CADEN
As soon as the movie night ends, Jacob stares at me and says: "You're screwed."
I try my best not to show my shock while asking: "Why would you say that?"
"You told me that Nini is just a deal to you."
"She is", I answer, yet I can't do that without swallowing hard.
"But you made out with her and now you're watching movies together."
"I know", I say. Maybe things have gotten a little out of hands. I never should have kissed her the first time. That's why I ran away. Because the more time I spend with her, the more I realize I don't want to break her heart. And finding out she was a fucking deal might do just that.
Tonight, in the laundry room, I messed up again. Yet, she was so beautiful standing there, with her outfit hugging her silhouette and the nervous way she was biting her bottom lip. I just couldn't stop. I needed her. And that lead to us making out.
I know I'm playing with fire. But if this is what fire feels like, then I want to be the fuel making it grow.
"You sure she's just that? Just a deal?"
I sigh exhausted. "Nini is just a deal. We could never be more than that. And we will never be."
"If you say so..." he says and pulls out the phone to play Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift. "I guess you can say this is your new theme song."
"Shut the hell up", I say, sinking deeper on the couch. He chuckles and sets the volume louder, heading to his room singing: "It's me. Hi. I'm the problem, it's me."
From all the normal guys in the world that could have been my best friend, why did I choose this sunshiny Swiftie?!
~
"Doing better, West", my Coach tells in the short break between training on the ice and in the gym. I smile at him, being glad that my love life doesn't affect my performance anymore. The last thing I want is to suck at hockey because of my issues with Tessa. Unlike Jacob, who has had an awakening at the end of his first year, so he also started a geography major apart from his pro athlete career, I stuck just with hockey. Which means, I'll get out of here one year earlier than him, yet if I hurt myself or get worse at the game, that's the end for me. Jacob asked me if I would like to sign up for another major like him as well, yet I said no. And now, I find it too late. So I just have to give my best and hope that's good.
My biggest wish has always been to play for one of the big hockey teams in New York. That's why I moved here for university all the way from Kansas City. My parents weren't so thrilled though, it was hard for them to see their only child go. We talk a lot however, any time I have the time, and I always go visit them for the holidays. They like the fact that I'm happy and found a life for myself here. They know I have a girlfriend, yet they never met her. Tessa never wanted to come to my place, she said it was too far away. Jacob has been there once for Christmas, while his parents were doing Safari somewhere in Africa. Jacob's parents always do the craziest shit, which only makes me wonder how he turned out so normal. And then I ask myself, is he normal though? He was the one who convinced me to go skydiving last Summer. Or the one who made us play beach-volleyball wearing ketchup and mayo costumes for his birthday. Or the one who forced me to watch a marathon of all Taylor Swift's concerts. I guess his normality is questionable, yet I still care about him more than I would ever admit. I have many friends, yet he will always remain my best one.
Still having some spare time, I pull out my phone and text Nini.
ME: Hey, Broadway! How's Juliet doing?
Her answer comes quickly.
NINI: Dying.
Okay, wow. Little Miss Sunshine is not in the best mood apparently.
ME: Everything okay?
NINI: Yeah, why?
NINI: No, I literally mean it. I'm rehearsing the scene in which she kills herself with the dagger.
ME: Oh, okay. I'll leave you to it then.
I want to close my phone yet she sends a new text.
NINI: Wait.
NINI: Can you maybe text me later?
ME: Why?
NINI: Just like that.
I smirk, knowing what's happening.
ME: You miss me.
NINI: Do not.
ME: You miss me so much, you can't help it.
ME: You want me close, French kissing you.
NINI: You're disgusting.
I smirk.
ME: I'll text you later, Broadway.
NINI: Thanks.
NINI: Break a leg on the ice.
ME: That only brings luck in theater.
NINI: Ups. My bad ;)
"We're starting again", Coach's voice tones through the room. I close my phone and plan on texting her back later.
~
ME: Hey, what are you up to?
NINI: Chilling on a bench. Why?
ME: I wanted to talk to you.
NINI: I asked you to text me back later.
ME: That doesn't mean I didn't want it too.
ME: Send me a selfie.
NINI: Why?
ME: Because I miss your eyes. And your hair. And you.
NINI: Look at you being a sweet-talker.
ME: I might be. For you.
NINI: Lucky me then.
She sends me a selfie and I remain frozen. She's by far the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Her eyes. Her hair. Everything perfect. Without even thinking about it, I make that photo my wallpaper. I want to keep seeing her when I open my phone. I want to keep seeing her.
Which is why her text surprises me.
NINI: You can delete it if you want. I look bad in it.
ME: What are you talking about? You're beautiful.
NINI: I am not wearing makeup, so I don't look nice.
ME: Shut up. I've seen you with makeup and I see no difference. You're perfect.
NINI: You make it pretty hard for a girl not to fall in love with you.
Fuck. That wasn't my intention. Nini can't fall in love with me. I mean, she can and hopefully will, so that we two can come together one day, but hopefully not real true love. That would only break her heart more when I come back with Tessa and she finds out this all has been a lie.
What are you talking about? You're not lying when telling her she's beautiful. And you're not lying when you want to kiss her.
No, but I'd be lying if I'd tell her we're meant to be forever.
ME: I have to go.
I lie.
ME: Coach is calling us again.
NINI: That man is really making you work.
NINI: Good luck.
ME: Thanks. You too.
I close my phone only to see her as a wallpaper.
But there's no way I'm changing it.