Song: Older by Sasha Solan
KAI CARTER (POV)
During the day, I put on a brave face and try to act like everything is okay. I go about my routine, talking to friends and trying to focus on my school work. But inside, I'm struggling. The pain and sadness are always there, lurking just beneath the surface. I try to push them away, but they always find a way to come back. I can feel the tears building up behind my eyes, but I force them back, afraid of what might happen if I let them out.
So I plaster on a brave smile, even though I don't feel like smiling at all. It feels like I'm wearing a mask, hiding my true emotions from the world, but sometimes that's necessary. I don't want anyone to know how much I'm hurting inside, so I pretend like everything is ok.
But it's hard to keep up the charade, to act like everything is normal when it feels like my world is falling apart. I can only keep the mask on for so long, that is why as soon as I get home and lock myself in my bedroom, I peel it off and let my true emotions out, like I'm doing right now.
In the stillness of my small, dark room, where the only light is the faint glow of the moon, my sobs become a symphony of sadness, a mournful melody that fills the air. The tears that fall from my eyes are like raindrops on a silent night, each one a testament to the pain I feel inside. And yet, even as I cry, there is a strange kind of comfort in the darkness, a sense of safety in the solitude. Here, in this quiet place, I am free to let my emotions flow, to be vulnerable and raw, without fear of judgment or rejection. It is a place of healing, where my heart can find solace in the sound of my own tears.
I rubbed the tears out of my eyes to glance at my desk in the corner of my room, where my piles of homework and assignments were. Seeing the amount of uncompleted work that I had, made my head hurt even more. I sighed loudly and lay myself flat on my bed.
Even with all of the assessments that I have not handed in, I'm still at the top of most of my classes. I decided that I'm in no mood to do any form of school work, and opted to take a nap.
I woke up to the sound of loud talking and a glass bottle being dropped. I immediately knew that my father was home. My father has not been here for the past week so it has been rather quiet. With my father not being around there wasn't much that my mother could do to me but verbally abuse me, but with Lucifer himself being back I knew for a fact that this was about to change, and I braced myself.
I heard footsteps approaching my door, and I immediately flopped back down on my bed to act like I was sleeping. I then heard my door creek open. Suddenly I felt a cold hand grip my throat, I quickly opened my eyes to see my father staring furiously down at me.
"Your mother told me that you have been coming home late." He said in a stone cold voice while yanking me by my neck in a sitting position.
"T-thats not t-true." I stammered helplessly.
"Are you trying to call your mother a fucking liar?" He said while squeezing my neck harder and harder by the second.
"No." I manage to squeek out.
"So why are you coming home late!" He shouted.
By that time, I was struggling to breathe and could no longer answer my father's burning questions. As a natural reflex, I started flinging my hands around helplessly, and ended up hitting my father in his left eye, causing him to let go of my neck.
I took in a mouth full of air, finally being able to breathe again. "You fucking hit me?" My father seathed, still covering his left eye with one of his hands.
"That was a mistake." I cried out already feeling hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Mistake? Mistake! I'll show you mistake." The monster said. He held me by the scruff of my shirt, balled up his hand, and punched me in the face causing me to fall against my bed. Then he proceeded to grab me by the neck and smack me three times across the face.
I tried shielding myself but it was no use so I just had to stay and take whatever is happening to me.
"You want to come home late, and when I ask you about it you raise your hands on me? Look at my fucking eye! It's already starting to swell!" He said and punched me in my stomach.
I was now curled up in a corner of my room crying while my father paced back and forth in my room like a mad man. My mother was standing in the doorway shaking her head at me in disappointment.
"Kai you need to get out of this fucking house, because if I have to look at you one more time I'm going to fucking kill you." My father said still pacing back and forth.
"Kai! Did you not fucking hear me? I said to get the fuck out of my house. You cannot stay here tonight."
I looked at the time to see that it was twelve am. "B-but, it's midnight." I said. "Where am I suppose to go?"
"I don't fucking care! Just go."
I tried getting up, but winced in pain, and lay back down on the floor. "Didn't you hear your father?" My mother asked. "Get out, you can't be here tonight. You father is angry."
I mustered up all my strength to stand, and took my phone, a change of clothes, my book bag and headed out of the house.
I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was suffocating, trapped in a house that didn't understand me, that didn't care about me. So I left, without a plan or a destination in mind, just a desperate need to escape.
The rain poured down, drenching me to the bone, but I didn't care. I welcomed the pain, the sensation of something real, something tangible. The darkness of the night was only broken by the occasional streetlight, casting an eerie glow on the deserted street.
