together. "...I've never really had that, you know? A welcoming group of people to call my... 'family'. So, I'm sorry if I'm not really... present all the time. I'm just not used to it."
Ari sniffled. He rotated and flexed his jaw. It was so easy for him to hide the way he felt, but even under all that toughness and resistance, we could all still see what he was going through. Ari rubbed his nose feebly as Torrence patted his back, a gesture of comfort.
"I've noticed that I can be... closed off. Even when I don't need to be. I'm just accustomed to it, I guess. So much so that I... I don't really fathom the great things that happen around me. I still don't. But I'm trying to. I'm trying to be better at appreciating things more. So, if I'm not... ready... for this... I'm sorry, but I'm not. It's selfish to ask, but... please respect that."
"Of course, Ari," Eden comforted him, resting a paw on his knee. "You're a regular person, and a regular person needs space now and then."
"I'm trying to be better," Ari promised. "I hope I will be."
"You may not think you're trustworthy or... whatever..." Rian spoke up, crawling an inch closer to him in the bed. "But, just know that we do trust you. And you are a part of us. Even if you're not ready yet. We'll wait. We're perfectly fine with waiting. However long it takes."
Ari's eyes fell to the side. "I wouldn't get your hopes up..."
"But we will," Rian declared. "We will wait for you, Ari, because we want you here, with us. You're one of us. And we're open to having you. Whenever you're ready."
After a moment of hesitation, Ari gave in and nodded his head reluctantly.
"Thank you," he said in a soft, fragile voice.
"...So, Ari," Harley let his voice be heard. We all turned our heads and glared at him, wondering what truly out-of-pocket thing he could possibly say next. "...What's it like dating Harvey?
Eden instantly went off— "I swear to God, Harley, if you don't shut up—"
"It's a valid question!"
"Hey, don't use that as your excuse every time just because I said it," I taunted, re: Harley's response.
Ari smiled delicately, giving me that same, intimate, frisky look that he always gives me.
"It's really good," he admitted truthfully. "I really like it. Him. I really like him. I don't know what it is, but... he's different. And I really like the journey he's taking me on. And I'm glad he wants to keep me by his side... because I'd prefer to stay."
I could feel my face begin to heat up. Ari didn't dare break eye contact with me. He gazed into my eyes the entire time he spoke, sporting the look of a boy falling for someone helplessly. I returned the same gaze in the same exact nature.
That was when we all heard the muffled sobs coming from the corgi right beside Ari.
"You guys, this is so sweet..." Torrence wept, his eyes reddened and clogged with tears.
Eden leaned in and squinted her eyes to confirm that the waterworks were real. "Are you crying?!"
"I just think it's so beautiful!"
"Ugh, Torrence..." Rian scoffed as Eden laughed, gently rubbing Torrence's shoulder.
"What?? I can't feel emotional??" Torrence blubbered in response to Rian's reaction.
"Feel all the emotions, baby," Harley said, also with tear-stained eyes, putting his arm around Torrence and hugging his friend tightly.
"Not you, too," Eden rolled her eyes.
Levi jumped into the hug, revealing his equally teary face. "I'm crying, as well!"
"Of course, you're crying, Levi!" Eden whined, her voice starting to crack and break into a sob. "Now you're all making me cry!"
Ari shared a look with me. "What is happening?"
"Join the sob circle, babe," Harley beckoned, holding his paw out to a sentimental Eden.
"I don't know," I answered in reply to Ari's question. "This is our family, I guess."
"I'm not crying, but I'd like to join the hug," said Rian as he crawled across the bed with open arms.
Harley, still crying, reached outward for his friend. "Get in on this shit, bitch."
"Harvey. Ari. Join the fucking sob circle, you whores," Eden gestured for us to follow.
Ari and I laughed before taking her up on her offer, willingly climbing into their welcoming embrace.
"I love you guys," Harley moaned, laying down a few petite pecks on Rian and Eden's heads.
"We love you, too," Eden returned, snuggling in closer.
"Happy birthday, Levi," Ari added, which prompted us all to burst into quiet laughter.
