Tuesday, 18 January 2022 — 05:55 p.m. In Loneliness
The rain was pouring quite hard. The clouds covering the atmosphere made the illusion that it was already dark. That sets up an even gloomier mood. With the occasional train that kept passing through the railway, it also shook the building just slightly. It wasn't the shaking that I mind. It's the sound they made. I couldn't do anything about it since the building is situated on the side of the railway. But I guess without it I wouldn't wake up on time in the morning.
My sister already moved to the company house that her job provided. She complained profusely about the living arrangement since last week. To me that is. Not to the people she worked for. She doesn't have any choice regarding that. But I did accompany her to the house and, well, I wouldn't like it either. There were only two bedrooms and there were already two people, that I saw, that had already lived there. But by the sound of it there minimum of three people inside that house. At least she got what she wanted, a bunk bed and the top bed. I don't know why she loves it, borderline obsessed with it. But the living situation was not agreeing to her, nor to my, liking.
I was alone in the room. I hated to admit that I felt more alone now that my sister wasn't here. Out of all the incessant bickering and her lazy attitude, if she's here I wouldn't feel all that lonely.
But I knew this wasn't just because my sister left. I knew that I'd been repressing the feeling aside when I was surrounded by people—the people I knew like my family and friends. But as people disappear or rather out of my sight, it became a bit overwhelming. This already brought me to tears several times, every time I was alone.
I don't know why, but it felt like I'm missing something. This has been the case for a few years give or take. I've never really truly alone though. Not like this. Is this normal? Or should I see someone about this?
This could just be an existential crisis I had for a while.
This world scares me.