I walked aimlessly, my tears mixing with the rain, until I found myself at the park. The field stretched out before me, a vast expanse of darkness and rain. Lightning flashed in the distance, illuminating the sky for a moment before plunging it back into darkness.
I felt small and insignificant, like a tiny speck in a vast and uncaring universe. But at the same time, there was a sense of freedom in the darkness, a sense of possibility. I could be anyone, do anything, in a world that was so much bigger than me.
The rain continued to fall, a steady drumbeat on the pavement. I stood there, shivering, but not from the cold, as I watched the storm rage on. And in that moment, I knew that I would be okay. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, I would find my place in the world, and the storm would finally be over.
I sat on the bench in the heavy rain and placed my bag under the bench to shield if from getting more soaked. I knew that there was a possibility that I would be sick by the morning, but at least I was a safe distance away from my parents.
I can't wait for the day that I have my own place to live and be away form my parents. I'm practically counting down the days until I turn eighteen, so I can finally move out of that house.
I heard my notification sound go off, so I took my phone out from my pocket. I had a bunch of messages from the group that I'm in with Austin, Juan and Stacey, and also a message from Damien. I had finally saved his number.
Damien:
8:36 pm
Hey kai👋
How was your afternoon 🤔
Then at 11:23 pm
Hello? Why arnt you answering?
Eversince I have been to Damien's house a week ago to pain do the portrait for him, we have gotten a bit closer. He would message me every single night to say goodnight or just to check up on me. Even his friends make it a habit of talking to me and being nice to me whenever they saw me at school.
From me:
Hey sorry I was a bit busy.
Within less than ten seconds he was typing.
From Damien :
Wyd?
Well I'm definitely not going to tell Damien that I'm currently sitting at the park in heavy rain, thunder and lightning, so I decided to bend the truth.
From me:
Just about to go to bed.
Wbu...
From Damien:
Sames
Sweet dreams Kai 😴
I smiled at the message but didn't respond, and slipped my phone back in my pocket.
By then, the rain had calmed down significantly and so had my crying. I needed to escape the world of chaos and confusion, and so I curled up into a ball, seeking refuge in the darkness. The sound of raindrops tapping against the leaves was soothing, and I felt a sense of peace wash over me. The darkness was a reminder that there was more to life than the chaos and confusion that surrounded me. As I lay there, watching the stars twinkle in the darkness, I fell asleep, my dreams filled with stars and rain and darkness.
***
I woke up early morning on the bench in the park where it rained the night before with wet clothes and for a moment I forgot why I was there.
The world around me was still and quiet, the only sound was the gentle rustling of the leaves in the breeze. I sat up, my muscles aching from the dampness of the bench, and looked around me.
The park was beautiful in the early morning light, the grass still damp from the rain, the trees glistening with dew. The air was crisp and cool, and I could see my breath in the air. I shivered, my wet clothes clinging to my skin, and wrapped my arms around myself.
The world was so peaceful, so still, and for a moment, I felt like I was the only person in the world. But then I remembered why I was there, why I had curled up on the bench in the darkness. The chaos and confusion of my parents flooding back, and I felt a sense of sadness wash over me.
As I sat there staring in the distance, I spotted a small figure approaching me. The figure got bigger and bigger by the second. The closer the person got, the more familiar they seem to be until I could completely make out who the person was.
Jogging towards me was was a sweaty Damien. For a moment i was convinced that he didn't notice me until he stopped in his tracks. He turned to look at me and raised of his eyebrows. "Kai? What are you doing here? It's five thirty am. And why are you wet? Jesus Christ Kai, what happened?" He said in panic.
"Hey Damien." I said and cringed when my voice came out as a horse whisper. "What are you doing at the park so early?"
"I sometimes jog on Saturday mornings." He said still looking at me with worry, then I heard him swear and mutter something about him not having his car.
"I'll walk you home." He said and I immediately stood up from the bench and inched away from him.
"No." I said with tears returning to my eyes. "I can't go home right now."
"Then I'm taking you home with me. Can you walk?"
I nodded my head to say yes. When I took a step forward, I stumbled a little causing Damien to rush towards me and put his arm around my waist to keep me steady. I weakly pointed to my bag that was situated under the bench. Damien went over and took the bag, then put his arm back where they were around my waist.
"Jesus Kai, your clothes are soaked." He said as the two of us walked back in the direction that he came from.
***
LOVE YA ♥
-JAY