"This has got to be the best birthday party ever, huh?" Rian teased at the situation's irony, but of course, Levi took it sincerely, as Levi does.
"Yeah..." He exhaled, satisfactorily and at peace. "It really is."
"FUCK IT," Harley barked, ramming his arms free and pushing us all off of him, making us each fall flat on our asses. He then grabbed Levi and wrapped his arms around him securely like a present he'd just won from a claw machine and announced to the room: "ME AND LEVI ARE DATING, TOO."
"WHAT?!" Eden and I both shouted in astonishment, dazed by the fall and the reveal hitting us simultaneously.
"WAIT, WHAT?!" Torrence howled, his face morphing with disgust out of pity for the sake of his little brother's dignity.
Levi's face went redder than a cherry tomato. In the highest pitch Levi's voice had ever reached, the blushing fox squealed: "HARLEY!"
We all frantically looked to Harley for an explanation, or at least some context, still stunned and barely recovering from the full-body spasm that his announcement had given us.
Harley hugged Levi even tighter, brushing the side of his face up against Levi's cheek. "It's not confirmed that we're boyfriends yet, but we've been going out a lot, and I think he's adorable and I want to marry him."
"Harley..." Levi sighed, hiding his face.
"No fucking way," Rian ranted, still in a wild state of disbelief.
"Oh, my god..." Ari mumbled under his breath, the two of us sharing passing glances of complete bewilderment.
"MY FUCKING BROTHER?!" Torrence screamed, feeling gross all over. "You could've fucked ANYONE and you chose my BROTHER?!"
"Wait, you two are fucking?" My question had gone unanswered.
Eden turned to Levi for truthful testimony, as you could never tell when it came to Harley; "Levi, is he joking or is it true?"
Levi, still red in the face, chewed his tongue before speaking: "...We have been going out a bit, but—"
"NO WAY!! COME HERE, FUCKERS!" Eden practically jumped through the air and landed on the couple with hungry, devouring arms. "Ugh, I'm so happy for you guys," she gushed, kissing their faces repeatedly.
Ari and I chuckled at the sight. In the spur of the moment, I reached for Ari's hand and squeezed it tight. Ari, without looking back, automatically squeezed in return. It was a subtle gesture, but it meant a lot.
"Tonight is fucking insane," Torrence sighed, staring at the floor as he massaged his paws into his head.
"It's been one coming out party after another," Rian cracked.
"HARVEY. ARI. COME HERE." With his left arm around Levi, Harley held his right arm out for Ari and I, prompting yet another hug.
"Oh, boy," I rolled my eyes as Harley gripped my t-shirt by the collar and full-on yanked me into the hug at full force. Eden sat back and allowed the hundredth embrace of the night to ensue.
"ARI. HERE. NOW," Harley demanded, reaching for Ari, who backed away with his arms crossed and a judgy look on his face.
"Are you sure?" Ari baited, raising an eyebrow.
"Come here, Ari!" Levi begged, guilt-tripping him with his adorable puppy dog eyes (which is funny because, even though he was the only non-canine in the group, he could do the puppy-eye look the best).
"Ugh, okay," Ari surrendered, awkwardly shifting his way into the hug.
Harley somehow managed to extend his arms wide enough to cloak all three of us under his wings, squishing us all together into a heaping pile of homosexuality, kissing each of us on the top of our heads.
"Look at us, we're all so gay!" Harley faked an orgasm as if we were participating in an orgy, grossing all of us out. Unfortunately, his hold on us was far too strong for any of us to escape.
"Hey, I'm still undecided," I spoke, correcting his statement.
"You've got gay in you, so it counts. Ari, you're gay, right?"
Ari snorted. "As gay as possible."
"Levi, you're gay, right?"
"I thought you knew this already," Levi answered his, quote-unquote, 'boyfriend'.
"Ugh, I love you all so much. UGH, I LOVE BEING GAY!" Harley shouted, making the room shake with his booming voice, as well as our vivacious laughter. He then pointed a furious finger at the other three weirdos on the bed, screaming: "LOOK AT THOSE BORING STRAIGHT PEOPLE OVER THERE!"
I laughed heavily and joined in, adding another finger in their direction. "Ew, straight people!"
Then Ari followed along with his finger. "Ewww!"
And then Levi: "Ew, straights!"
The four of us scooted further away from them, creating a spacial divide between the two groups. We then proceeded to create the most obnoxious, the most degrading, the most ugly-sounding laughter you could ever possibly hear, making the faces of Torrence, Rian, and Eden scrunch up with irritation.
"Yo, don't bunch me up with them, I ain't straight!" Eden immediately stood in defense, casually shifting away from the other two straights on the bed.
"Then join us, honey!" Harley granted her access to the club, which she so desired.
Eden bubbled with excitement and hopped right into our hug, and almost instantaneously spun right around and joined us in mocking the remaining two boys, loudly and boisterously: "HA-HA-HA! STRAIGHT PEOPLE!"
We all laughed and giggled and teased and mocked, calling Torrence and Rian names and throwing pillows at them. The two boys sat there, smug, uptight, and wound up, taking all our hits and punches.
Harley kept on teasing: "You know what you guys have to do now, right? You two have to kiss!"
"The fuck?" Rian took offense.
"NO!" Torrence was appalled.
"Sorry, no straight people allowed at this sleepover!" Eden hopped onto the bandwagon, siding with Harley. "You both have to kiss to sleep here tonight!"
Then, of course, I joined in: "My turn, truth or dare, I dare you both to kiss!"
Eden, Harley, Levi, Ari, and I all chanted in unison— "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"
And then, as he usually does, Harley took a detour and went rogue: "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Right here! Right now! In front of us! Fuck! Fuck!"
"What?! No! Harley!" Eden protested.
"Fuck! Fu—What, no?"
"Shut the fuck up, Harley," I laughed.
"Harley, please, shut the fuck up," said Levi.
"Yeah, shut the fuck up, Harley," said Torrence.
"Shut the fuck up," said Rian.
"Damn..." Harley mumbled, his shoulders dropping with disappointment.
But, to him, the assault wasn't complete until all voices were heard.
Harley then turned his head to Ari, his eyes widening with expectancy.
Ari fought back a smile but couldn't help it. He rolled his eyes and shook his head before giving in.
"...Shut the fuck up, Harley."
"There we go," Harley nodded his head, patting Ari's back, cementing his role as a vital member of the family.
➤ ➤ ➤
About an hour had passed and the alcohol had really gotten to us. So much so that a few of us even passed out. Torrence and Eden were slumped over one another on the carpet, knocked out and drooling, while Harley's head rested in Levi's lap, half-asleep and mumbling who knows what. Levi sat there, gently petting the head of his collapsed soldier as he listened to the muted guitar scale that Ari was playing on my Dad's electric guitar—which, thank God, wasn't plugged into an amp of any sort. The room was quiet enough for us to hear the very faint notes being plucked on the soundless guitar.
I had just returned to the bedroom with several blankets and pillows, provided by my mom's unlimited supply in the living room—which is where everyone was supposed to be spending the night, but of course, the three snoozing goofballs couldn't find it in them to report to their sleeping quarters.
Rian and I proceeded to toss the blankets over Eden and Torrence, lifting their heads and carefully sliding a few pillows underneath to support their weight. The two shifted about only rarely, practically cuddling one another once under the warmth of the comforters. Rian grabbed another pillow and a blanket and handed them to Levi, who attentively tucked Harley in and slid the pillow right in between Harley's head and Levi's lap, just like we had done with the others.
"Here you go," I said, handing Rian the final blanket and pillow as he was decidedly turning in for the night. "You got everything you need?"
"Yeah, thanks, Harv."
"You all were supposed to sleep in the living room, but I guess that's not happening anymore," I chuckled, taking a second glance at our sleeping beauties in the bedroom.
"Hell, I mean, if the living room's free, I'll take it," Rian shrugged, eager to claim a spot on the living room couch.
"Harley and I can sleep in there too," Levi was quick to mention.
I chuckled and stared at the current obstacle in Levi's lap, constricting him from getting up. "Harley looks like he's knocked clean out."
"No, he's coming with, right, Harley?" Levi prompted Harley, nudging his shoulder for a response.
Harley grunted with fatigue, failing to lift his head, his eyelids barely cracking open. He began to murmur repeatedly, mumbling all sorts of inaudible nonsense. The only words I could make out were: "Mph... fruit loops..."
"Yeah, we're coming with," Levi stated.
"I can take your boyfriend off your hands, Lev," Rian offered to help, stepping forward and holding out a generous arm.
"Are you sure? I can help," Levi offered even more help in return, to which Rian responded: "I got him, don't worry."
Rian then scooped Harley up in his arms and tossed the man over his shoulder like a ragdoll, carrying his spare blanket and pillow along with him. "Mm... hey! Oh, hey... Big strong man..." Harley muttered in slurred, drunken vernacular.
"See you in there," Rian said to Levi. "Goodnight, man," Rian then said to me. And then Rian left the room, carrying off an out-of-sorts Harley, still rambling as they disappeared down the hall: "...Ughnshh! Wait, stop! Listen to this... You, me, Levi, threesome. Whaddaya say..?"
"Get some rest," I called out to Rian before turning my attention to Levi. "We got a big day tomorrow, right, Lev? Few more hours until you're 18."
"Shit, really?" Levi scoffed, amazed by the simple concept of the passage of time. "What time is it?"
"Like, 3 AM," I answered, checking my phone screen.
"Oh wow. Three hours left," Levi marveled.
According to his birth records, which Torrence's parents currently have possession over: Levi was born at 6:32 in the morning. Levi thought about it for a moment, and from the looks of it, he seemed to be delving deep into thought.
The life he's lived, the time he's spent, the world he's existed in. The things he was able to see and hear and touch and learn about. Eighteen may not be a huge milestone in the grand scheme of things, but it certainly felt like that to Levi; for both good and horrible reasons. One horrible reason being: realizing that he wasted precious time that could've been put to use taking pleasure in a hobby or learning a new one. One he's never learned or tried before. One that he's always dreamed of pursuing.
After a brief silence, Levi turned his head to: "Hey, Ari?"
Ari was still focused on the guitar, cranking the tuning knobs. "What's up?"
"Can I ask you a favor?"
"Shoot."
"It's, like, a really big favor."
"Go ahead."
"I mean, like, really, really big. Like, not even a favor, it's a—a massive task."
Ari took his mind off the guitar and lifted his head. "...Okay."
"Like, a task that takes place over a long period of time, like, like—a giant undertaking. You don't have to if you don't want to, though, it's entirely up to you."
"Levi?"
"Yeah?"
"Just say it."
"But—"
"Just say it."
Levi held his breath, squeezing his mouth shut. There was a growing urgency bubbling to the surface as if, at any second, the boy could implode and start gushing out words. Nevertheless, he contained himself, and blurted aloud:
"...Can you teach me how to play drums?"
Ari was quiet for a moment, but his face spoke volumes. His eyes widened and his head tilted, and his lips just barely parted.
"It's, just..." Levi stared at the floor, retaining his body to himself. "I've been watching this band for years and... I've always, always, wanted to play an instrument, I just didn't know how..."
"Why drums?" Ari questioned with curiosity.
Levi blushed, looking down upon the empty presence in his lap. "...Harley would always play them for me," he spoke in an affectionate tone. "And drums are just awesome."
"Well, you're right about that," Ari chuckled.
"I... I just really wanna learn." Levi held his fists to his chest, his body language laced with pure desire. "If it doesn't fit into your schedule, I understand. Even if it's, like, one or two lessons, I'm totally fine with that. I, just—I don't wanna learn on my own or using the internet, I wanna learn it in person, with someone who knows how to play and loves to play. Believe me, I would ask Harley, but he's going to this new school and everything, and it's getting really stressful for him at home, and... If not, it's okay, really."
Ari retreated to himself, taking the time to consider the idea. "...This is something you really wanna do?"
Levi answered almost instantly. "Yes. For years, yes."
The desire and passion to pursue an instrument was something they both shared at young ages. I could tell Levi's excitement reminded Ari of how he used to feel when he started out on drums. Granted, I never fully learned about Ari's upbringing and exposure to drumming, but on his face, it was clear that there was a moment of sentimental recollection. Ari understood Levi's yearning and knew for a fact that Levi meant it.
And so, Ari grinned with his lips and shut his eyes, willfully nodding his head. "Yeah, I'll teach you."
Levi's eyes expanded like two balloons being blown up with air. "Really?? Don't feel pressured to, I'm not—"
"Levi, it's okay, I'll teach you the drums," Ari assured him. "There's not much to it, really, it's easy once you get the hang of it."
"Are you sure?"
"I didn't get you a birthday gift, so I owe you. From one child of absent blood relatives to another."
The smile on Levi's face took a moment to fully come to fruition, but once it had finished developing, it was quite possibly the happiest smile in the world. Levi leaped onto his feet and ran over to Ari, giving him a great, big hug.
"...Thank you, Arizona," Levi mumbled into Ari's shoulder with overwhelming gratitude.
"Happy birthday, Levi," Ari whispered, resting a paw on Levi's head.
I couldn't help but smile while witnessing the sweet moment happening before my eyes. And to think that Levi originally resented Ari for taking Harley's place. Here they both were now, sharing a loving embrace.
Levi eventually pulled away, losing balance and struggling to stand up straight. "...Ugh, I'm feeling loopy. I think I'm gonna go to sleep now," he notified us as he pressed his hand to his forehead, wincing from the aftereffects of a cloudy brain.
"Prepare for a crazy hangover tomorrow morning," I told him, reaching for him and helping him up to his feet.
"Ugh, don't even say that," Ari groaned as I guided Levi towards the bedroom door.
"Oh shit, are hangovers bad?" Levi fretted, his face contorting with panic.
"Depends. I've had some really bad ones," Ari shared.
"You'll probably just feel really fatigued and a little nauseous, but it'll be okay. You'll get to sleep in," I tried my best to calm his nerves as I opened the bedroom door, pointing him in the direction of the room across the hall.
"Well, that's a relief," Levi sighed, giving each of us one last look of friendly admiration. "Good night, guys."
"Good night, Levi," Ari and I said in unison. I patted the fox on his back and told him individually, "Happy birthday, little dude."
Levi smiled weakly with tired eyes, attempting to salute us both with a limp, fragile arm, which barely moved due to his drained energy. The drowsy fox then left the room, retreating to his quarters for the night. I closed the door on him, leaving only Ari and I alone in the room.
Well, Eden and Torrence were there, too, but they were completely incapacitated so they don't count.
"So... secret's out," Ari's voice came from behind me. I spun back around with my back to the door, facing Ari from across the room.
"Yeah," I sighed, watching him as he continued to fiddle with the strings of the guitar. He was no longer playing a scale and was now just making shit up as he went.
"How do you feel?" Ari questioned, his eyes still glued to the strings.
"...Ask me in five to ten business days," I laughed, stepping away from the door and slowly approaching him. "No, I'm kidding, I'm... I feel good about it. How do you feel?"
"Nothing too intense came from it, so... yeah, I'm good."
"Sorry for just... spitting it out like that."
"Don't apologize. You kinda saved me there, to be honest."
Ari then rose to his feet, carefully handing me my Dad's guitar before bending his arms over his head and stretching his body from side to side. I don't know what it was, but whenever he would flex his limbs, I always found myself heavily mesmerized.
"Guess I should join them, then," Ari yawned as I hung up the guitar on the wall, returning it to its rightful place, right beside the old Polaroid.
"...You wanna sleep in here?" I proposed, a desperate plea to keep him near me for longer.
Ari crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Can I?"
"I mean, I slept in your bed, I think it's safe I return the favor."
Ari's eyes widened even more. "Oh, you want me to sleep in your bed?"
I could feel the blood in my veins begin to rush, making my face burn red with a flustered passion. "I—I can sleep on the floor, like them," I stammered, pointing at the other two snoozers.
"No, I wouldn't want to evict you from your own mattress," Ari denied my proposal, only to come up with a new one: "We can share the bed."
If my face was red before, it must've been purple now.
Oh, man. Oh, man, oh, man.
Holding my hands together and interlocking my pinkies behind my back, I could feel the world begin to cascade down on the both of us. I sunk my upper row of teeth into my bottom lip and stared at the floor, twisting my right foot like a lovesick loser. "...Would you like to?"
Ari smirked and made his way back over to my bed. "You don't snore, do you?"
All hot and bothered, I stood there in giddy silence and watched closely as Ari took a seat on the edge of my bed and began to tastefully remove his socks. "...I-I-I don't believe so."
"Then it's fine with me," Ari spoke, his voice smooth like honey. He then reached for the fly of his jeans, undoing the button and pulling down the handle of his zipper.
I could feel my body grow tense.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh boy.
The Australian Shepherd eyed me voluptuously as he gripped the waistband of his jeans and proceeded to slowly, very slowly, peel away the layer of clothing. The jeans folded and bundled up into a wrinkled clump as Ari carefully slid them off, his hands running down his waist, then his thighs, then over his knees, and then down his ankles, and then finally, removing the jeans from his feet.
For a second or two, I was able to experience his exposed legs in full, unguarded light. The last time I was this close to seeing his body in full exposure was the night we first shared a kiss, but unfortunately, the light in the room that night was far too dark for me to even make out any details or colors. His legs shared the same fur pattern that his face or his arms owned; calico colors with tough, frizzy textures. Something had caught my eye, though: another scar, right above his thigh and just below the opening of his briefs.
Ari then threw the pants onto the floor and pushed himself up onto the bed, tossing the blanket over him, hiding away his legs as soon as he unveiled them, much to my displeasure.
"C'mon," Ari gestured, reaching out an inviting hand. "Let's sleep together."
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, oh, fuck, oh, Lord, oh, Jesus Christ, oh, Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
My face scrunched up with titillation. "...Oooookay."
➤ ➤ ➤
I kinda hyped up that sequence as if it were gonna lead to something hot and steamy, but no. About half an hour had passed and nothing fucking happened. All I did was lie there awkwardly in the bed next to Ari, staring up at the ceiling, frozen and unmoving like a fucking brick, unable to utter a single fucking word, for thirty fucking minutes.
Luckily enough, Ari appeared to be just as out of it as the other two unconscious bodies on the floor. He knocked out quick by the looks of it.
Nervously, I peeked to my right, catching a glimpse of him. He slept on his side, facing me, allowing me to get a good view of him.
Being able to witness him in this vulnerable and intimate state was something that took me by surprise. All the time, I see him as some god of luxury, constantly composed and tactful, flirtatious and complacent, every day. But here, in his pacified state, he was more natural and beautiful than ever. His face, laid to rest, relaxed and calm, unadulterated by expressions or emotions. His eyelids, tender and bare, and his nose, rubbery and soft. His nostrils, delicately expanding and tightening with every inhale and exhale. His hair, messy and fluttered about, sprinkled all over the pillow, a few strands collapsing over his face and his muzzle. The way his arms rested on the mattress in front of him, unbothered and unmoving, carefully aligned with his head to provide maximum comfort and stability, his paws resting just between his head and his pillow, producing support for a more cozy sleep.
While I, on the other hand, was barely comfortable.
Haunted by the fear of waking him, I laid there in the bed, still like a statue, denying myself the privilege of moving a single inch. Anxious and uneasy, I could feel my body begin to heat up, a bead of sweat dripping down my forehead and hitting the pillow underneath me. Being situated in one position for so long made me grow restless; pains in my neck began to pop up and the way my skeleton was organized upon the mattress just began to feel plain wrong.
If I ever wanted to get any sleep tonight, I had to move. At least once.
That's it, just one reorganization of my body and I'll be fast asleep.
I took one last glance at Ari to make sure he was sound asleep before shifting to a new, more comfortable position.
Ahh, there we go. Now, I'm okay.
But after a few minutes, I wasn't okay.
Fuck.
I shifted once more, finding comfort in my new position. But as time went on, I grew bored of it. So I shifted again, hoping the new orientation would be the one that stuck, but after a while, it became unbearable.
So I shifted again. And again. And again. And agaaaain, each interval between every shift becoming shorter and shorter, until I was shifting to a new position every second.
It was like a spasm being carried out at the slowest rate possible. The more I shifted, the more I disrupted the bed, and the more I disrupted the bed, the more nervous I became about waking Ari, and the more nervous I became about waking Ari, the more unsettled and uncomfortable I felt, which made me shift more, which made me fear more, which made me shift more, forming an endless cycle that continued, on and on, getting more and more hectic and vapid as it went on, over and over and over, until finally—
Ari's hand lunged forward and attached itself to my chest, firmly and aggressively, like a missile being shot out of a cannon. My body went rigid and cold, freezing up right upon impact.
With his eyes still shut and his body still laid to rest, Ari opened his mouth and grumbled: "Stop."
"...Sorry."
So, I stopped. I laid there, in the same position I began in, staring at the ceiling with my interlocked paws resting awkwardly upon my belly. Ari retracted his paw and retreated to his usual position.
As the silence returned to haunt me, I decided to ask a simple question, hoping it could possibly lighten the heaviness of the tense atmosphere.
"...Are you comfortable?" I whispered.
"I'm fine," Ari replied, unmoving.
"Seriously, if you want me to sleep on the floor, I will, it's totally fine with me."
"Harv, it's okay," Ari instead spoke in a lighter tone. "This isn't my first time sharing a bed with another guy."
"...I know that."
It became quiet again. Almost, too quiet.
"...Are you okay?" Ari then whispered after a short interval of dead space. The manner in which he said it seemed different; more empathetic, as if he had just remembered that I was another existing person in this bed as well.
"I'm just not used to this," I answered him, the simple truth.
"You fell asleep in my bed so easily last time."
"I was tired then," I explained, looking at his relaxed face. "I don't feel tired right now."
He then opened his eyes. Out of fear that he'd notice I was watching him like a stalker, I instantly turned my head right back up to the ceiling.
Ari went quiet again. A short moment had passed; about a few seconds worth of zero dialogue or noise, just the sound of the air flying around us, bouncing off the walls, soaring free. I could feel his eyes on me, studying me, examining the side of my face, until they weren't anymore.
Ari then shifted in the bed, too. He rolled off his side and sat like me, with his back to the mattress and his front to the sky.
"I don't feel tired either."
Out of fear that I had done something to disrupt his sleep, I wondered: "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, Harv, I... I've been awake this entire time, it's not you."
"Oh." Discreetly, I mouthed the word 'fuck' and clasped my paw over my face with embarrassment. "...Is something wrong?"
Ari continued to stare at the ceiling, deciphering the exact issue that was troubling his sleep.
"...It's too quiet. Your room is so quiet."
"Sorry."
"No, it's not your fault," He laughed delicately and shook his head, pitying my constant need to apologize for myself. "You say sorry so much."
I held back a laugh. "...Sorry."
Once again, no words came out from either of us for a solid minute or two. It was like we both had to carefully think over what we were about to say next. It was all precision when handling each other.
But, even if we did slip up and accidentally say something questionably wrong, it wouldn't hurt the relationship we had with one another.
There was this understanding between us; a familiarity that not many people have with one another. Ari and I knew each other in this intimate way—we had this harmonious bond; not the one you'd form with someone after years of friendship, no, the one you'd make with someone who you were romantically and emotionally attached to, even if a lot of what you knew about them was relatively unknown. There was so much possibility in it, so many secrets yet to be revealed, a story yet to be told, but that was the excitement of it. The 'what if' factor. We were both heavily-wrapped gift boxes to one another, so many layers to unwrap and discover. There were so many places this could go.
"...I'm afraid of the world sounding like this forever," Ari spoke, his gentle voice fluttering into the night. "I'd give anything to at least hear my own breath after this is over."
But, with so many possibilities, there were so many ways we could fail, too.
As darkness came over me, Ari then shifted onto his side, but instead, this time, facing away from me. The simple action made my heart sink. Did he not want to talk to me? What did I do wrong? Virtually nothing occurred between us, all he did was move, but to me, the one tiny movement sent me on a rollercoaster of doubt.
That was until Ari made his true intentions known.
"...Hold me?" He breathed, his voice barely audible. But I still heard every word, every syllable of that sentence, clear as day.
"Huh?" I squeaked, my body starting to tense up again.
"Come here," Ari instructed, calling for me. "Put your arms around me."
I turned my head and stared at his back, taking in the sight of his body—the body which he was inviting me to touch. I stared for longer than I should've. I stared at the back of his neck. I stared at the many strands of his hair, unapologetically free. I stared at the wrinkles and creases of his t-shirt as they folded over the curves of his waist. The waist in which my arm would fit perfectly.
Carefully, I gave in, approaching him slowly.
My paw reached forward, cautious and alert as if I were tempting to tame the vicious muzzle of a rabid wolf. The moment my fingertips made contact with his waist, I could feel the warmth radiating off of his skin, sending shivers all throughout my body, one area more than others. Once my arms had successfully slithered around his torso, I was given more leeway to slide the rest of my body in closer.
"Don't be nervous," Ari's voice pandered.
"Like that?" I asked, hoping for more guidance. I hated making moves on my own.
Ari then reached behind him and latched his paw onto my waist, clenching down hard and tugging me in closer so that our bodies would come together, our legs intertwining, my chest meeting his back, my muzzle meeting his neck, my crotch meeting his... you know, fostering a frightful sense of confidence in me.
"Like that," Ari released a hum of pleasure.
Oh, Jesus...
"You're trembling," he noticed.
"Sorry," I gulped, fastening my arms tightly against his chest, squeezing him like a stress toy.
Ari then reached for my bare shoulder and began to stoke his thumb against it, calming my nerves and soothing my flesh, fur, and bones. I exhaled leisurely, allowing my body to loosen up and go slack, the doubts and the nerves whisking away along with the saliva swallowing down my throat.
"...Can you whisper into my ear?"
"What?"
"Whisper into my ear."
"What—What do I whisper?"
"Anything."
"I don't know... what to whisper."
"Choose literally anything," Ari encouraged, still fondly caressing my shoulder, handling me with care. "Like, a story, or... just random noises. Anything soft and nice."
Fuck, I hate it when he gives me free choice. One day, I'll be able to come up with sexy shit on the spot like he does, but for now, I just can't seem to make any intimate moves without him having to tell me what to do. Shit, shit, shit, what do I do?!
Uhmmm, maybe—maybe, I can replicate the ocean, like—like, the waves hitting the shore. Oh, fuck, how am I supposed to replicate that?! What sounds do I make? Fuck, I'm just gonna wing it.
"Sha-sha-sha-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shhh—"
"Okay, that's not working," Ari laughed, causing me to crack up and giggle as well. The two of us just cackled quietly, snuggled up and spooning like two happy peas in a pod. "You know what—Just breathe."
"Just breathe?"
"Yeah. It's enough."
Okay, simple. I got this.
I began to breathe heavily, in and out, blowing hot air into Ari's ear. My eyes widened with regret, instantly hating myself for accidentally coming on too strong.
Oh. Maybe I don't got this.
"Don't force it, Harv. Just... relax," Ari unfortunately had to instruct me once more, because, apparently, I can't do anything right. "And breathe out through your nostrils like you normally would."
"...Okay, Ari."
Relax, Harvey.
Just... relax.
I took a deep breath and allowed myself to just... release.
I breathed gently, in a mild, kind, and tender manner. My soft, frosty breath swam through the air and danced against his fur, tracing lightly over the rim of his ear and sending shockwaves of warmth and fondness throughout his body.
Ari then clutched his paws over the wrists of my arms, sinking into the warmth of my embrace. I could feel a change in his body; a spiritual one more than a physical one. He felt at home within my arms, safe and unafraid, as if my gentle breathing into his ear had breathed life into him. It meant everything to Ari, to have someone do something as simple as breathing into his ear.
"...Thank you, Harvey," Ari whimpered, drifting off into a deep sleep.
"Don't mention it," I returned, also finding my consciousness fleeting away.
I certainly won't be shifting out of this position anytime soon.